Hot answers tagged morals
13
I think the only difference teaching morals as a non-religious parent is that you explain the reason FOR the moral, too. Religious parents may or may not. You don't just do onto your neighbor as you'ld have him do to you. You do it so everybody stays happy and nobody cries. It doesn't have to be just "because Jesus said so" or "it's written in...". ...
12
The short answer is that there is absolutely no way to accurately quantify the extent of influence parenting has on children. There are just too many variables. Genetics, birth order, familial influences outside of parents (siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, etc.), geographic/regional, educational, and peer interactions all play a part. ...
7
It sounds like you are having difficulty because you were raised in a religion that used scripture to support moral learning, and now having turned away from religion—but not necessarily your values—you feel you need an equivalent in order to teach your children appropriate behavior.
It may help you to think of religion in a more secular form: religion ...
7
I think one of the main benefits of religion is that it gives you an external framework to help determine what is the right course of action that isn't susceptible to your own personal whims and changing desires.
This can be attained by other means if you are not religious. I am Catholic but I also tend to go by a coda loosely based on deontology and ...
5
Much of what the Dalai Lama has written provides wonderful guidelines for living and for being a human being, without tying into any particular religion (even his own). His new book Beyond Religion: Ethics for a Whole World proposes a secular ethics which aims to go beyond religion (or be independent of it). I also found his The Art of Happiness very ...
5
In my mind, it's not really about religion or beliefs; it's about values and you surely have values regardless of what you (not) believe in.
I am not religious and I don't use a book or a spokesperson to tell me what is right and wrong, and why. I have a "gut feeling," an inner sense that directs me. Most of this is totally obvious and straightforward to ...
4
I think the first step is to find out why they made the decision to cheat. This isn't to justify the decision, but rather better understand what drove them to this (e.g. laziness, desperation, peer pressure, etc.) so that you can tailor your response.
I feel that an older sibling shares a (small) portion of the parental responsibility: they have the ...
3
Start with the golden rule and take it from there.
Pretty much everything comes down to explaining the effects of the childs actions on others, or dealing with the emotional effects of others actions on the child.
Essentially you are finding it hard to do this without reference to religious text as it normally takes the form of "do X or suffer the ...
3
I think non-religious households teach morals in much more understandable way than religious households.
Religion says - you do x because god/scripture/prophet/whoever says you must, and if you don't you will be punished after death. Some of the rules may actually be unethical or immoral by other religions - which can cause problems.
Lack of religion ...
3
I read this book when it came out
The NURTURE ASSUMPTION: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do
It makes the case that the environmental contribution to personality is mostly from peers, not parents (except in pathologically bad cases like abuse).
One simple example is accent -- children tend to have the accents of their peers, not their parents. You'd ...
3
I agree with the sentiment of @monsto's answer, although saying parents contribute 100% to a child's outcome is an exaggeration.
Answering a question like "why was child A successful and child B unsuccessul, despite having the same parents?" is very difficult and context-specific. There are so many factors at play. Parenting style definitely has a huge ...
3
Answering the topic question: How much of an effect does parenting style have on a child? My answer: 100%. That is to say that 100% of parenting style has an effect, not that parenting style determines 100% of personality.
Answering the question at the end of the text: Is there any evidence that the parenting makes a big difference on who the child ...
2
The older sibling is not responsible for the younger siblings decision to cheat. Lets say the younger had asked some one else - absolutely not the older child's fault. However, the older sibling is responsible for "aiding" in cheating if he/she decides to go ahead and help.
Assuming the elder just wanted to help the younger and went ahead and gave the ...
2
This is a problem that I've faced as well. While it is simple enough to say that if you yourself encourage good morals, your kids will model good morals, it is also important to have the support of a community behind you. If nothing else, you will be competing against communities when your children are older.
My wife and I decided to join the local ...
2
I don't know why people think the two things must go together. I know plenty of highly religious people that are not moral people as well as non-religious people who are. As others have said, be a good example, talk to them about their decision making and talk to them about your decision making so you are modeling even your thinking for them.
If you are ...
1
Living and leading by example is the easiest. Our brains (thanks mirror neurons!) are designed to mimic what's going on in our immediate social network. You don't need mythological stories to get that across.
That said, you can still introduce religion as a study into the home. Start with Norse then Greek mythology and then work into exposing western and ...
1
According to my personal experience there's no better way to be the best exapmle to your kids. That means not just saying to be good... Children copy us all the time. Even if you think they don't hear or see what we're doing. Their perception is limitless.
And don't avoid meeting who you concider to be 'bad people'. Naugty aunts or peers show new ...
1
It sounds as though you're going through something I went through a little while ago.
About 8 years back, I thought I wouldn't have children. "I wouldn't know how to raise them", I thought, I hadn't yet completely broken with religion.
Finally the day came when I recycled all but one copy of the scripture (I used to have.. 6 or 7. I was nuts). Finally, ...
1
First of all, for the "snark" .. parenting style is irrelevant. What is relevant is is parenting actions and parenting behaviors.
This is indeed the classic "nature versus nurture" dilemma. The real answer is that it is not nature versus nurture, it is nature and nurture interacting. Each of us has inborn tendencies and traits and the parents have a huge ...
1
Absolutely parenting style has a lot to do with how a child will ultimately turn out, but other factors certainly influence that child's outcome: birth order is certainly believed to effect a child's personality, genes, the number of children your parents have, etc.
I'm an only child so I have no siblings to compare to, but I've observed some interesting ...
1
I've just read in a german modern psychology bestseller on the "self" (it's about understanding up-to-date psychology and I really can recommend it especially to parents): About 50% of one's self / character are regarded as coming from the genes, about 30% from the first experiences with parents / parenting and the rest from something else (later ...
1
An older sibling can share the same responsibilities as parents do if the duty is within their realm of expertise such as but not limited to
teaching them how to ride a bike
driving them to school, sports practices, dances, mall, movies, etc.
how to break down homework problems (which may be easier for the sibling to remember than parents who may not have ...
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