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28

Experiencing failure at something (or even success but not being the best) and finding that it's OK, and even something can help him find ways to improve and be better in the future, would help. Rock climbing, with appropriate safety measures, can teach a lot here (as can some other sports). Reframing not even trying as failure might help too. If he ...


10

If he's afraid of not being the best at everything, I'd teach him about specialization. Point out how silly it would be if we had doctors building roads and bridges, or firemen teaching classes at school, or chefs playing baseball on TV! (Wait for him to laugh at the mental image.) People have things that they're good at, and things that they're not good ...


8

This could very well be related to the work of Carol Dweck. While her work is fascinating and nuanced, the TL;DR is that children praised for intelligence restrict themselves to endeavors the think are likely to succeed, shying away from any activities they might be less than a stellar success at (citing the same fears as your colleague's son). Children ...


7

Gratitude doesn't come naturally to most people in the west because of the expectations they are constantly being exposed to by the culture: freedom from all debt is highly valued (not only financial), advertisements generate want (often through entitlement), the media focus on wealth, celebrity, and achievement, the focus on career instead of character, ...


5

Clearly it's all a matter of degree. An absent father is not good for the child. And there are different kinds of "absent" fathers: Fathers who just disappear, fathers who disappear but support the mother / child financially, fathers who come back regularly or irregularly. Fathers who die. Fathers who are in jail (guilty or innocently), or away for their ...


4

Emotional neglect is the least studied of form of child maltreatment, yet it is probably the most prevalent. The way kids internalize these experiences is often characterized by anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression later in life. Awareness and honesty is the first step in changing things for you. For that, I congratulate you. Ideally, parents should be ...


4

My situation was very similar to yours. My husband and I filed natural paternity since neither of the boys legally had a father at birth, and the courts gave them his last name and amended their SSN's and birth certificate so that we are protected legally. Neither of my boys knew their "donor" or bio-dad as we came to call him when they got older. We just ...


3

I think you have to make him understand that he can't be the best everywhere and win everything. But it's OK, look his parents aren't the best and they are happy. They will love him even if he is not the best. Does he have a favourite sports team? Try to make him understand that sometimes his team lose, but it's OK. He can't do nothing for the rest of his ...


3

Your daughter sounds a lot like my older son. He's also four, and he's also very much attached to us. He won't do things that he considers fun - like gymnastics class, soccer, etc. - unless mommy or daddy is participating with him (not even hanging out nearby, we have to be next to him). He's a very independent child in every other way - and if you get ...


3

How do we cope with the inevitable talk about my grandmother having 'gone to heaven' during the eventual funeral and afterwards when will have explained things differently to my daughter? I would simply tell her the truth, and be prepared to tell her again and again, because she will ask/wonder about it again and again. The truth is that things die. ...


2

Children have a human right to a family life with their parents; and parents have a human right to a family life with their children; but everything must be done with the child's best interests in mind. Children need to be protected from harm. Witnessing abuse is harmful. Children need to be protected from that. Being in the presence of a drunk person ...


2

This question is interesting because from the child's point of view the problem is almost identical to adoption. But that is an advantage, because as others have pointed out, there are mountains of resources for parents wondering how to broach the subject of adoption with their children. I very much agree that you need to separate the 'where do I come from' ...


2

As a cub scout leader, I have seen similar behaviours in some kids. I would suggest you try to re-acquaint your kid with playing (games) adding an emphasis on developing his sense of humour. It seems to me that he needs to learn to laugh at himself and it will be easier to get him there by having him laugh at other silly stuff. Games can also provide a ...


2

My wife and I have nine children, and one of them has a little bit of that symptom. He is 10 years old, and is a good competitive distance runner - 19:47 in the 5K on the road, 5:42 mile on the track, district champion in the 1500 meters in his age group. He is extremely competitive and is constantly trying to run his siblings into the ground in training ...


1

I know this is pretty old but found it searching for answers. I will post something else that hasn't been mentioned. I left the man I loved after I delivered his baby because of his drinking, which began during my pregnancy. He would wake up at 5am cracking a beer and that would be pretty much how his day would go until 2am the following morning when he'd ...


1

If your daughter is 4+ years old, she is quite old enough to have an opinion of her own (though it may not always be practical to follow it). So first, ask her why she is unhappy? Maybe it is something with her uncle; maybe she is not used to being without her parents; maybe something about the place scare her (no light in the bedroom or something like ...


1

To answer your first question: Talk with your brother about his problems, if he has any. Be open and willing to help him. To explain further: It sounds like he already has many traits of an outstanding citizen (honest, intelligent, a natural leader, works hard at his job), but happens to be very empathetic in regards to his own feelings toward himself ...



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