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This is a territory problem, but not I don't think in the obvious way... If it's your kid, it's the territory between your house, your rules, and the other kids family's way of doing things. It's all about domain. I'm assuming we're talking about elementary aged kids. There's a lot to be said about what kids know at that age that can't be quantified. ...

Have him be with you when you write the thank you notes. Help him draw a picture or sign his name to the card, so that he can take part. That way he's giving back a little. There is joy in the giving that he may relate to. It's also good to help him understand who the people are who care about him. Some parents have a tradition with their children where ...

If my child was the guest of honor, and I was the hostess, I would just say "No, it is so and so's birthday." You can say it to the cousins and avoid the mother if you want. Probably better to have this conversation in advance with the mother on the phone. "So, I know in the past we've let them help open presents, but it bothers me because.... Instead, could ...

We chose to do something not suggested here already, but that I thought might help others to know about if anyone else out there has similar problems. The other ideas were both great but included the assumption that these are reasonable people being worked with and the reality is, they aren't. I actually tried to have a convo about it with hubby and ...

Another solution that might work is to simply put off opening presents 'til everyone (or at least the offending parties) have gone. Or compromise, and only open the presents that are from them? It might be a break with tradition, but that could be preferable to a break with the family. In some cultures it is not the 'done thing' to open presents ...