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How is you family dealing with ownership within the household? If the shoes were "his," free and clear, then he can do whatever he wants with him. However, if when you bought them for him, there were strings attached (like "these shoes are expensive, but we think you'll do good things with them"), then he did not have the right to give them away without ...


0

Different kids are motivated by different things. You say he is not motivated by rewards, well what have you tried? You have certain things that you need him to do. My eldest really likes money. My middle child: iPad time and stickers. My youngest: sweets on Friday. There are lots of different reward schemes you might try. I know someone who has a monkey ...


0

I don't see the fail. He stomped on a car window and cracked it, and you got angry at him and took him down. As a child, he will do stupid dangerous things from time to time. It's within your remit as a parent to get angry. You're also human, you're not a stimulus response machine, you have emotions and this is acceptable. You do need to make sure your ...


5

With care you can reverse this situation, turn it into a teachable moment, and gain massive respect into the bargain. Recognise that 13 year old boys do really dumb things for girls Really stupid, falling over themselves in circles like a little puppy dog dumb. They can't help it. Make him aware of the problem he has caused If he's a good kid you can ...


-1

A one-year-old slapping is not the slightest problem at all in my opinion, but of course should not be reinforced. It carries no meaning other than discovery. Beyond this, you just want to make sure the behaviour remains discouraged.


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Ground* him for a week at least, so that he understands that he's being punished for doing something wrong. And have a talk with him about the value of things he owns (and things you buy for him). He's thirteen years old, and while you might think he's 'learned the value of money' over the course of thirteen years, this is not necessarily the case - even ...


0

19 months is too early to get into complicated strategies, and time-out is just a waste of time as you've discovered, keep it simple. Get a health check with a doctor to talk about it Be mindfully and rigorously consistent about how you react to his screaming ; he keeps doing it because he thinks there is still something new he can get out of it. If the ...


6

Make the charity whole Donate the left shoes as well, that way the charity is made whole. Why did they really do it It's possible they found it funny b/c of some teens' snark sense of humor to have the charity looking for matching shoes, only not to find them, as a previous answer has said. As a parent, it's hard to know if that was the root of the ...


3

I would learn him to respect the value of money, and have him buy the next pair of shoes from his own pocket. This way, it would only hurt his own pocket if he choose to do the same over again. (Or something likewise)


39

Hehe, that is pretty funny. Eh, don't worry about it. Kids do silly things, this isn't one that's going to get him killed. Sometimes people just need to do something that goes against the normal course of action, ya' know? It'll be a funny story he can think about/tell other people when he's older. After he's had his fun, and then gets tired of walking ...


11

Consider items you give to your child a gift to them. The money spent on it then becomes irrelevant since it isn't yours to use; it's theirs. This makes dealing with kids breaking things much easier as it becomes their own responsibility and you'll feel less reason to keep replacing things they break. They learn value much more quickly that way. If he gives ...


2

Divide 575$ by a reasonable hourly wage and make him work that many hours for charity (for free). Thereafter forget about the incident and the 575$. This will sharpen his mind for the problems of the not so lucky, and he might consider thinking a bit more about any future actions. For yourself: be happy about the lesson learned.


9

I would be more concerned that he thought it was funny to make fun of the disadvantaged. Donate the left shoes to the charity. Then buy him a cheap pair of shoes, if he wants expensive fancy shoes he can save up for them so he will learn the value of shoes and will respect gifts from you.


2

Let him live with the consequences of his actions and walk around with one shoe. If he has a job or an allowance, he will quickly learn just how valuable a pair of shoes are after spending a few days with only one.


38

First off, I strongly recommend taking the money out of your thinking. Teenagers can do foolish things that can be expensive, but it just doesn't help to dwell on the cost of the shoes. Remember: your son is worth a lot more to you than those shoes. Presumably it will be possible to speak with someone at the donation center to get those shoes back. Second, ...


86

Donate the left shoes in the same donation box. Whether or not they are able to get single shoes to those who need them, having a half-pair sit in your son's closet does nobody any good. Might as well finish what he started. By only giving right shoes, he has potentially wasted the charity's time: many people need only one shoe, but there's a chance this ...


0

My wife and I try to avoid digging ourselves into absolutes unless there's more to gain by it. Our fella (2.5y) is very good about tacking please onto things and saying thank you at this point so often if he omits it we'll just remind him while still complying. "Remember you're supposed to say please!" while still handing him the snack/toy/whatever. We'll ...


-2

Ask nicely ?? No you tell them . you are the adult they are the kids. You could say" want to be a big helper for mommy ?" But so what if they flip out they are testing you .


0

Children crave control. I had a friend whose son had a similar behavior, only instead of screaming he'd yell "Boo!" or "Hey!" He liked the way it made people jump, and it drove her crazy. She finally decided to deal with it by putting in light earplugs so that she could still hear but the sound wasn't enough to make her jump, then she made it a point to ...


2

I took a roll of pennies and spray painted them gold so they couldn't get mixed up/mistaken for normal money. These were "pirate coins" or "treasure". I used them to reward extra good behavior and routine tasks that they needed some motivation for (1 penny for doing a good job brushing teeth, 1 penny for sorting laundry, etc). There were several benefits ...


1

With my own child, I will often just give her a suggested phrase to say. "Car! Car! Give me car!" "A more effective way to say that is 'May I please play with the car?'" "Please may with car?" (She never gets the whole phrase right, of course, but that's not important, and I do think it's important that I model the whole phrase even though ...


0

Okay, I know this isn't a fun situation at all for you. First, before anything else, have you been to the doctor? I think that you should make sure that there are no developmental issues. If this has been going on for awhile, it is worth considering. The reason I say that is because some children with Autism have this reaction when they become overwhelmed or ...


0

I would suggest soliciting the help of a professional at this point. It will take a few weeks, but a therapist will help you figure out what is going on in your daughter's head, and give you and her some strategies. One thing you want is for your daughter to develop a healthy clinical relationship with this therapist (in other words, trust). That means the ...


2

Under control vs. self control One of the issues when growing up is that there is a transition at one point where a kid that is controlled by the parents and the school system needs to move into a position where support takes over and control moves away - eventually completely once the kid is taking control itself over its life. A big amount of fights ...


4

Like others have pointed out, based on a small description on SE, we can only hint at possible insights. For definite answer you might have to speak with a professional. The one thing that struck me in your question is the age gap between her and your other daughters. This means that's she's grown up in a household where everybody else was at least 8 years ...


2

My 12 year old is out of control. She tells us to shut up, calls us stupid, is just mouthy. She doesn't like TV, computers or anything so you cant take it away she doesn't really care. Wow, it certainly sounds like you lost the power struggle there. I think she's probably trying to prove that you can't control her. I suggest you re-open the lines ...


3

You raised two other daughters without getting that result, so you must have some knowledge about good parenting. One thing to consider is what is different between the environment my older two daughters were raised and that in which my youngest was raised? Is there a different father? Is there some different stressor (is there a possibility that she's being ...


0

In families, like all other co-operative societal formations, members need a sense of responsibility and belonging, otherwise they will take upon themselves to resolve their status when they become aware that their participation is not appreciated or that their well-being cannot be assumed to others. Seeing the many shortcomings you have enumerated, I could ...


2

The problem we have is that sometimes he'll just absolutely refuse to ask for something, and start crying or exhibiting a (really cute) grumpy demeanor. We've never given in to him behaving this way, so we're not sure why he's trying these tactics. He is doing them because he is only just learning how this "social thing" works. Do I always have to ask ...


2

What can I do to as to getting him not to act this way? As a response to the specific situation, there is nothing you can do to make him not act that way. Not any more than someone can make you not be afraid of gun being pointed in your direction, or make you not be sad when a loved one dies. He's displaying a natural, emotional reaction to a situation. ...


1

What can I do to as to getting him not to act this way? I think the other answers address this fairly well. You're having an issue transitioning your little one to a new sleeping arrangement. That is an incredibly common issue. Sleeping location changes are a big deal for infants and toddlers. That's why there are so many "methods" out there for dealing ...


1

You're right that a stern tone can have an impact on an infant or a toddler. That doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong to use it; but it largely should be used when it's necessary to get their attention. For me, stern tone comes out (intentionally) when they're doing something unsafe, or hurtful to another; the two times I really want them to pay attention. ...


10

This is the sort of issue that happens all the time with toddlers and preschoolers: when sufficiently well rested and fed, they're polite and well behaved, but when something's amiss things go poorly. When this happens with us, we address it by triaging the problem first, and then make a choice based on that result. Why did he refuse to ask nicely? ...


3

If I understand your question correctly, you are telling him "no" to throwing a fit. when our son starts crying and in my view throwing a fit, we both tell him no or that it's not ok to do that. Babies that are are unable to control their emotions. That takes a lot of front-lobe neural activity which isn't developed yet. Around 15 - 18 months, they ...


1

Active ignoring is a great and useful tool in behavior modification. However, it must be used appropriately and the correct time. If he is acting up or having behaviors for attention then actively ignoring well curb the behavior. However, if he is just doing it because he's a kid messing with things then it will not. Sounds like you need to block his ...


-3

Music lessons and children often don't seem to mix, especially when it's practice time. It's really the same as anything else in family life, really. Children follow parental examples, and it's no different in music or any other art form requiring years of cultivation. Parents who wish for their children to become athletes are usually sports enthusiasts ...


3

There are definitely times when ignoring a child's behavior is the better part of wisdom. This, however, isn't one of them. Children - especially 3 year olds - are not mind readers. They are, however (like you) human, and want what they want. (You want him to stop. He wants to continue. That is the sum total of what he knows about the situation as it stands ...


0

Teenagers, even ones who appear to waste their lives on social media, cannot possibly have an absolute lack of interests. And while I am only reluctantly admitting this, social media in itself is a profession, and in these days it is becoming more integral and valuable. I strongly dislike social media for a huge number of reasons but it is undeniable that ...



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