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40

It seems to me that being shouted at is likely to make any child cry, particularly by an older child. Shouting is not nice, and intimidating particularly from an older child. Door knocking i've not seen before, but if door knocking includes fairly loud knocking, it could also be a bit disturbing. More likely to me, he's concerned about some change when ...


28

Experiencing failure at something (or even success but not being the best) and finding that it's OK, and even something can help him find ways to improve and be better in the future, would help. Rock climbing, with appropriate safety measures, can teach a lot here (as can some other sports). Reframing not even trying as failure might help too. If he ...


20

My approach is not much different than what I'd suggest for plain vanilla everyday families: Why not supplement the biology part with a discussion of what makes a father a father or the fundamental difference between producing and raising a child? IMHO, every child's education on sex should include these aspects. We want to raise responsible adults, not ...


19

Being brave is not the absence of fear, it is doing the right thing even though you are afraid. Fear is good, it is based off of natural preservation instincts and can warn of danger. You need to teach him about the things that are more important than self preservation: Teach him about principles and standing for them, Teach him about chivalry, teach him ...


10

If he's afraid of not being the best at everything, I'd teach him about specialization. Point out how silly it would be if we had doctors building roads and bridges, or firemen teaching classes at school, or chefs playing baseball on TV! (Wait for him to laugh at the mental image.) People have things that they're good at, and things that they're not good ...


8

This could very well be related to the work of Carol Dweck. While her work is fascinating and nuanced, the TL;DR is that children praised for intelligence restrict themselves to endeavors the think are likely to succeed, shying away from any activities they might be less than a stellar success at (citing the same fears as your colleague's son). Children ...


8

Parents have a large influence on their children, but not as large as many people think. Biologically speaking, kids tend to be similar to their parents, and that includes sharing interests. Just because you do an activity with a child doesn't mean she wouldn't like it anyway. The converse is also true. If you don't like reading, your kids are at least a ...


7

Gratitude doesn't come naturally to most people in the west because of the expectations they are constantly being exposed to by the culture: freedom from all debt is highly valued (not only financial), advertisements generate want (often through entitlement), the media focus on wealth, celebrity, and achievement, the focus on career instead of character, ...


7

Fearlessness is basically stupidity. You can be fearless only if you are stupid enough not to be able to realize the consequences of a serious action or danger. Strength is doing what needs to be done or what is right, DESPITE fear, DESPITE being able to realize the potential grave consequences of an action which you may have to take or an event which you ...


6

OK, so I'll try. Also my son is very happy. He has a wonderful life and I feel as if he would do fine, knowing how much he loves his dad and just beginning to really grasp the concept of life. I don't think it would change anything for him, if that makes sense. I do understand this very well. However, all this would be based on a lie. (Omission of a ...


4

Clearly it's all a matter of degree. An absent father is not good for the child. And there are different kinds of "absent" fathers: Fathers who just disappear, fathers who disappear but support the mother / child financially, fathers who come back regularly or irregularly. Fathers who die. Fathers who are in jail (guilty or innocently), or away for their ...


4

I don't think you should worry too much at this stage. It doesn't seem to me that a child's fears at this age are likely to reflect how their personality will turn out when they get older. It sounds like a lot of your son's fears may be related to his imagination and it can be a good thing that he has a good imagination. My youngest brother used to come up ...


4

Emotional neglect is the least studied of form of child maltreatment, yet it is probably the most prevalent. The way kids internalize these experiences is often characterized by anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression later in life. Awareness and honesty is the first step in changing things for you. For that, I congratulate you. Ideally, parents should be ...


3

I think you have to make him understand that he can't be the best everywhere and win everything. But it's OK, look his parents aren't the best and they are happy. They will love him even if he is not the best. Does he have a favourite sports team? Try to make him understand that sometimes his team lose, but it's OK. He can't do nothing for the rest of his ...


3

The father wants the child to become a doctor. He is planning to create such an environment around the child such that the child starts thinking that she must become a doctor until she actually does. I think this is very unwise. Not only is it disrespecting her as a person, but it is also setting her up for hardship and possibly failure. Just as with ...


3

My son is also 2 years old, and is occasionally frightened by unexpected things. For instance, he loves to push all the buttons on toys in stores, especially on trucks and cars. However, some of them are very loud and/or have motorized parts. Like your son, he'll sometimes be afraid of them. He'll come to us and hug our legs, or back off from the toy and ...


3

He has a wonderful life and I feel as if he would do fine, knowing how much he loves his dad and just beginning to really grasp the concept of life. I don't think it would change anything for him, if that makes sense. I've been worrying over this for 5 years and really need some answers! I'm very happy for you and your family. Five years is a long time ...


3

How do we cope with the inevitable talk about my grandmother having 'gone to heaven' during the eventual funeral and afterwards when will have explained things differently to my daughter? I would simply tell her the truth, and be prepared to tell her again and again, because she will ask/wonder about it again and again. The truth is that things die. ...


2

This question is interesting because from the child's point of view the problem is almost identical to adoption. But that is an advantage, because as others have pointed out, there are mountains of resources for parents wondering how to broach the subject of adoption with their children. I very much agree that you need to separate the 'where do I come from' ...


2

This can certainly be true if the parent is what we call a "pushy parent" forcing the child to attend lessons or training in things they do not enjoy, for the purpose of meeting the parent's hopes rather than what the child wants. That said, parents with high self motivation can pass this behaviour on to their children through demonstrating such behaviour ...


2

If the fear is caused by noise or strangers it should go away as he becomes older. A typical twenty-four month old child should be afraid of loud noises and strangers. It would be unusual if he wasn't. Here's a visual showing the fears of young children over time. The left side shows fears that decrease over time and the right side shows fears that ...


2

As a cub scout leader, I have seen similar behaviours in some kids. I would suggest you try to re-acquaint your kid with playing (games) adding an emphasis on developing his sense of humour. It seems to me that he needs to learn to laugh at himself and it will be easier to get him there by having him laugh at other silly stuff. Games can also provide a ...


2

My wife and I have nine children, and one of them has a little bit of that symptom. He is 10 years old, and is a good competitive distance runner - 19:47 in the 5K on the road, 5:42 mile on the track, district champion in the 1500 meters in his age group. He is extremely competitive and is constantly trying to run his siblings into the ground in training ...


1

To answer your first question: Talk with your brother about his problems, if he has any. Be open and willing to help him. To explain further: It sounds like he already has many traits of an outstanding citizen (honest, intelligent, a natural leader, works hard at his job), but happens to be very empathetic in regards to his own feelings toward himself ...


1

Speaking very specifically to the issue of becoming a doctor, I think that one very common reason for children to become doctors is positive experiences with doctors during their childhood. Children who have a serious illness or some sort of chronic or structural issue that means they spend a lot of time with a particular doctor or set of doctors, and form ...


1

I guess your question can be interpreted in two ways: 1. Can you force a child to love something A lot of parents try this, but with limited success. Especially in a culture where everyone can do what they want, this is very likely to fail. If your child is surrounded by other children who don't have much of a choice, this may have a reasonable change to ...


1

This is perfectly normal and common for a 2 year old. Don't worry about it. He'll get more confidence as he gets a bit older, and discovers all the new things he can do. What you should avoid is trying to push him to do things he's frightened of. This will have the opposite effect to what you're trying to achieve. It's perfectly normal that he would cry if ...


1

Absolutely. This depends on the child, of course, as some are more interested in pleasing the parent than others; but it is not uncommon for a child to feel the weight of expectations. I would guess that nearly every child feels some happiness in meeting or exceeding parental expectations, and feels some sadness at not meeting those expectations, though ...



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