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17

"Porn" runs a wide gamut of idealized or fantasy scenarios. Many, if not most, of pornographic materials, portray intimate relations in a way that is not typical. I would imagine a pornographic movie that depicts the awkward "getting to know each other" phase, dating, and the social and emotional intimacy that most parents would hope their children would ...


14

First of all, recognize there is a difference between having a favorite, and engaging in favoritism. I think having a favorite is somewhat unavoidable, unless your children all happen to have personalities that mesh equally well with yours. When having a favorite becomes problematic is when you let it affect your words and actions toward your children. ...


14

At 10 months some children begin to understand the word no, but many child development theorists, parenting coaches, and other "experts" in the field of caring for and raising children recommend limiting it's use. Here is one perspective on not saying no which suggests common techniques to use instead. A major tactic to use is rephrasing. For example ...


10

A 10-month-old is limited in his understanding of "no" and I would tend to agree with you that hearing it used loudly is probably negative and hearing it often is probably confusing. You might try a softer approach - when he reaches for something he should not, say No in a gentle but firm voice, and pick him up and move him to a more appropriate spot or hand ...


9

Your daughter is in pain and is expressing that pain the best she can, but usually that's not enough. Sexual assault has psychological repercussions that can last much, much longer than the physical repercussions. Help her contact RAINN or her local rape crisis center, a psychotherapist who specializes in trauma issues, or both. And do it FAST. Do not ...


7

Things you can do right now: get the dogs away from him. Don't tell him you're doing so, don't tell him it's because of how he treated them, but no more access to the dogs stop hitting him. Start to learn how to get through in other ways (it will take a while to learn this and it's hard.) tell the school you want an IEP - Individualized Education Plan - ...


7

Porn is, even to adults, the junk food of sex; it is a complete fantasy, and while some of it may be plausible, the primary reason to watch porn is to see something you're not getting in your everyday life. While a certain amount of such escapism is normal and even healthy, it depicts activities that are typically more fun to do than to watch. A few genres ...


7

The research referred to on the program was a study out of the Universty of Toronto (by Esme Fuller-Thomson and Angela Dalton) published in Psychiatry Research which "examined gender specific differences among a sample of 6,647 adults, of whom 695 had experienced parental divorce before the age of 18." So they were talking to adults about whether they had ...


6

My daughter had problems with shutting down and crying especially if she got something wrong or failed at something. When she was 8, I enrolled her in a local kung fu afterschool program (combo child care/martial arts class). The master taught them pride in themselves via real achievement and didn't take any crap (where to be fair, this behavior falls in ...


6

Why do some parents have a favorite (or least favorite) child? One possible answer would be that there are parents who want to see a version of themselves in their children - or what they would like to have been. The children that match that view are favored, those who don't are less favored. Imagine a major league football player who has a son who ...


6

I know this sounds strange... but instead of trying to figure out what to say, I would instead listen to her - what is going on inside her, in her head and in her heart - her fears and her longings. And then validate them. It's real for her. Telling her more information isn't going to stop her from being afraid. Daughter - mommy I'm terrified I'm going to ...


5

I was a peer crisis counselor in high school. I would suggest talking to a crisis counselor or psychologist and getting feedback from them on how to help. She should see a counselor herself because of the cutting, but you will want to be careful in how you approach it to make sure it is clear you are supportive and not judging the behavior. (This is where ...


5

When my oldest was having trouble being dropped at daycare, I moved the decision for how long I would stick around at dropoff onto her. (She was about 3 iirc.) We didn't have a traumatic experience like yours complicating things, but I think this might help for you. I simply told her that each morning I would stay until she told me to go. The immediate ...


5

Bless her little heart; what a scary thing to go through. And bless y'all's hearts too; this sounds absolutely horrible to have gone through. Have you looked into therapy? Sounds like something that a professional who has dealt with grief and trauma issues might have some insights in handling.


3

Parents who spend their days yelling "No, don't touch, be careful, it's dangerous" at their offspring and not following through are a pet peeve of mine. I try to adopt a two-pronged strategy: 1) Resist the urge to say no, even when they're doing something patently stupid and/or dangerous. They're about to chew on a shoe? Let them chew on the shoe, it's ...


3

Based on my comment on Beofett's post, some would say "well, look at you just defending porn." Yeah? So? Porn -- like sex, drugs, and rock n roll -- is a subject to be discussed with your kids. It's not to be taken lightly or assumed that it'll take care of itself in due course... that's honestly how babies get made. I grew up in suburbia and started ...


3

This is quite the medical issue; however, since you asked what you, a parent, can specifically do.... Recognize the gravity of the crime A lot of people miss this part. Recognize and believe that what happened to her was a serious crime; a violation of her being. There is no "getting over it." There is only accepting it and managing it. Understand why she ...


2

You may also want to introduce her to the concept of segmented sleep: patterns of sleep that involve wakeful periods in the middle of the night are now being considered the historical norm. Next would be to think of relaxing and constructive things for her to do during this time to help relieve her anxiety . Meditation (of which the 'body scan' mentioned by ...


2

Your question is a testament to the power of words when delivered by an authority figure! What the teacher has taught your daughter is actually wrong - there are no such studies because it is impossible to establish causality between sleep and long life. The Science Studies actually show an ASSOCIATION between getting 6-7 hours of sleep per night and ...


2

My kid was also having trouble getting to sleep because he was too nervous. This is what we've done: More exercise, that helps with being tired and also feeling better about yourself. Bath before bedtime Back stroking or massage before going to bed. Also I talked to him very quietly to check by himself and feel how tired his legs, arms or face where. This ...


2

My S.O was raped at the age of 14 and did years of self-mutilation, it wasnt till we became sexual active that i found out and she admitted the rape. Then we told her parents and found a good Psychiatrist. I would suggest finding her a Psychiatrist right away(if not already), and make the subject talkable at home. As i read this, you said it happened 7 ...


2

One of the possible reasons is fear. You are a psychologist, I am probably telling you nothing new with this sentence :) but here is an example of how it can work: My aunt has two children younger than me. The boy is two years older than the girl. My aunt and uncle were always afraid that the older boy might start bullying his defenseless little sister. As ...


1

The main ill effects are a sense of stress from the routine being disrupted, and being hungry or tired from not eating or resting when their body is accustomed. However, different children have different tolerances for variation. One of our daughters has an extreme need for routine, but our son seems to have almost no sense of time at all. Our other ...


1

I can't speak to your questions about studies done out there, but I have personal experience with this matter. I actually look a lot like my mom, but as a kid, people usually saw my resemblance to my Father first. I was told how much I looked like Dad so much and so often that my two-year-old brain actually started to believe that somehow, mom wasn't my ...


1

Many fully-grown adults require a certain amount of noise to sleep (hence the sleep function on your TV and on many alarm clocks that include a radio function as well). I did find one study (and admittedly only read the abstract) that showed that background music can result in delayed sleep and sleep with less depth. However, the study was more focused on ...


1

I recommend teaching her how to relax and meditate. Many people say that an hour of meditation is as good for you as an hour of sleep. Some even say that an hour of meditation is like two hours of sleep. If you tell her this, she will probably be willing to learn how to do it. Many people who are tired fall asleep if they try meditating lying down - and ...


1

I hope you came here looking for confirmation that you need professional help because that's what it sounds like to me. There are plenty of behavioral tests that can be administered to narrow things down. I've had them for a couple of my kids and the results varied. One kid they said to monitor, another they said "no he's fine", so assessments like that ...


1

Wow, this sounds like too much. The TV incident is worrying, could it have caused this?! Anyway, to me it sounds like you need professional help - hopefully there's some way that you can access that? It sounds like it's beyond a normal discipline issue. Tread carefully - I wish you luck.



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