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31

You don't have nearly enough evidence to accuse him. You're also beyond the point where you can forbid him from doing something. You need to persuade him, and performing a search won't help with that. Badmouthing his friends is also likely to backfire. His selection of friends is highly personal and the largest part of his identity right now. It would ...


22

I think my input on this matter should be quite useful, as I'm currently 17 (on the verge of 18, but that's irrelevant), and have done some drinking over the past year or so. My parents have no idea, or at least I assume they don't, and I don't intend for them to find out anytime soon, as I know I'll be punished to some extent. My father is an alcoholic, and ...


21

This is an iffy situation, especially if you have a good relationship with your sister. On one hand, you don't want her to be mad at you and on the other, you want her to be safe and you want to protect her. First of all, not doing anything is wrong. It would be turning a blind eye to a potentially dangerous situation. If something did happen to her in the ...


18

Ransacking his room and invading his personal space may come back to haunt you, especially if he is hiding something. TRUST me, he will notice if you've searched his room and that may cause him to distance himself even further from you. I would just casually confront him about it via discussing something you "saw on the news" recently relating to drug-use ...


13

No. Based on personal experience, I'm going to answer no because it's a matter of family style. My family also had a liquor cabinet and it was not even high up so even a kid could reach it. But we were never tempted. We knew that liquor is adult stuff, and at some point we'd been offered something that tasted horrible. We just weren't interested. We ...


13

Here is a slightly different answer: "If you don't teach your children how to drink responsibly and how to effectively deal with alcohol, who will?" Assuming a mostly US audience (it's quite different in other countries that I lived in): Alcohol is illegal for anyone under 21. Providing alcohol to teenagers or enabling teenage drinking may get you into ...


11

One thing nobody else has picked up on: If you ignore the drug thing for a moment, you were going through her stuff, when she clearly wasn't expecting you to. The best way to open the conversation might be to apologise for that. Otherwise, in effect what you'll be saying is "I was going through your stuff and found this, now I've confiscated it, and need to ...


10

What you describe sounds a lot like me when I was a teenager about a decade ago. Long story short, I've never done drugs. I had a terrible sleep schedule, and I still do. It wasn't so much that I was doing anything important or bad as it was that I was on MSN talking to friends (some of whom lived in Japan), or playing Starcraft. As a result I'd often take ...


9

We do not have a locked drinks cabinet, but just as an info point - I taught my son how to pick locks when he was 5. It took me about half an hour to give him enough of the basics that he could get into or out of any locked area in the house. A teenager can teach themself from online tutorials such as the very handy one from MIT. * All three of my kids get ...


9

I agree with Torben. You don't need to secure the liquor, at least at the age range you are asking about. Education is more important than physical barriers. A lock on the liquor cabinet won't help you when your children go to a friend's house, and the liquor there isn't locked up. Teaching your child not only that they shouldn't drink at that age, but ...


9

Sounds to me, like you and your daughter had a very healthy and honest conversation - and trust me when I say, those are the kind that work. I worked with adolescents for ten years as a health and science teacher as well as was advisor to a class of about 20 eighth grade kids each year. Considering the fact that I had around 100 kids each year I taught, ...


8

I would talk to a professional first. I was friends with a drug addict for a while, and in my experience they can be masters at deflection. For example, if you confront your sister, my guess is that she'd say she's keeping the pills for someone else. A professional could tell you what to expect from the confrontation, and give you some pointers on what to do ...


8

It's a complicated issue that doesn't have an easy answer. Arguments for involving parents include protecting her from becoming an addict; substance abuse could ruin her life. Arguments against involving parents include the consequences (particularly legal, if your parents would involve law enforcement). Despite the stigma, there are worse things she could ...


8

According to http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/AA67/AA67.htm about 15% of 8th graders binge drink on a regular basis so 9 years is probably not a good age to start. Whether you like it or not, your child will be exposed to alcohol first probably in middle school Besides the age, you need to be also clear about what exactly you want to teach to him. The ...


6

I'm seeing a lot of hysterical overreaction here. Ecstasy, used occasionally and in small quantities, is not a high-risk drug: something goes wrong about 1 out of 10,000 times, compared with 1 in 350 for horse riding. The UK's Academy of Medical Sciences ranks it at 18 out of 20 in dangerousness, way below alcohol (5) and tobacco (9). In short, the ...


6

As with many topics, I would not force it upon him but rather wait for a suitable situation to present itself. I don't think there's a "right age" for this talk, or rather that this "age" is not counted in years but in observations and questions. In your case, it might be when he asks you what do you do at work, or simply a situation at home where he ...


6

As with most of the questions on a parenting forum, there is not a single correct answer. It depends so much on the personalities of your children. If one of our children had a special problem with alcohol, that would be one thing. But anything can be abused, so alcohol isn't really unique in this regard. I find that when I give something a "special" status, ...


6

The National Institute on Drug Abuse has the following information about marijuana and the brain: Marijuana use impairs a person's ability to form new memories and to shift focus. THC also disrupts coordination and balance by binding to receptors in the cerebellum and the basal ganglia. According to the website, the jury is still out as to exactly how ...


5

Lots of good answers already but I think there are still some important things to point out. This is one of the hardest challenges for a parent. What type of drugs are we talking about? There are three groups of illegal drugs that are worth differentiating: A) Alcohol, B) Weed, Hashish & Marijuana, C) prescription drugs and hard drugs. All three of ...


5

Are you sure you are asking the right question? You suspect he's using drugs not because you have any evidence, but because he's staying out late and his behavior isn't what you'd like. I think maybe you are looking at this from the wrong perspective, maybe you should be asking why he's avoiding you and staying out late. There comes a time when you can't ...


5

YES We put locks on our liquor cabinet when our daughter hit age 12. I think a locked liquor cabinet is a good idea, particularly if there are situations where the kid is home alone with any frequency. The primary reason is that give your child an easy excuse to resist peer pressure. A friend is over, and wants to raid the cabinet. It is easy for the kid ...


5

Be honest - you're concerned & have a reason to be. If we ignore it and act like everything is ok, how are teens going to get the message of where to draw the line? She may be mad, but you obviously just happened to have seen the stuff by accident and are honestly worried about her. Let her know why you are worried and how much she means to you. ...


4

My father was an alcoholic, and I never had an interest in the whiskey, gin or beer present in our home. After all, why would I want to be like my father when I had to live with how he treated me after drinking? I live in the EU now, so drinking laws are more lax over here; I do have liquor in a cabinet, which I use for baking cheesecakes or desserts, or on ...


3

You know what? I remember lots of kids who had no trouble getting into their parent's locked cabinets, either having found the key or picked the lock. And all kinds of tricks involving replacing the volume of vodka removed with water, etc. just leave the liquor in the cupboard and be more serious about educating your kids on the dangers of underage drinking, ...


2

Of course you can lock your liquor cabinet, but it won't prevent your child from helping him/herself if he/she wants to. At home it was always clear that the alcohol in the liquor cabinet was "for the family" (in facts for guests, as my parents only drank wine which they shared with children on sundays). My father only told me "Do what you want, but don't ...


2

You are the only one who can make the decision on what to do based off information you get from others and your personal values and beliefs. The question that I recommend you ask yourself is whether you're willing to risk your relationship with your sister (and possibly have her hate you) in order to potentially save her life. There is no guarantee that the ...


1

The answer largely depends on your daughter. How do you think she'd react? Full honesty is fine, and the approach my spouse and I took. At times my kids held it over my head a bit, but they knew us better for it and it worked out well for us. I think it might have helped them get a good idea of how the world worked and not to make bad assumptions. The ...


1

I have searched numerous databases and am finding no studies directly addressing this. I did find that there are links from secondhand smoke to respiratory issues and also increased infections (reduced immunity) in small children - so I would consider either of those as signs to be concerned. In the absence of such symptoms, I would say you are probably ...


1

I think it's OK to have a liquor cabinet, but I think it's wrong (or at the ver least unnecessary) to lock it. Your children should know what they can't do and why (like using your or any liquors for several reasons), but they should also know that you trust them. Putting a simple barrier is enough to make the intention clear. Putting a strong barrier ...


1

Just because you think kids will have sex anyway doesn't mean you should hire a hooker for their birthday. The question you should be asking is how to make it as easy as possible for them to make the right choice. Like the proverbial driver keeping as far away as possible from the cliff's edge, the more obstacles you can put in the way, the safer they are ...



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