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54

She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Especially considering: I don't want her to hate me like my mother and I hate one another It sounds like your parents aren't letting you be your daughter's parent. This is a major problem. You need to sit ...


33

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


21

My five kids range from "ultra picky" to "eat only healthy foods" to "surprise, I've changed my likes and dislikes". Keep healthy foods around, so their choices are all generally healthy. Keep reintroducing new foods that they wouldn't eat within a reasonably close timeframe. Sometimes it takes 7-8 tries. Try different ways of preparing the same foods. Try ...


20

If things are escalating to the point of physical altercation, you've already waited too long to intervene. Model good behavior. Avoid using harsh words with your family, even in jest. Make house rules explicit. Write them down and post them where all can see. Include not just the "big" stuff, but also the precursors (which shouldn't be happening ...


17

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


16

Most parents don't believe this, but kids will not starve themselves to death for the sake of being persistently stubborn. The solution is simple. As long as they give you trouble: Don't have the foods "they like" around for them to snack on (e.g. not come hungry to the dinner table) What you want them to eat is "what we've got. We don't have anything ...


11

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...


10

I have three children, the eldest daughter is the picky one. We have always had a rule that you are not forced to eat anything, but you have to taste - we made this rule explicitly to "one spoonful per one year of age" - so now that she's turned five, she will taste 5 spoonfuls of each dish. Sometimes she even ends up liking what she was suspicious about at ...


9

Is it drying by towel? As a kid I hated having someone else wiping my face clean, it felt so invasive, demeaning and uncomfortable (and to be honest I think I just got used to fighting it). The washing... I don't know. Maybe give him the option to do it himself? The towel might be a bit too vigorous for his taste (not an accusation! I'm sure you're ...


9

We cook one healthy meal at home and put an appropriate amount of food on everyone's plate. You are not forced to eat anything. However, that's what's for dinner, we aren't cooking seperate meals for everyone. If you don't eat everything on your plate you don't get dessert. Also, I've found that getting the kids involved in planning and, especially, ...


8

Back when I was a student teacher, my supervising teacher taught me a valuable thing about child psychology: kids (these were elementary-school kids) tend to focus on one person as the authority figure. If I was teaching a lesson at the front of the room but my supervising teacher was still watching in the back, as far as the kids were concerned, he was ...


8

What we have always taught our kids is the following: avoid fights where possible if can't avoid it, try to ensure it happens in view of an adult/teacher and make sure it is obvious you were only defending yourself try and avoid hurting the other person too much - focus on blocking and defence Where we had problems with a bully at the kids school, after ...


7

Your Mom thinks she loves you but she needs to win! She treats it like a contest. She has many hidden ways of manipulating you and she is hitting you, too. Now she is winning the contest of being a parent to your daughter. All in the name of love, because she doesn't see that the goal of raising a child is to raise an independent strong person. You ...


6

As a father of a young girl only slightly older than yours, I can assure you, all the behavior you've described is perfectly normal. She is doing exactly what a child of her age should be doing. It's a very challenging age. She is a little person with her own personality, her own will, and her own opinions, and this is just how she is attempting to express ...


6

You sound like you are in a very bad situation right now and I want you to know that you are taking a courageous and important first step by seeking objective feedback about your situation. As a therapist,I will echo what many have said previously...your relationship with your mother is the root of many of the issues you are having with your child. A good ...


5

I am a strong believer in not forcing a child to eat any food. Some kids are just picky, and others are responding to their body's warnings -- about allergies, chemical sensitivities, and other hazards. I was a picky eater. We found out in my late teens that most of the foods I wouldn't eat as a child were things that could cause me serious health ...


5

This is not an easy topic in the recent political climate. You have three concerns to balance: legal concerns, school rules, and practical considerations. Legally, in the United States, you are justified in using force until a threat is ended and no further. That means it's okay to knock a bully down, but not to kick him when he's down, or chase after him ...


4

We used to have big fights at home over food. We just let it go. Everyone is happy now. Basically, sometimes my child eats only meat, sometimes only carbon hydrates, sometimes only fruit. I trust my child to know what is currently missing in their body. I certainly don't. Obviously we don't serve candy and cakes instead of real food, but I'm more than ...


3

Our daughter initially didn't like getting her hair washed. It is rather invasive, like Michael said, but washing your hair is just a necessity of social standards. What I started to do was warn her. I'd let her know beforehand "I'm going to wash your head soon". At the same time I'd show her the shampoo and prep a wet washcloth just in case soap got into ...


3

Our two-year-old has been the same way for the last year and a half. :-/ She likes splashing in the tub and washing the rest of herself, but really, really does not like having her hair washed (drying used to be almost as bad, but has gotten better since we started patting it gently instead of doing it the quicker normal/adult way). I wish I had an answer ...


3

If I'm introducing a new food, I try to not make it the whole meal - it'll overwhelm my son. Kiwi fruit, as an example; he wouldn't eat it sliced & plain. So I started slicing it finely and adding it to his yoghurt in the morning, and into a fruit salad for the evening dessert, slowly making the pieces bigger. Now he loves them and I just have to peel ...


3

Picky eaters usually require a closer look to determine what is the root of their food habits. Causes for picky eating can be related to oral sensory responses, normal developmental patterns, taste/flavor preferences, and behavior ploys to name a few. Does your child have a history of gagging/choking on a bottle or food as an infant? Some are born with ...


3

There are a lot of good answers here. I just want to add one thing that you can do straight away that might make your situation a tiny bit more bearable. Before entering the house when coming home from work, or before getting up in the morning, anytime just before you will position yourself in a situation that likely will result in tantrums and/or fighting, ...


3

A lot of sensible advice has already been given here. Here are some additional two cents from me: You need to move out, or confront your own parents. Put them in therapy if need be. The trouble with parents is that their children never grow up in their eyes, and the parents always think to be smarter and wiser. They also love to keep the same authority ...


3

I TOTALLY agree with She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Your parents may well be crippling you; get an independent 3rd party to come along (any wise person you can trust) to secretly observe the dynamic and confirm to you that you are indeed ...


3

I have a four year old daughter (4 and 1/4), and I am separated from her mother. I have my daughter almost 50%. The behaviour you describe sounds like normal pre-schooler behaviour. The thing to keep in mind is, she doesn't realise they anxiety she is causing you, she's an innocent little thing... to her it's just play. There's no malice in what she is ...


3

Sounds pretty normal to me, at least up to a point. 3 and 17 months here, and not that different; except the 17 month old stands up to himself a bit better. We handle it in a very straightforward manner. Any toy grabbing means immediate removal of that toy from play for the day, unless that would excessively harm the wronged party if there is a clear ...


2

I remember reading Touchpoints, where he says that at a certain age, children don't actually NEED to eat that much, and they are far more interested in exploring and moving than in eating, so he recommends just putting little bits of everything on their plates, and letting them come back to it. Our experience with the oldest is that she would eat pretty ...


2

Don't pick sides, but don't deny when one of them is picking on the other in order to appear impartial. Accept that some of the time, you'll just have to accept that they're not talking to each other. Watch out for goading. Note that while physical violence is obviously wrong, if you make a stand on that, then the game will become to make the other sibling ...


2

Sibling rivalry is one of those things (like gas in newborns) that's going to happen anyway, and the only way to really "cure" it is to let the time pass for them to grow out of it. It also varies with the gender of the children. Per this question, it sounds like two boys. Some basics for handling the inevitable rivalry: No fighting. If they fight, they ...



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