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38

These things you list are a part of our lives, either because we use/do them or other people we know or see use/do. Discovering things through friends is rarely a good idea. That's how myths are spread, "you can't get pregnant the first time", "masturbation will make you impotent", ... "drugs are good". You should give your children the important ...


32

You don't have nearly enough evidence to accuse him. You're also beyond the point where you can forbid him from doing something. You need to persuade him, and performing a search won't help with that. Badmouthing his friends is also likely to backfire. His selection of friends is highly personal and the largest part of his identity right now. It would ...


28

This is an iffy situation, especially if you have a good relationship with your sister. On one hand, you don't want her to be mad at you and on the other, you want her to be safe and you want to protect her. First of all, not doing anything is wrong. It would be turning a blind eye to a potentially dangerous situation. If something did happen to her in the ...


26

I think my input on this matter should be quite useful, as I'm currently 17 (on the verge of 18, but that's irrelevant), and have done some drinking over the past year or so. My parents have no idea, or at least I assume they don't, and I don't intend for them to find out anytime soon, as I know I'll be punished to some extent. My father is an alcoholic, and ...


19

Who do you think will be more likely to provide answers in a way that you would want your children to learn about drugs and sex, you as the children's parents or their peers (whose parent's might also evade the subject)? I don't know about you, but I trust my judgment on and knowledge about these subjects more than those of other children. Of course, given ...


18

Ransacking his room and invading his personal space may come back to haunt you, especially if he is hiding something. TRUST me, he will notice if you've searched his room and that may cause him to distance himself even further from you. I would just casually confront him about it via discussing something you "saw on the news" recently relating to drug-use ...


17

One thing nobody else has picked up on: If you ignore the drug thing for a moment, you were going through her stuff, when she clearly wasn't expecting you to. The best way to open the conversation might be to apologise for that. Otherwise, in effect what you'll be saying is "I was going through your stuff and found this, now I've confiscated it, and need to ...


15

Here is a slightly different answer: "If you don't teach your children how to drink responsibly and how to effectively deal with alcohol, who will?" Assuming a mostly US audience (it's quite different in other countries that I lived in): Alcohol is illegal for anyone under 21. Providing alcohol to teenagers or enabling teenage drinking may get you into ...


13

No. Based on personal experience, I'm going to answer no because it's a matter of family style. My family also had a liquor cabinet and it was not even high up so even a kid could reach it. But we were never tempted. We knew that liquor is adult stuff, and at some point we'd been offered something that tasted horrible. We just weren't interested. We ...


10

What you describe sounds a lot like me when I was a teenager about a decade ago. Long story short, I've never done drugs. I had a terrible sleep schedule, and I still do. It wasn't so much that I was doing anything important or bad as it was that I was on MSN talking to friends (some of whom lived in Japan), or playing Starcraft. As a result I'd often take ...


10

I agree with Torben. You don't need to secure the liquor, at least at the age range you are asking about. Education is more important than physical barriers. A lock on the liquor cabinet won't help you when your children go to a friend's house, and the liquor there isn't locked up. Teaching your child not only that they shouldn't drink at that age, but ...


10

Sounds to me, like you and your daughter had a very healthy and honest conversation - and trust me when I say, those are the kind that work. I worked with adolescents for ten years as a health and science teacher as well as was advisor to a class of about 20 eighth grade kids each year. Considering the fact that I had around 100 kids each year I taught, ...


9

I'm seeing a lot of hysterical overreaction here. Ecstasy, used occasionally and in small quantities, is not a high-risk drug: something goes wrong about 1 out of 10,000 times, compared with 1 in 350 for horse riding. The UK's Academy of Medical Sciences ranks it at 18 out of 20 in dangerousness, way below alcohol (5) and tobacco (9). In short, the ...


9

It's a complicated issue that doesn't have an easy answer. Arguments for involving parents include protecting her from becoming an addict; substance abuse could ruin her life. Arguments against involving parents include the consequences (particularly legal, if your parents would involve law enforcement). Despite the stigma, there are worse things she could ...


9

Most of the other advice in this topic is excellent but a small item to add: This shouldn't need to be said but there seem to be a lot of parents in this world who prefer to try to control their children through lies. If you lie about sex, drugs and alcohol once they catch you in one lie they won't trust your other advice on the matter.


8

We do not have a locked drinks cabinet, but just as an info point - I taught my son how to pick locks when he was 5. It took me about half an hour to give him enough of the basics that he could get into or out of any locked area in the house. A teenager can teach themself from online tutorials such as the very handy one from MIT. * All three of my kids get ...


8

According to http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/AA67/AA67.htm about 15% of 8th graders binge drink on a regular basis so 9 years is probably not a good age to start. Whether you like it or not, your child will be exposed to alcohol first probably in middle school Besides the age, you need to be also clear about what exactly you want to teach to him. The ...


8

I would talk to a professional first. I was friends with a drug addict for a while, and in my experience they can be masters at deflection. For example, if you confront your sister, my guess is that she'd say she's keeping the pills for someone else. A professional could tell you what to expect from the confrontation, and give you some pointers on what to do ...


7

Be honest - you're concerned & have a reason to be. If we ignore it and act like everything is ok, how are teens going to get the message of where to draw the line? She may be mad, but you obviously just happened to have seen the stuff by accident and are honestly worried about her. Let her know why you are worried and how much she means to you. ...


6

As with many topics, I would not force it upon him but rather wait for a suitable situation to present itself. I don't think there's a "right age" for this talk, or rather that this "age" is not counted in years but in observations and questions. In your case, it might be when he asks you what do you do at work, or simply a situation at home where he ...


6

As with most of the questions on a parenting forum, there is not a single correct answer. It depends so much on the personalities of your children. If one of our children had a special problem with alcohol, that would be one thing. But anything can be abused, so alcohol isn't really unique in this regard. I find that when I give something a "special" status, ...


6

The National Institute on Drug Abuse has the following information about marijuana and the brain: Marijuana use impairs a person's ability to form new memories and to shift focus. THC also disrupts coordination and balance by binding to receptors in the cerebellum and the basal ganglia. According to the website, the jury is still out as to exactly how ...


6

How you should react will depend on what your child has gotten into and how they are currently acting. First, lets clarify what each option will get you. Poison Control (U.S.: 1-800-222-1222) See This URL for information about who you will be talking to (medical experts in toxicology), what information they will ask you, etc. The Poison Control Center ...


5

Lots of good answers already but I think there are still some important things to point out. This is one of the hardest challenges for a parent. What type of drugs are we talking about? There are three groups of illegal drugs that are worth differentiating: A) Alcohol, B) Weed, Hashish & Marijuana, C) prescription drugs and hard drugs. All three of ...


5

Are you sure you are asking the right question? You suspect he's using drugs not because you have any evidence, but because he's staying out late and his behavior isn't what you'd like. I think maybe you are looking at this from the wrong perspective, maybe you should be asking why he's avoiding you and staying out late. There comes a time when you can't ...


5

YES We put locks on our liquor cabinet when our daughter hit age 12. I think a locked liquor cabinet is a good idea, particularly if there are situations where the kid is home alone with any frequency. The primary reason is that give your child an easy excuse to resist peer pressure. A friend is over, and wants to raid the cabinet. It is easy for the kid ...


5

Sitting children down to "tell them the facts of life" or educate them about drugs etc is a stressful proposition for parents and children alike; it often feels confrontational and uncomfortable for all involved. A proactive education is very important in some areas and a reactive approach (responding to their questions) is better in others but which occurs ...


4

My father was an alcoholic, and I never had an interest in the whiskey, gin or beer present in our home. After all, why would I want to be like my father when I had to live with how he treated me after drinking? I live in the EU now, so drinking laws are more lax over here; I do have liquor in a cabinet, which I use for baking cheesecakes or desserts, or on ...


4

According to the US Dept. of Health and Human Services Poison Help website and the Mayo Clinic, you should first call Poison Control, unless the victim is unconscious, having trouble breathing, having seizures, or is "uncontrollably restless or agitated" (I assume this is meant to be a proxy for high adrenaline levels, and not meant to imply simply stressed ...


4

During the first two weeks of pregnancy there is very exchange of substances between the mother and the embrio. And the pregnancy, by definition, actually starts at the moment the woman supposed to have her period. So one may say that the first three weeks are actually quite safe in regards to drinking or other substances use or abuse. After that, however, ...



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