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54

She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Especially considering: I don't want her to hate me like my mother and I hate one another It sounds like your parents aren't letting you be your daughter's parent. This is a major problem. You need to sit ...


33

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


21

In contrast with the other answerers, I think that it's reasonable and healthy to restrict a child's ability to go out on dates and engage in romantic relationships in accordance with their age. You have to strike a balance: romance, dating and sex are dangerous and difficult to get right, but practically speaking you can only learn how to successfully ...


20

This is something I needed to deal with. If they are starting to ask why they can't babysit, I would say something like this: As you know, we disagree on a few things that would be relevant while you were babysitting, like what kinds of food are ok or how quickly a crying baby needs to be picked up. I know that you think these differences are no big ...


18

Why would you want to restrict your child's attempts at a romantic relationship? It is not alcohol, or smoking: there is no fundamentally negative effect from dating. If you are worried about your child becoming sexually active, trying to restrict it won't help much there, either. Such attempts will likely have the opposite effect: teenagers can and do ...


17

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


16

I see two aspects in this, summed up in these words: one one side, the son is a guest and should respect the house rules and/or the wishes of the hosts, on the other side, the parents are making a rather silly demand on their son because he is no longer legally underage and doesn't need to be supervised. In the end, the parents are the hosts, and ...


16

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


16

This is a very challenging situation: your parents hold beliefs that you do not share. You're not going to change them and they're not going to change you (most likely anyway.) It's most likely that you will simply have to deal with the situation, kindly explaining to the women they send your way your true situation. They, in turn, will have to deal with ...


15

Nothing says "I think I love you" like "my parents don't want us to be together." I'm not certain what you mean by "just in case it did them no good." Not every relationship is going to work, and this sounds dangerously close to setting the expectation that you should only enter into a relationship if it will result in long-term commitment. Early dating ...


14

Your situation is very familiar to me. You want to be independent and make your own choices, yet at the same time you wish for a closer bond with your father. Fortunately, you can have it both ways. You've probably already realized that one reason for the rather empty phone calls is simply that nothing much has changed since last time. So you end up talking ...


12

It sounds like your mom has some boundary issues. I don't know that I would call her behavior normal, but I think many mothers and daughters have boundary issues to some extent (I know my mother and I do). Beofett's advice is excellent, and much kinder than mine is. I have reached the point with my mother where I simply do not tolerate her crossing ...


12

It sounds like your mother may be having difficulty letting go of her control over your life. The constant comparisons are her way of attempting to guide your behavior to match her expectations. Unfortunately, this type of behavior doesn't seem that uncommon. For some parents, the transition from having a child or children who are constantly around, and ...


11

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...


10

Can a step father have a good relationship with a step son? Absolutely! I know of quite a few step-father/step-son relationships that I would consider to be good ones. They range from rather cool mutual respect (two brothers I was friends with as a teenager, towards their step-father), to indistinguishable from any biological father/son relationship ...


10

Your mother is experiencing empty nest syndrome. Over the course of twenty years or so, parents' identity and self worth becomes very wrapped up in their children. Sometimes they have trouble adjusting to their new role in your life. She prided herself in being helpful to you and now she doesn't know how anymore, which makes her feel bad about herself. ...


10

Is there any way to give him some control over the leave-taking? I'm thinking of something like what we do with daycare and night-times (kids push us out of the room), that he could do when it's time to leave the playdate. Maybe have a kiss/hug be the bye-bye signal? Or maybe you could tell him, "Okay, hon, in 5 minutes we will give a hug to our friends ...


10

The boy is clearly trying to figure out adult relationships, and maybe even adult boy-girl relationships. With the dad standing right there, I would smile at the boy and say, “That’s not something your dad and I feel comfortable doing.” If he asks why, or says, “But Daddy kisses Mommy" or "You kiss me,” I would explain that (in our culture) hugs and ...


9

When is it safe? Relationships and dating are never safe. Even at 25 it's like running headlong into a minefield of extreme emotion and high passion. That's what makes it great, after all. Now that you've taken the bubble-wrap off, it's time for an opinion from a lefty. Coincidentally, science and statistics have shown that these methods actually work ...


9

I think the question needs to be asked... what is the purpose of these letters? I honestly have a hard time imagining a situation where this could be justified for such trivial purposes as you mentioned. There is a psychotherapy technique that involves a similar method, but that's a different question entirely... and such things should probably involve ...


8

If the kids are that young, they're not likely to understand enough of the "rules" around showing affection to be confused. This is coming from the dual experience of being the child in that situation, and from being around while a friend of mine (with two kids around the same age) split from her husband to start dating again. In the second case, the ...


8

Immediately, off the bat, I recommend to never, ever give in to this type of behavior. Also make it clear that it is unacceptable. When he begins to whine, cry, and throw a fit, there should be no more "Ok, just 5 more minutes". This only helps to encourage the behavior. You need to control the situation and by doing that you take a little less control away ...


8

Back when I was a student teacher, my supervising teacher taught me a valuable thing about child psychology: kids (these were elementary-school kids) tend to focus on one person as the authority figure. If I was teaching a lesson at the front of the room but my supervising teacher was still watching in the back, as far as the kids were concerned, he was ...


7

A resounding YES!! I am a step-father of nearly 20 years now. The youngest is now in his early 20s and we get along exceptionally well. I am good friends with all of the kids - as far as is possible. I can only offer very simple advice which probably applies whether you are a step parent or not. Treat them with respect and they are likely to do the same. ...


7

To preface, my answer is based on a personal belief in abstinence before marriage, and on guidance I received from my own parents and church leaders when I was a teen on how to structure relationships in order to make that goal attainable. It worked for me, and I plan to encourage my own children along the same lines when they are older. My intent isn't to ...


7

IMHO Peter is overthinking this. Don't worry about feelings, worry about behavior. Insist that your child behave properly, and if someone is behaving poorly to your child, let your child know that it isn't their fault and that they still need to behave properly. 1 - Child doesn't like someone else Do not try to manage your child's feelings. All you should ...


7

Your Mom thinks she loves you but she needs to win! She treats it like a contest. She has many hidden ways of manipulating you and she is hitting you, too. Now she is winning the contest of being a parent to your daughter. All in the name of love, because she doesn't see that the goal of raising a child is to raise an independent strong person. You ...


7

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


6

You should be aware that shying away from any physical affection will be noticed by the children, and while they may not understand it, they will take something away from it. This may make them less comfortable of physical affection in the future, it may make them register that you are always uncomfortable - which could make them less comfortable around you, ...


6

As a father of a young girl only slightly older than yours, I can assure you, all the behavior you've described is perfectly normal. She is doing exactly what a child of her age should be doing. It's a very challenging age. She is a little person with her own personality, her own will, and her own opinions, and this is just how she is attempting to express ...



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