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36

Bribery is a bad thing The problem with bribing them to do things is that it establishes pattern of rewarding good behaviour with money/treats/snacks. As soon as the child is old enough to realize it, they'll refuse to do anything unless it is rewarded somehow. This situation is incredibly hard to break, so it's best not to get there in the first place. ...


22

The value of money is a pretty abstract concept, and difficult for young children (and many adults!) to grok. When your son gives money to friends and relatives, he's likely learning a different lesson about the value of money: when he gives it to people, they say nice things to him. As was mentioned in a comment above, that's not necessarily a bad ...


20

This is an understandable concern, and it's no secret that kids do cost money no matter how you put it. The easy answer is that lots of people have had lots of kids before us, and they managed to get by. It's a question of how you choose to spend your limited resources. I think few are lucky enough to not have to think about what stuff costs. As for the ...


17

Cloth diapering can be much more cost efficient than using disposables - including the cost of washing. There are many types of modern cloth diapers, and the cost of diapering largely depends on the type of diaper chosen, as well as the brand of that diaper. Most types are sold with an organic option, which will also raise the price of the diaper. ...


17

Depending on their age, you may be able to use this to teach them about finances. Not everyone is paid the same. Not everyone has the same expenses. Also, you might give them an opportunity to earn a little more: Small payments for special housework (they still have chores that don't count here) Other jobs (selling candy/soda/etc. at a garage sale; odd ...


17

It is never too late to teach your kid where money comes from and what it is worth. Since he is a student, his opportunities to earn will be somewhat restricted. Here is what I would do I would tell him that I don't want to have to evaluate individual requests like "Can I have a car?" or "Can I have $100 to go out for the evening?" Instead I want to ...


16

There are two possible extremes here--demanding rent as soon as they turn 18 years old, or allowing them to stay for free indefinitely regardless of their social, educational, or vocational status. I assume most of us will agree that the best answer is somewhere between these extremes, but determining exactly where isn't easy. And because family and ...


16

I always tell my kids that I will do my best to take care of them, including using my money to that purpose. They don't need to worry about that. We started giving an allowance to my oldest at age 7, and we increase it every year on his birthday. This money is really for him to learn with, not because he needs to buy things. At first, he didn't know how ...


16

Punishment, threats, bribes, and rewards are two, err, four sides of the same coin. Our grandparents knew what to do. When a child misbehaved, you beat them. When a child made a mistake, you beat them. If you want a child to remember something important, you beat them. If you were too nice to a child, gave them praise, or gave too many gifts, you would ...


14

Transactions don't have to use real money. An alternative to real money is to use some sort of tokens (this is often called the "token system") - poker chips work well for this (they have denominations, are colourful, cheap, and look roughly like coins), but you can use anything really. Advantages over real money are that you control the price of rewards, ...


14

Time to buy a money box/'piggy bank' We bought our son a Thomas the Tank Engine money box and we often randomly give him the small change from local shopping trips. He enjoys putting the coins into his money box and pretending to count the money occassionally. Now, when we go shopping and he latches onto something he likes the look of, we simply ask "okay, ...


14

Assuming that you are not spending beyond your means, I'd be inclined to bluntly explain how you can afford the things you do (e.g. putting away a little each paycheck to save up for big purchases, budgeting your income with certain portions earmarked for the types of purchases she comments on, simply making enough above your regular expenses to be able to ...


13

I feel that all adults living in the household need to actively contribute to the maintenance of the household. This does not necessarily need to be financial, although that is the simplest and most obvious. It could instead include things like taking on more of the cleaning, cooking, and general household maintenance. It may include driving elderly ...


13

I suggest a simple habit. Never buy toys on impulse; no matter how difficult the merchandizers make it for us. (Toys in the check out lane, really?) Each time explain that the child can think about getting the toy and give reasons on the following day. Let them know that if you approve of the reasons, on the next trip to the store you will get the toy if ...


12

Bribery (incentives, payment for performance, rewards for obedience) destroys intrinsic motivation in children (and adults). It can gain temporary cooperation, but it fails in the long run as your child will ultimately expect some incentive to do anything. To become dependent on external motivations is an awful psychological result that you certainly do ...


12

We are starting by using poker chips with our 4 year old. We reward him for doing well at preschool or finishing some homework. To watch TV, he has to pay 1 chip/half hour. He can also cash them on on a toy at the rate of $2/chip. 5 white chips get traded in for a red chip so this helps with learning addition. He is learning about currency, how it ...


12

If the babysitter does it routinely, as a job, I would ask them first what their rate was. From there you can possibly negotiate if you feel there is room for it - your situation is less demanding than the norm may be, or there is some other perk for the sitter. You may encounter sitters like I have though - they do it routinely, but have no fixed rate. ...


12

Having kids has been a fairly expensive endeavor for my family. We have two kids - a 2 year old and an 8 month old. Our biggest 'expense' has been a loss of income (of the mother). Although I am not a stay at home mother, time taken off for maternity leave, taking care of a newborn, etc. adds up. Between the two kids, we "lost" about 16 months of income. ...


11

There's a couple things I want to touch on here, so it's sectioned up for quick browsing. Pick the parts you want to read, ignore the ones you don't. :-) Day Care is Expensive and Working is Hard If both you and your wife want to work after the baby is born, day care is expensive. It's really expensive if you have more than 1 child. If you have family ...


11

At 19, don't be too sure the mindset he presents to you regarding material entitlement is one he actually believes in. He may simply being trying to manipulate you into giving him what he wants. It sounds like he pushes for these things because it works (at least sometimes). Even if you haven't ever given in to his requests for money, fancy clothes, or ...


10

Disclaimer: I'm a future parent myself; but my wife is a part-time nanny for 4 different families (like 7 or 8 kids total), and I hear about this all the time. She tends to bribe the kids with privileges (it wouldn't make sense to give them money, you know, since it is her job). Lately, she says the kids have begun turning it around on her and are now ...


10

We washed our own cloth diapers with our first child, and only used disposable on trips. With our second, we did mostly cloth for the first year of her life, then mostly disposable for the second. We actually bought a front-loading washer, and it paid for itself in water and electricity bills within a few years. In my experience, cloth diapers are quite a ...


9

In addition to the answers already given, I would also point out those who are not as fortunate as you or the richer families. Depending on the age of your child, it may be a good time to discuss community service. Take your child to a food bank or get involved in other activities where your child can experience both sides of the coin.


9

"That's great. I'm glad to see that you have ambitions. What do you think you can do to earn more money?"


9

When we were newlyweds, my wife also had trouble spending savings. Her parents had drummed into her over and over the importance of saving, but never taught her when it was okay to spend or not. I think that's because they are somewhat impulsive spenders themselves, and feel guilty themselves, so they project that onto their children. What we did was ...


9

Your mother-in-law is crossing boundaries. The best way to establish boundaries is to answer with few words (your script) and try not to veer from them. Try a genuine "Thanks for the input, Mom" or "Thanks for worrying about us" or just a "Hmmmm." This acknowledges that she is trying to be helpful without defending your position or assigning any value to her ...


9

Whether it causes resentment or not depends on how much say the child has in the matter. Kids often borrow their older sibling's clothing on their own. A lot of handing down happens even without parental intervention, as one child starts to grow out of something, they are more and more willing to lend it to their younger sibling, until it ends up de facto ...


9

It seems to me that the question you linked (I haven't read all the answers) is about things which should be considered normal (sleeping in her own bed). Maybe the main objection ("the child will become reluctant to do things if there are no rewards") can be mitigated by clearly defining what chores the child is expected to do normally (tidying her room, ...


8

It sounds like you have set clear, realistic expectations up front, which would mean you're dealing with rewards and penalties and not bribery. However, if you're bribing her in the middle of an argument, she can easily perceive that as rewarding her bad behavior which encourages her to start the argument again night after night. Rewarding good behavior is ...


8

Better for your wallet: the convertible. Better for your infant's spine: the infant seat. The Austrian automobile club recommends to use infant seats for infants and not convertibles and my wife who is a trained physio therapist explains why: infants' spines are not fully developed, which means that infants should never sit or even recline until they are ...



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