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273

Firstly, I have to admit that while reading your question I was wondering if you're being serious. For me (as a hopeful future father with the same questions in mind), your solutions sound shocking and I would certainly advise against them. To reflect on some points... 1) "no TV ever, no movies, no pop music, no magazines" Does this also mean no friends? ...


51

Wow! Well, it sounds as though you want to be the perfect family, and the perfect parents. And it's easy to understand why. Who wouldn't want the best of everything for their children? I have a couple of general comments, I hope you'll find them useful. Oh and before I forget, congratulations on your soon-to-arrive new addition to the family! :) So... ...


45

We homeschool our kids, so perhaps I can provide a unique perspective. A lot of the other answers seem to be primarily worried about friends. People sparked friendships for millenia before television and public education, and they can do so today. It's hard to see when your own childhood friendships formed at school over common pop culture interests, but ...


35

While I think your intentions are good, I think that some of what you are doing will actually have negative effects. Dolls are a perfectly healthy toy - both my son and my daughters played with them. They also all played with toy shops, aeroplanes, racing cars, horses etc. My point is: they are toys. Whether they have any gender affiliation in your family ...


27

You lack one key: To be wonderful, to be amazing, to be successful, she must not be locked in this overwhelming strategy. Sadly, you are contributing to "this sexist world". It seems the motivation behind her future micro-managed life is that she is female, and as such will require much more "equipment" in order to survive. This is false. Your daughter ...


21

Research indicates that praise can be both negative and positive. Here is link to summary of the research on praise. Although most of us believe praise is a positive way to get children to improve their behavior/performance while improving self esteem and motivation, a summary of the research reveals that praise can actually reduce self-motivation and ...


18

My daughter is about to turn 11, and I have similar hopes for her. Each of the paragraphs below is a category that her father and I have found to be influences on her in some way, and ways we try to approach them. Provide positive examples. This needs to be both men and women, of course: women who embody the values and confidence you hope for her to have, ...


13

I think you're overthinking this a bit. It's great for brainstorming, but don't let little things like whether or not she gets to play with dolls distract you from your primary laudable goal of raising an amazing daughter. For instance, why wouldn't an intelligent and happy child be able to enjoy and possibly even benefit from a bit of TV? What's so ...


8

I've actually heard the opposite, at least for younger kids. If you want to encourage a certain behavior in them then (in addition to complimenting them directly) you can tell someone else about them while the child is there listening. This makes the child proud of the behavior, and hopefully they'll want to do it again. In older children, it may backfire ...


7

I like what you are hoping to do. However, be very careful with how you approach raising your child in this manner! I was raised much like this... For the first 13 years of my life. There are numerous opportunities that I missed, chances to do things that would have been very helpful to me now. Also, once your daughter leaves her seclusion (and trust me, she ...


7

Complimenting children so that they can hear it is a good thing. It boosts self-esteem, encourages confidence, etc etc. When a child does well on a test it's good to say (to the child) things like "Well done, you put a lot of work into that, and it paid off" to emphasise that effort is important, rather than saying "My! Aren't you clever!".


6

Praise is a wonderful motivator as long as the praise is for the "right" things. it is not so good to praise something that is inherent to the child - telling a child they are pretty, brilliant, etc. are ineffective and often can lead to conceit. However, praise can be extremely effective for helping children realize desired behaviors. Children are naturally ...


5

I'd like to take your post and translate it into a list of one-word goals for qualities you'd like your daughter to have, let me know if I seem to have missed anything or misinterpreted: Confidence Perseverance Individuality Happy Intelligent Knowledgeable Ambitious Your goals for your daughter sound very well-thought out. You clearly want the best for ...


5

I think you can keep it focused on the image she wants to portray. Ask her: What are you saying about yourself with that look? If what she thinks she's putting out there matches what other people think, and she's okay with that, so be it. If her perceptions are off, you can gently correct them: That outfit makes you feel comfortable, but that boy ...


5

First of all, self-esteem is a complicated component of our personalities and building a good self-esteem in a child is not entirely up to the parents. Your child will have a certain amount of "innate" personality that will play a part in who she is. Having said that, Parents probably are the most significant influence there is on a child (and her ...


4

When your child does something find a specfic detail and comment positively about that. "I love they way you used colour for this picture!" "This play dough creature has such a cheeky face, you did a good job doing that" This let's the child know what they are doing right and is more effective than just praising the child. Allow the child to access ...


4

If the praise is legit, it as absolutely fine to praise the kid to the parent within earshot of the parent. You can make both of them feel great. If the praise isn't legit, then you just look like a moron to the kid and the parents, assuming the parents are past the phase of their child being the greatest child ever created. Let's say you are at a dinner ...


4

You can have it both ways. Teach that someone should have a style that is their own, because unlike fashion style is timeless, but that our appearance sends messages to other people so it is important to carefully consider what that style is. As a boy, I wish I had this advice while I was younger. Even though my family grew up fairly poor and shopped second ...


3

Just wanted to note: If you say completely NO to any kind of useless media like TV, films, actual books,... and you do only home schooling it will be pretty hard for your daugther to find friends. What should they talk about? Most kids speak about the lastest film, music, TV, internet memes, social networks or school events. Your daughter will not be able ...


3

By not trying to be perfect You seem to believe that children come into the world as blank slates, and that in order for them to grow up right you need to model your vision of perfection. This is impossible, you are setting yourself up for failure. Even if you were somehow to achieve perfection how will your daughter learn coping skills? What will happen ...


2

First, let me just say that your English is very good, especially for it being your third language. You are clearly very well-educated and talented in your own right, and you want to give your daughter the best possible chance you can for a good and happy life in the future. Please, please for goodness sake do not try to control every aspect of her life. ...


2

I think you have 3 separate issues here. Tidy appearance There are some near-universal assumptions that people make about others who exhibit poor hygiene. Hygienic, tidy appearance is separate completely from style. You can wear the exact same outfit, but still give different impressions about yourself based on how tidy you are. I believe it's important ...


2

They have to do their own stuff. Make lots of options available, lots of stuff they could use within their reach, supervised for safety, of course. When they're toddlers, keep their TV time limited. There's no success in watching others. Let them get their stories from the books you read to them and they learn to read to themselves. (Their reading starts ...



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