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49

First, ask yourself honestly: would you react the same way if it were a friend of the opposite gender? Or is part of your reaction based on gender and gender preference? If it is, step away from this and get hold of yourself first. She's 14 and learning about herself. She has a first crush; do you remember your first love? It seems all-encompassing at ...


37

Being a father of 2 kids in the same age range and having been switching from an on-site job to a home-office for the past 2 years, I can relate a little bit... Exhaustion Comes With the Job I don't think there's anything wrong with your friend's state of exhaustion. It's a known issue for all parents. At the time of this writing, I haven't had a ...


33

I worry a bit about this statement: "It's not that I'm against that lifestyle, I just not sure that at this stage that I need to be encouraging it either." First, sexual identity is not a "style", per se. Try reversing it to see how it fits: could you just decide that, from now on, you would prefer to have sex with the same gender, and have it happen ...


32

Is the psychological therapy a direct result of only this event? To an outsider without more information, that sounds like more than necessary. For something this critical, don't get advice from anonymous Internet strangers. Talk to the therapist instead! Your daughter's therapy is private but you should take the opportunity to discuss your role with the ...


30

I think you are reading too much into it. Your three-your-old calmed herself down and contented herself with quiet play instead of napping. She is playing with dolls because that's what many three-year-olds do. And while she wasn't napping, she was having quiet play which is a restful alternative. The ability to entertain oneself is an important life skill!


25

There are no easy answers. You need to seek professional help and encourage your mother to do the same. A domestic violence helpline is a good place to start. Be patient and supportive, and help her get into a position where she is strong and self confident enough to do what she needs to do for herself.


24

Both my parents and my in-laws had similar issues when I first got married, so I think it's not that uncommon. I would try not to read anything bad into it. It's just a period of adjustment. First of all, consider that people naturally spend most of their leisure time with the people they live with. Think of when you were still living with your parents. ...


23

TL;DR: You are not the bad guy; it's time for him to start building up strength to fly on his own. This is one of the hardest, most distressing parts of parenting. We want to be wise, just and loving towards our children; we don't want to feel that we're being unloving. Many of us also feel some guilt as well, thinking Where have I failed in teaching my ...


22

I see a few issues here. First, is snooping through her iPhone. Is she aware of this? Is there an agreed upon understanding that what's on that phone is for you to look at? If not, the first issue is one of trust. A teenager with a snoopy parent is likely going to open up a lot less once they find out. So you're going to have to broach the issue carefully. ...


21

Just found out my daughter might be gay. Now what? The fact that that there may be a same gender relationship as opposed to an opposite gender relationship is totally irrelevant here as far as you are concerned. To take it further there is nothing in your OP at all to indicate that there is any sexual relationship at all. Don't confuse homosexuality ...


20

You don't say how old your daughter is, so this depends somewhat on age. I'll assume she's at least 8 or 9 years old; younger than that it seems unlikely for this to matter too much (as she won't have enough understanding of politics to care about her grandmother's views). To me, this is a great opportunity to teach your daughter about opposing viewpoints, ...


19

Being a lesbian, bisexual woman, or other is a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle. I wouldn't conclude just on the basis of what you've posted that your daughter is definitely a lesbian. However, if she is, your best bet is to be supportive-- both from the perspective of supporting her as a loving parent who wants her to be free from psychological ...


18

I see two aspects in this, summed up in these words: one one side, the son is a guest and should respect the house rules and/or the wishes of the hosts, on the other side, the parents are making a rather silly demand on their son because he is no longer legally underage and doesn't need to be supervised. In the end, the parents are the hosts, and ...


17

DA01's comment is what I would suggest as well. You feel more experienced with babies, and from the sound of it I would agree with you. I've got two main thoughts for you: 1. Show, don't tell Of course -- sadly -- this requires that they accept your offer of assistance to the parents. I think I wouldn't specifically ask for permission to do things "your ...


17

Mothers do what fathers do: love their children unconditionally and raise them to be independent, happy contributing members of society. My husband and I have different approaches towards the kids, but those are much more based on personality and background than gender. We both love our kids to death and show them that every day, and we both try to teach ...


17

She needs your support (and the therapist's) while going through a difficult enough stage of life with the added complication of (possibly) being gay. It sounds like her peers are (like most kids) not open and supportive of her, which may quite possibly reflect the general society where you live. If she's hurting herself because of anti-gay taunting, that's ...


16

There's a lot of research about fighting in front of your children, but I couldn't find anything particular to crying. I think in general expressing emotions is a good thing. I've even found it useful at times to exaggerate my emotion to kids too young to pick up on subtle facial cues. It helps teach them to act with empathy. For example, a two year-old ...


16

Learning about the mechanics of parenting and looking after a baby is not that hard. You have almost a year to learn about a newborn, then a year after that to learn about a toddler, then another year to learn about two year olds and so on. There are some skills you can learn now that will help you tremendously when you become a parent even though they are ...


16

1) Save money. 2) Wear loose shorts! and consider your nutrition. 3) Collect books and toys. 4) Prepare the home - babies crawl and need safe places to be changed; toddlers walk and need stair gates and all tvs to be bolted to walls; small children get everywhere! Getting some of this stuff done now is good because you'll be busy later on. 5) Prepare ...


16

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


16

I won't answer everything (short version - I think you're doing the right thing on most levels). Do NOT badmouth the ex in front of the son. You made a very wise choice! For one thing, it won't really help you long term. Second, it may cause damage to his own self-image as a man long term. For another, if you ever meet a man you want to be involved with ...


16

Dropping things over and over again is a known phase. It's a great learning opportunity. You can choose what message to send your toddler and what you want to teach. For example, you might take them out of the highchair the minute they drop anything. Generally, parents who adopt this rule come to regret it, because the minute the child wants out of the ...


15

How to disagree and still come to an amicable resolution (aka Negotiating for Parents 101) Péter Török makes good points about each parent explaining the impact of certain decisions on the family. I am going to elaborate on Swati's note to pick your battles. In our house, when things become contentious, there are usually three types of dispositions on an ...


15

I'm not sure you do have to tell them, at least not now. What seems to be the urgent issue is this job. If you really think you can't stand doing it for a little while (I assume it's temporary?), which may look good on your CV (resumé), then you have to break it to them seriously but gently. I would suggest avoiding the theological issue if possible. These ...


15

I don't know about the "frightening the child" aspect - personally I think frightening / shocking a child who tries to do something dangerous, like run into the road (eg by shouting loudly) is quite effective. But I think the thing that all your examples have in common is that the parent is appealing to an external authority (God, ghost, policeman) to be ...


14

Assuming that you are not spending beyond your means, I'd be inclined to bluntly explain how you can afford the things you do (e.g. putting away a little each paycheck to save up for big purchases, budgeting your income with certain portions earmarked for the types of purchases she comments on, simply making enough above your regular expenses to be able to ...


14

After I posted this question this morning I went to work and had some time to think about the problem of being exhausted by one's kids. I don't experience my fatherhood in exactly this way, and there is one thing that I do that helps me to not feel "used" and "sucked dry" by my son during the time that we spend together: Instead of attempting to be a good ...


14

Sleep deprivation comes with being a parent of a baby, however you will cope. It isn't fun but you will get through it. Although you cannot avoid it here are some general recommendations: Get your baby on a routine: Every parent I know that tried baby-led sleep patterns gave up and instituted a routine, because they really help get your child on a sleep ...


14

First off let me applaud you loudly for taking this step. Many in similar situations are too ashamed to admit it to others. Your mother is one example. Unfortunately, this is a large complex problem, which we can help only minimally online. Google abused women help Which resources look useful to you? In the United States, many cities have shelters ...


13

Fix the problems between you and your wife and everything else will fall into place. First things first. There can be no positive structured environment for the kids without a positive,healthy, respectful relationship between Mama and Daddy. and.. listen, 5 & 2 years of age may be a little early for independent conflict resolution.



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