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59

First and foremost, that logic is not sound. The argument boils down to "bad things happen no matter what, so why should I try?" To give an analogous example, I can take meticulous care of my car and it could run for 10+ years. But all that care will not put a magic ward around my car to protect it from a storm causing a flood or knocking a tree on to ...


54

To rephrase the question you're saying you have a conflicting view with other parents on how their children should be raised and feel it's your place to pass judgement upon them or to change their ways somehow. It is not your place to do either, don't even try. Talk to them about how happy your child is, ask them about decisions they've made and look for ...


51

First, ask yourself honestly: would you react the same way if it were a friend of the opposite gender? Or is part of your reaction based on gender and gender preference? If it is, step away from this and get hold of yourself first. She's 14 and learning about herself. She has a first crush; do you remember your first love? It seems all-encompassing at ...


41

I think you did right. Yes, this is a tough experience to be rejected like this when you are twelve, but if you really never bad-mouthed their father and still have the records of his (non-)visits, you did everything you could. If you kept him from contacting his paternal family, I firmly believe that this would have lead to some "mystified" image of how ...


37

Being a father of 2 kids in the same age range and having been switching from an on-site job to a home-office for the past 2 years, I can relate a little bit... Exhaustion Comes With the Job I don't think there's anything wrong with your friend's state of exhaustion. It's a known issue for all parents. At the time of this writing, I haven't had a ...


35

Is the psychological therapy a direct result of only this event? To an outsider without more information, that sounds like more than necessary. For something this critical, don't get advice from anonymous Internet strangers. Talk to the therapist instead! Your daughter's therapy is private but you should take the opportunity to discuss your role with the ...


34

I worry a bit about this statement: "It's not that I'm against that lifestyle, I just not sure that at this stage that I need to be encouraging it either." First, sexual identity is not a "style", per se. Try reversing it to see how it fits: could you just decide that, from now on, you would prefer to have sex with the same gender, and have it happen ...


30

I think you are reading too much into it. Your three-your-old calmed herself down and contented herself with quiet play instead of napping. She is playing with dolls because that's what many three-year-olds do. And while she wasn't napping, she was having quiet play which is a restful alternative. The ability to entertain oneself is an important life skill!


29

TL;DR: You are not the bad guy; it's time for him to start building up strength to fly on his own. This is one of the hardest, most distressing parts of parenting. We want to be wise, just and loving towards our children; we don't want to feel that we're being unloving. Many of us also feel some guilt as well, thinking Where have I failed in teaching my ...


29

My unpopular opinion is it's not your call to make. Your child is definitely old enough to know if he wants to see his father or not. If he's not in any actual danger, I think a parent has every right to see their child. If you're concerned about a negative impact, then supervised visits may be best. I can say that I personally had a father that was in and ...


28

Could tell him it is the difference between having a chance and having no chance. People can work hard and do all the right things and still end up unemployed with a low standard of life, but on the whole it happens a lot less to educated hard working people than uneducated layabouts. Also there is more to education than just getting a job, it is far easier ...


25

There are no easy answers. You need to seek professional help and encourage your mother to do the same. A domestic violence helpline is a good place to start. Be patient and supportive, and help her get into a position where she is strong and self confident enough to do what she needs to do for herself.


25

Both my parents and my in-laws had similar issues when I first got married, so I think it's not that uncommon. I would try not to read anything bad into it. It's just a period of adjustment. First of all, consider that people naturally spend most of their leisure time with the people they live with. Think of when you were still living with your parents. ...


23

As the step-dad to a great 17-year old whose father walked away when he was 4, yes you did the right thing. And I'd go one step further and say that you should defend the grandparents who have, for years, only been hearing one side of the story and so probably were being told by the sperm-donor that it was you blocking visitation. It's a shame that there is ...


22

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


22

I see a few issues here. First, is snooping through her iPhone. Is she aware of this? Is there an agreed upon understanding that what's on that phone is for you to look at? If not, the first issue is one of trust. A teenager with a snoopy parent is likely going to open up a lot less once they find out. So you're going to have to broach the issue carefully. ...


22

Just found out my daughter might be gay. Now what? The fact that that there may be a same gender relationship as opposed to an opposite gender relationship is totally irrelevant here as far as you are concerned. To take it further there is nothing in your OP at all to indicate that there is any sexual relationship at all. Don't confuse homosexuality ...


20

Mothers do what fathers do: love their children unconditionally and raise them to be independent, happy contributing members of society. My husband and I have different approaches towards the kids, but those are much more based on personality and background than gender. We both love our kids to death and show them that every day, and we both try to teach ...


20

Being a lesbian, bisexual woman, or other is a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle. I wouldn't conclude just on the basis of what you've posted that your daughter is definitely a lesbian. However, if she is, your best bet is to be supportive-- both from the perspective of supporting her as a loving parent who wants her to be free from psychological ...


20

You don't say how old your daughter is, so this depends somewhat on age. I'll assume she's at least 8 or 9 years old; younger than that it seems unlikely for this to matter too much (as she won't have enough understanding of politics to care about her grandmother's views). To me, this is a great opportunity to teach your daughter about opposing viewpoints, ...


19

I see two aspects in this, summed up in these words: one one side, the son is a guest and should respect the house rules and/or the wishes of the hosts, on the other side, the parents are making a rather silly demand on their son because he is no longer legally underage and doesn't need to be supervised. In the end, the parents are the hosts, and ...


19

There's a lot of research about fighting in front of your children, but I couldn't find anything particular to crying. I think in general expressing emotions is a good thing. I've even found it useful at times to exaggerate my emotion to kids too young to pick up on subtle facial cues. It helps teach them to act with empathy. For example, a two year-old ...


19

I won't answer everything (short version - I think you're doing the right thing on most levels). Do NOT badmouth the ex in front of the son. You made a very wise choice! For one thing, it won't really help you long term. Second, it may cause damage to his own self-image as a man long term. For another, if you ever meet a man you want to be involved with ...


18

She needs your support (and the therapist's) while going through a difficult enough stage of life with the added complication of (possibly) being gay. It sounds like her peers are (like most kids) not open and supportive of her, which may quite possibly reflect the general society where you live. If she's hurting herself because of anti-gay taunting, that's ...


18

The son could be helped with examining whether he actually thinks that it's true that higher education is useless, or just that this argument happens to fit with his current desire to not do the work. The way you do that depends on the child's age. If he is indeed interested in whether education makes a difference, perhaps show/discuss some data (if he's ...


17

I'm not sure you do have to tell them, at least not now. What seems to be the urgent issue is this job. If you really think you can't stand doing it for a little while (I assume it's temporary?), which may look good on your CV (resumé), then you have to break it to them seriously but gently. I would suggest avoiding the theological issue if possible. These ...


17

DA01's comment is what I would suggest as well. You feel more experienced with babies, and from the sound of it I would agree with you. I've got two main thoughts for you: 1. Show, don't tell Of course -- sadly -- this requires that they accept your offer of assistance to the parents. I think I wouldn't specifically ask for permission to do things "your ...


17

I am divorced with several kids. Twice. My €0.02 (or should I be allowed to add €0.04?) essentially boil down to this: It's hard work. It's hard for you. It's hard for the children. But. IMO, the most important issues to consider are these: Have you tried marriage counsel? Sometimes this works out. (I won't be saying anything else about salvaging ...


17

Dropping things over and over again is a known phase. It's a great learning opportunity. You can choose what message to send your toddler and what you want to teach. For example, you might take them out of the highchair the minute they drop anything. Generally, parents who adopt this rule come to regret it, because the minute the child wants out of the ...


17

It is unlikely the son concluded this after a calm and rational examination of his options, but rather was reacting in the heat of the moment. Establish in subsequent discussions that the son's logic isn't particularly sound. Advanced education provides a lot of opportunities. It does not guarantee permanent success (as the father has found), but it opens ...



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