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39

The simple answer, although I suspect it is the answer you don't want to hear, is that you need to limit your son's exposure to your friend's daughter, and make sure that the interactions are supervised (by you, not just your friend!). I have to admit I'm not familiar with the "Conscious and Peaceful Parenting Approach", but this has all the earmarks of ...


20

My daughter is 16 months (the "terrible twos" begin in the second year of life, remember) and we've always been conscious about discouraging, politely but firmly, any behaviors that cause physical injury. She may not understand all of the words we say, but a firm "no" is pretty well-ingrained as a signal that she's about to get plunked in her crib for 15 ...


19

Your friend is being inconsistent. Her daughter doesn't like having her hand restrained? Does she think perhaps your son enjoys being hit? Talk about "violates bodily boundaries"! It's true that toddlers will naturally hit and bite. One of the roles of a parent is to intervene and to teach other ways of expressing feelings. Without that help, a toddler can ...


16

At some point, in the myriad parenting books, articles, and magazines my wife and I read, somebody said that the best way to discipline a child under 2 is to do the following: get down on the ground grab their arms and hold them down to the sides of their body keep them at a distance and look them in the eyes and say "NO biting" (or whatever) sternly and ...


14

My view is that it is my responsibility to protect and to teach my child. I have been in the situation you've described, faced with the results of the rather permissive parenting style of your friend. I stopped the younger child hitting my son, saying out loud that hitting is wrong and saying to my child that to respond with violence is also wrong. ...


9

I agree with Beofett. This particular parenting style seems to be the latest fad among some groups of parents--one of my sisters-in-law happens to be one of those parents. She makes excuses for her sons' behaviors explaining them as "developmentally appropriate" and making little to no attempt to discipline her kids even when their behavior is obviously ...


8

It sounds like the situation (and your daughter) are suffering for lack of consistent, appropriate discipline and an understanding of the cause of your daughter's behavior. First, get a discipline plan in place. You, your spouse, the nanny, and anyone else involved in your child's upbringing must stick to it or it won't work. It should go something like ...


6

I'm not sure that at your daughter's age, she is totally capable of controlling herself or even understanding what an apology is. She does know or can feel the intense emotions that come during and after hitting. I would let her know that hitting isn't allowed and that you won't let her hurt another child. Move her away if need be and watch for signs that ...


6

The mum of this child blames my son such as stating that he should learn to assert and defend himself. (...) This is why I suggested to my son that he should gently hold the girl’s hand and firmly say “NO”/“STOP”. My friend is not happy with this and has told him to stop it as this then violates her daughter’s bodily boundaries (...) Then what on ...


5

Standing up for yourself doesn't have to involve violence - and certainly in most cases should not. I suppose if I were attacked by someone and had literally no viable alternative, I would fight back, but in general I would almost always have a viable alternative. That's the key for children in this kind of situation. You should teach him to stand up for ...


5

Maybe you should encourage him to go to music school. I didn't exactly fail classes, but I did just enough to pass and didn't care for schooling at all. Maybe your son, like me, is just bored of it and didn't see how the standard educational system would benefit his goals. In the end, my skipping class almost every day to pursue my interests landed me a job ...


5

Don't ignore it. Ignoring works okay for some things, but aggressive actions it doesn't tend to work well with. 26 months is old enough to understand that he's doing something wrong, and to be doing it for a reason. It sounds like you're generally doing the right thing; correct him when it happens, give him a time out, and afterwards tell him that you ...


4

Absolutely you should punish your daughter! Hitting, pushing, and other aggressive behavior is not permitted. Some negative consequence must be applied when she acts out in this way. I suggest that you put her in timeout, and if the conflict is about something, take the something away from your daughter and give it to the other child. As you have ...


4

As the mom of 2 'energetic' boys, here is my take: escalation doesn't work, and all it teaches is that 'might is right'. My kids are sometimes the 'instigator' and sometimes the 'victim', and in either direction it doesn't work. If you hit back, a 'rough' child might think you want to fight for fun, or might be even more aggressive. Especially at 2, I ...


3

Although "nobody likes a snitch", there's a line between "looking for help" vs "snitching". I would avdise to keep on going for the idea "Hitting is bad" cause it definitely is, and teaching your child that when he feels like someone's doing bad things to him, it's more than OK to report to an adult. The adult might then take action, was it simply ...


3

Sometimes children up to a certain age need a "hands-on" approach to their misbehaviour. Let me tell you what happened to both my children, especially to my daughter: We have a clear "no hitting" policy in the family and two verbally competent children who up to this day can yell at each other like a bunch of fishwives but don't retort to physical ...


3

Normally you stop calling a kid by months once they've reached 2 years of age. Your kid is 2 years of age. Recognize that they are an infant and not a baby anymore. Kids mimic actions. Are you and the wife playing around and hitting each other? He doesn't know the difference. Is he watching shows that show hitting in them? I actually don't watch TV around ...


3

Like you said, avoid exemplifying the unwanted behavior as much as you can. Try to have arguments and disagreements in a civilized tone, with positive body language in trying to persuade the other party to your point of view. Don't make him apologize too much. Cut back on the emphasis of make-ups and "taking damage" from outbursts. In my opinion too much ...


3

Patience, patience, and more patience. It sounds to me like you have a wonderful child and are doing everything you can. Stopping him as soon as you see the behavior and explaining to him that it is wrong with as much patience and love as you can muster with time-outs when necessary are the right thing to do in my opinion. You can try to give him some ...


3

My son (just turned 5) was like that, and he eventually grew out of it. We took a couple different approaches. On the punishment side, we'd go with time-out, or isolation in his room; we felt that giving him a lot of interaction for his bad behavior would just be rewarding it. (He has two older sisters, so it didn't particularly surprise us that he would ...


2

Luckily for me my daughter (2.5 years old by now) is far from such behaviour but I'll share what I would do in such a situation. First hit just say "No" firmly and explain that what he's doing hurts. Toddlers understand much more than we think. If he's doing it again, grab him and move him away from his sister/mother for example to his room or just any ...


2

The key to effective discipline is consistency. Whatever you choose to do, react that way every time. Luckily we haven't had too much trouble with hitting, but that's because we nipped it in the bud immediately. Time outs often don't work, in my opinion, for hitting. When our children hit or pushed, we would grab their hand and very sternly say "no!" It ...


2

Almost all kids go through a phase like that, although it's longer for some than for others. We used time outs for our children, but we had to be consistent every single time, we had to recognize their triggers and catch them in the "wind up" if at all possible, and we had to teach them alternate ways to express their frustration. In other words, don't ...


2

If it's caused by frustration, then a likely source of that is trouble verbalizing those feelings. Scoldings and time outs (or whatever discipline tactics you've standardized on) are definitely appropriate, and should be enforced reasonably consistently with this. However, they don't address the source cause and thus as you point out are unlikely to ...


2

With our three year old son, anytime he used to hit his sibling or someone, we would demonstrate a Shakespearean style stage drama full of intense agony and pain and callout to him letting him know how much it hurts us when he hurts his sibling. Apparently toddlers care a lot about their folks and are genuinely concerned to help them put a magic bandaid ...


2

Our almost-four year old still hits and bites some, particularly when frustrated, so I can sympathize. We have made some strides with him, though, which show us that it is possible to overcome it. Our son hits basically for one reason: lack of ability to deal with frustration, particularly frustration over a lack of control. So, we focus on two things: ...


2

This is a difficult situation and a lot of what you do depends on what you're willing to put up with. I'm going to assume the yelling and fighting is really negatively affecting your life in an unacceptable manner. It would mine. My personal belief is that you should never give your child anything because they frighten you into it or will make you miserable ...


1

It's all about control. He yells because it works, or at least because there are no consequences. It's your house. He's a guest, albeit an important one. You make the rules. He follows them or leaves. You may not be able to physically control him but that's not the kind of control you want anyway. So here's my advice... If he yells, tell him in a ...


1

Your friend is completely out of line by not allowing your child to physically restrain the 2 year old to avoid being hit. This is a perfectly reasonable, non-aggressive response. If the 2 year old doesn't like it, then she will eventually learn that it is her hitting behavior which is causing this undesirable outcome (being restrained). Your friend is ...



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