Hot answers tagged pre-teen
30
First, I think it is worth noting that gender identity and gender roles are not the same as sexual orientation--liking girly things is not the same as being gay.
As far as your specific issues go, I agree with Rhea that these are not big signs that your son is experimenting with an alternate gender identity. Hanging out with girls, using female avatars in ...
21
My first answer comes from the addiction treatment, and says this: Don't bring the enemy into your home.
That is to say, don't have sweets and junk in the house, or buy them for the children when outside. Opportunity is necessary for any crime.
The second answer goes to motive. If the child is full and satisfied, she'll eat less junk. A nutritionist I know ...
19
If you have 3 rooms for the children, then give each their own room, but with one condition that when guests sleep over, they must give up one room for the guests. That room should be the 20-year-old's because she's the only one not using it full-time in the first place. She's also the only legally adult person whom you are not obliged to house.
Do not ...
14
I think my input on this matter should be quite useful, as I'm currently 17 (on the verge of 18, but that's irrelevant), and have done some drinking over the past year or so. My parents have no idea, or at least I assume they don't, and I don't intend for them to find out anytime soon, as I know I'll be punished to some extent. My father is an alcoholic, and ...
13
Every family will need to decide the age for wearing make-up for themselves.
It seems that marketers target, younger and younger children with beauty/make-up toys and products including glamour make-up dolls, "play" make-up and glamor photo shoots for very young children, and glamor magazines for preteens.
Perhaps rather than set a precise age, parents ...
12
Adolescent behaviour (the official term for teenage years) can start as young as 10, so I wouldn't worry that this is more than that, especially as that's going to be enough to deal with over the next 6-15 years (yes, it'll happily keep going into the mid-late 20's).
There are millions of lines of text on how to deal with teenage misbehaviour, from the ...
12
YES! Not only is it reasonable, it is IMHO parental malpractice not to limit video games, the internet, and telephone usage.
Clearly, the video games have tremendous value to him. Among other things, that gives you powerful leverage! Use it well.
My practice with video games, movies, texting, and any other similar amusement was:
A daily limit is ...
12
Some straight people have feminine tendencies like Cross Dressing and it could be a case of your son exploring an identity, or your son could be gay. Either way is a different lifestyle choice that will make his life more difficult. In every society in the world being gay is a negative and will expose gay people to ridicule at best and death at worst ...
11
It depends on the privileges they have. Sometimes, giving them extra chores is appropriate (say, if they've broken something and you want them to make restitution.) Many times, though, you'll want to take something away from them. Anything short of food, clothing, and the roof over their heads is fair game-- depending on the severity of their rule ...
10
Are you paying rent to your mother? If you are paying rent, you should ask for a reduced rent since you are no longer getting your own room. Is there a basement? Another room on the main floor - something like an office or a den? Consider moving to one of these rooms.
If you are not paying rent, you are unfortunately going to have to abide by her rules. ...
9
This sounds like fairly common behavior for a boy that age.
In fact, it sounds an awful lot like me at around 13-14.
It may just be that he is testing boundaries, or it may be that he genuinely has an issue with doing his homework.
The first step I'd suggest is finding out why he hasn't been doing his homework. Is he bored? Is it too tough? Does he ...
9
From my experience growing up bilingual, the problem won't be that your kids don't want you to speak the "foreign" language, but that they will refuse to speak the "foreign" language. (The fact that you will do uncool things is a given: you're the parent, anything you do is by definition uncool.)
The only way to counteract this is to build up a good ...
8
Developmentally, preteens and teens are at the age they are supposed to question everything. This makes for some delightful challenges. The piece that helps with their questioning is that they also like to feel like they have some ownership or control over their life. It is absolutely appropriate at that age to sit down with your children and review the ...
8
Another approach is to ask why you wouldn't allow your daughter to wear make-up, as social stigmas around make-up use are largely generational. That also means that what worked for your mother, what worked for you, and what will work for your daughter don't have to be similar at all. Make-up has a number of different varieties and applications, and these ...
8
The primary thing here has to be your daughter's welfare. If you and the mother have an actively hostile relationship, then you need to shield her from it as much as possible. When you spend time with her, avoid all mention of her mother, except in a supportive context (e.g. if she's complaining about her mum, remind her that her mother loves her, and ...
8
I think you answered your question in your last paragraph -- you need to agree on why you're playing the game in the first place. It seems you weren't aware of your different philosophies until now - okay, there's a first time for everything. Now that you know this, you can handle it:
Before you play each next game, agree what the point is. There are two ...
8
This, unfortunately, appears to be completely normal. Every generation seems to do just the same.
I think it is incredibly valuable to teach kids the value of saving money and not squandering it on worthless purchases, but it is very difficult.
One technique we use to encourage saving is to agree to top up a percentage of the amount saved when our kids ...
7
"Apparently we are the ONLY parents who set limits. Everybody else's
mom and dad lets them play as much as they want. That's what my son
says anyway... My son is 12 years old."
If I had a penny... Of course your son thinks you're the only parents who set real limits. Who kicks their kid off the Playstation when they've got a friend over?
I was a ...
7
No.
Based on personal experience, I'm going to answer no because it's a matter of family style. My family also had a liquor cabinet and it was not even high up so even a kid could reach it.
But we were never tempted. We knew that liquor is adult stuff, and at some point we'd been offered something that tasted horrible. We just weren't interested.
We ...
7
Here is a slightly different answer: "If you don't teach your children how to drink responsibly and how to effectively deal with alcohol, who will?"
Assuming a mostly US audience (it's quite different in other countries that I lived in): Alcohol is illegal for anyone under 21. Providing alcohol to teenagers or enabling teenage drinking may get you into ...
7
If you want him to be "normal" treat it NORMAL. Kids at school will make fun of him and will be a bigger impact on his decision to act girlie or not than what you could say to him. Making him feel abnormal will lead to way more problems in his life than being gay. I live in Utah and have a cousin that recently said she was lesbian. Her parents are super ...
7
If he is 12 then it is a PERFECT time to have the sex talks with him. When my boy was 4 he walked in on us in the middle of the night, should have still been asleep. He is now 12 and still remembers but he doesn't seem to be any more or less interested or disturbed about that subject matter than other kids his age. He talks about it as if it was mater of ...
7
I'll start off by saying that there is a time and place for text shortcuts like the ones you described. Where, exactly, the time and place for those shortcuts are is subject to debate.
In my opinion, the appropriate time and place for this is either in real-time chat, where taking the time to ensure proper spelling, punctuation and grammar (SPaG) can ...
7
I agree that it's typical of many young girls. The approach in our house is that the kids must put 20% of the money they receive in a bank account, and they're allowed to use the rest however they want.
One option would be to suggest to your mother that she gives your sister an allowance each week (which could be increased with chores), and to request that ...
6
I would focus on the lying and sneaking around. As you have mentioned, you feel there is no way around the use of the programs. I, personally would talk to her about Facebook and have her account frozen - the user agreement on Facebook states that users must be 13. I would proceed with talks about trust. I think I would make her re-earn the right to use all ...
6
I agree with Torben. You don't need to secure the liquor, at least at the age range you are asking about.
Education is more important than physical barriers.
A lock on the liquor cabinet won't help you when your children go to a friend's house, and the liquor there isn't locked up. Teaching your child not only that they shouldn't drink at that age, but ...
6
We do not have a locked drinks cabinet, but just as an info point - I taught my son how to pick locks when he was 5. It took me about half an hour to give him enough of the basics that he could get into or out of any locked area in the house. A teenager can teach themself from online tutorials such as the very handy one from MIT. *
All three of my kids get ...
5
First of all, Gmail will allow you to 'delegate' email to another address. my 10 yo daughter has an email address that i delegated to my main gmail address. Dropdown at my name on the screen and i can open her mailbox. I do it regularly.
Secondly, if you notified those services, they would delete or block the accounts. Not personally sure that would be my ...
5
I only have brothers, so my situation was slightly different, yet the solution might be a good one. While I was away at school, the bedroom was given to one of my brothers who had never had his own room with the understanding that he would return to his previous room with our other brother any time I was home. The room was his and we had to negotiate him ...
5
This post is advocating make-up as a tool/instrument for artistic and self-expression given situational context.
I think it is important to set boundaries about what is appropriate and what is not. Answering the question: "what are you trying to say" with the way you are presenting yourself can help start conversations about what kind of make-up is ...
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