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37

I'm an autistic adult, the parent of an autistic adult, and a teacher of autistic children. The reason your daughter laughs when you're really angry with her is because your anger is frightening her. This might seem counter-intuitive to the neurotypical mind, until one considers that neurotypical laughter is frequently in response to someone being hurt, ...


23

First off, in terms of helping the child learn: Many/most schools have computer clubs. Encourage the child to inquire from other students, or ask the school professionals yourself. This will place the child with his peers developmentally, which is the biggest encouragement you can give. Talk to a computer teacher in the school if one exists. They may agree ...


23

At some point in your child's life they will do things not because you tell them to, but because they are the right thing to do. For example, a 40 year old pays their bills because in this society we pay our bills, not because their mother called and reminded them to pay their bills. As a parent, one of your tasks is to escort your child from the toddler ...


18

I meet people at local meetups. Where I live there are about three Python meetups a month. My experiences have been great: excellent programmers who just like to talk shop. While you will likely meet others at your skill level, you won't meet people at your age level. It will mostly be older people (e.g. college age or higher), but if the goal is to talk ...


14

Stephen King wrote a description about this once. "You're one of those people that, when King Laugh knocks, you can't keep the door closed." I'm the same way: laughter overwhelms me at sometimes very inappropriate times, and especially when I'm emotionally overwrought or very fatigued. It's apparently fairly common with folks on the autism spectrum. And ...


13

I'm 15, and I had this same problem about a year ago. There's an awesome community called HS Hackers on Facebook. To call it lifechanging would be a gross understatement. Hackathons are the best way to meet other talented (and often young) programmers. Hackathons are basically coding marathons. The best event to go to would be a CodeDay. It's a 24 hour ...


12

A couple of things to add to user3143's excellent answer: Tools. Tools are not a substitute for experience or knowledge, but every craftsman/woman appreciates good tools, and they are something that you as a non-programming parent can help with. Some of the best are free, but if the kid wants an IDE, library, program, etc that costs any reasonable amount of ...


11

Call the police. Call child protective social services. Edit: Some people may be confused about how the chold is getting access to these men. A ten year old child is not within eyesight all day. The parents may be as protective as they can be but they are no there all the time. Grooming creates a psychologically very strong bond between the abuser and ...


11

There are online 'parents of encopresis' support groups. A quick googling came up with several. Interacting with other parents in this situation may help you, and might give you ideas on what to ask your child's doctors. When encopresis is this entrenched, you need a multidisciplinary specialist approach: if she has never been hospitalized, she should be, ...


10

Laughter is a big emotional response. My son does this to me too. (And my body is also wired to laugh inappropriately in extremely high-tension situations, so I can relate on that level too.) Now the weird part and the part I don't understand is that she claims she cannot control the laughter. She says that she doesn't want to laugh but she can't help ...


10

I do not want to say that you are out-of-luck, but you are pretty much out-of-luck. The issue is that most people around your age do not know those languages. In fact, most people around your age likely do not even know what most of them are. If you asked most 14-year olds what Vim or LaTeX is, many of them would have no clue at all. Some might know what ...


9

Speaking as a former teen-aged geek, here's a few things that have worked for (and on me - thanks Mom and Dad! :) ) Organized sports are kinda hit-and-miss for a geek (esp. if it's not their interest). Teen years are rough to start with. And some people don't get "runner's high", so they lose the reinforcement that keeps some of those solo sports going. ...


8

I don't think your older son really has a choice in being okay with it or not. If the friend and the younger child want to be friends, hang out, and do stuff together, your son can either tag along and be cool with it or find another friend. Your older son is not in possession of this friend. He's not a toy that he can refuse to let his younger brother ...


8

Go to a hackerspace. They are everywhere in the world, and they are places where 'hackers' meet, in the sense of good-willing computer experts. It's mostly adults, but if you are lucky there are also some teens. There are plenty of projects to work on, such as programming software, 3D printers, soldering, etc. And other people can participate in your ...


7

This sort of thing is really common. My 8 year old has been training at half marathon distance (walking, jogging and running) for 6 months now. Her idea - she's raising money for a charity helping one of her friends. My eldest two have been doing triathlons since the age of 9 or so, and again, all their own idea. They were given the option of full training ...


7

I'm currently one year below your age, and I've been programming since I was eight years old. I currently hold knowledge in PHP, HTML, CSS, JavaScript, jQuery and Java mainly although I have little knowledge in other languages, too. Being in your position, it's not usual that you find somebody who is our age with our knowledge levels. Usually, I find ...


6

You have provided a lot of useful information in your question, so I hope I am able to help. First, he "believes I don't do anything for him" -- I doubt this is what he believes. It is what he says, absolutely, but let's look at what he is saying. He is calling you lazy (and I presume other things). Children do not make such statements unless they have ...


6

While unemployment stress may be contributing, don't blame a rebellious phase entirely on that- your daughter is in the prime rebellion years, you would probably be facing some of these challenges anyway. My suggestion is to drop the angry face and immediately put on a sad face, and say seriously, it's not nice to laugh at people who are having problems. ...


6

It sounds like you're generally taking the right tack on this - explaining your reasoning calmly. You don't give a lot of other details, so some of these may be what you're already doing, but here's what I'd do. What you might want to do as the next step, if you're not already doing this, is let your child know when, or under what conditions, she will be ...


6

Nobody hits in my household. No spanking, no violence, ever. If violence is unacceptable always, you have to jump on that behavior instantly, every time with a consequence. If violence is only sometimes unacceptable, when and where it's acceptable is a difficult thing to teach.


6

Looks like there is a lot of jealousy going on which has not been resolved for a long time. I suggest reading Siblings Without Rivalry. It addresses different scenarios and gives suggestion on what to do in different situation, including the ones you described above. Meanwhile I suggest: Don't react to your daughter complains the way your husband ...


6

I was once in a similar position. I was a pre-teen who was eager to learn about programming and I was exhilarated by watching a computer execute commands as I instructed. I wasn't interested in web development, rather I was initially interested in quite the opposite: hacking/exploiting. Nonetheless, I believe my experience with learning to program will be ...


6

As a programmer and to some extent being 'that kid' myself I'd say that things like (cheap) embedded hardware kits such as the Raspberry Pi or Arduino are the way to go. These kits are usually quite cheap (the Pi is around $30 and is powered by a phone charger). Young programmers are not interested in getting a proper grasp of programming concepts like ...


6

Contact your local library. It is part of a library's mission to promote education, to facilitate knowledge creation, and to foster a sense of community. They run interest groups of all kinds, and if your local library is large enough, they will likely even have a tech guru of some kind on staff. If you can get a group started in the library, you have the ...


6

I don't see how boot camp will help you. Unless it is solved relationally any improvement will probably only be temporary at best and fear driven at worst. Regardless, he needs to respect you. That's a simple fact. He's clearly trying to push you away, and it's a season where you have to not reject him and just stand firm in your love for him so he knows ...


5

And then when I start to look noticeably angry and start to raise my voice, she laughs at me. I have Asperger's, and this is something I have dealt with all my life. I initially noticed this when I was young: I would find myself involuntarily laughing when in situations where I was either subjected to physical pain (such as burns or blunt trauma), ...


5

As a former nerdy kid, I'd say that group sports, with their tendency to be full of cliques and popularity contests, were very hard for me. I've always been more at ease with biking, hiking and cross-country skiing - activities that did not depend so much on skill, that were pretty much individual in nature, and that weren't overly competitive. Many geeks I ...


5

There's a whole lot of worse things he could be doing. Like drugs. Vandalism. Getting into trouble. The things you've listed as things he enjoys are completely harmless. So let him do them as he wants, and allow him to freely continue to discover who he is. What if your son does turn out to be gay? Would you rather him feel judged and alone and ...


5

There is an element of this that is a natural part of growing up. Kids mature at different ages and when they start maturing socially and a different rate from friends it can create strain. What one girl considers fun, the other will no longer think is fun because it is something "younger kids" do. The more mature one, may be more interested in boys and ...



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