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46

When legally adult children continue to live with their parents, they implicitly accept to live by the rules of the house because they are legally free to choose to move out and live by their own rules. The times you mention seem on the conservative side to me. I'm sure your parents mean well but if you want to change things then I would start by figuring ...


13

"My rules or get out" is not a good way to teach children to compromise (and we hear that rhetoric so often when being critical of how a country is run, where this is learned I see clearly now..) or negotiate with other adults. You risk casting your children to the wolves, and I've seen friends devoured. In this case, you should be able to calmly sit down ...


11

In general, I would do the same thing to an 18 year old as any of my kids. They gradually get more freedom to set their own bed time, computer usage, etc, until they are sleeping in, not getting things done, etc. If they blow it, then they are on a tight schedule (For some time, I was sending them to bed at 1900, because they were having serious problems ...


11

It depends on the privileges they have. Sometimes, giving them extra chores is appropriate (say, if they've broken something and you want them to make restitution.) Many times, though, you'll want to take something away from them. Anything short of food, clothing, and the roof over their heads is fair game-- depending on the severity of their rule ...


9

First, my recommendation would be the toy goes away. Just because it was paid for doesn't mean it isn't stealing; she stole from you instead of the store. Keeping the toy implies that the offense wasn't all THAT severe. The problem with punishment here is that the time frame between the offense and the punishment might be kind of long for it to really ...


8

Developmentally, preteens and teens are at the age they are supposed to question everything. This makes for some delightful challenges. The piece that helps with their questioning is that they also like to feel like they have some ownership or control over their life. It is absolutely appropriate at that age to sit down with your children and review the ...


7

The job of an adult is to raise another competent, functional adult that can manage themselves in the real world, not to raise a child that must always be managed by others. The only thing that having a set bed time for an 18 year old accomplishes is that they don't get a chance to learn how to manage their own tiredness/schedule/etc, and so they'll likely ...


7

Keep it simple, keep it short, keep it contained. Simple: I would go with one or two games, with one more as a back-up. The kids may want to do more free-play than you thought, especially if the weather is nice. Keep the food you serve simple. Variety often leads to chaos. You don't want a fistfight over the only green cupcake. Short: These kids are ...


7

This might sound like a total cliche, but have you tried to get him to participate in extracurricular activities? Our daughter, a bit younger than your son, has really started to show more confidence in herself since she started tae kwon do. It sounds like he could use the balance a different atmosphere and environment, not to mention a different set of ...


6

We use the 1.2.3 rule, and I'm a computer programmer, and my oldest son (6 years old) loves math. Just because you use numbers, it doesn't mean they will relate that to math. My now-1st grader loves addition, subtraction, even does simple (6x3 type) multiplication. We have, however, used 1..2..3 since he was little to let him understand that we need his ...


6

There are a couple of stumbling blocks you may be encountering, but first, I'd just like to say, many children have to be taught how to either reign in their over-developed sense of everyone bowing to their needs and whims, or they need to be taught how to speak up for themselves. When these two extremes are balanced, it can be referred to as self-advocacy. ...


6

Children and especially preteens/teens, respond well to being empowered. Have a family meeting and have the family as a group decide what is important. Allow time for discussion from each one's position and then develop the rules from the information shared. Another meeting to share the rules that you as a parent have set will likely be needed. This does ...


5

I always do my parties at home. I've been doing them since my oldest turned 3. She is now 8 and I have added 3 more kids to the mix, so you may consider me an expert. I find games like 'Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox, what time is it", 'Red light, Green light' are great games, however they can't last very long (5-8min.) due to the potential of cheating after some ...


5

I can think of several good reasons why you should still have a bedtime and a time limit on PC use. Even at 18, you're still developing. Developmental changes continue to occur after puberty winds down, well into your 20s. Though you're mentally capable of making your own decisions (and being held responsible for them), your body still needs plenty of ...


5

I don't think many parents do it differently from how you're doing it now. Every child is different, and while there surely are common threads among children there probably aren't as many as you might think. So, it's difficult to be proactive beyond some very general situations, e.g.: Call if you're going to be late Call if you're going to be somewhere ...


4

Besides taking away privileges, it is really important to kids this age to express themselves as individuals. You may not always like what they choose to wear but sometimes it's tolerable. Make sure you have given them enough so that there is plenty to take away. How they want their hair done. A special pair of shoes. Food they like to share with their ...


4

I know that cutting off computer at 20.30 seems unreasonable to you and it is, in my anecdotal experience, certainly out of the ordinary. However, there's a very good chance that your parents are actually doing what is best for you. Read up on how many people don't get enough sleep at night and how much being in front of a TV or computer can affect that ...


4

My son has fewer qualms about breaking the rules, but a similar misunderstanding of when it's okay or not to make an exception to a rule. There are rules about when it's okay to make an exception to a rule, and some kids just plain have a hard time learning those compared to other children. My son gets upset because he sees someone else getting away with ...


3

I wouldn't worry about this- it's the act of counting, showing the time in which he has to act is decreasing, and not the actual numbers themselves that he will be responding too. Kids are tougher than you think- using numbers in this way isn't going to give your child a fear of maths.


3

There are two reasons for a child to want to follow the rules: so he knows what to do (i.e., so he doesn't look stupid in front of others), and so he doesn't get into trouble. Don't laugh at the first: when doing the right thing is important to you but you have difficulty figuring out what that is, it is very reassuring to have rules that tell you what to ...


2

Yeah, that schedule is an excellent way of making sure you get enough sleep. Not having any screen time 2 hours before be also means you will not be exciting your brain (both from the contents of games and the fact the light stimulates the brain) just before sleep. Is it stifling for an 18 year old (adult!). Hell yeah. I thoroughly recommend leaving home, ...


2

Preteens are at a particular stage in life that makes them very different from their younger selves and very different from adults. That means they are often motivated differently so your question is exceptional in its likely quality in terms of others needing similar advice. The first thing to know is that at this point in their development, teens are ...


1

Interesting question. The general solution is to make a differences between principles and rules. For example, as a rule we follow rules on the road and don't drive on the wrong side. But the principle behind is to not endanger others life. If one day you are driving someone to the hospital for some urgent matter, driving on the wrong side maybe be the right ...


1

We really tried avoiding 1,2,3 with our son, preferring time outs, but time outs just weren't that effective. So long as 3 reliably results in a consequence he does not like, he generally responds as desired. (For him, he wants to do stuff himself, so the consequence is usually getting picked up or us doing the thing for him.) We also use 1,2,3 as the ...


1

Give the child a cellphone with google latitude turned on. My son was in 4th grade when I gave him a cellphone - which what 8 years ago if you could imagine. Although people thought and sometimes commented, "You gave your 10 year old a cellphone?" I never regretted it. He was a very active child and played sports in different fields in the area. I ...



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