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2

Well, since no one has given this answer yet, I will propose it. My dog (the licker) knows the command no licking! She loves to lick (not obnoxiously, but if I even just compliment her, she wants to lick my hand. She also indicates her desire to play, eat, or go outside with hand licks [plus body language]. And other unknown stuff.) Not liking too much ...


-1

If you live on Earth, you have to understand that her view is either the majority in your area or a strong minority. For example, the average single mother in the USA spank their young children an average of 2-3 times a week. Including their toddlers. So whatever response you give has to be compassionate with their worldview that routine physical abuse is ...


3

To answer your question, I would like to break down your question: If parents give a spank to their child, this is considered violence and as such frown upon - and in some countries simply a crime under the law. Spanking is not universally considered violence, or abuse. There are many countries that outlaw all corporal punishment, which spanking happens to ...


10

No, punishment is violence. Violence, a fact of life, is a part of nature and their world. The question implicit is what are the tolerable/intolerable externalities of violence and how to manage the potential risks that you fear in accomplishing the desired behavior modification in the child. However, please do reconsider whether you must resort to ...


0

Unless your child took the gun to school in order to threaten someone with it, or has thought about or talked about hurting someone with a real gun, I don't see why this isn't 'just about bringing a toy to school.' You might be scared, reasonably or unreasonably depending on the school and the circumstances, about someone such as a police officer mistakenly ...


2

I think ignoring it was the right, wise answer. You could have any number of responses, from informative to "pleasant" to aggressive, but any response tells your child and any spectators that the woman's comment was worth validating in any way. Nothing you could have said would likely have changed anyone's mind on the matter. Even being polite, a one-off ...


1

First of all, violence is by definition physical or abusive. Pop-psychology notwithstanding, failing to be unconditionally loved with 100% forgiveness and infinite patience is not equal to having violence done to you. In my family, we had something that was neither violent, nor punishment, nor consequences per se: We had disappointment. The shame of ...


4

Santi, thanks for asking such an interesting and important question. Can behaviour which isn't physically violent be abusive? I think most people would agree that emotional abuse can exist without physical abuse; in other words, it's accepted wisdom that one does not have to hit a child in order for one's behaviour toward that child to be abusive. The ...


2

This is common. My wife and I thought we were the world's best parents because our son was so well-behaved --until he turned two. Then we were ashamed to take him anywhere. Something that really helped was finding a good preschool program. Even though my wife was at home with our son, the chance for him socialize regularly with peers was crucial. We ...


6

One additional viewpoint: I have a three year old who sometimes is similar (also with his younger brother), and one piece of advice I've been given that I think rings true: if he's having trouble sharing or playing with others, it may be a cry for more time or space of his own. This is both time and space literally on his own - toys that he does not have ...


2

Great advice on the other answer. Just to expand a bit. Seems like he doesn't know how to express himself. Try to figure out why he doesn't want to share, and how to explain it properly to the other kid. "We do not push other people, I can see that you are mad/afraid. Why are you mad? Explain to the kid why you don't want to share at the moment and tell ...


19

I want to address a particular issue I see in the comments: the (important) distinction between punishments and consequences. Punishments are distinct from consequences, and work differently. Many theories of parenting rely on consequences solely, and do not rely on punishments at all. Punishments do not inherently contain violence per se, but they do ...


5

The time-out system is designed to be non-punishment. It is about teaching a child who is out of control to settle himself. When the child misbehaves, he is put in his room for a few minutes (longer as he gets older), until he has regained his composure. It is an application of consequences - if you misbehave, other people don't want to be around you. When ...


8

For us, psychological abuse is a serious issue. I've seen children who've never been hit more traumatised than ones who've been seriously physically hurt through "discipline". I know that consequences have to happen in a controlled environment at an early age, since if the child does not learn that early, then they will have great difficulties related to ...


2

From birth we've always talked to our child and explained everything to her, especially why its important that she does something if we ask her to. There's never any need for violence, spanking, shouting or punishments, if you are doing it properly / calmly & in control of yourself and the situation.


4

If restraining your child in any way counts as violence, then maybe. If your child is having a screaming fit you might have to pick it up against its will and tuck it under your arm and carry it off, in a way this is violence in a small way, but better than actual beating. I always tried to turn restraint (for example, carrying the screaming child out to ...


-2

"Oh? Does that work for the flu? Thank you. Now I can stop worrying about all that expensive medicine! Do you think spanking will also work if she gets chicken pox and cries about that, too?" Saying that in a completely non sarcastic voice, as if I truly believed what I was saying has caused these sorts of people to blink, look at me strangely for a ...


52

Welcome to the "Terrible Two's"! Your son behaves typically for his age. At 2 he starts to assert himself and express his demands. It's likely that he has also learned that he gets his way when he throws a tantrum. For a 2-year old screaming, hitting or even biting is a normal way to express his anger - at least he will try and every success reinforces ...


18

Consider that this woman has grown up in a world different from yours, her perspective colored by a lifetime of experiences and education that are different from yours. Maybe she is scolding, maybe she thinks she is being helpful, maybe she is expressing frustration that a younger generation does not share her beliefs or that her hard-earned understanding of ...


5

I think that in the example provided, I can't imagine being in a situation where that was possible; my son is younger than yours (3), but certainly wouldn't ask someone not "in charge" (ie, parents, grandparents, or daycare/teacher) to intervene in a dispute. However my children are younger and in different locations, of course; so I'll answer from what I ...


0

Okay, if you truly want to immediately stop the behavior, you will need to give immediate unpleasant results when he does it. "No Thank You" and other firm verbal commands do work - over time. The child needs to learn what the phrase means before it will have any impact. At this stage in the game, a light tap on the cheek, with a firm "No" will equate ...


0

For me this is a combination of a few approaches. I usually go through something like this: Can I live with this? If so, then do. I mostly prefer the hands off approach when possible (let him learn through experience). But of course sometimes the answer here is 'no', and the answer is different for different people. At least the first few times, be a ...


3

disrespect is not acheived in a day. Neither is respect. By the time a child reaches the teen years, corporal punishment is no longer an option. The only thing you have as leverage at this point is the respect your child has for you. The history of caring, concerned, loving discipline that you have shown both to the child and other children. I do not ...


3

Let's start with the basic misassumption that plagues this kind of argument. There is NO conflict between love and strict discipline. Parents who impose strict rules love their children and want them to do well. They just want different things. How you approach Parenting is based on what you want for your child. If you want your child to be obedient and ...


-1

Not knowing why precipitates not knowing how, which precipitates many life problems-- which tend to persist until you learn 'why'. Alternatively, your life just remains cloudy. No real sun, not much rain, just...cloudy...with a chance of precipitation...and you become the type who has little better to say than because I said so. but the serious-face while ...


0

You and the mother of your kid are a team. If you were not, you could just split apart, isnt it? When you are a manager of a department and you want to build your own team, you have basically two philosophies: -You can focus on peoples weakness and force people to improve in every aspect they are bad, never recognizing their strenghts -Or you focus on what ...


3

I don't know the specific lines you're referring to. However, the general approach favored by Dr. Markham is to avoid punishments, in favor of setting limits; and responding with empathy when the limits are broken. For example, how I would interpret the spitting example: I'm sorry, but spitting on the floor/table inside is not allowed, Johnny. It's ...


-2

My family is gassy...maybe just tell the class instead of farting and burping they should excuse them-self and go to the bathroom. Or instruct them to try going to the bathroom before they arrive to class.


8

Regarding the second point, the idea is that it teaches the child to do things in an appropriate setting. Instead of spitting inside, we go outside into the garden and have a game there. It's about positive reinforcement of what you wanted to say anyway. If our kids start chucking stuff around, we tell them that they can go outside and do that which is fine ...



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