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1

I'm a babysitter and I've worked with few kids that are like this. The best thing to do (that I've found) is to out right ignore her. not just the behavior but the kid herself. She is most likely trying to get attention and unfortunately taking things away, talking with her, and putting her in time out is giving her attention. Now you won't see changes ...


8

When you are working/volunteering with children, there ought to be specific policies laid out regarding what types of discipline/correction are appropriate and what types are not. If your church (or other organization) doesn't have a policy like this, perhaps it's time to approach the appropriate people about developing one. Such a policy is important both ...


1

Guilt cannot be a natural consequence. Guilt is a negative feeling resulting from knowledge that one has done something wrong. The knowledge of right and wrong is taught by parents, other authority figures, and society. Until this standard is learned, there is no capacity for guilt. Thus, guilt is a learned consequence, not a natural one. Guilt cannot be ...


4

First off, I agree with arved to some extent: once in preschool, let the preschool teachers handle things - if they're willing to. The dropoff exchange is a tricky thing though, and sometimes the teachers will prefer you to make sure she is (somewhere/doing something specific) when you drop off. Most I've met are happy to help manage it, though; but talk ...


0

My suggestion is to let the preschool teachers handle the issue. Their house, their rules. If she doesn't listen to them, then of course it is a different issue. But I found out, that my daughter is usually accepting the teachers words easier. Maybe in the evening recapitulate the issue again and exchange how you both felt in this situation.


3

I have to agree with @GentlePurpleRain's shorter and more elegant answer. The best way to protect your child from feeling guilt is to avoid teaching him any moral standards, i.e. don't teach him the difference between good and evil, and don't teach him self-reflection or self-evaluation. Guilt is a natural result of going against one's morals. It promotes ...


2

I'm not sure what you mean by "using guilt as a form of punishment". If you mean that you intentionally make the child feel guilty for something they've done, then I agree that that strategy is likely to cause emotional issues. If you simply mean that a child misbehaves, and then feels guilty because they know their behaviour was "wrong", then I think the ...


0

Everything you're doing sounds perfectly fine. At that age angry outbursts are normal. Just be patient and in time they should subside.


3

I'm focusing on the concept of him stating "I don't deserve it" especially in an instance where the self-imposed punishment isn't directly related to the "crime" in question. So far the only punishment I impose is to send my children to their room to figure out what they did wrong and then, after a short time, to apologize to me or their sibling for what ...


3

Have you asked her why she resists bedtime so much? By 10 she should be fully capable of discussing this on an adult level. Ask her. Don't do it during bedtime, at least at first (though later on that may be necessary to get all of the details). Don't do it in an accusatory way. Just ask: "Why don't you like going to bed?" If it started recently, ...


1

My advice only comes from other things I have read recently on this site - if I could find the exact questions again I would link them. First, I would read from a similar question for a 7-year-old. Try looking at This Answer. Communication is important because it keeps you from just shooting in the dark. You may have better luck by "counting down" until ...


7

The ultimate goal of any punishment or discipline method ought to be discouraging a repeat of that behavior in future. It sounds like he's more focused on the part where he's done wrong and deserves punishment — not making the next leap of logic to the part where he's learning from mistakes. My daughter frequently sneaks junk food into her room late at ...


2

I was visiting my daughter when my grandson was 4 or 5. She was not into discipline too much. While there, she and her husband wanted to go out for the night and my daughter's parting words were "Mom, if you can get Billy to take a bath, that'd be great." My immediate thought was, "Hmmmm I outweigh him by at least 70 lbs. I'll bet I can 'get' him to take a ...


2

Children need to be taught, "not now." And to defer their desires until "later." Tell your daughter that you will allow her to sing "after dinner" at a time and location more to your liking. But tell her that she cannot sing "right now" because you and she are at the dinner table. And tell her that if she continues to sing "right now," you will not allow ...


-6

spare the rod and spoil the 8 year old child. If you beat her occasionally, it will make her stop her "kiddishness"


2

Let me relate a story just happened last night: My son (12 yrs old) was playing the piano, after that he was quite pleased and happy with his own play, and thereafter clapped for himself, and most important he was doing it happily....not in anyway of disturbing others. But this clap posed too "noisy" for my wife, who equally make lots of noises but ...


0

I'm not a mother, but I do babysit and have been looking after kids for a long time. I know I'm just a teen but what I've found that works with most kids I watch, is that if they start crying over something just ignore them. don't give them attention for it because that's what they are trying to get. It doesn't work immediately, but I've found that for the ...


2

Our almost-four year old still hits and bites some, particularly when frustrated, so I can sympathize. We have made some strides with him, though, which show us that it is possible to overcome it. Our son hits basically for one reason: lack of ability to deal with frustration, particularly frustration over a lack of control. So, we focus on two things: ...


6

Humans communicate very ambiguously, requiring a lot of cultural experience to be able to discern our full meaning. Eight-year-olds are right in the sweet spot, where it seems like they should know your full meaning, but they often don't. For example, if my eight-year-old is doing something like singing at an inappropriate time, and I ask him to "please be ...


7

I've found that even though I'm speaking the same language they know, they sometimes don't fully hear or understand, and even when they do they believe that if they change their activity slightly then the problem will be resolved without having to cease it entirely. So before I assume ill intent, I first assess whether they understand what I'm asking. Then ...


30

I've read that children often overhear the "not" part of a request -- Instead of saying "don't do X" they hear "do X". Instead of telling what not to do, tell them what you want them to do. Instead of saying "don't sing at the dinner table", say "dinner time is only for talking." In your example, she seems to have an urge to sing - because she can't stop, ...


10

Children, but adults also, tend to accept request better if you motivate it. I know it can be hard sometimes, but that also forces you to think about WHY you're exactly asking that and eventually not even ask. Please stop singing cause mommy is tired and would appreciate a little silence. Please put your jacket cause it's raining outside and if you're wet ...


5

I think you should ignore her and try not to get attached to the outcome of such behaviours. Because, may be she likes singing and probably thinks why are you having trouble with her singing. If it annoys you may be try to engage her by giving her some job or start asking questions about her friends, schools, home work and listen to her and keep the ...


0

Making our teen daughter watch documentaries showcasing other peoples hardship, tragedies and/or lifestyle helped my daughter stop cutting. Also I was able to share my experiences with attempted suicide. This seemed to also be important. They need to see a larger world than the one they get from American pop culture. "On the way to School" is a good one ...


3

In addition to the other answers I want to recommend you to get counseling for yourself and your husband too. As a person with mental issues I experienced that my problems were hard to accept/understand for my mother and the people around me. They didn't know how to handle me and they hurt me without noticing (and how could they know). The problem is that ...


3

In addition to some of the good ideas already offered it occurs to me that there could be something wrong or damaging going on in her life that is not visible to you. In any case, if there is something that she is unable to deal with and unable to share there will be no amount of grounding and punishment that will make things better. Perhaps switch things ...


-2

Instead of grounding her, why not start following her around or have a kid in the neighborhood keeping an eye out what she is really doing when cutting school. Or find a mentor for her someone she can look up too and not share their private conversations with you, because to a kid trust is very important, and when kids can confide in someone in their life ...


1

Your son is logically correct. In the absence of a higher purpose or deity, life is indeed meaningless, The only meaning being the meaning that we choose to give it. If the meaning you live by is just something you've picked out of the air, something you've made up in your head, then that meaning has no reality at all. I would imagine that your son has ...


1

It looks like he came to a reasonable conclusion provided all the information available to him. I am a little alarmed by your statements He spends most of his time alone outside in a forest and the only time I speak with him is when he comes for dinner, breakfast and lunch. When he's home, he rarely talks to me other than on eating occasions. ...


3

You have an astonishingly bright child for 9 years old. In fact, he appears to be so bright, that my response is not one that I would tell a "normal" 9 year old, but rather one that I would tell to an intelligent adult who can make up their own mind. I went through a similar phase myself, except I only came across it in my late 20s, rather than at 9. I ...


0

Like your son, I was very interested in deep philosophical questions from a young age --my own children are the same way. That's just how some people are wired. As he gets older, he'll probably become interested in the vast treasury of literature that composes the philosophical tradition. However, no less an authority than Plato warns against children ...


1

I agree with pulp_fiction's answer - this kid is just a very introverted individual. Don't panic. Try to offer him lots of opportunities to socialize, but do it on his terms. He like science and math? What about clubs or camps. Take him to a meetup at the Smithsonian. Another question is does he like to game? He kind of sounds like a gamer. Try taking ...


1

Life is only meaningless if you require that it should be meaningful for something that trancends human life and humanity, like a god. Re-define meaning as the chosen and self-determined meaning of your own life and it's suddenly meaningful. Your son's example with the 2-hour room is a bad one, since life isn't two hour, and we have a past, and it's not ...


-2

Color me skeptical as well. The son didn't talk until six — presumably that was an ordeal, but this post reads like the mother is considering all of this for the first time. Putting aside my doubt. Sure, life is ultimately meaningless. You still have to engage with the world. There's still joy to be found. Which your son already appears to understand. That ...


9

Show him Star Trek, the original series (Kirk, Spock, McCoy & c.). From episode 1 on. Seriously, if there's a simple way to communicate optimism, inclusion, love for science and empathy for other beings, it is this sci-fi show. Brilliant as he is, he will surely appreciate the ongoing debate between rationality (Spock) and passion (McCoy), and the ...


8

Life is, indeed, meaningless. There's nothing wrong with your kid. I was just like him - I had zero friends and didn't like talking to anyone. Then I gradually began to become more social, and now, in my mid-thirties, I have friends begging to hang out with me every single day of the week. Life is wonderful - but yeah, still meaningless overall. Don't ...


27

Take him to a psychologist. Not because he has a disorder, but because he is highly intelligent and both you and he need to learn how to deal with this gift. Your son needs peers who share his intelligence. I don't know where you live, but any psychologist worth the name knows of local organizations that help highly intelligent children socialize with other ...


6

Oh my GOD! Your son is terrific. He is 1 in a million. Don't push him for anything(at least for now). First delve into his mind and "study" all the things he thinks. If you want to have conversation with him, you are gonna have get into his mindset. First of all, believe what he said is true then question him seriously about the statements and their ...


5

Congratulations - your son has discovered nihilism at the age of nine. My question is - how would you react if an adult you knew and cared about made such a speech? Personally I'd find it an interesting conversation to have, to which I would probably disagree with their position thoroughly. My answer to the nihilist question is 'Life is to be enjoyed, and ...



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