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18

This is a territory problem, but not I don't think in the obvious way... If it's your kid, it's the territory between your house, your rules, and the other kids family's way of doing things. It's all about domain. I'm assuming we're talking about elementary aged kids. There's a lot to be said about what kids know at that age that can't be quantified. ...


13

You or your neighbor should definitely contact an authority. You've described child neglect which is reportable to authorities. To not report it would cause harm and could lead to worse problems. Because there is concern about (abuse or) neglect, a trained professional, such as a doctor or fireman, should be called. One way to deal with this would be to ...


12

To me, the most complicated part of this is explaining a) why you don't want to forgive, or trust (or both) your uncle, and b) why you don't trust your mother's judgement on the matter enough to allow her to see your son. (Not that I'm questioning either element - you know the situation - but explaining the above to your child.) Presumably your child has ...


11

Two things: I wouldn't take my child, especially young child, to flea invested anywhere. Even my parents' house. Since this is a deviation from the norm in your parents, I would be concerned for them. I think it's worth asking "hey is everything okay....? What can we do about this flea problem...?" Etc. No need for blame/shame (as in all my parenting ...


10

I would provide much less information to your children than you have listed here. It would go something like this. Uncle Joe has a problem in his head and he hurts people on purpose. Not just people, but children like you. I won't allow him near you in case he decides to hurt you. (Optionally: it's a very small chance, but even a small chance is too ...


9

First, you are not withholding comfort. You are allowing them to express themselves in a way which requires them to handle the issue without forming a dependency. Being comforting is not the same thing for every child and every situation. For relatives, they likely have children. That being the case, I'd ask them if any 2 of the children were able to be ...


8

If you're having to describe this process as a "negotiation" then I get the impression that relations between your family and your parents/in-laws aren't always the most hospitable. Perhaps I'm reading more into the word than was intended. Are they the types of people who tend to over-stay their welcome? Show up unannounced? Have unreasonable ...


7

What a horrible dilemma! As I see it, your problem comprises three distinct elements: Your mother has little or no sense of what reasonable boundaries consist of. She also lies when it suits her purposes, and for some reason has prioritized her relationship with her son over the safety of her grandchildren Your uncle has even less sense of boundaries than ...


6

Definitely discuss this with your brother and his partner. Many parents (hopefully most) try to have a consistent strategy for discipline, sometimes with quite well-defined steps for progression. Any discipline you provide should be in alignment with, and supported by, the overall discipline your niece's parents provide. If, however, you find that your ...


6

If my child was the guest of honor, and I was the hostess, I would just say "No, it is so and so's birthday." You can say it to the cousins and avoid the mother if you want. Probably better to have this conversation in advance with the mother on the phone. "So, I know in the past we've let them help open presents, but it bothers me because.... Instead, could ...


5

We were delighted to have both sets of parents visit while in the hospital, but of much greater value was having them stay for two weeks each, giving us some much needed support in that first month while we were learning our way. Your parents are an excellent resource to help make your lives easier, they can babysit, provide their experience, go to the ...


5

Once mom and baby are settled (eg, through first nursing), we are happy to have very close people drop by the hospital. Typically we will see Grandparents first day, maybe some aunts and uncles, and possibly very close friends. Others come over the days and weeks that follow. It really has to do with how close you are to people. I am not a fan of doing ...


5

I agree with Christine that taking her to a place that is infested with fleas, even if it is your mother's house, should be off the table. The two choices are either stop staying there (I wouldn't try switching rooms, because if the cats have fleas, the only difference is there will be less fleas in areas the cats don't favor), or fix the flew problem. ...


5

Short visits in the hospital or at your home from relatives who live nearby are rarely an issue, as long as they call ahead first. I'll focus my remarks on either extended visits from far enough away that the visitors can't sleep at their own house, or when someone lives close but wants to visit for several hours a day to help out. In my experience, these ...


5

I can't pretend to give a direct answer to the question, but I can give an answer. I suspect that it's obvious enough that you've already figured it out, but sometimes it helps to hear someone else confirm it. The answer is a choice: You can either have a discussion with your mom where there's some sort of implemented solution or you can come down on the ...


5

As Christine already mentioned, since these are your parents and you have a good relationship could you ask what's up and see if there is a way you can help to remedy the situation? If you are concerned about your mom you might ask your dad if he has noticed the difference too. Talking with both of them might solve the problem and also help to put your ...


5

Would it be possible to go ahead and allow the other kids to go ahead and start enjoying their presents while this one set of cousins continues to open their presents? I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that one family is allowed to monopolize the time of everyone else because their parents are spoiling them rotten (ok, maybe they're not, but it certainly ...


4

Talk to the parents beforehand Preferably sometime a days or weeks in advance, not ten minutes before they're leaving, discuss your concerns with sis in law. Explain your concerns: your kids feeling jealous, bored, less appreciative of their own gifts, etc. Obviously, your goal is not to stifle your sis in law's generosity (and make sure she knows this), but ...


4

Please forgive my posting anonymously, but I think I might be in a unique position to answer this. Without going into too many gory details about my family history, my mother found out she was married to A Very Bad Man and, immediately, left him, taking my sister, her three-year-old daughter, with her. I was born later, in her second marriage, and growing ...


3

Although it's been hinted at in some of the other answers, your main concern should be setting the expectations for anyone that comes to see you. No one should be "visiting" new parents, because visiting implies that you are the hosts and will care for them along with your baby. Friends and relatives should only "come to help" - anyone coming into your ...


3

You really should discuss it with your brother, because every parent is different, but if you want to know what is a generally socially acceptable amount of discipline without a prior discussion, it really depends on what rules are being broken. If a child is physically mistreating you, your property, or someone else, or is in imminent danger herself, you ...


3

First, don't yell at her. Not only is it not your place, but it is remarkably ineffective at correcting undesirable behavior. Second, if she is misbehaving and the parents are not controlling her, it is they who should be "told off", respectfully and calmly. When the parents are present, you should not discipline her without their permission. Give her ...


3

In a situation like this, it's a bit complicated to give suggestions: we don't know how each person will react, how upset each one will get, and how is the relations among everyone involved. In those situations, I (and can't garantee that it's the best way, or that it will work with someone else) prefer to talk to each person a time, to feel what the ...


3

The clear answer is illness. Even a 9 yr old understands sickness. This sickness is one that can cause harm to others because ability for self-control is damaged. Until the illness can be cured, it's simply too dangerous for the person to be around. The idea of illness in others can be very important in these circumstances. It's especially important as ...


2

We kind of have an unsaid rule around here. We all discipline each others children as if they were our own. It teaches the kids to respect their elders. My mother never allowed me to discipline my younger brother when I was baby-sitting him. Talk about a nightmare. During his growing up stage he never respected anything I would say, everything was an ...


2

I bet the fleas are not from the surviving cat. Fleas would rather bite a cat and pretty much just settle for people. It's very common for people to only start getting bitten after a cat leaves the household (however it does) since the eggs, larvae, and pupae don't live on the cat, but rather in bedding, carpets etc. (And they can go dormant before adulthood ...


2

Are you certain that what you see on your daughter's body is flea bites and not hives? If the cat sleeps on the bed where she sleeps during a visit, the she could be reacting to the hair/dander in that bed/bedroom. I would try having her sleep on an air mattress on the floor in your bedroom, to see if that helps. If she still has the rash/bites, then I ...


2

Something I just thought of a minute ago and completely unrealted to my other answer: You said your mom is uncharacteristically tight-lipped about this. Kinda like someone that's just hoping the problem will go away. Question: How old is the flea-infested cat? I know my exwife was inconsolable for about a week after her cat died (a cat that we got ...


2

We chose to do something not suggested here already, but that I thought might help others to know about if anyone else out there has similar problems. The other ideas were both great but included the assumption that these are reasonable people being worked with and the reality is, they aren't. I actually tried to have a convo about it with hubby and ...


2

Thanks, Everyone gave some good feedback and since I didn't specifically follow any one person's advice, I'll answer for myself. In the end, we first talked came to a conclusion internally that made sense. The first week we'll be in hospital for most of that then at home for a couple of days getting our bearings. My wife's mom will come the second week and ...



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