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13

The thing is, it sounds like blackmailing, but you are teaching that actions have consequences. "If you don't go to bed now you will be tired tomorrow" is a fact; however one that children won't get. Tomorrow is ages away and child cares mostly about now. But you actually know more about the child than it does when it is small, so you need to be able to ...


9

It seems to me that the question you linked (I haven't read all the answers) is about things which should be considered normal (sleeping in her own bed). Maybe the main objection ("the child will become reluctant to do things if there are no rewards") can be mitigated by clearly defining what chores the child is expected to do normally (tidying her room, ...


5

My favorite incentive is a good story or riddle. My children happen to love riddles and real historical stories, so if I need to encourage some behavior I will start with a teaser and let them know that the rest of the story is coming at bedtime if they do as I request. This has the advantage of encouraging listening and paying attention, as well. When the ...


4

My principle is to try to stick to "natural consequences". That is, I do not punish my children in a way that makes me seem to be peeved, and therefore I punish them. Rather than that, I focus on why I want to correct my children's behavior, and try to let them feel what the consequences are if they behave incorrect. Mostly that's just not shielding the ...


4

I think that what your sister is getting at is the distinction between several kinds of discipline. Let's say that I want my child (let's call him Tommy) to eat a healthy dinner. How can I do that? "Tommy, if you eat (all of) your spinach, I'll let you have a cookie." "Tommy, if you don't eat your spinach, you can't have a cookie." These are inverses ...


2

This is as much a problem with adults as children. Think of your work situation. You start the year, your boss (implicitly or explicitly) says "Do a good job this year and you will get a raise". Twelve months later, you're told you didn't do a good enough job and don't get a raise. Alternately, your boss has a list of goals, and periodically discusses ...


2

The initial goal should be simply using the potty. This creates a strong positive connection to the desired behavior, that is easy for the child to comprehend. I'd also recommend the reward be some sort of short, focused time with the parent - can be a game of patty cake, reading them a very short book. It's both relatively "free" and they can never eat too ...


2

I got lucky when it came to potty training. All I had to do was ask her and she did it. Wow! Other tasks weren't so easy, though. I don't recall what it was I was try to teach her, but this is what I did and what I hope will help you by my sharing it. First, I would recommend not calling it "an accident". The reason being is that we all naturally want ...


2

The only really bad thing would be to threaten a punishment that you don't intend to carry through on or that is disproportionate to the offense. Punishment is not blackmail. The law does not blackmail us in to not stealing from other people. It tells us that if we do bad thing x, bad thing y will happen to us. This is a natural and important part of ...


1

In the case below, "it," is an action or behavior that is undesired/wrong. Blackmailing is: The person who did "it" knows they did something wrong. You know the person did "it," and that "it" is wrong. The person who did "it" knows that you know. Blackmailing--> You coerce behavior from the person who did "it" by threatening to expose the the person for ...


1

In my household I simply expect everybody to contribute. Of course, that's only according to their abilities, and of course children should have lots of free time left. But there are chores to be done, and some of them are done by the kids. Their sole incentive doing them is that they contribute to the community they live in. Over the years we have ...


1

The problem here is the concept of positive reinforcement, but what you do here is to accidentally "punish" your son with your rewards. The concept of "You may only watch TV after you cleaned up your toys" does not present watching TV as a reward, but cleaning up as a punishment and lowers watching TV to a regular activity. You are basically saying "You ...



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