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13

You or your neighbor should definitely contact an authority. You've described child neglect which is reportable to authorities. To not report it would cause harm and could lead to worse problems. Because there is concern about (abuse or) neglect, a trained professional, such as a doctor or fireman, should be called. One way to deal with this would be to ...


12

This is a territory problem, but not I don't think in the obvious way... If it's your kid, it's the territory between your house, your rules, and the other kids family's way of doing things. It's all about domain. I'm assuming we're talking about elementary aged kids. There's a lot to be said about what kids know at that age that can't be quantified. ...


10

Two things: I wouldn't take my child, especially young child, to flea invested anywhere. Even my parents' house. Since this is a deviation from the norm in your parents, I would be concerned for them. I think it's worth asking "hey is everything okay....? What can we do about this flea problem...?" Etc. No need for blame/shame (as in all my parenting ...


9

First, you are not withholding comfort. You are allowing them to express themselves in a way which requires them to handle the issue without forming a dependency. Being comforting is not the same thing for every child and every situation. For relatives, they likely have children. That being the case, I'd ask them if any 2 of the children were able to be ...


8

If you're having to describe this process as a "negotiation" then I get the impression that relations between your family and your parents/in-laws aren't always the most hospitable. Perhaps I'm reading more into the word than was intended. Are they the types of people who tend to over-stay their welcome? Show up unannounced? Have unreasonable ...


6

Definitely discuss this with your brother and his partner. Many parents (hopefully most) try to have a consistent strategy for discipline, sometimes with quite well-defined steps for progression. Any discipline you provide should be in alignment with, and supported by, the overall discipline your niece's parents provide. If, however, you find that your ...


6

If my child was the guest of honor, and I was the hostess, I would just say "No, it is so and so's birthday." You can say it to the cousins and avoid the mother if you want. Probably better to have this conversation in advance with the mother on the phone. "So, I know in the past we've let them help open presents, but it bothers me because.... Instead, could ...


5

I can't pretend to give a direct answer to the question, but I can give an answer. I suspect that it's obvious enough that you've already figured it out, but sometimes it helps to hear someone else confirm it. The answer is a choice: You can either have a discussion with your mom where there's some sort of implemented solution or you can come down on the ...


5

As Christine already mentioned, since these are your parents and you have a good relationship could you ask what's up and see if there is a way you can help to remedy the situation? If you are concerned about your mom you might ask your dad if he has noticed the difference too. Talking with both of them might solve the problem and also help to put your ...


5

Would it be possible to go ahead and allow the other kids to go ahead and start enjoying their presents while this one set of cousins continues to open their presents? I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that one family is allowed to monopolize the time of everyone else because their parents are spoiling them rotten (ok, maybe they're not, but it certainly ...


5

We were delighted to have both sets of parents visit while in the hospital, but of much greater value was having them stay for two weeks each, giving us some much needed support in that first month while we were learning our way. Your parents are an excellent resource to help make your lives easier, they can babysit, provide their experience, go to the ...


5

Once mom and baby are settled (eg, through first nursing), we are happy to have very close people drop by the hospital. Typically we will see Grandparents first day, maybe some aunts and uncles, and possibly very close friends. Others come over the days and weeks that follow. It really has to do with how close you are to people. I am not a fan of doing ...


5

Short visits in the hospital or at your home from relatives who live nearby are rarely an issue, as long as they call ahead first. I'll focus my remarks on either extended visits from far enough away that the visitors can't sleep at their own house, or when someone lives close but wants to visit for several hours a day to help out. In my experience, these ...


5

I agree with Christine that taking her to a place that is infested with fleas, even if it is your mother's house, should be off the table. The two choices are either stop staying there (I wouldn't try switching rooms, because if the cats have fleas, the only difference is there will be less fleas in areas the cats don't favor), or fix the flew problem. ...


3

Although it's been hinted at in some of the other answers, your main concern should be setting the expectations for anyone that comes to see you. No one should be "visiting" new parents, because visiting implies that you are the hosts and will care for them along with your baby. Friends and relatives should only "come to help" - anyone coming into your ...


3

In a situation like this, it's a bit complicated to give suggestions: we don't know how each person will react, how upset each one will get, and how is the relations among everyone involved. In those situations, I (and can't garantee that it's the best way, or that it will work with someone else) prefer to talk to each person a time, to feel what the ...


3

Talk to the parents beforehand Preferably sometime a days or weeks in advance, not ten minutes before they're leaving, discuss your concerns with sis in law. Explain your concerns: your kids feeling jealous, bored, less appreciative of their own gifts, etc. Obviously, your goal is not to stifle your sis in law's generosity (and make sure she knows this), but ...


2

We chose to do something not suggested here already, but that I thought might help others to know about if anyone else out there has similar problems. The other ideas were both great but included the assumption that these are reasonable people being worked with and the reality is, they aren't. I actually tried to have a convo about it with hubby and ...


2

First, don't yell at her. Not only is it not your place, but it is remarkably ineffective at correcting undesirable behavior. Second, if she is misbehaving and the parents are not controlling her, it is they who should be "told off", respectfully and calmly. When the parents are present, you should not discipline her without their permission. Give her ...


2

We kind of have an unsaid rule around here. We all discipline each others children as if they were our own. It teaches the kids to respect their elders. My mother never allowed me to discipline my younger brother when I was baby-sitting him. Talk about a nightmare. During his growing up stage he never respected anything I would say, everything was an ...


2

You really should discuss it with your brother, because every parent is different, but if you want to know what is a generally socially acceptable amount of discipline without a prior discussion, it really depends on what rules are being broken. If a child is physically mistreating you, your property, or someone else, or is in imminent danger herself, you ...


2

I bet the fleas are not from the surviving cat. Fleas would rather bite a cat and pretty much just settle for people. It's very common for people to only start getting bitten after a cat leaves the household (however it does) since the eggs, larvae, and pupae don't live on the cat, but rather in bedding, carpets etc. (And they can go dormant before adulthood ...


2

Are you certain that what you see on your daughter's body is flea bites and not hives? If the cat sleeps on the bed where she sleeps during a visit, the she could be reacting to the hair/dander in that bed/bedroom. I would try having her sleep on an air mattress on the floor in your bedroom, to see if that helps. If she still has the rash/bites, then I ...


2

Something I just thought of a minute ago and completely unrealted to my other answer: You said your mom is uncharacteristically tight-lipped about this. Kinda like someone that's just hoping the problem will go away. Question: How old is the flea-infested cat? I know my exwife was inconsolable for about a week after her cat died (a cat that we got ...


2

Thanks, Everyone gave some good feedback and since I didn't specifically follow any one person's advice, I'll answer for myself. In the end, we first talked came to a conclusion internally that made sense. The first week we'll be in hospital for most of that then at home for a couple of days getting our bearings. My wife's mom will come the second week and ...


2

I have two suggestions. The first is to not refer to it as a "cry it out" technique. The phrase has some significant negative connotations, and the implication that children are just left to cry until they pass out is not an accurate description of many (most) of the variations that fall under that umbrella. If you refer to it as "sleep training", or ...


2

I did not use "cry it out" but we followed other strategies that some relatives didn't. Frankly, it's impossible not to: between how long the child nurses for, cloth vs disposable, using a walker or not, how they go to sleep, how often they have a bath, what solid food you introduce first and so on it is simply a statistical impossibility that you did ...


1

I think a month will be bit long for your close parents to wait to come visit you and see the next wonder. But you are right : too soon is not a good choice. It's nice that you think about it, already for your first kid. I made the mistake to let friends and family come when they wanted and we had a bunch of visits at the hospital : it was exhausting. Even ...


1

There is no quarantine period. It's up to you. Newborns are at increased risk for infection-- especially this time of year (October - March)-- because of RSV, so you can ask visiting family and friends to wash their hands before holding or touching your baby and and ask that they touch the cute little feet instead of your baby's hands or face.


1

There are a lot of factors that can play into this decision, so its hard to give a specific answer. Delaying access to your relatives by more than a few days, or perhaps as much as a week, runs the risk of hurting their feelings, unless you give them specific reasons why. That's not to say there aren't good, specific reasons to hold off on visitors. ...



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