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45

First, ask yourself honestly: would you react the same way if it were a friend of the opposite gender? Or is part of your reaction based on gender and gender preference? If it is, step away from this and get hold of yourself first. She's 14 and learning about herself. She has a first crush; do you remember your first love? It seems all-encompassing at ...


31

I worry a bit about this statement: "It's not that I'm against that lifestyle, I just not sure that at this stage that I need to be encouraging it either." First, sexual identity is not a "style", per se. Try reversing it to see how it fits: could you just decide that, from now on, you would prefer to have sex with the same gender, and have it happen ...


27

I did a small amount of research into this. According to one theory, children at the age of 3 haven't solidified the idea of gender permanence, that they are one sex and remain that sex even if they wear different clothes, etc. A three-year old boy may understand that he is a boy, but not necessarily have internalized that he is always a boy and will remain ...


23

I think your approach is correct: dating is dating no matter the gender. You aren't discriminating, you are actually being completely fair. Children use any edge they can to get you to bend the rules, this is likely one of those cases. Stick to your guns, you have life experience on your side.


21

I see a few issues here. First, is snooping through her iPhone. Is she aware of this? Is there an agreed upon understanding that what's on that phone is for you to look at? If not, the first issue is one of trust. A teenager with a snoopy parent is likely going to open up a lot less once they find out. So you're going to have to broach the issue carefully. ...


20

I found the suggestions on this website to be helpful: Be sure your child knows you love him or her.A parent’s first response should be to remind their child that you are there for them, and love them, and support them. “I love you, you’re my kid,” Reaffirm your values. If you do not feel that teens should have sex with other teens, this is ...


18

Just found out my daughter might be gay. Now what? The fact that that there may be a same gender relationship as opposed to an opposite gender relationship is totally irrelevant here as far as you are concerned. To take it further there is nothing in your OP at all to indicate that there is any sexual relationship at all. Don't confuse homosexuality ...


17

Being a lesbian, bisexual woman, or other is a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle. I wouldn't conclude just on the basis of what you've posted that your daughter is definitely a lesbian. However, if she is, your best bet is to be supportive-- both from the perspective of supporting her as a loving parent who wants her to be free from psychological ...


14

I have no experience of children I know having such issues, but I myself did when I was a child. Not a definitive answer here, but it's possible that a lack of prompting/conversation about this (when I was old enough to sensibly talk about it; i.e. probably when I was first cognisant it myself, when I was around 8 or 9) caused it to be something of a loose ...


13

Just be honest. Since you're requesting an answer that supports your personal value system, and only you really know all the details of what that value system is, the best advice I can give you is simply to tell your son what you believe. Tell your son that "he" is really a "she" in a matter-of-fact tone, and don't say any more. Your son will almost ...


12

Great question! I don't have personal experience with this one, but have had a number of close friends who are gay. I think every one of them would agree with me when I say, Handle it the same way you would if it was a boy - almost. First, from the way you've worded the question, it seems you don't believe she should be having a highly sexual discourse ...


11

It seems to me that your beliefs on tolerance toward those that are gay were contingent upon the idea that "other people" are gay and "we" ("we" being you and your children) are straight. That contingency, and therefore the true mettle of your belief, has now been called into question. If you truly believe what you say you believe, it shouldn't matter ...


11

I think this is 100% normal. Many kids do this - one of mine did - and then grew out of that phase and now likes toy guns and fighting. Kids need to play act, I don't think it matters what they play act as. I wouldn't pay it any attention one way or the other - I would doubt gender confusion is even a thought in a 3 year old's mind!


10

The person you need to have a talk with is your daughter's partner, before your son. Your question makes it unclear whether this person is female or transgender, whether they present and refer to themselves as male or female, etc. Maybe that's because you don't know yourself. Ask, and ask how she/he wants you to refer to him/her around your son or other ...


9

Some of this behavior sounds like sibling jealousy to me. The fact that your son is talking about "Mommy and Baby" and then saying that he's just like his sister seems like he's trying to fit in with your new family dynamic. Think about: When did the behavior change? Was your son into different things before his sister arrived? Does your family (wife, ...


9

If you feel you can, thank the person for coming out to you. It may feel strange, especially if the news was unwelcome. But hey, the alternative being was kept in the dark while the person pursued their alternative lifestyle anyway. At least this way they are being honest. I'm not sure I'm happy with the phrasing alternative lifestyle, but anyway, ...


8

Some people believe that homosexual behavior is a sin. How are those people to react when their child, who they love deeply and want the best for, says in essence, that they are committed to sinfulness? It is kind of flip to just presume that the parents need to get over it. The tone of the question presumes that which ought not to be presumed: that it is OK ...


8

I have no direct personal experience, but the attention I pay to early childhood research tells me that this is normal. At this young age (3 years) your son is trying on aspects of his environment to see if they fit. Think of it as an extremely valuable and productive form of imaginative play. With that in mind engage your son in his imaginative play with ...


7

First of all, try not to jump to conclusions. People make assumptions about each others' sexuality all the time based on the flimsiest of evidence - the text you found could be a joke, or could have been sent to the wrong person, for example. I wouldn't think that confronting her about this is a good idea. If she is gay or bi, she might be feeling very ...


6

You say "I think I need to ensure she is aware of the complexity of such emotions and that making a commitment at this age is just too soon." As far as your daughter's emotions, they're just as complex whether they're about the same sex or the opposite sex. That's a reasonable thing for you to worry about, but it's also inevitable. At 14, she's going to ...


6

"Now what?" There is nothing special about now. Your daughter was gay yesterday, three weeks ago, and years ago. All those moments took their turn being "now". Or so you assume. What you read was another girl's message, which is evidence that the other girl is gay. Concluding that your daughter is also gay is not a valid inference. Bring it up with the ...


5

There are plenty of "straight" people that dress up as women (or do other very strange things). There are also gay people that are very masculine. "He" could also end up as a woman at the end of it all (I have a close friend who had the surgery a couple years ago. She is more happy than she ever was as a he.) Best way to handle this? Maybe he doesn't have ...


4

First of all, your 3 year old child isn't gay and this is perfectly normal. He's a tomgirl, like a tomboy, but only different. What makes me sad is that society views him as a freak, whereas it's perfectly normal for a little girl to wear pants, pretend to be a pirate, get into fist fights etc. Why isn't it okay for a boy to do the same? I loved how you're ...


4

I would say just don't bring it up. She is not ready to tell you anything yet and there is nothing conclusive about her sexual orientation. She is a 14-year old girl and this means she has the right to now have a little private life; this is one part of it. Since you say you don't disapprove of anyone being gay or lesbian (or any colour of rainbow) but you ...


3

I would agree that the friend's note does not mean that your daughter is gay. I also agree with your concern. There's a book by Leonard Sax (Doctor and Psychologist) called "Girls on the Edge" where he discusses youth being influenced into one or another gender/sexual identity at too young of an age. I highly recommend this book. I would suggest you talk ...


3

Handle it exactly how you would if it was with a guy. Anything else is just another form of discrimination. She, being a teenager, may try to manipulate you by accusing you of overreacting because it's a girl, but you know it's not, so just reinforce that you are concerned with the behavior itself, not the gender of who it was with.


2

You should let your son play as he wishes. There is very little correlation between effeminate behaviour in boys and homosexuality. I am a happily married straight man who loves women. I prefer the company of women to that of men. I like art, music and science and have little interest in typical sports, even though I think I tried most of them as a child. ...


2

Children don't really understand about gender differences and sex before three. Even if they can identify "what girls have and what boys have". It is possible that your child isn't experimenting with gender at all and is experimenting with beauty and/or emulating female rolemodels (sister and mom). This was REALLY common with my three's class when I ...


1

What CAN you do? If it's true accept it and support her. If it's not, it's not. You won't be able to get her to "treatment". Being gay is not having cancer. there is no "treatment" and no doctors are required. You cannot remove it and there is no protocol to reverse it. It's not a condition, not a disease. It's a natural human state no different than green ...



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