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44

Don't bring a gift; don't call and ask This is an opportunity to teach your son three very important lessons: 1. Your beliefs are not more important than their beliefs. While it may be tempting to give the gift anyway, or try to persuade them to accept the gift, that really isn't respecting their beliefs. If you give the gift, you're forcing your belief ...


36

I would suggest handing the gift over privately before or after the party. That way you don't make other parents feel bad that they didn't bring a gift, or feel like you are sucking up, or whatever weird social dynamics can result when one person brings a present and everyone else doesn't. Don't expect to be around when the cousin opens the present since it ...


24

In particular, we are wondering about the benefits of dolls. Helps develop coordination, motor skills, social skills, and imagination. Allows the child to act out different roles. Dressing, grooming, feeding skills are reinforced with doll play. Coordination when carefully carrying the doll, rocking, or pushing in a stroller. Helps add to the ...


18

This is a territory problem, but not I don't think in the obvious way... If it's your kid, it's the territory between your house, your rules, and the other kids family's way of doing things. It's all about domain. I'm assuming we're talking about elementary aged kids. There's a lot to be said about what kids know at that age that can't be quantified. ...


17

Re: compromise. The gift recipient's parents are giving the gift of the party to all the attendees. It is natural in society to reciprocate in some way for gifts received, so points to your son for showing a sense of appreciation. Perhaps you could contact the parents of the child and see if there is another way you son could contribute to the party such ...


17

I think it is unlikely that she actually believes in Santa, it's possible that she's using Santa as a way to express her feelings indirectly. By saying Santa is not giving her the presents she wants she avoids talking about it in a confrontation with you. My 11 most kids have figured out that Santa is their parents, you'll probably find the ones maintaining ...


14

Giving a doll to a child who would obviously love it isn't reinforcing a stereotype. Giving a doll to a girl who you know doesn't like dolls is. That's an important distinction. What you should worry about is avoiding letting her love of dolls blind you to her other interests and talents which you might also support. My 5 year-old daughter loves dolls, ...


13

If the parents are generally okay with gifts, and just don't want them at the party, I would recommend telling him to give the gift at another time entirely, and not making it a 'birthday gift'. The cousin's parents made it clear a birthday gift is not desired, so don't give one. Instead, give it to him at another time - a week later, something like that - ...


10

I know I am probably a bit late on the uptake here - responding the day after Christmas - however, I felt I had a slightly different take on this one than the answers already offered. I am inclined to agree with GdD in that I suspect your daughter either knows and is using St. Nick as a way to manipulate - or at least she is suspicious and is saying the ...


9

Our approach with the tooth fairy was always to explain that if the tooth fairy had a lot of kids in one night, you might get less, and sometimes you would get skipped altogether until the next night (this because we could never remember how much we gave the time before, and sometimes we would forget altogether!). You could try that approach - "Some years ...


9

Have him be with you when you write the thank you notes. Help him draw a picture or sign his name to the card, so that he can take part. That way he's giving back a little. There is joy in the giving that he may relate to. It's also good to help him understand who the people are who care about him. Some parents have a tradition with their children where ...


9

I think there are a couple of important points here: My son (3) likes to give presents. (...) We recently received an invitation to a cousin's 5th birthday. The invitation says "No gifts please!".   This child's parents have specified "no gifts" for other events, as well (previous birthdays, family holiday celebrations, etc.), but the boy still ...


8

If the other parents have requested 'no presents' then you should respect their wishes. Even if you give a gift before the party it is still going to cause problems, when guests subsequently compare with each other at school. Since your child is keen to be generous and give gifts, why not suggest that he gives a gift to a needy child via you rlocal ...


7

This is an opportunity to begin to teach your son about honoring the wishes of others. If your son gives a gift, he is not giving what the receiver wants (the receiver having specifically asked for "no gifts"), he is instead giving what HE wants. This is a little bit abstract for a 3-year-old, though, so I would try something like: "I love how you love to ...


6

I don't understand the problem. Since when has the "wants" of a 3 year old guest been more important than the house rules? Take the opportunity of teaching your son the importance of respect and compromise. The "no presents please" comment should not be ignored, and the only compromise that needs to take place is on the side of the child - the party hosts ...


6

Many other answers focus upon the assumption that the "no gifts" rule is to prevent public competition. However, I would ask the parents directly and explain the situation. There could be other reasons, any of which could provide good options. For instance, both of my daughters have had a bad habit of leaving small pieces of toys (rubber bands, plastic ...


6

If my child was the guest of honor, and I was the hostess, I would just say "No, it is so and so's birthday." You can say it to the cousins and avoid the mother if you want. Probably better to have this conversation in advance with the mother on the phone. "So, I know in the past we've let them help open presents, but it bothers me because.... Instead, could ...


6

you're in charge of allowing or not your kid to play with that present. accept it and say thanks, then at home, talk to your kid about why you don't think it's a good idea for him/her to play with that toy and say you're gonna save it for when he/she is old enough to play with it. end of story :-)


6

The benefit of a factory doll versus a made-up doll is, generally, more anatomically correct and potentially safer because it's (allegedly) designed for safety versus a (glass?) jar of pickles. Anatomically correct is certainly in the eye of the beholder, but generally speaking it matters for practical applications, especially in the fine motor skills ...


4

I have exactly the same problem here. My 5-year old daughter. Toys are cheaper today. Kids parties in Brazil look like some pretty big events. I let her open all the gifts in the same day. She can't play with them all and most of the time she forgets what toys she has. No kid can deal with that amount of toys. At the same time, I've talked to her that she ...


4

It depends on the social maturity of the child, as well as with the game. If the child is very social and will likely be playing the game with a lot of -different- people, then I would say yes. If child is able to express themselves in a very unique and personal way, then again yes. But if the child is going to be playing the game with the same couple ...


4

I was dubious about getting my little girl a doll as I also did not want to enforce stereo types onto her but she got one for Christmas last year. At first she wasn't interested but recently has started to play with it a lot, she has a little doll's pram and blanket and little bottle and spoon and dish and she loves to feed her "baba" and put her in her ...


3

You absolutely must honor the "No Gifts!" request. You can tell your son that he will give a gift to charity instead of to that child; or you can buy the gift and "forget" to take it and give it to someone else at another time.


3

Letting children play with dolls when they want to is not limiting their creativity, it allows them yet another dimension. My dolls were pirates and divers and firemen and spacemen... Another thing no-one here mentioned; since we had no cash for doll-accessories, my sister and I made stuff for our dolls - vehicles, tools, furniture, and later on clothes - ...


2

We chose to do something not suggested here already, but that I thought might help others to know about if anyone else out there has similar problems. The other ideas were both great but included the assumption that these are reasonable people being worked with and the reality is, they aren't. I actually tried to have a convo about it with hubby and ...


2

I think that its really lovely of your son to be so generous definitely encourage this!, but also be respectful of the parents wish (this is a wish that they have given for the party, to disobey would be disrespectful towards them however I think it would be fine to drop over a a little earlier (maybe before or after to give a gift then) its just a ...


2

There are few quandaries or challenges in education, they are mostly AGLO moments (AGLO = Another Great Learning Opportunity). This is not a challenge, it is an opportunity to teach your child three very important principles: Boundaries - Respect boundaries, there is no "small" or "large" when it comes to another persons boundaries, our own take is not ...


2

Dolls are very useful for encouraging role play. Some children naturally play at random with anything they have - my older (3yo) son does this, but didn't earlier in life. My twenty month old son, however, has a doll and loves it; he hugs it like a baby and very obviously begins to role play with it at a younger age than his older brother did (who had ...


2

I would like to offer an alternative viewpoint on this question, which is that perhaps it simply doesn't have an answer. If you were to ask what number will a die throw produce, and someone answered 5 and someone answered 3 and someone else answered 1 and then you chose the "5" answer, would that make any sense? Or would you just be choosing your favorite ...


2

Have you thought of making her a doll? Or helping her make her own? You can do wonders with a wooden spoon; paint a face on it, add a handkerchief and a rubber band and you've got a doll. Craft shops have wooden heads and eyes and feet and stuff if you want to get serious, and there are plenty of how-to books.



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