Hot answers tagged

84

Hi OP I'm from the UK too. Call the parents and check the message was actually sent by them, it seems rather stupid that they would volunteer that information for no reason. I have had my Facebook hacked around four times usually by friends but once by a complete idiot who messaged all my family and friends some mean stuff. If she has admitted it and you ...


69

First and foremost, that logic is not sound. The argument boils down to "bad things happen no matter what, so why should I try?" To give an analogous example, I can take meticulous care of my car and it could run for 10+ years. But all that care will not put a magic ward around my car to protect it from a storm causing a flood or knocking a tree on to ...


55

Sounds like a common problem for gifted children: they finally reach a level where sitting back and coasting isn't enough, and having to actually put in some effort comes as a serious shock. Often the more gifted the child the worse this is, because greater talents merely put off the evil day and the resulting flameout is all the worse. At least this is ...


36

I would like to supplement Paul's answer a little by abstracting a little bit. The reason gifted children may have this behavior is because the adults near them praise them for how smart they are, not for tackling a difficult task they have trouble doing--even if they failed. Mainly because most of the time in early life they do not fail :) At the moment, I ...


28

Could tell him it is the difference between having a chance and having no chance. People can work hard and do all the right things and still end up unemployed with a low standard of life, but on the whole it happens a lot less to educated hard working people than uneducated layabouts. Also there is more to education than just getting a job, it is far easier ...


28

Give it time; time helps a lot. It's only been a few days, and this is quite a shock, especially to your daughter who probably worried for her friend's health/life. She's experienced a profound betrayal. It will be deeply disturbing for a while, but the intensity will fade with time. Whatever else this is, it's also an opportunity to talk to your daughter ...


27

I'm going to skip over the entire religious part of the question and answer what you should do about the much simpler part: If a teacher physically assaulted your son over a verbal debate, you should take legal steps. This person is unfit to be a teacher. You should talk to a lawyer.


20

The son could be helped with examining whether he actually thinks that it's true that higher education is useless, or just that this argument happens to fit with his current desire to not do the work. The way you do that depends on the child's age. If he is indeed interested in whether education makes a difference, perhaps show/discuss some data (if he's ...


19

Honesty about a learning disability is important for helping the child cope with it. They know if their grades aren't as good, or they can't remember the words, or it's harder for them to read — absent any information to the contrary, they may simply conclude that they're stupid or worthless and therefore just stop trying. Parents and teachers can provide ...


18

It is unlikely the son concluded this after a calm and rational examination of his options, but rather was reacting in the heat of the moment. Establish in subsequent discussions that the son's logic isn't particularly sound. Advanced education provides a lot of opportunities. It does not guarantee permanent success (as the father has found), but it opens ...


16

Gifted kids have problems with approaching work in a disciplined manner because they don't experience a benefit in doing so. If you give a "normal" kid a "normal" math test, their level of preparation largely determines the outcome. This is a lesson they learn over and over in school. If you give a "gifted" kid a "normal" math test (and most gifted ones, ...


13

I grew up relatively poor and went to one of the worst high schools in my city, with a large minority population. I didn't realize it at the time, because I enjoyed the essence of white privilege, which is that it didn't occur to anyone to tell me my economic and educational circumstances would hold me back. My advice is to act like you belong, because you ...


13

Angela got message from her friend via Facebook with "Ha, Ha, I've scammed you." Who guarantees to you that the message is true and the cancer was all made up? Calm down. What do (did) you think about them? What do (did) Angela think about them? Who will profit from such message? If the cancer was faked; why confess when there is no doubt against you? If ...


10

The son is not asking a "rational" question. This is his feelings talking. Feelings need to be understood, and feelings need help to be converted to words. This is not a question to be answerd with logic. The son is saying "I have a bunch of weird feeling going on, I don't know how to express myself! Help!". Try to understand him, empathise with him and ...


10

A lot of recent studies have linked procrastination with a poor ability to deal with "negative" emotions and impulsiveness. It's not poor planning or bad time-management; it's avoidance; it's an emotional defense mechanism. The fact that this teen is gifted probably has nothing to do with it, except that he'll probably be able to "get away with it" and ...


8

The way I handled this situation worked really well for me, perhaps it would for you... I explained that a job is just a job, and sometimes jobs suck, sometimes they are great, and sometimes both for different people. But in job loss, there is a great deal that is NOT lost. You lose your particular income arrangement and role in whatever operation you ...


8

I would comment but I don't have the rep for it, so this is getting posted as an answer. I just want to back up what Paul Johnson and Jeff Clark have said already. They're exactly right. I'm only 20 so I can probably give you a good perspective on what he's going through. I was "gifted" in school and always coasted along, but then senior year of high ...


7

I think it's high time she is told, but read this first: Having a whole bunch of children, I can tell you that each child is special in its own ways – which includes that each one has their own set of problems. One is good at math, but horrifically bad at remembering even a dozen country's capitals. One is very well aware of what the people around feel, ...


7

Both are valid options, but reading your post carefully I'd suggest finishing the school year at the old school. A list of pro's (in somewhat random order): Finishing at his old school should give him some sense of closure - this phase ends for all the current kids next summer. So I can understand that he doesn't want to leave prematurely but (perhaps ...


7

An aspect no one seems to have covered: Let him fail at something, once. I was in that situation. Coasted easily for a long time, could not deal with real difficult stuff once I got to it. In my case, until I failed seriously, I wouldn't accept that I had to work hard. The more parents would try to help/guide, the least I'd learn the lesson. Marks below ...


6

I don't believe in changing or removing clothes in front of others, with a few exceptions. This caused me problems in high school, because my physical education (gym) classes required a specific PE uniform (school branded shorts and T-shirt, not just a dress code). I refused to undress in order to change clothes, and there were no private places to change ...


6

Daring to kick father XXX in the pants in an attempt to try to assist in rising above the humiliation: Is father XXX now forever crippled and broken, never again to dare reach for greatness? Or is father XXX just currently jobless and humiliated for a spell while busily learning from this lesson how to become a stronger better person, and then forging a ...


6

"If I were not educated, we would not have all the things we currently have. Sure, today I don't have a job - but if I had not had a job for the last X years can you imagine where we would be and what kind of life we would be living?" "This joblessness is a bump in the road. Lots of people don't have jobs. Half of them don't have degrees - but I do. ...


6

The healthiest way is to encourage your daughter to do her best to reach the fullness of her own potential, without regard to her peers. That means "average success and mediocrity" isn't defined by what my typical peer can do today, it's defined by what I can do today. If I'm not better tomorrow than I was yesterday, by whatever measures I personally value,...


6

It's pretty hard for a parent to accept their child not going to college nowadays. There are lower number of job opportunities for a high school graduate and the pay is lower. My guess is your dad isn't very happy about your career move and doesn't know how to articulate it. My advice for you is two part. My career advice is try some college courses online ...


6

I'm all for not going to college, but I'm way more for not working. As someone who thought that same thing let me warn you that after school you know what's there? work. tons of it and not always in a good way. It's a lot harder to go back than it is to go with it from high school. From my friends that went, it's not really the degree as much as the life ...


6

As a former 'gifted teen', I figured I'd weigh in. In my (personal, biased) experience, the procrastination is the real problem here rather than an increase in the difficulty of tasks. So how do you break a procrastinator out of their habits? Encourage him to keep a planner/calendar for his deadlines and consult it daily. Try to get him to estimate the ...


6

Maybe he's bored? No educational system is a one-size-fits-all. In fact, I don't think it truly fits anybody perfectly. It is a shame a gifted child has to waste their time perceiving school as the solitary path to a normal, happy, and productive life. In my experience, I always did best in school and elsewhere in life's commitments when I paired it with ...


6

Assuming everything you've been told is true, it's an example of a "cancer fraud" scam. It's a crime and it's more common than most people realise. Like all alleged crimes, it's the job of the police to establish if it's true. They can do things you can't, like check actual hospital records. If it turns out it was a malicious prank (maybe someone hacked ...


5

Of course you could go the "drop all assistance" route that has been suggested here, but I personally wouldn't. Especially as you don't mention you child's age I suggest a more gradual approach: You are correct in assuming that a child / teenager needs to be thought about "how everyday life works". But this is not the responsibility of schools, but of you ...



Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible