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164

I think there are two problems here: Your child is friends with a kid who has learned some maladaptive behaviors/ideas and is passing them on to your child. You and your wife are apparently unaware of the social and cultural realities outside your own family. This isn't to say that you can fix the situation, but you'd have a better chance of doing so if ...


52

Am I the only person who thinks that it's entirely trivial for the next person to use the toilet to correct the seat position for their needs? I don't see why this is worth complaining about. Just teach your kids to make sure the seat is where they need it to be so that they can do what they need to do, and leave it at that. The whole "men must be the ...


25

As I get older, I have come to believe deeply in the idea that who you are friends with, and who you choose to associate with, profoundly influences your behavior. If you hang around with hoodlums, you are more likely to become a criminal. That however is just my opinion. I did find one study about smoking that corroborates this, at least in that one single ...


25

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


22

As a former math tutor to children in middle and high school, and now a father, I can tell you a way to avoid the problem completely. Gain an understanding of the concept yourself, and make an equivalent problem that uses the same steps/ideas. Walk them through step by step, explaining as you go. One or two examples like that should be enough for them to ...


21

We've always taught our children that Santa is a game that people play, not something real -- it's important for us not to lie to our children. They still enjoy playing the game. We also find that this helps when interacting with other children who very much believe in Santa -- encouraging our children not to spoil the game.


20

As a person with ADD, I can tell you what helps with me. Post-it notes! Put a post-it note or a bright colored sheet on the wall reminding everyone (don't single him out) to "Please close the toilet seat when you have finished your business". Bright colors! I use neon yellow post-its to remind me of things I have to do consistently.


20

To agree with several of the above non-answers, and actually answer the question, as posted: the healthiest, smartest, most sensical means of teaching him to either not raise the toilet seat or to at least return it to closed would be ...to be a good example. For the several reasons already mentioned about gender roles, health, toddler safety, etc, ...


19

From my own and others' experience, I'd say around 6-9 years of age is the time when they figure it out. Most will probably have a sneaking suspicion for a year or two, which they spend probing and observing. Isn't it odd that Dad always misses Santa because he's chatting with the neighbors just then, every year? When he does figure it out, try to praise ...


18

4-H (homepage, Wikipedia) worked for me and my siblings. I won awards in local, district, and state competitions in public speaking, showing cattle, and cooking while holding various offices in the organization, attend camps and participating in special events and activities. The choices of activities are much less "farm centered" and varied in recent years. ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


16

First, puberty and all the emotions that go with it, include trepidation for even the "girly-girls." The arrival of breasts is also highly troublesome for girls that do a lot of dancing (changes center of gravity and REALLY messes with spins and turns). The whole thing has a lot of negatives for anyone that is choosing to look at it that way. It might ...


15

Talk to your son. An 8 year old is mature enough to understand a lot of what is going on here and choose for himself. What he needs is your guidance & wisdom. My wife and I have no TV, we disallow violent games (simulated killing is not allowed), we don't have video games, we teaching proper custodianship of the earth, respecting other people, ...


13

Be consistent. Rather than making the toilet a "special case", focus on teaching your child to close things he's opened when he's done with them. If you open the fridge, you close the door when you're done. When you open the door to go outside, you close it when you've gone through it. If you open a jar of pickles, you close the lid when you're done. If ...


11

Don't waste your time trying to get her to be self-reliant right now when she hasn't already formed the correct habits for accomplishing her work. You're primary goal is to sit down with her each and every night and help her establish a system of discipline and organization. Help her learn how to study and learn. If you don't know how to help her, find ...


11

There are seats that come down on their own, like a slow spring, it's down a few minutes later. I would not put this kind of emotional pressure on a 10 year old, even without ADHD. But for your son, I'd choose very carefully what to make an issue.


11

You have my sympathy. Having one child with encopresis is awful. I can't really imagine accurately what it's like to have two children with this problem. Parents of children with idiopathic constipation often blame themselves and their toilet training problems (which were often present). First a quick reassurance: a rectal examination finding stool in the ...


10

Don't make this about your feelings. You're an adult, you can handle it, and I'm sure there are bigger emotional minefields than the school run. Focus on your son: Safety: Letting the child walk two blocks alone can be perfectly safe, or totally irresponsibe, or even illegal (ask your school if in doubt). It depends on the neighborhood (evil people) and ...


10

I think it's normal for a child this age to be embarrassed by his parents in general. In this case, I think it depends on how his classmates arrive at school. Are they all walking to school? Are others dropped by their parents? Do you do anything at drop-off that may embarrass him like a kiss/hug/shout across the school yard? You can do a few things: ...


10

At eight, this isn't a safety issue any longer -- she is unlikely to wander into traffic or get lost in a crowd. She may be holding hands for her own sense of security, or to demonstrate affection, or for whatever reason she wants to. If that's fine with the person she wants to hold hands with, then it does not need to be considered an issue. When it is a ...


9

If you're near water, an alternative might be a sailing club? I have great personal experiences with joining a sailing club as a child, learning and working with others, and eventually becoming a volunteer sailing instructor myself. That sailing club was in a rural area and had a very relaxed social atmosphere -- not at all the snobbish pseudo-golfer ...


9

I would start out by handling primary-schooler tantrums the same way as toddler tantrums -- basically, don't let his tantrums succeed. Immediate and natural consequence. Deny him whatever it was he threw the tantrum over, end your current activity, abort your planned activity, or whatever else is appropriate. Don't give in, ever. A tantrum never wins. He ...


9

I would address the accuracy of the name calling first. Was he shushing the noisy people, or announcing loudly that they should shush in order to get a teacher's attention? What was his true motivation? If it was simply to tell them what is right, I would say something like "the teacher was mistaken (it happens) and thought you were trying to get them in ...


8

All I can say is; while I understand your deep feelings of concern - you have to be realistic - you cannot shield your child from the realities of society forever. You could keep him locked in a bubble till he leaves home - but then I'm afraid when that day comes the world will eat him alive. So by all means disapprove of the other family; by all means do ...


8

What about Campfire? It is co-ed and offers outdoor programs. Another option would be your local YMCA. I think they sometimes have programs for kids.


8

If it were one of my children, I would absolutely seek the advice of a medical professional. All the school specialists have been able to tell you is that her short term memory is not functioning properly, but they have not told you why and they won't be able to. A neurologist should be able to help you understand better what is going on with your ...


8

I believe one of the original points about putting the "seat" down (actually the entire lid) is so that it doesn't spray stuff everywhere when you flush. When you flush, polluted water vapour escapes and takes ages to settle - and there are probably things in any bathroom you don't want all those germs on. Dr Charles Gerba PhD did a study on this which ...


8

I would suggest that you focus on separating why the child is misbehaving: Wanting to do something contraindicated Directly challenging authority/boundaries Wildness/out of control behavior The three kinds of misbehavior are very different in why the child is doing the action(s), and that drives how you discipline them. It sounds like your older child ...


8

I saw the word "discipline" used in the context of children and I really thought I should refer you to two authors. First, please see Alice Miller. Her website is www.alice-miller.com. If it's down, you can access it using the WayBackMachine at www.archive.org. Please do read her books and/or her articles. Many of us treat children in very damaging ways, ...


7

What to do depends on why she isn't getting it done. Most kids won't walk up to you and say "this is too hard" or "this teacher and I don't get along so I find doing work for him/her stressful" or "I'm worried about this bully and I can't concentrate" or "you and dad fighting all the time has me too stressed to work" or "I'm having low-grade migraines" or ...



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