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150

I think there are two problems here: Your child is friends with a kid who has learned some maladaptive behaviors/ideas and is passing them on to your child. You and your wife are apparently unaware of the social and cultural realities outside your own family. This isn't to say that you can fix the situation, but you'd have a better chance of doing so if ...


19

As I get older, I have come to believe deeply in the idea that who you are friends with, and who you choose to associate with, profoundly influences your behavior. If you hang around with hoodlums, you are more likely to become a criminal. That however is just my opinion. I did find one study about smoking that corroborates this, at least in that one single ...


17

Depending on their age, you may be able to use this to teach them about finances. Not everyone is paid the same. Not everyone has the same expenses. Also, you might give them an opportunity to earn a little more: Small payments for special housework (they still have chores that don't count here) Other jobs (selling candy/soda/etc. at a garage sale; odd ...


15

Am I really wrong ??? The situation you're in is truly heartbreaking. No one but you can decide for yourself if you're right or wrong. However, other people can share their experiences and beliefs. One question that comes to mind is, would you feel the same exact way if the other person were a male? In other words, if she didn't come out as gay and ...


14

Talk to your son. An 8 year old is mature enough to understand a lot of what is going on here and choose for himself. What he needs is your guidance & wisdom. My wife and I have no TV, we disallow violent games (simulated killing is not allowed), we don't have video games, we teaching proper custodianship of the earth, respecting other people, ...


11

My seven year-old has cerebral palsy, so I've been on the other side of the coin. Mostly what I remember about those difficult first few months was that a lot of people started thinking they had to either make grand gestures or none at all. They planned special birthday parties for us in the hospital, just for us, but then didn't invite us to their ...


11

My comment was a little harsh, here is how I feel about this situation: Your daughter is an adult. You have absolutely no right to tell her who she can and cannot befriend. I don't know what this girl has or has not done, but I do know parents almost always hold a bias. I remember growing up, my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain friends ...


10

In general, older kids will be viewed as cooler kids, probably because they have more freedoms and do more complex/rewarding things. Because of this, the younger children will emulate them, for better or worse. If you think that these older kids are someone you want your children to look up to, then its good to have your children interact with them. If they ...


9

"That's great. I'm glad to see that you have ambitions. What do you think you can do to earn more money?"


9

In addition to the answers already given, I would also point out those who are not as fortunate as you or the richer families. Depending on the age of your child, it may be a good time to discuss community service. Take your child to a food bank or get involved in other activities where your child can experience both sides of the coin.


9

I don't know what you mean by going to time out but it almost sounds like you're trying to force the child to be participating and being social from the start. Give the child time to adapt to the newcomers. Don't expect the child to be social and friendly immediately -- allow a number of minutes to get used to the situation. Let the child play in his ...


9

I am not sure this is the right forum for this question, but I'll give you the advice I would have given my former students. Putting you sitting next to a girl does not mean the teacher or other adults around will think you are dating and, honestly, even if there are some kids giving you a hard time about it - they don't actually think it means you are ...


8

Keep it simple, keep it short, keep it contained. Simple: I would go with one or two games, with one more as a back-up. The kids may want to do more free-play than you thought, especially if the weather is nice. Keep the food you serve simple. Variety often leads to chaos. You don't want a fistfight over the only green cupcake. Short: These kids are ...


8

We always talk about the people coming (important distinction from just telling them about them) - so we remember the last time they were there, perhaps some news about them, what we're going to do, if they're another child then we might talk about what toy to share. Basically it's about setting her up to ask questions or show something off to the new ...


8

Just be there. Share their pain. Don't run away. Love them and their children. This is a tragic situation, and they need people around them. They don't need to feel isolated, and people are going to shy away. Don't do so yourself. With limited info at my disposal, the most obvious thing I can suggest for practical help is to offer to watch the other ...


7

All I can say is; while I understand your deep feelings of concern - you have to be realistic - you cannot shield your child from the realities of society forever. You could keep him locked in a bubble till he leaves home - but then I'm afraid when that day comes the world will eat him alive. So by all means disapprove of the other family; by all means do ...


7

There are some good answers, but I wanted to speak up a little for us introverts to provide some counterpoint. There's a big difference between being able to get along with new people and liking to meet new people. As hard as it is for extroverts to believe, introverts are more comfortable alone. When we want to unwind, we seek solitude rather than a ...


7

Your rules are not too difficult for a 7-year-old to remember and follow on her own. When I was that age, I was allowed to go visit my friend who lived down the road, but my mom's rules were explicit. You have permission to go to X person's house. You are NOT to be anywhere else and you are to be home by X time. If I find out otherwise, you are in ...


7

Mazel tov :) A bat mitzvah is the same as any party: she invites those people who she wants to share in her celebration and achievement. I'd encourage your daughter to consider inviting them. Being forgiving shows a level of maturity, and it's an important lesson of adulthood that sometimes you have to put up with inconsiderate, entitled people. But don't ...


5

Fun: Not all people are fun. But the more people you meet, the more fun people you will meet, and the more fun you will have, and it will be easier to avoid the people who are not fun. Growing: Great people usually comes in groups. I once saw a documentary about British punk. They talked about a group of kids (several from the from the same suburb in ...


5

Making friends is important because: The world is full of people, so there's no chance that you never have to interact with anyone. Things are easier to accomplish if others help you because they can help you solve problems and think up new ideas. It's more fun to do things together because you have someone you can share the joys and triumphs with. ...


5

I would suggest to tell him in advance, and then just remind him the day before the other kid is actually leaving. In my experience, drawing something nice for the other kid, or drawing a cartoon on where he's going helps. I did some cartooning when we were moving, and my kids loved it. They wanted to see the adventure, and sometimes, they wanted to see the ...


5

I always do my parties at home. I've been doing them since my oldest turned 3. She is now 8 and I have added 3 more kids to the mix, so you may consider me an expert. I find games like 'Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox, what time is it", 'Red light, Green light' are great games, however they can't last very long (5-8min.) due to the potential of cheating after some ...


5

I too have a twenty year old daughter. It's not my place to approve or disapprove of her friends. Perhaps that's why I know and get along with her friends, and am more involved in her life. Is my daughter gay? I don't think so, but she's never been romantically attached to any boy for very long, so it's possible she is still finding out who she is. Either ...


4

Ask them; they know what they need or what isn't helpful. Try and offer specific help. "Come over next week for a cup of tea" or "let's organise a playdate" (when that's appropriate). Offer to go to support groups with them - although "Alfi's Syndrome" is quite rare, so there might not be any in your area.


4

Your friends are facing the process of grieving the loss of their "normal" child and their expectations of the future. Understanding the 5 stages of grief will prepare you to walk through this process with them and assist them on their path to acceptance. Know that in the denial and isolation stage they may withdraw socially. Unrealistic anger at ...


4

Be reasonable. You were moved because of a good reason. Accept your punishment, behave better and make sure to apologize to the teacher (approach her after a lesson, when noone's looking). After a week or so ask nicely if you could go back to your seat. Promise not to talk again. And keep the promise.


4

That's a tough predicament, to be sure. Some thoughts: Your teacher moved you there so you would pay attention and get your work done. So prove to her you can pay attention and get your work done, then ask to me moved. Kids tease. That is part of life. Unless they are being really mean about it, try to ignore it. This won't last forever. Either your ...


4

Punishment I agree with the school that he has had enough punishment and it should be time to move on at least in regard to punishing consequences - If he describes his experience with this at the school as an "ordeal" then, the interviews with the police, psychologist etc. were dramatic and disturbing to him and he has definitely got the message that ...



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