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7

First of all, a certain amount of this behavior is completely normal around this age, directed toward the main disciplinarian. They start seeing your expectations as "being mean" and they retaliate. Your daughter's case is only unusual in its degree. Your mother-in-law's behavior is also only unusual in its degree. Especially with mothers who doted on ...


5

Heide, The person who needs to be spoken sternly to, and punished, is your mother-in-law, and the person whose job it is to clear things up with her is your husband. Now, let's focus on your daughter: Worse things will happen in adolescence. Believe me. You will need to focus all your love for your daughter into being tolerant and not taking her comments ...


5

If such an activity existed, you would have found it by now, like you did with your son. You don't need an excuse to spend time with your daughter one-on-one. Just tell the other kids it's her turn, and remind them of when they had their turns. You don't have to make it elaborate, or even the same thing every time. Just pick something she likes. My ...


3

My initial reaction was to wonder whether you could work out a way to bring your daughter along on the haircut outing, perhaps have her reading or chatting in a chair while she waits. However, not only patience a challenge for some five year olds, I think it is valuable to have "alone time" with each child. If your son enjoys his special Daddy outing, your ...


6

What I like is that you are doing something that has to be done anyway and make it into a "special" daddy-son thing. Just add a little twist to make it special. So logically, a special daddy-daughter thing should -if I read your question correctly - follow the same pattern, right? So what else do you do about once a month? Going to the car wash or ...


1

be explicit about how much you enjoy your time with him, and explain that it's her turn now. I like that idea, but I can sympathize with your dilemma, so here's an idea -- how about if you take her to the "beauty parlor" once a month. Now, there's nothing to say you have to have an appointment at the hair salon that often. (Although you can certainly ...


-1

As hurtful as it might seem, this is perfectly normal behavior. The mum needs to just ignore it. Coming from a 4 yo, this doesn't mean anything. It's just words. Parents need to just accept that their little ones love them and need them, regardless of what they might say.


-1

Kids are just too funny. Say you love them. And show them the dickens film Oliver Twist. By no means show them the film with that rabid dog which gets shot at the end.


0

Definitely don't write off the fact that a stay-at-home mom is taken for granted automatically by their children for being present most of the time (even if they don't think they get enough attention), and you are fascinating and "scarce" (economically speaking) simply by working and not being home all of the time. The stay-at-home mom is more constantly ...


1

While it's not 100% relevant to you (unless you have more kids :) ) - one bit of advice I think makes sense is to not relate too many changes to the newborn in a way that makes the existing kids feel less of a priority. An example: friends of ours had two boys, each with their own bedroom. Their plan was to move the boys into bunkbeds in their own room when ...


-1

I sometimes tell my children I do not like them right now (when they have done something wrong) but that I will always love them with all my heart. That it is OK to be angry at someone (me at them, or them at me) but one must never, ever forget that we are a family and love is always there. I found that it helped them a lot to make the distinction between ...


1

At once I read this, I feel what I felt inside so long. And I want to explain you about that according to your post. I am also a daughter of my mom (who is angry almost everytime). I loved her so much. When I feel good things, I also want her to feel. When I eat good food, I want her to taste it too.. Now.. she started to refuse it, talking against every ...


4

I also have a four-year-old daughter, and she is very socially adept. She uses different techniques to get things she wants from different people, and she can be very dramatic for effect. If your daughter is at all like mine, she probably just enjoys the impact that her words are having on her mother, especially if her mom responds by trying extra hard to ...


12

In addition to the previous answers, which are good, it's also important to understand that small children live in a different world than adults (one full of mysteries) and that many words have different meaning to them. When you think of your daughter's love for her mother you probably think of the kind of relation that would leave a huge sore wound if her ...


19

There are a couple of things going on here, and both will probably be due to attention. You said that mum finds it difficult. That means that she probably reacts slightly. This means that your daughter knows that she can say something that: Gets noticed. Gets a reaction. Brings attention. All attention, positive or negative is attention to a child. If ...


61

I think your instincts of jealousy are spot-on. My daughter did this starting when her little brother arrived home from the hospital, and every time she felt like he was getting more of Mama's attention, out came the verbal knives. Our fix was to schedule special one-on-one time with her when we could. And when things were just too crazy to carve very ...


-1

Drawing on my personal history I've always found that FWB have a very short shelf life. First time around she wanted kids, a family, etc. I didn't and after a little bit of time she moved on and found what she was looking for. We're still friends to this day. Second time around I made it very clear I had intentions of moving across the country. Time ...


-2

I think the best piece of advice is to tell your son, "Wear a condom." Definitely don't believe a young woman is taking the pill (correctly) even if she tells you she is and especially if you aren't even in a real relationship with her. Some other observations that seem obvious: this girl is using sex to be with your son. Don't feel sorry for her or ...


6

I see many worthwhile and insightful thoughts here. I want to add a success story I hope you'll identify with. I am also a musician and bore other similarities to your story--such as speculating how unexpected this was and not being ready to settle down. Thirteen years ago I learned a child was on his way and also didn't want this responsibility. I ...


0

Does he even deserve an email from her saying that they've grown apart as friends before she blocks him? I don't think it's the right question to ask in this circumstance. People's decisions of what to give to others aren't supposed to be based on rational considerations of what the recipients "deserve". And I don't think a "termination of relations" ...


4

I would recommend approaching the problem, not running from it. You said one thing that stood out to me amidst everything else: ...I don't want a relationship with her and don't really like her, I'm still in love with and attached to her. This strikes me as a very complicated internal state. While there is a tendency to say "get out of a situation ...


1

First of all, you are not a bad person. Looking for guidance here was a small but important step. When we are faced with tough decisions, it is good and recommended to look for assistance. With this in mind, you certainly should look for a therapist, to keep getting assistance. I am definitely not even close to be an expert in parenting, but I felt like I ...


2

This guy's bad news. The idea "to block his number, email address and social media profiles" is absolutely the right thing to do. "Considerate" is a good attribute to have, but not at all times and all places. You and your daughter are being very generous to send the young man one last email, and give him one last chance. The odds that he'll take it appear ...


4

You will never find a partner who is absolutely perfect in every way. We are all human. You and your wife have been together for a number of years and surely there is a strong bond there, whether you realise it or not. We need to learn to accept others' imperfections. I honestly think it's best to sit down and talk this over with her, probably with the help ...


-1

Man, I've been frustrated with my life due to some bad decisions I made in moments of weakness, but this puts me to shame! This seems like a very manipulative woman you're with, and the relationship is not healthy for you. She threatened to kill herself if you left, and you said that she got pregnant when she was on the pill? Did it ever occur to you that ...


0

"I don't want to be a father" is a more common notion than you might expect. Your post looks like it goes a little further than that since the lifestyle you dream of could very well happen while also being a father. Whether or not you are being a father along side your wife. I don't think you should lean on the advise of people on the internet to tell you ...


7

Regardless of what happens between you and your wife, you need to come to terms with the fact that your obligation to your son is now one of the most central realities of your life. The fact that he is now in the world is directly related to your actions and choices, and you need to take responsibility for those as an adult. You may feel tricked and ...


12

Would my son be better off with a father who doesn't want to be around but is putting on a smiling face, or a father who was divorced early on? How do I handle my situation? Whether you like it or not your situation is about to change dramatically, and my advice would be to hold out until well after the arrival of your son before you do something ...


47

I'm going to focus on this one thing that you said, because it's one of the only things you said about what you want, as opposed to all the stuff you are experiencing that you don't want: I want to be important and powerful and change the world. Well, I have good news and bad news about that. First the bad news. I'm going to be brutally honest here. ...


3

I don't believe anybody envies your position. Personally I believe that no matter what choice you decide on, there isn't a wrong or right decision per se. It is unfortunate that things were allowed to progress as far as they did, threatening with suicide to prevent a break-up should really only finalize the ending of a relationship, but getting into that ...


57

When we are confronted with a situation in our lives where what we believe doesn't match up to how we're living, we have two choices: Change our beliefs or change our actions. I think I know that tightness in your chest, and when I've experienced it, it's when what I am is not what I want to be. Other posters have suggested the latter. Get out for sure, ...


13

Although my situation was different, I felt much the same way as you do five years ago. I ended up leaving my wife, but instead of feeling relieved and/or happier it made me feel worse. To make a long story short I ended up being diagnosed with depression and went on medication to help with that. It ended up improving my outlook on things significantly. ...


21

You are going to be a father soon. My response will be limited to that. It's pretty clear that you probably won't find happiness in your marriage, so the question might be, for the sake of your child, when would be the best time to leave the relationship? If you want a chance to bond with the child and experience the child's infancy, it would be best if ...


14

Since it is a question&answer board about parenting, I would only answer (vaguely) the parenting part. But do keep in mind that it is only my personal opinion. For the child, the question would be, what would be better for him: You break up now, You break up in a couple of months, or years, You stay together. I would say, but have no numbers, ...


0

It doesn't matter how old is she, what matters is that you should respect her decision and support her. But you need to know if she trust him and to tell her the truth and try to explain to her how to love someone.



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