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52

Am I the only person who thinks that it's entirely trivial for the next person to use the toilet to correct the seat position for their needs? I don't see why this is worth complaining about. Just teach your kids to make sure the seat is where they need it to be so that they can do what they need to do, and leave it at that. The whole "men must be the ...


23

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


22

As a former math tutor to children in middle and high school, and now a father, I can tell you a way to avoid the problem completely. Gain an understanding of the concept yourself, and make an equivalent problem that uses the same steps/ideas. Walk them through step by step, explaining as you go. One or two examples like that should be enough for them to ...


21

We've always taught our children that Santa is a game that people play, not something real -- it's important for us not to lie to our children. They still enjoy playing the game. We also find that this helps when interacting with other children who very much believe in Santa -- encouraging our children not to spoil the game.


20

To agree with several of the above non-answers, and actually answer the question, as posted: the healthiest, smartest, most sensical means of teaching him to either not raise the toilet seat or to at least return it to closed would be ...to be a good example. For the several reasons already mentioned about gender roles, health, toddler safety, etc, ...


19

As a person with ADD, I can tell you what helps with me. Post-it notes! Put a post-it note or a bright colored sheet on the wall reminding everyone (don't single him out) to "Please close the toilet seat when you have finished your business". Bright colors! I use neon yellow post-its to remind me of things I have to do consistently.


18

From my own and others' experience, I'd say around 6-9 years of age is the time when they figure it out. Most will probably have a sneaking suspicion for a year or two, which they spend probing and observing. Isn't it odd that Dad always misses Santa because he's chatting with the neighbors just then, every year? When he does figure it out, try to praise ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


16

4-H (homepage, Wikipedia) worked for me and my siblings. I won awards in local, district, and state competitions in public speaking, showing cattle, and cooking while holding various offices in the organization, attend camps and participating in special events and activities. The choices of activities are much less "farm centered" and varied in recent years. ...


13

Be consistent. Rather than making the toilet a "special case", focus on teaching your child to close things he's opened when he's done with them. If you open the fridge, you close the door when you're done. When you open the door to go outside, you close it when you've gone through it. If you open a jar of pickles, you close the lid when you're done. If ...


11

There are seats that come down on their own, like a slow spring, it's down a few minutes later. I would not put this kind of emotional pressure on a 10 year old, even without ADHD. But for your son, I'd choose very carefully what to make an issue.


10

I think it's normal for a child this age to be embarrassed by his parents in general. In this case, I think it depends on how his classmates arrive at school. Are they all walking to school? Are others dropped by their parents? Do you do anything at drop-off that may embarrass him like a kiss/hug/shout across the school yard? You can do a few things: ...


9

Don't make this about your feelings. You're an adult, you can handle it, and I'm sure there are bigger emotional minefields than the school run. Focus on your son: Safety: Letting the child walk two blocks alone can be perfectly safe, or totally irresponsibe, or even illegal (ask your school if in doubt). It depends on the neighborhood (evil people) and ...


9

I would address the accuracy of the name calling first. Was he shushing the noisy people, or announcing loudly that they should shush in order to get a teacher's attention? What was his true motivation? If it was simply to tell them what is right, I would say something like "the teacher was mistaken (it happens) and thought you were trying to get them in ...


8

If you're near water, an alternative might be a sailing club? I have great personal experiences with joining a sailing club as a child, learning and working with others, and eventually becoming a volunteer sailing instructor myself. That sailing club was in a rural area and had a very relaxed social atmosphere -- not at all the snobbish pseudo-golfer ...


8

I believe one of the original points about putting the "seat" down (actually the entire lid) is so that it doesn't spray stuff everywhere when you flush. When you flush, polluted water vapour escapes and takes ages to settle - and there are probably things in any bathroom you don't want all those germs on. Dr Charles Gerba PhD did a study on this which ...


8

I would suggest that you focus on separating why the child is misbehaving: Wanting to do something contraindicated Directly challenging authority/boundaries Wildness/out of control behavior The three kinds of misbehavior are very different in why the child is doing the action(s), and that drives how you discipline them. It sounds like your older child ...


7

There's a pretty clear line between "doing the work" and "helping someone understand how to do the work". One technique is to ask the child to explain to you how a problem would be tackled; or if the child is baffled to ask the child if the problem can be split into smaller bits, and how one of those smaller bits would be tackled. That makes them do some ...


7

Answer -watch your kid. Every kid might need something different. You know your kids. Strangers don't. On this don't lie to your kids thing ---Seriously? There is an age range where magical thinking is good for kids. Santa? I figured out it didn't make sense when I was 4, though I didn't tell anyone and staged an elaborate catch the parents trap to ...


7

If it were one of my children, I would absolutely seek the advice of a medical professional. All the school specialists have been able to tell you is that her short term memory is not functioning properly, but they have not told you why and they won't be able to. A neurologist should be able to help you understand better what is going on with your ...


7

I would start out by handling primary-schooler tantrums the same way as toddler tantrums -- basically, don't let his tantrums succeed. Immediate and natural consequence. Deny him whatever it was he threw the tantrum over, end your current activity, abort your planned activity, or whatever else is appropriate. Don't give in, ever. A tantrum never wins. He ...


7

This is something Alice (who is quite a bit younger), as well as a number of students (who were also, mostly middle school students) I have had have struggled with. Let me preface this by saying, I know Beofett is asking with a friend in mind, I am going to write this as if I am speaking directly to the parent just for the sake of simplicity. Kids do ...


7

I saw the word "discipline" used in the context of children and I really thought I should refer you to two authors. First, please see Alice Miller. Her website is www.alice-miller.com. If it's down, you can access it using the WayBackMachine at www.archive.org. Please do read her books and/or her articles. Many of us treat children in very damaging ways, ...


6

Don't lie to your child. Santa is a poor reason to ruin trust between you and your child. If your child is coming to you asking about santa being real, it's because they trust you and they want to know what the truth is. You stand to gain NOTHING from lying to your son. Sit him down today and break the news to him, he'll trust you more when you're done.


6

Babies are born with flatfeet. Per the Univeristy of Maryland Medical Center, eighty percent of children will develop an arch between the ages of 3 and 10 years. The remaining 20 percent will likely have flatfeet. One or both feet may be affected. A foot is flat if the arch of the foot touches or nearly touches the floor when the child stands. A wet ...


6

Kids are very good at putting their own spin on the situation and I feel there are a few things that seem out of place... One of the things children need to learn is when it is appropriate to help and what help is appropriate. As someone who deals with a large group of children regularly myself I can tell you the noise of one or more children trying to 'be ...


6

I'm always amused in these discussions, where women take the view that men are "at fault" because we leave the seat up. Excuse me? I'm responsible for you not watching where you're putting your butt? I never even heard of this "issue" until my girlfriend gave an anguished squawk one morning and "accused" me of leaving the seat up. My response? "Yup. So?". ...


6

You have an 8 yr. old and a 4 yr. old. In children these ages (esp. the younger child), removing tv for week is an ineffective way to discipline, because the discipline is not tied immediately to the action that provoked it. Response to an unacceptable behavior is most effective when it's immediate and consistent. Also, your discipline seems to have ...


5

What about Campfire? http://www.campfireusa.org/index.aspx It isn't secular, but there is no religious agenda. It is co-ed and offers outdoor programs. Another option would be your local YMCA. I think they sometimes have programs for kids.


5

Are you sure that memory and not attention span is the problem here? I'd try some of the classic games, like "Memory" (tile matching) with some extra incentives to find out. For instance, with every match she gets, daddy does something extremely silly. Make the reward as creative and fun as you can. The game itself is not likely to engross her, but -you ...



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