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125

What we try to do with our two year old toddler is offer him some (limited) range of choices -- so that he can feel he is in control. So for example with the milk, you might let him decide: do you want milk? do you want apple juice? do you want water? I believe at this toddler phase they are starting to become people, with their own wants and desires ...


71

I can't see that it's healthy for the kids. I absolutely agree. This is a major problem, as your kids need to look up to you as an authority figure, and that will be very difficult if she's constantly undercutting your authority. Is this simply my total lack of understanding of what grandparents are for (as mine were distant to say the least) or ...


70

I am glad you used the term "lawyering". I have been on both sides of this situation. As the child, I distinctly recall the fun in "outsmarting" my parents. I considered them as incapable of expressing themselves well. The more they argued for me to "get the point", the more I thought they didn't "get the point". They never did succeed in their goal and ...


63

We have a similarly strong-willed, opinionated toddler. A few additional tactics to suggest here: Redirection -- this works a lot of the time. Our child can't communicate well but usually I can tell what he wants (e.g. more cereal before dinner). I will "misunderstand" him and throw a redirect, e.g. "oh you want to help take the onions out to help me ...


52

Welcome to the "Terrible Two's"! Your son behaves typically for his age. At 2 he starts to assert himself and express his demands. It's likely that he has also learned that he gets his way when he throws a tantrum. For a 2-year old screaming, hitting or even biting is a normal way to express his anger - at least he will try and every success reinforces ...


51

This is what my mother did with us (it wouldn't work with very young children; I can't recall what she did then): We were never served food. It came to the table in whatever pot it was cooked in, and placed on a block of wood (to avoid burning the table). We then served ourselves out of that pot (or those pots, pans, whatever, depending on what the food ...


49

Advantages.... None Disadvantages... It creates unnecessary conflict with the child, and it compromises the child's natural ability to self-regulate food intake based on nutrition requirements. As long as children are offered healthy food (no junk food) they will naturally eat what they need and no more. Forcing them to finish their plate can potentially ...


37

I'm not a psychologist, but I've often heard, that from psychological point of view the "No" or negation in the heard words is subconsciously overheard, so if you tell you child "don't hold the knife", what passes through to its brain is only "hold the knife". (I think I read that e. g. in the book "The Secret of Happy Children" by Steve Biddulph) The ...


37

In my years working with kids (volunteering at a couple of schools, helping to run a drug abuse prevention program, running an extracurricular program) I've met many parents who tried the no-punishment thing, all of which had the following results: The child disobeyed the parent whenever he/she felt like it, even when doing so put the child in danger. The ...


36

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1118118/ In the only published review (in 1996) of child outcomes of non-abusive or customary physical punishment, only eight studies could disentangle the causal effects of smacking. All eight studies, including four randomised clinical trials, found that nonabusive smacking benefited children when it backed ...


33

Explaining the reason tasks are required will help the child gain an understanding of tasks. It is developmentally important that children understand tasks - what we are doing and why so as they get older, they can reason through tasks themselves. However, bargaining, while tempting, sets a precedence of ever heightening "price" for compliance. This teaches ...


33

There are at least 2 sides to every issue. There are also at least 2 sides in every war. By destroying what she considers hers b/c she did not comply with your orders, in her eyes, the "issue" has become a "war" and you launched the first nuclear weapon, but it was a dud. Did you change her mind? No. Did you adjust her clothing style? No. (She will find ...


31

Whether she realises it consciously or not, she is directly undermining and interfering with your ability to parent your children. She is not their parent, nor their legal guardian, and has no right to do that. How you handle this depends on whether it's just you and the kids, or you and your wife with the kids, when she is present. When you're with your ...


30

There's a sliding scale It starts out with verbal warning and ends up with being sent to their room, with a whole spectrum of other measures in between. What you can do depends on logistics (are you at home or out and about), whether you have other children to manage at the same time, and energy levels. Here's the scale we use: Verbal Warning. So the ...


30

First of all -- now that you know the bullying is going on it should be eliminated, period. Most 3.5yo kids don't yet have the nuance to understand the difference between standing up for oneself and being mean. That's what grown-ups (and martial arts lessons, later on) are for. If the day care center is letting it go on, choose another one. That's a ...


30

No, this is not child abuse, this is parenting. This is you having to deal with the direct consequences of your own poor actions and bad decisions. If things really happened the way you describe, then you owe your mother a very sincere apology, and you need to learn to not allow a disagreement with your brother to escalate to a point where you throw food ...


30

As I do, I'm going to go a different way than the routes established in the other answers. I think they're pie-in-the-sky, "wouldn't it be great" kind of answers that don't really take practicality into account. Lets take a moment to critically identify the problems. If your kid is being bullied, the problem at hand is not: your kids self confidence. ...


30

I would say that teaching children about a healthy diet is a great first step. But on the same note, some of the foods that are really healthy (whole grains, deep green vegetables) are gassy foods. As for gas sneaking out during practice. I (late 20s) take an adult (mom-grandma ages) yoga class and sometimes during those stretches gas sneaks out. I ...


30

Between 1.5-3 years of age, kids learn to (and really enjoy) testing gravity and throwing things. It involves fine-motor skills and hand-eye coordination. It's actually pretty fascinating for them; they learn what bounces and what splats, what rolls and what doesn't. They also get your attention and illicit a reaction out of you by seeing you pick it up. ...


29

I think that there are some people you should be comfortable with, comfortable enough to pass gas in their general vicinity and not have to apologize. And the closest family should certainly be such people. At home, when I'm not alone, I try to do it in the toilet, though I don't feel bad or ashamed to let one go when my wife or LO is near. Seriously, ...


29

My unpopular opinion is it's not your call to make. Your child is definitely old enough to know if he wants to see his father or not. If he's not in any actual danger, I think a parent has every right to see their child. If you're concerned about a negative impact, then supervised visits may be best. I can say that I personally had a father that was in and ...


28

Research indicates (see below for some links) that kids actually thrive when the parents present a united front on discipline. She'll try to test you, to see if she can play one against the other, but knowing that the rules are the rules and what one parent says the other will back up, will give her a sense of security in knowing what to expect. The ...


28

3 years old is a prime time for children to assert their independence, developmentally they understand they are separate entities from everyone else. With some kids, choices are key. Many are extremely motivated to do something as long as it is in their own way. I would recommend that you don't allow her to decide for herself, but give her meaningful ...


27

I teach my children when they ask Why about an instruction, that I will explain why AFTER they follow the instructions, in this way they learn to follow the instruction and get to know why.


27

I consider washing the mouth out with soap to be cruel. A four year old doesn't understand why you are putting soap in their mouth. I can tell you that it is not at all effective, as I was a child who received this particular punishment. Instead of teaching me to not do a certain behavior, it taught me to fear getting in trouble. I learned to be somewhat ...


27

It's quite easy to find information on this study. The gist of it is that if you force to your child to eat everything on their plate, they are more likely to become obese as an adult. That's messed up, so... please don't do this to your child. "New findings have shown that pushing children to eat everything on their plate has a direct link to obesity. ...


25

First, we have to understand, why tantrums are so common at that age. From what I understand as a parent, at this age kids want to express a lot more than they are able to. This leads to a lot of frustration and tantrums. The best way to deal with tantrums is not to let them happen: often tantrums happen when kids hungry or tired or miss the nap, so if you ...


25

I really don't like the word punishment. It signals that the aim is harm/hurt your child. I like the word consequence a lot better. A child must learn that there are consequences to every they do, good and bad. It's an important lesson as they need to know they can't just do how they please, not as kids and not as grown ups. Trying to avoid a consequences ...


25

Teach your child not to be an easy target. Bullies go for easy prey, someone with confident body language, who can tell the bully to "knock it off" in a firm voice, etc. is a less likely target. Also, being with a group of friends whenever possible is another good strategy. Teach your child to defend him/her self and others when needed. Tattling on a ...


24

We've recently read Positive Parenting, and it has several suggestions we're going to implement. First, no TV within an hour of bedtime for either child. This is from me, not from the book-- TV is just too stimulating, even the most simplistic programs, so once one kid's going to bed, shut it off for the other one to get him to calm down. I have our TV ...



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