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48

First, ask yourself honestly: would you react the same way if it were a friend of the opposite gender? Or is part of your reaction based on gender and gender preference? If it is, step away from this and get hold of yourself first. She's 14 and learning about herself. She has a first crush; do you remember your first love? It seems all-encompassing at ...


33

I worry a bit about this statement: "It's not that I'm against that lifestyle, I just not sure that at this stage that I need to be encouraging it either." First, sexual identity is not a "style", per se. Try reversing it to see how it fits: could you just decide that, from now on, you would prefer to have sex with the same gender, and have it happen ...


32

Is the psychological therapy a direct result of only this event? To an outsider without more information, that sounds like more than necessary. For something this critical, don't get advice from anonymous Internet strangers. Talk to the therapist instead! Your daughter's therapy is private but you should take the opportunity to discuss your role with the ...


29

I think your approach is correct: dating is dating no matter the gender. You aren't discriminating, you are actually being completely fair. Children use any edge they can to get you to bend the rules, this is likely one of those cases. Stick to your guns, you have life experience on your side.


29

Simple answer - these feelings are normal and not necessarily an indication of her sexuality, just a child's confusion and anxiety over physical intimacy. There is nothing to be concerned about, nothing special you or your daughter needs to do. Just let time reveal her sexuality. When it happens, she'll know it and if she believes that there's nothing ...


28

I did a small amount of research into this. According to one theory, children at the age of 3 haven't solidified the idea of gender permanence, that they are one sex and remain that sex even if they wear different clothes, etc. A three-year old boy may understand that he is a boy, but not necessarily have internalized that he is always a boy and will remain ...


28

I found the suggestions on this website to be helpful: Be sure your child knows you love him or her.A parent’s first response should be to remind their child that you are there for them, and love them, and support them. “I love you, you’re my kid,” Reaffirm your values. If you do not feel that teens should have sex with other teens, this is ...


22

I see a few issues here. First, is snooping through her iPhone. Is she aware of this? Is there an agreed upon understanding that what's on that phone is for you to look at? If not, the first issue is one of trust. A teenager with a snoopy parent is likely going to open up a lot less once they find out. So you're going to have to broach the issue carefully. ...


21

Just found out my daughter might be gay. Now what? The fact that that there may be a same gender relationship as opposed to an opposite gender relationship is totally irrelevant here as far as you are concerned. To take it further there is nothing in your OP at all to indicate that there is any sexual relationship at all. Don't confuse homosexuality ...


20

Great question! I don't have personal experience with this one, but have had a number of close friends who are gay. I think every one of them would agree with me when I say, Handle it the same way you would if it was a boy - almost. First, from the way you've worded the question, it seems you don't believe she should be having a highly sexual discourse ...


19

Being a lesbian, bisexual woman, or other is a sexual orientation, not a lifestyle. I wouldn't conclude just on the basis of what you've posted that your daughter is definitely a lesbian. However, if she is, your best bet is to be supportive-- both from the perspective of supporting her as a loving parent who wants her to be free from psychological ...


17

Ask her why she is afraid of turning out to be lesbian, and address that.


16

She needs your support (and the therapist's) while going through a difficult enough stage of life with the added complication of (possibly) being gay. It sounds like her peers are (like most kids) not open and supportive of her, which may quite possibly reflect the general society where you live. If she's hurting herself because of anti-gay taunting, that's ...


14

Just be honest. Since you're requesting an answer that supports your personal value system, and only you really know all the details of what that value system is, the best advice I can give you is simply to tell your son what you believe. Tell your son that "he" is really a "she" in a matter-of-fact tone, and don't say any more. Your son will almost ...


14

I have no experience of children I know having such issues, but I myself did when I was a child. Not a definitive answer here, but it's possible that a lack of prompting/conversation about this (when I was old enough to sensibly talk about it; i.e. probably when I was first cognisant it myself, when I was around 8 or 9) caused it to be something of a loose ...


13

It seems to me that your beliefs on tolerance toward those that are gay were contingent upon the idea that "other people" are gay and "we" ("we" being you and your children) are straight. That contingency, and therefore the true mettle of your belief, has now been called into question. If you truly believe what you say you believe, it shouldn't matter ...


13

I think this is 100% normal. Many kids do this - one of mine did - and then grew out of that phase and now likes toy guns and fighting. Kids need to play act, I don't think it matters what they play act as. I wouldn't pay it any attention one way or the other - I would doubt gender confusion is even a thought in a 3 year old's mind!


13

I think the most important thing is to support your child in her self-discovery. If she is realising that she is gay, then it is fundamentally important that she is in a supportive and loving home, with a family that accepts her. You can't control the attitudes of her friends and classmates, but you can make sure you let her know that you still love her no ...


12

This is not a sexual orientation issue. It is an anxiety problem that happens to have sexual orientation as its focus. The issue here is that she is having intense anxiety about this idea, and it is interrupting her ability to cope with life. While reassurance often works as a first line treatment, it can also make things worse. If she's having to be ...


11

If you feel you can, thank the person for coming out to you. It may feel strange, especially if the news was unwelcome. But hey, the alternative being was kept in the dark while the person pursued their alternative lifestyle anyway. At least this way they are being honest. I'm not sure I'm happy with the phrasing alternative lifestyle, but anyway, ...


11

The person you need to have a talk with is your daughter's partner, before your son. Your question makes it unclear whether this person is female or transgender, whether they present and refer to themselves as male or female, etc. Maybe that's because you don't know yourself. Ask, and ask how she/he wants you to refer to him/her around your son or other ...


9

First of all, try not to jump to conclusions. People make assumptions about each others' sexuality all the time based on the flimsiest of evidence - the text you found could be a joke, or could have been sent to the wrong person, for example. I wouldn't think that confronting her about this is a good idea. If she is gay or bi, she might be feeling very ...


9

Some of this behavior sounds like sibling jealousy to me. The fact that your son is talking about "Mommy and Baby" and then saying that he's just like his sister seems like he's trying to fit in with your new family dynamic. Think about: When did the behavior change? Was your son into different things before his sister arrived? Does your family (wife, ...


9

There are a few issues you have identified: She has some homosexual feelings. She is exhibiting what you identify as an unhealthy obsession over another person. She is on antidepressants. She is in therapy. She has stopped going to school. Because all of those items are in one question, the natural presumption is that they are all related. From my ...


8

I have no direct personal experience, but the attention I pay to early childhood research tells me that this is normal. At this young age (3 years) your son is trying on aspects of his environment to see if they fit. Think of it as an extremely valuable and productive form of imaginative play. With that in mind engage your son in his imaginative play with ...


8

Let your step-daughter and her partner take care of it. They will probably be better at explaining the situation than you. If your son has questions after that, answer them as briefly and as non-judgementally as possible.


7

Some people believe that homosexual behavior is a sin. How are those people to react when their child, who they love deeply and want the best for, says in essence, that they are committed to sinfulness? It is kind of flip to just presume that the parents need to get over it. The tone of the question presumes that which ought not to be presumed: that it is OK ...


7

You say "I think I need to ensure she is aware of the complexity of such emotions and that making a commitment at this age is just too soon." As far as your daughter's emotions, they're just as complex whether they're about the same sex or the opposite sex. That's a reasonable thing for you to worry about, but it's also inevitable. At 14, she's going to ...


7

"Now what?" There is nothing special about now. Your daughter was gay yesterday, three weeks ago, and years ago. All those moments took their turn being "now". Or so you assume. What you read was another girl's message, which is evidence that the other girl is gay. Concluding that your daughter is also gay is not a valid inference. Bring it up with the ...


7

Before anyone misinterprets what I say here, I have no desire to dismiss or diminish issues of sexual orientation. This is just a possibility. The validity of her orientation is not in question; her suffering is. Your daughter is suffering, regardless of her true/ultimate sexual orientation. If she is having thoughts that cause her such dismay, there may be ...



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