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The authors of the book you are reading have an earlier book that is very interesting. It is the story of their discovery of Haim Ginott's ideas, and of their attempts (not always successful) to apply these ideas in their own family situations. Here's a fun idea. Try a charades or pantomime approach. Whatever you need to convey to them, convey it to them ...


1

Lots of great ideas here. I will try to describe how I have done time-outs. My younger son is 12 and has Tourette Syndrome (TS) and ADHD. Hopefully this rather extreme case gives you some ideas. The three main influences for me in developing my approach have been: I read about attachment disorders in children and how to deal with them (out of curiosity ...


7

This is a difficult situation, but more common than you'd expect. Frankly, it isn't that good for anyone: the parents aren't communicating and supporting/respecting each other, and the child justifiably will push limits set by the parents, and learn to play two against the middle. You don't mention who the adults are in the situation, and which adult is the ...


4

It's best to save the longer explanations for a time when the child is calm and receptive. So basically at the time they do something wrong, be very blunt and to the point. "Because you did A (a bad thing), you need to have a timeout", or whatever correction method you are using. At this point they're likely going to be very unhappy and stressed etc. and ...


1

My kids are all grown now, but when they were little, my philosophy was that all discipline should be quick and decisive and then it's OVER and I do my best to establish that we are all still/again a loving family. I haven't studied any psychological studies, but it seems to me that if you tell your child, "Hey, don't talk to your sister like that!" (or ...


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Are you talking AT them or TO them? Mine do the eyes-glazed, mind-is-a-million-miles-away thing when I'm grumbling about this or that thing; when I see that look starting to threaten, I stop and ask them (a) what did I say, (b) why am I telling you this, (c) what will happen if you continue with [insert poor decision or behavior here]? If I'm not quick ...


3

(a) Looking away when someone is scolding you is normal, for both children and adults. When someone is saying something that is embarrassing to us, we tend to look at the floor, etc. (b) Personally, I think it is unnecessarily cruel to force a child to assist in his own punishment, and teaches subservience rather than good morals and ethics. From the ...


2

Praise one child for his good behaviour and ignore the other. I think he will soon realise that showing positive behaviour is the only way to achieve some attention. I have the same situation with my daughter. Its difficult as she is an only child and that makes it difficult as her behaviour is always under the microscope. One thing I have learnt is, it's ...


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DD, could he be trying to express a feeling that you don't have a parent's right to discipline him? That would explain the apparent resentment he's showing. It seems like you and his mum might - consciously or subconsciously - share that feeling, as you say that it's almost always his mum that disciplines him. I'd suggest that you and his mum sit down ...


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If he's breaking a toy by doing something on the wild side, he's probably out of control at that point, I'm guessing. Out of control emotionally, that is. This isn't particularly surprising for a seven year old; it's more common in my kids' age (2 and 3) but seven year olds still sometimes get out of control. When you're out of control, and then something ...


9

It's fairly simple why he does it: kids don't like getting into trouble, and his avoidance method works because it delays his consequence and there is no additional consequence for running away. Kids will adjust their behavior to fit the permissiveness of the adult in charge. Do you remember in school there would be some classes where the students would ...


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This is very long. I apologize, but the subject is complex and I don't want to leave necessary details out. Before you mentioned being his step-father, I knew why he was running away: He feels provoked. (I just didn't know what he was being provoked by.) The emotional stress of being told what to do by you is so offensive to him that he has no choice but to ...


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In situations like this I tend to let it go and focus on something else. Disciplining is easier when he accepts it, while he is seemingly running away from. Disciplining comes easier when he has more respect for you, then he will accept it more. Respect must be deserved in a personal relationship. I would try showing interest in what he is doing before a ...


2

I would say that your time outs are too micromanaged and rare to be effective. All the additional "rules" end up clouding the purpose of the punishment, which is to remove the child from the situation and not let them have attention. By making yourself expend so much energy getting the time outs just right, you're using them less often than would be ...


0

When it comes to time outs, I have a story and tool, that I have practiced with my daughter. She is 12 years old, very stuborn, get very angry and anxious, if things do not go her way, which usually resulted in her bad temper and being disrespectful. She does not listen or follow anything I asked her to do. I know,that she has difficulties, which she does ...


3

The most effective solution I've tried has also typically taken the longest to implement. For that reason I don't really feel like it's the answer I'm seeking, but for completeness I want to submit it for review. Part of the criteria for them getting my attention, or assistance for conflict resolution is to prove to me that they took appropriate steps on ...


5

I've never punished my kids for not getting along but I have gotten angry with one or another for improper behavior (e.g. over-reacting, escalating too far, endless teasing just for the fun the torture, etc.). I just explain, though, in a calm and normal voice why the behavior is incorrect. In general, I only break in if one is obviously hurt or really ...


-1

I can't believe anyone still thinks it is acceptable to hit children. Subjecting children to violence is clearly wrong and is always abuse. Hitting your child is as abusive as hitting your spouse -- perhaps worse because a child has less ability to escape the violence. Beating children is something that mostly comes from extremist Christian sects. A ...


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To keep this very simple: Corporal punishment, by definition (in the US), is not abuse. Corporal punishment is the intentional infliction of physical punishment that may cause pain or discomfort, but not injury or impairment, upon an individual. Physical or mental child abuse, on the other hand, inflicts injury, impairment, or lasting harm upon a child. I ...


1

First of all, let me say I'm not a parent, nor do I plan to be one anytime soon. But as a child of two people, one of whom (Mother) applies corporal punishment and the other of whom (Father) does not apply it, I think I am at least slightly qualified to speak (write?) on the subject. My mom spanks my sisters (as she did me) when they break serious rules ...


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Here in the UK that would be an assault punishable with up to 5 years in jail. In Britain, mild smacking is permitted under a "reasonable chastisement'' defence against common assault. The 2004 Children’s Act clarified the defence by making any hitting that causes bruising, swelling, cuts, grazes or scratches punishable with up to five years in ...


0

It would seem that the answer to your question is.. it depends. There have been studies done, in fact a study on studies.. a meta-study (how fitting for our current environment) on corporal punishment as an effective means of discipline. This link is to the summary of the meta-study. The other (minimal) research I've done shows that corporal punishment in ...



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