Hot answers tagged

116

I'm from the UK too. Call the parents and check the message was actually sent by them, it seems rather stupid that they would volunteer that information for no reason. I have had my Facebook hacked around four times usually by friends but once by a complete idiot who messaged all my family and friends some mean stuff. If she has admitted it and you know it ...


55

Sounds like a common problem for gifted children: they finally reach a level where sitting back and coasting isn't enough, and having to actually put in some effort comes as a serious shock. Often the more gifted the child the worse this is, because greater talents merely put off the evil day and the resulting flameout is all the worse. At least this is ...


36

I would like to supplement Paul's answer a little by abstracting a little bit. The reason gifted children may have this behavior is because the adults near them praise them for how smart they are, not for tackling a difficult task they have trouble doing--even if they failed. Mainly because most of the time in early life they do not fail :) At the moment, I ...


32

Give it time; time helps a lot. It's only been a few days, and this is quite a shock, especially to your daughter who probably worried for her friend's health/life. She's experienced a profound betrayal. It will be deeply disturbing for a while, but the intensity will fade with time. Whatever else this is, it's also an opportunity to talk to your daughter ...


20

Angela got message from her friend via Facebook with "Ha, Ha, I've scammed you." Who guarantees to you that the message is true and the cancer was all made up? Calm down. What do (did) you think about them? What do (did) Angela think about them? Who will profit from such message? If the cancer was faked; why confess when there is no doubt against you? If ...


16

Gifted kids have problems with approaching work in a disciplined manner because they don't experience a benefit in doing so. If you give a "normal" kid a "normal" math test, their level of preparation largely determines the outcome. This is a lesson they learn over and over in school. If you give a "gifted" kid a "normal" math test (and most gifted ones, ...


10

A lot of recent studies have linked procrastination with a poor ability to deal with "negative" emotions and impulsiveness. It's not poor planning or bad time-management; it's avoidance; it's an emotional defense mechanism. The fact that this teen is gifted probably has nothing to do with it, except that he'll probably be able to "get away with it" and ...


9

Assuming everything you've been told is true, it's an example of a "cancer fraud" scam. It's a crime and it's more common than most people realise. Like all alleged crimes, it's the job of the police to establish if it's true. They can do things you can't, like check actual hospital records. If it turns out it was a malicious prank (maybe someone hacked ...


8

All the answers and comments have addressed almost every possible angle, so I wanted to focus on this: Now our daughter is devastated, and isn't trusting of new people, she doesn't even want to go out to events with us, even though we've got a holiday to Spain booked in the next few weeks. Normally she looks forward to holidays... now she's dreading it. She ...


8

I would comment but I don't have the rep for it, so this is getting posted as an answer. I just want to back up what Paul Johnson and Jeff Clark have said already. They're exactly right. I'm only 20 so I can probably give you a good perspective on what he's going through. I was "gifted" in school and always coasted along, but then senior year of high ...


7

An aspect no one seems to have covered: Let him fail at something, once. I was in that situation. Coasted easily for a long time, could not deal with real difficult stuff once I got to it. In my case, until I failed seriously, I wouldn't accept that I had to work hard. The more parents would try to help/guide, the least I'd learn the lesson. Marks below ...


6

Maybe he's bored? No educational system is a one-size-fits-all. In fact, I don't think it truly fits anybody perfectly. It is a shame a gifted child has to waste their time perceiving school as the solitary path to a normal, happy, and productive life. In my experience, I always did best in school and elsewhere in life's commitments when I paired it with ...


6

As a former 'gifted teen', I figured I'd weigh in. In my (personal, biased) experience, the procrastination is the real problem here rather than an increase in the difficulty of tasks. So how do you break a procrastinator out of their habits? Encourage him to keep a planner/calendar for his deadlines and consult it daily. Try to get him to estimate the ...


4

Hear it from others Obviously, teenagers are typically deaf to wisdom from their parental figures. I suggest setting up situations for this young man to speak with gifted adults working in challenging fields that may interest him. Invite such individuals to dinner, and/or arrange for him (not you!) to set up an “informational interview” with such persons ...


4

Not knowing your son I can only speculate, but the whole description sorta hits home with me, so here's my stab into the dark and advice: He's probably incredibly bored by school. I know second hand that Japanese schools don't have particularly inventive teaching methods, and he's probably bored by sitting and listening all day to a teacher who may not be ...


3

Things to learn for your daughter: If her best friend says she has cancer, be happy if you find out she is lying, because it's better than if she had said the truth. Any news that you hear, don't react rashly, take your time to find out what really happened, and why it happened, and react to it properly when you have thought about it. It's Ok to lock ...


3

Welcome to se. There are many possibilities behind the scene.. Lauren might have a different reason behind this, it being a legit or not is totally based on her ethics, and if course Angela shouldn't get ideas that it's ok to do this. Misunderstanding between friends happen all the time, communication would solve 80% and the other 20% might not be worth ...


3

Procrastination is not a problem limited to teenagers. This may be exacerbated if he finds the intellectual or problem solving aspect of the work easy and feeling like going through the process of getting it done is a fairly pointless chore. Here there is a difference between him understanding the material set and going through the process of explaining to ...


2

Cognitive dissonance In a nutshell it was explained in some article, as, "sour grapes" from Aesop's fables. The fox couldnt reach the grapes by jumping for them, so gave up, "...they are probably sour anyway." For background, see this Google scholar search on "cognitive dissonance in gifted children". The particularly enlightning article was from a few ...


2

You need a better plan, kid. This will be a bit of a harsh answer, but you definitely seem smart and mature enough to deserve one. First of all, don't waste a single further breath explaining your "philosophical" objections to school, why you feel it's bullshit, to your dad. No dad has the slightest bit of regard for his son's "wisdom" on things like that. ...


2

If I were the gifted kid, none of these would work. Solutions out there look like you either kind of force him to do some work(by managing his time), or just tell him how bad it is to be disorganised. First one will make him angry(and if you're not his father, this can affect your relationship with him); second one will just not work. Here's what I would do....


2

Tl/Dr: The solution is best found in areas far away from the homework, like sports and martial arts. In those parts of life, your girlfriend's son may be able to find the opportunity to build the skills you want him to apply towards homework. Please forgive the length of the prose. Writing clearly is a skill I'm trying to develop, and I don't want to rush ...


2

The original poster mentioned in the comments that the teenager is "very much" a perfectionist. Here is a possible scenario: The boy is happy to do a task that he can do perfectly. But there are several reasons that he might not be able to do a task perfectly: He might not know how to do the task perfectly. He might not have a way of judging ...


1

This one is tricky. Let me state that I am American, and while I don't see what that has to do with anything, out side of the legal stuff, it seems important to you, so, take that into consideration. It's hard to tell where to start. I would start by explaining to my child that these things happen. That not all people are good, and that not all people ...


1

Find something they want to do, which will challenge them. Something that will require planning, etc. to be successful at. I suggest you find something s/he wants to do that has lots of challenging levels so that they can seek their own level and have a more challenging level to work on. Games work best for this (it's a primary principle of "engagement" ...


1

I think I know your son's problem. You see, he knows perfectly well that he ought to do his homework earlier, but whenever he tries, he suddenly decides it's time to watch three hours of video game speed runs on Youtube, or reorganize his email inbox, or check the refrigerator to see if there's anything new in there since the last time he checked 10 minutes ...


1

Many of the answers seem to assume that the kid is getting to the point where he is having difficulty in school. However, you say that his grades are still very good. I'd suggest that another possibility is that he still finds things very easy, and procrastinates because he finds the work boring and knows he can do it at the last minute and still get by. ...


1

What is he doing when he is not studying? I have a gifted teen and I find he gets trapped by computer games. Since he is an older teen, I talk with him about his daily schedule and setting a time that he will start work by each day. Routines help procrastinators a lot as it takes less effort if you have habits in place. Ideally these can be triggered by ...


1

Don't be secretive about money Many parents treat money as a secret, and attempt to shield their children, and even their partners from it as though it is something dirty. Money is an important part of our lives. Be open about it. Be open about what it costs you personally in terms of time away from the family, effort and sweat to get money. Many young ...



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