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140

Let's start with: how do i discipline her You don't. What would you be disciplining her for? Because she said she loves a boy? That's perfectly normal for a child her age to have a crush, and while children that age don't understand romantic love enough to know the difference between a crush and love, that's not a reason to seek to discipline them. ...


61

I think your instincts of jealousy are spot-on. My daughter did this starting when her little brother arrived home from the hospital, and every time she felt like he was getting more of Mama's attention, out came the verbal knives. Our fix was to schedule special one-on-one time with her when we could. And when things were just too crazy to carve very ...


57

When we are confronted with a situation in our lives where what we believe doesn't match up to how we're living, we have two choices: Change our beliefs or change our actions. I think I know that tightness in your chest, and when I've experienced it, it's when what I am is not what I want to be. Other posters have suggested the latter. Get out for sure, ...


55

She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Especially considering: I don't want her to hate me like my mother and I hate one another It sounds like your parents aren't letting you be your daughter's parent. This is a major problem. You need to sit ...


46

I'm going to focus on this one thing that you said, because it's one of the only things you said about what you want, as opposed to all the stuff you are experiencing that you don't want: I want to be important and powerful and change the world. Well, I have good news and bad news about that. First the bad news. I'm going to be brutally honest here. ...


41

How do I deal with the situation? How do I discipline her? I think a lot of people are equating "discipline" to "punishment", when that isn't necessarily the case. Unfortunately your question doesn't tell us much about your values or parenting style, so I can only provide a few comments and possible directions you might go in. Summary She doesn't ...


33

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


31

I just found out that my daughter wrote in her diary... How did you find that out? Did she tell you it was written in there? Did you read it when she expects it to not be read? If you allow your child to have a diary and tell her that these are her private thoughts, and then you invade her private thoughts without telling her, you are giving her the ...


25

Both my parents and my in-laws had similar issues when I first got married, so I think it's not that uncommon. I would try not to read anything bad into it. It's just a period of adjustment. First of all, consider that people naturally spend most of their leisure time with the people they live with. Think of when you were still living with your parents. ...


23

This is something I needed to deal with. If they are starting to ask why they can't babysit, I would say something like this: As you know, we disagree on a few things that would be relevant while you were babysitting, like what kinds of food are ok or how quickly a crying baby needs to be picked up. I know that you think these differences are no big ...


22

There is not very much detail here and so it makes it difficult to know exactly why you're worried about this situation. In general, I would not worry. [If it turns out that the boy in question is (a) significantly older or (b) pressuring/forcing her into the idea of being in love, then do be concerned (but don't blame her).] My daughter (also 10) has had ...


21

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


21

In contrast with the other answerers, I think that it's reasonable and healthy to restrict a child's ability to go out on dates and engage in romantic relationships in accordance with their age. You have to strike a balance: romance, dating and sex are dangerous and difficult to get right, but practically speaking you can only learn how to successfully ...


21

You are going to be a father soon. My response will be limited to that. It's pretty clear that you probably won't find happiness in your marriage, so the question might be, for the sake of your child, when would be the best time to leave the relationship? If you want a chance to bond with the child and experience the child's infancy, it would be best if ...


19

Why would you want to restrict your child's attempts at a romantic relationship? It is not alcohol, or smoking: there is no fundamentally negative effect from dating. If you are worried about your child becoming sexually active, trying to restrict it won't help much there, either. Such attempts will likely have the opposite effect: teenagers can and do ...


19

There are a couple of things going on here, and both will probably be due to attention. You said that mum finds it difficult. That means that she probably reacts slightly. This means that your daughter knows that she can say something that: Gets noticed. Gets a reaction. Brings attention. All attention, positive or negative is attention to a child. If ...


18

I see two aspects in this, summed up in these words: one one side, the son is a guest and should respect the house rules and/or the wishes of the hosts, on the other side, the parents are making a rather silly demand on their son because he is no longer legally underage and doesn't need to be supervised. In the end, the parents are the hosts, and ...


17

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


16

This is a very challenging situation: your parents hold beliefs that you do not share. You're not going to change them and they're not going to change you (most likely anyway.) It's most likely that you will simply have to deal with the situation, kindly explaining to the women they send your way your true situation. They, in turn, will have to deal with ...


15

Nothing says "I think I love you" like "my parents don't want us to be together." I'm not certain what you mean by "just in case it did them no good." Not every relationship is going to work, and this sounds dangerously close to setting the expectation that you should only enter into a relationship if it will result in long-term commitment. Early dating ...


15

The most important thing is that you have your children evaluated. Your children were around this offender, and he may very well have had opportunities to abuse them. Have them evaluated by a professional immediately to see whether or not they've been harmed or exposed to indecency in any way. You need this to be done by a professional that is trained in ...


14

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


14

Your situation is very familiar to me. You want to be independent and make your own choices, yet at the same time you wish for a closer bond with your father. Fortunately, you can have it both ways. You've probably already realized that one reason for the rather empty phone calls is simply that nothing much has changed since last time. So you end up talking ...


14

Since it is a question&answer board about parenting, I would only answer (vaguely) the parenting part. But do keep in mind that it is only my personal opinion. For the child, the question would be, what would be better for him: You break up now, You break up in a couple of months, or years, You stay together. I would say, but have no numbers, ...


13

It sounds like your mom has some boundary issues. I don't know that I would call her behavior normal, but I think many mothers and daughters have boundary issues to some extent (I know my mother and I do). Beofett's advice is excellent, and much kinder than mine is. I have reached the point with my mother where I simply do not tolerate her crossing ...


13

It sounds like your mother may be having difficulty letting go of her control over your life. The constant comparisons are her way of attempting to guide your behavior to match her expectations. Unfortunately, this type of behavior doesn't seem that uncommon. For some parents, the transition from having a child or children who are constantly around, and ...


13

Although my situation was different, I felt much the same way as you do five years ago. I ended up leaving my wife, but instead of feeling relieved and/or happier it made me feel worse. To make a long story short I ended up being diagnosed with depression and went on medication to help with that. It ended up improving my outlook on things significantly. ...


12

Would my son be better off with a father who doesn't want to be around but is putting on a smiling face, or a father who was divorced early on? How do I handle my situation? Whether you like it or not your situation is about to change dramatically, and my advice would be to hold out until well after the arrival of your son before you do something ...


12

In addition to the previous answers, which are good, it's also important to understand that small children live in a different world than adults (one full of mysteries) and that many words have different meaning to them. When you think of your daughter's love for her mother you probably think of the kind of relation that would leave a huge sore wound if her ...


11

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...



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