Hot answers tagged

67

First and foremost, that logic is not sound. The argument boils down to "bad things happen no matter what, so why should I try?" To give an analogous example, I can take meticulous care of my car and it could run for 10+ years. But all that care will not put a magic ward around my car to protect it from a storm causing a flood or knocking a tree on to ...


28

Could tell him it is the difference between having a chance and having no chance. People can work hard and do all the right things and still end up unemployed with a low standard of life, but on the whole it happens a lot less to educated hard working people than uneducated layabouts. Also there is more to education than just getting a job, it is far easier ...


25

I'm going to skip over the entire religious part of the question and answer what you should do about the much simpler part: If a teacher physically assaulted your son over a verbal debate, you should take legal steps. This person is unfit to be a teacher. You should talk to a lawyer.


20

The son could be helped with examining whether he actually thinks that it's true that higher education is useless, or just that this argument happens to fit with his current desire to not do the work. The way you do that depends on the child's age. If he is indeed interested in whether education makes a difference, perhaps show/discuss some data (if he's ...


19

Honesty about a learning disability is important for helping the child cope with it. They know if their grades aren't as good, or they can't remember the words, or it's harder for them to read — absent any information to the contrary, they may simply conclude that they're stupid or worthless and therefore just stop trying. Parents and teachers can provide ...


18

It is unlikely the son concluded this after a calm and rational examination of his options, but rather was reacting in the heat of the moment. Establish in subsequent discussions that the son's logic isn't particularly sound. Advanced education provides a lot of opportunities. It does not guarantee permanent success (as the father has found), but it opens ...


13

I grew up relatively poor and went to one of the worst high schools in my city, with a large minority population. I didn't realize it at the time, because I enjoyed the essence of white privilege, which is that it didn't occur to anyone to tell me my economic and educational circumstances would hold me back. My advice is to act like you belong, because you ...


9

The son is not asking a "rational" question. This is his feelings talking. Feelings need to be understood, and feelings need help to be converted to words. This is not a question to be answerd with logic. The son is saying "I have a bunch of weird feeling going on, I don't know how to express myself! Help!". Try to understand him, empathise with him and ...


8

The way I handled this situation worked really well for me, perhaps it would for you... I explained that a job is just a job, and sometimes jobs suck, sometimes they are great, and sometimes both for different people. But in job loss, there is a great deal that is NOT lost. You lose your particular income arrangement and role in whatever operation you ...


7

I think it's high time she is told, but read this first: Having a whole bunch of children, I can tell you that each child is special in its own ways – which includes that each one has their own set of problems. One is good at math, but horrifically bad at remembering even a dozen country's capitals. One is very well aware of what the people around feel, ...


7

Both are valid options, but reading your post carefully I'd suggest finishing the school year at the old school. A list of pro's (in somewhat random order): Finishing at his old school should give him some sense of closure - this phase ends for all the current kids next summer. So I can understand that he doesn't want to leave prematurely but (perhaps ...


6

Daring to kick father XXX in the pants in an attempt to try to assist in rising above the humiliation: Is father XXX now forever crippled and broken, never again to dare reach for greatness? Or is father XXX just currently jobless and humiliated for a spell while busily learning from this lesson how to become a stronger better person, and then forging a ...


6

"If I were not educated, we would not have all the things we currently have. Sure, today I don't have a job - but if I had not had a job for the last X years can you imagine where we would be and what kind of life we would be living?" "This joblessness is a bump in the road. Lots of people don't have jobs. Half of them don't have degrees - but I do. ...


6

The healthiest way is to encourage your daughter to do her best to reach the fullness of her own potential, without regard to her peers. That means "average success and mediocrity" isn't defined by what my typical peer can do today, it's defined by what I can do today. If I'm not better tomorrow than I was yesterday, by whatever measures I personally ...


5

Talk to the school. They should have an anti-bullying policy. Get it and insist that they apply it in this case. Write to the teachers. Identify the specific hurtful behaviours being used and insist that they are stamped on. The only way to stop this is to make it clear to the bullies that their behaviour will not be tolerated. Bullying is child abuse, no ...


5

I don't believe in changing or removing clothes in front of others, with a few exceptions. This caused me problems in high school, because my physical education (gym) classes required a specific PE uniform (school branded shorts and T-shirt, not just a dress code). I refused to undress in order to change clothes, and there were no private places to change ...


5

There are a lot of answers already. Most (all?) of them are good. But there's one important piece of this that none of them address: how do you feel about your situation? It sounds to me from the wording of your question like you have some lingering doubts about your own life choices. You need to sort that out or you will lack credibility when attempting to ...


5

Of course you could go the "drop all assistance" route that has been suggested here, but I personally wouldn't. Especially as you don't mention you child's age I suggest a more gradual approach: You are correct in assuming that a child / teenager needs to be thought about "how everyday life works". But this is not the responsibility of schools, but of you ...


5

For the immediate problem: Have you tried just covering half the lines with a piece of paper? It may really just be the 8 line looking horribly much, and if she can see that it really just is 4 lines, and then another 4 lines, just as before, it may help. Segmenting big problems into small ones can be a challenge eve for an adult, so imagine how hard it ...


5

It's certainly possible to do so. It's hard to say what the impact of doing so would be; it may be confusing to your youngest daughter why she's not going to the same school as her elder siblings, and she may resent it later in life if she's not doing as well as they are. But equally, she may prefer the public school, particularly if she makes close ...


5

Okay, first I'd like to tell you that you are not alone. I myself spent the last 3 years dealing with the same situation with my now 18 year old and before that, his older brother. His father and I have been divorced for 16 years, my son decided to live with dad because dad was fun and let him do what ever he liked. I was only ever called in to deal with ...


4

One answer would be: "I have just lost my job. That was a shock for me, but I'm getting over it and I will find a new job. However, having my son, who is close to an adult, come to me with that kind of stupidity isn't helping. I have to worry about money, I have to worry about finding a new job, don't add to my worries right now. You are old enough to be ...


4

Turn the question around. Why should I study so hard when you hold a college degree, work hard all your life and see what happened to you? "What did happen to me, exactly? I lost that job, sure. But look around you, see this house? If I hadn't gone to college, I would have never had that job in the first place. I'd be an assistant manager at a fast ...


4

It's unclear to me based on the question whether this is a defined religious belief (as would be explicitly protected by the first amendment and federal law), or if this is a belief that is not so protected. Jurisdiction (including country of course) would have a lot to say exactly where the line there is. If this is based on a religious belief, or ...


4

If you can afford counseling, that might be a good idea. Be sure to find someone with experience with transgender and gay issues. It sounds to me as if your child is having anxieties due to gender and disability issues (something (s)he can't control) and is transferring to something (s)he can control. It will be important to find a place where (s)he can ...


4

I don't have a child, but I was one and my parents apparently did succeed with their approach (as I am currently studying for my PhD). There were mainly two things they taught me: 1) It sounds old, but you do not learn for grades or earn grades for parents. You learn for life. You can show children, that sometimes you don't see the effect while you work, ...


4

It's pretty hard for a parent to accept their child not going to college nowadays. There are lower number of job opportunities for a high school graduate and the pay is lower. My guess is your dad isn't very happy about your career move and doesn't know how to articulate it. My advice for you is two part. My career advice is try some college courses online ...


4

You didn't mention what country you are from. Here in the US, it is quite common and usual to see a therapist when you or your children are having behavior problems. Since you say he said "his friends are not coming regularly", and from the way you phrase things, I suspect you will not be in the US, so I don't know what your feelings are about therapy or ...


3

Give it some time. It's very natural for a child to test boundaries in a new environment, and his teachers are still in the "honeymoon period," when they tend to cut kids a little too much slack because the kids are new. Some kids can't handle slack very well. I would wait a month or two before worrying about him being a permanent delinquent :-) These ...


3

If I am allowed to butt in, I'd like to share my personal experience with teaching very young Italian children English. For seven years I taught English at two Kindergartens (BrEng Nursery schools) to Italian children and children of immigrants aged between 3 and 6. And I can say, hand on heart, that every child, regardless of their natural ability, or any ...



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