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140

Let's start with: how do i discipline her You don't. What would you be disciplining her for? Because she said she loves a boy? That's perfectly normal for a child her age to have a crush, and while children that age don't understand romantic love enough to know the difference between a crush and love, that's not a reason to seek to discipline them. ...


54

She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Especially considering: I don't want her to hate me like my mother and I hate one another It sounds like your parents aren't letting you be your daughter's parent. This is a major problem. You need to sit ...


39

How do I deal with the situation? How do I discipline her? I think a lot of people are equating "discipline" to "punishment", when that isn't necessarily the case. Unfortunately your question doesn't tell us much about your values or parenting style, so I can only provide a few comments and possible directions you might go in. Summary She doesn't ...


33

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


31

I just found out that my daughter wrote in her diary... How did you find that out? Did she tell you it was written in there? Did you read it when she expects it to not be read? If you allow your child to have a diary and tell her that these are her private thoughts, and then you invade her private thoughts without telling her, you are giving her the ...


25

Both my parents and my in-laws had similar issues when I first got married, so I think it's not that uncommon. I would try not to read anything bad into it. It's just a period of adjustment. First of all, consider that people naturally spend most of their leisure time with the people they live with. Think of when you were still living with your parents. ...


22

There is not very much detail here and so it makes it difficult to know exactly why you're worried about this situation. In general, I would not worry. [If it turns out that the boy in question is (a) significantly older or (b) pressuring/forcing her into the idea of being in love, then do be concerned (but don't blame her).] My daughter (also 10) has had ...


21

In contrast with the other answerers, I think that it's reasonable and healthy to restrict a child's ability to go out on dates and engage in romantic relationships in accordance with their age. You have to strike a balance: romance, dating and sex are dangerous and difficult to get right, but practically speaking you can only learn how to successfully ...


21

This is something I needed to deal with. If they are starting to ask why they can't babysit, I would say something like this: As you know, we disagree on a few things that would be relevant while you were babysitting, like what kinds of food are ok or how quickly a crying baby needs to be picked up. I know that you think these differences are no big ...


20

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


19

Why would you want to restrict your child's attempts at a romantic relationship? It is not alcohol, or smoking: there is no fundamentally negative effect from dating. If you are worried about your child becoming sexually active, trying to restrict it won't help much there, either. Such attempts will likely have the opposite effect: teenagers can and do ...


18

I see two aspects in this, summed up in these words: one one side, the son is a guest and should respect the house rules and/or the wishes of the hosts, on the other side, the parents are making a rather silly demand on their son because he is no longer legally underage and doesn't need to be supervised. In the end, the parents are the hosts, and ...


17

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


16

This is a very challenging situation: your parents hold beliefs that you do not share. You're not going to change them and they're not going to change you (most likely anyway.) It's most likely that you will simply have to deal with the situation, kindly explaining to the women they send your way your true situation. They, in turn, will have to deal with ...


15

Nothing says "I think I love you" like "my parents don't want us to be together." I'm not certain what you mean by "just in case it did them no good." Not every relationship is going to work, and this sounds dangerously close to setting the expectation that you should only enter into a relationship if it will result in long-term commitment. Early dating ...


14

Your situation is very familiar to me. You want to be independent and make your own choices, yet at the same time you wish for a closer bond with your father. Fortunately, you can have it both ways. You've probably already realized that one reason for the rather empty phone calls is simply that nothing much has changed since last time. So you end up talking ...


14

The most important thing is that you have your children evaluated. Your children were around this offender, and he may very well have had opportunities to abuse them. Have them evaluated by a professional immediately to see whether or not they've been harmed or exposed to indecency in any way. You need this to be done by a professional that is trained in ...


12

It sounds like your mom has some boundary issues. I don't know that I would call her behavior normal, but I think many mothers and daughters have boundary issues to some extent (I know my mother and I do). Beofett's advice is excellent, and much kinder than mine is. I have reached the point with my mother where I simply do not tolerate her crossing ...


12

It sounds like your mother may be having difficulty letting go of her control over your life. The constant comparisons are her way of attempting to guide your behavior to match her expectations. Unfortunately, this type of behavior doesn't seem that uncommon. For some parents, the transition from having a child or children who are constantly around, and ...


11

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...


11

The boy is clearly trying to figure out adult relationships, and maybe even adult boy-girl relationships. With the dad standing right there, I would smile at the boy and say, “That’s not something your dad and I feel comfortable doing.” If he asks why, or says, “But Daddy kisses Mommy" or "You kiss me,” I would explain that (in our culture) hugs and ...


10

When is it safe? Relationships and dating are never safe. Even at 25 it's like running headlong into a minefield of extreme emotion and high passion. That's what makes it great, after all. Now that you've taken the bubble-wrap off, it's time for an opinion from a lefty. Coincidentally, science and statistics have shown that these methods actually work ...


10

Your mother is experiencing empty nest syndrome. Over the course of twenty years or so, parents' identity and self worth becomes very wrapped up in their children. Sometimes they have trouble adjusting to their new role in your life. She prided herself in being helpful to you and now she doesn't know how anymore, which makes her feel bad about herself. ...


10

Can a step father have a good relationship with a step son? Absolutely! I know of quite a few step-father/step-son relationships that I would consider to be good ones. They range from rather cool mutual respect (two brothers I was friends with as a teenager, towards their step-father), to indistinguishable from any biological father/son relationship ...


10

Is there any way to give him some control over the leave-taking? I'm thinking of something like what we do with daycare and night-times (kids push us out of the room), that he could do when it's time to leave the playdate. Maybe have a kiss/hug be the bye-bye signal? Or maybe you could tell him, "Okay, hon, in 5 minutes we will give a hug to our friends ...


10

It's important for a young adult to establish him or herself as an independent individual with his or her own life. Whether consciously or subconsciously, your parents are perhaps trying to help you with that process. Especially now you are to be married, your spouse needs to become the new most important person in your life. In addition, with two ...


10

Abuse is extremely complex. Many abused kids love the abuser even in cases of violent abuse. I understand that you must be feeling many feelings of fear, hurt, betrayal etc and those are real feelings, but you need to be strong for you and your kids and your husband if you still want to be with him. This may not be the end. He will need therapy to process ...


9

I think the question needs to be asked... what is the purpose of these letters? I honestly have a hard time imagining a situation where this could be justified for such trivial purposes as you mentioned. There is a psychotherapy technique that involves a similar method, but that's a different question entirely... and such things should probably involve ...


9

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


9

If the kids are that young, they're not likely to understand enough of the "rules" around showing affection to be confused. This is coming from the dual experience of being the child in that situation, and from being around while a friend of mine (with two kids around the same age) split from her husband to start dating again. In the second case, the ...



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