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16

I would not recommend trying to be unusually exciting or interesting to him on those weekend visits. Once you are able to be with him every day again, he might be confused if you're less engaged with him then -- so behave towards him just as you normally would, more or less. The same games you currently play, reading books, talking, and so on (adjusting as ...


14

To me, the most complicated part of this is explaining a) why you don't want to forgive, or trust (or both) your uncle, and b) why you don't trust your mother's judgement on the matter enough to allow her to see your son. (Not that I'm questioning either element - you know the situation - but explaining the above to your child.) Presumably your child has ...


12

I would provide much less information to your children than you have listed here. It would go something like this. Uncle Joe has a problem in his head and he hurts people on purpose. Not just people, but children like you. I won't allow him near you in case he decides to hurt you. (Optionally: it's a very small chance, but even a small chance is too ...


11

An adult who has been assaulted should consider calling the police. If for some reason that is not possible they should consider getting in touch with a local domestic violence helpline. A young adult who has been assaulted in a house where there are other younger children who are also at risk of violence should strongly consider calling either the police; ...


10

I am so sorry to read this. You have my sympathy. First (I hope you've done this already), hire a lawyer. Does your wife have the legal right to withhold visitation from you? Find out. If she doesn't want to see you, maybe she can drop your children off at a friend's so you could see them without fear of confrontation. Second, is there an equivalent to ...


9

What a horrible dilemma! As I see it, your problem comprises three distinct elements: Your mother has little or no sense of what reasonable boundaries consist of. She also lies when it suits her purposes, and for some reason has prioritized her relationship with her son over the safety of her grandchildren Your uncle has even less sense of boundaries than ...


8

I would guess your son is really asking "why aren't you together with [ex's name] anymore?" In case that's true, perhaps you can take the time to more fully explain the break-up to your son. Obviously he is young, so you'll have to tailor your explanation accordingly -- but I'd suggest giving him something more detailed than "we're not together anymore."


8

Crying at drop-off and pick-up is more of a separation anxiety issue, and it's totally normal. It has nothing to do with whether she likes daycare. What you really need to know is whether she cries throughout the day, or if the crying is limited to a brief period at drop off and pick up. I used to sneak in to daycare at the end of the day and see my son ...


7

First of all, do not sneak off. I simply cannot stress this enough. I may sound 'sky is falling' but it's absolutely true that doing so regularly could lead to abandonment issues. You have to say bye, and he has to know it's coming and he has to get used to it. I think the sitter should start with routine. Soon as you're out the door, it's time to start the ...


7

Please forgive my posting anonymously, but I think I might be in a unique position to answer this. Without going into too many gory details about my family history, my mother found out she was married to A Very Bad Man and, immediately, left him, taking my sister, her three-year-old daughter, with her. I was born later, in her second marriage, and growing ...


6

Simple answer: No. Absolutely not. In your question, you haven't given a single reason why your son actually should talk to him ever again, but you've given a thousand reasons why he would never want to talk to him, and why talking to him wouldn't be any good for your son anyway. You would do your son a great disservice by not respecting his feelings and ...


6

Acknowledge your child's feelings: "you liked X didn't you? You used to have some fun together. Can you remember the things you did?". Then move the conversation on. "We don't see here any more, do we? We do other things now. That's a shame isn't it?" Then look to the future. "Maybe I'll find someone different. Would you like that? What do you think ...


6

Part of your job as a parent is to introduce realistic expectations for your child when the world does certain things. Mommy, Daddy or both will probably need to be inaccessible for protracted amounts of time in order to work, even if one or both don't leave the house to do so. I kind of think 'vanishing' dodges that, at any age .. but we all lose idealism ...


5

This is an old post but ima post for the benefit of anyone else that may need it... First to do is leave immediately. go where? neighbor, quik trip, whatever, but get away from the danger. "but what if they follow" can't worry about that. Stimulus, response. Fight or flight, get out. 2nd thing is call the police asafp. 3rd thing if you can stay put, do ...


5

On the parent side: Talk to the host parents to make sure you know what the plan is. Will there be a party? Games? Pillow fights? Food? Candy? Bedtime rituals, bath, brushing teeth, prayers? Are there house rules? Get a guest list so you know what other kids will participate (are you okay with who is on the list?). Make sure you agree with the plan. Also, ...


5

Short answer: tell the the truth Long answer: My father went to jail... twice for the same offence, one time for a short period, 6 months in which my mom told us nothing, and one time for 2 years, and my mother spoke openly about it towards me and my older sister, we also visited regularly and my dad always had writings to give to us or nice drawings. ...


5

I would suggest to tell him in advance, and then just remind him the day before the other kid is actually leaving. In my experience, drawing something nice for the other kid, or drawing a cartoon on where he's going helps. I did some cartooning when we were moving, and my kids loved it. They wanted to see the adventure, and sometimes, they wanted to see the ...


5

This is a frustrating problem, and I have no quick fixes to offer. I'm also sorry to hear about your son's bad winter. Thinking of the longer haul, have you discussed with your husband the possibility that he (and only he) get up and bring your son to you (in bed or wherever) to nurse, then take him back to settle him in? This might help your son to ...


5

Ironically, something that often really helps is giving them a couple nights without the possibility of Mommy coming to the rescue. It may not be consciously expressed, but the idea of needing someone else to intervene really undermines a Dad's confidence, and babies can sense that. Leaving them alone will help them find their own unique way of working ...


4

I agree with Henry, you need to make sure that someone is there that is compassionate towards the child to ensure he is comforted when mom isn't around. One thing that I did for my little guy was let him carry around a picture of him and mom together. When he would start crying I would let him know that mom had to go to work and would be home before he ...


4

Some people believe in attachment theory quite strongly, and would apply it to this type of case. If your child has an insecure attachment, the best approach is to try and secure that attachment. Make sure that you are not expecting your child to grow up too quickly. When mum has to go, she has to go, just step in there and try and comfort your little one ...


4

First, it depends on the child's age and maturity. I think the parent can preper the child for what is about to happen by narrating the near future in a way the child can understand. for instance: "mommy will play with you now, and then mommy will give you a big hug and three kisses and will go. you will stay with daddy, and when it is dark outside mommy ...


4

The clear answer is illness. Even a 9 yr old understands sickness. This sickness is one that can cause harm to others because ability for self-control is damaged. Until the illness can be cured, it's simply too dangerous for the person to be around. The idea of illness in others can be very important in these circumstances. It's especially important as ...


4

I had something very similar with both of my daughters. As a father, pretty much like clockwork, I remember these points: 7 months: they knew I existed and seemed somewhat happy to see me. 1 1/2 years: I truly enjoyed hanging out with them, for short bursts of time. 2 years: The pendulum started swinging, and they wanted to be more involved in the things I ...


3

Of course my ex immediately blamed me, saying I put him up to it or that I was lying. Now he keeps pestering me Your ex is still intimidating you and that is not alright. From the information you provided there is no indication that he is clean or that he has been through any kind of domestic violence classes to help him with his addiction to violent ...


3

No, you do not need to force your son to speak to his father. Barring some sort of legal document, such as a current custody agreement, there's no law saying that your son is required to talk to his father. Arguing that his son has to speak to him is not mature behavior, and illustrates to me that he's still not ready for any some of relationship, no ...


3

Some very good answers here, but I thought I had some value to add. My ex-wife's father was a serial molester and we took great care that he never interacted with our daughter. Before talking to the kids, explain very clearly the situation to all adults involved. Make a policy and write it down. (Understand the legal rules as well, and incorporate those.) ...


3

Have your friend move out! As soon as possible. But that is only the first step, and you have to make sure it works - so prepare before acting: It sounds like that situation is in fact life-threatening, and that calls for serious action. The first step would be to get out harm's way immediately, and that in itself isn't as easy as just getting up and ...


3

With both of our little guys, we went through phases like you describe, where my wife was sometimes the only person who could comfort them. To some extent this is 'just a phase' and will pass in time - there will be weeks where only Daddy will comfort them effectively (once you stop breastfeeding, anyway, as that always seems to work). I don't believe ...



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