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13

The thing is, it sounds like blackmailing, but you are teaching that actions have consequences. "If you don't go to bed now you will be tired tomorrow" is a fact; however one that children won't get. Tomorrow is ages away and child cares mostly about now. But you actually know more about the child than it does when it is small, so you need to be able to ...


9

It seems to me that the question you linked (I haven't read all the answers) is about things which should be considered normal (sleeping in her own bed). Maybe the main objection ("the child will become reluctant to do things if there are no rewards") can be mitigated by clearly defining what chores the child is expected to do normally (tidying her room, ...


9

TL;DR: Feel free to praise your children in front of each other. There is a lot of popular literature out there dealing with this issue. This answer is more roundabout because it relies to some degree on studies, which don't often address exactly the issue that is of concern to you. Almost 80% of children grow up with at least one brother or sister. Even ...


4

My principle is to try to stick to "natural consequences". That is, I do not punish my children in a way that makes me seem to be peeved, and therefore I punish them. Rather than that, I focus on why I want to correct my children's behavior, and try to let them feel what the consequences are if they behave incorrect. Mostly that's just not shielding the ...


4

I think that what your sister is getting at is the distinction between several kinds of discipline. Let's say that I want my child (let's call him Tommy) to eat a healthy dinner. How can I do that? "Tommy, if you eat (all of) your spinach, I'll let you have a cookie." "Tommy, if you don't eat your spinach, you can't have a cookie." These are inverses ...


3

I took a roll of pennies and spray painted them gold so they couldn't get mixed up/mistaken for normal money. These were "pirate coins" or "treasure". I used them to reward extra good behavior and routine tasks that they needed some motivation for (1 penny for doing a good job brushing teeth, 1 penny for sorting laundry, etc). There were several benefits ...


2

The only really bad thing would be to threaten a punishment that you don't intend to carry through on or that is disproportionate to the offense. Punishment is not blackmail. The law does not blackmail us in to not stealing from other people. It tells us that if we do bad thing x, bad thing y will happen to us. This is a natural and important part of ...


1

In the case below, "it," is an action or behavior that is undesired/wrong. Blackmailing is: The person who did "it" knows they did something wrong. You know the person did "it," and that "it" is wrong. The person who did "it" knows that you know. Blackmailing--> You coerce behavior from the person who did "it" by threatening to expose the the person for ...


1

In my household I simply expect everybody to contribute. Of course, that's only according to their abilities, and of course children should have lots of free time left. But there are chores to be done, and some of them are done by the kids. Their sole incentive doing them is that they contribute to the community they live in. Over the years we have ...



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