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23

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


21

Everything ofcourse depends on the sort of pseudo-science and the amount of it your child is exposed to. If it is something that bothers you and keeps coming back. I would definitely talk about this with the teacher, the principal, etc. But when it's really part of the curriculum, it gets political fast and there probably isn't a lot you can change about it ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


16

Teenagers are hard to live with when you've known them all their lives. It's harder still when you've only met recently. Step-parents often don't know that the teens are sulky and stroppy to everyone, and assume it's a specific reaction to them. A house rule that nobody is allowed to swear or yell at anybody else might help. At this age, you really need ...


14

How to disagree and still come to an amicable resolution (aka Negotiating for Parents 101) Péter Török makes good points about each parent explaining the impact of certain decisions on the family. I am going to elaborate on Swati's note to pick your battles. In our house, when things become contentious, there are usually three types of dispositions on an ...


14

Probably the best guides to this topic come from the National Center for Science Education. In brief, the best approach seems to be to first contact the teacher (in writing) and ask about any materials presented in class that had to do with the pseudoscience. Do not engage them in any kind of debate, just ask (nicely) what they presented and whether you can ...


13

I'm not sure you do have to tell them, at least not now. What seems to be the urgent issue is this job. If you really think you can't stand doing it for a little while (I assume it's temporary?), which may look good on your CV (resumé), then you have to break it to them seriously but gently. I would suggest avoiding the theological issue if possible. These ...


12

I was raised in a situation where there was no follow-up after one of my parent lost their temper. Because of this, I was never taught to apologize for losing mine. This is a very hard thing to learn when you're older... When I lose my cool towards my 2yo son, I try to apologize and explain (not justify) my response. When he loses his cool, I ask him to do ...


10

So far, with my 3.5 year old, I've attempted to complete that apology with an explanation of why I lost my temper with him. Like "when I tell you not to play with that, it's because I don't want you to get hurt, it's a very dangerous tool. When you repeatedly ignore me and play with it anyway, it hurts daddy's feelings that you're not listening to me trying ...


10

I agree with Chrys that relationships with teens can be very complicated. They are not adults - parts of their brains are not yet fully developed. Sometimes they act very adult-like, and we start thinking that they are more mature than they are and we set our expectations too high. While stroppy behavior needs correction, it is age-appropriate. You ask what ...


9

I would address the accuracy of the name calling first. Was he shushing the noisy people, or announcing loudly that they should shush in order to get a teacher's attention? What was his true motivation? If it was simply to tell them what is right, I would say something like "the teacher was mistaken (it happens) and thought you were trying to get them in ...


8

Parents have a hard time when there adult children have a different way of life then they have. Often parents feel it a rejection of their parenting. This being said, you asked about how to discuss it with them. Using the word 'rejection' worries me. I assume you still respect Christianity as a way of life, you just don't choose to embrace it for your own ...


8

For discipline of any sort to be effective you really, really need it to be consistent, and that means both parents discussing and agreeing and compromising where necessary. You're certainly doing the right things by thinking about it now and talking about it before it becomes an issue. Even after discussing and agreeing and compromising, in the heat of a ...


7

I agree with both Beofett and Morah, but I will add this: Is your wife a Stay-At-Home Mother? I currently am (not necessarily by choice) and when my husband travels for work it drives me up the walls. Typically, he's gone for an entire week--not just a few hours during the day. Things are better now that our kids are in daycare a few days a week, but ...


7

I agree with Morah - don't tell them that you reject Christianity. It is OK to not be convinced that the faith is not for you - and if you phrase it correctly, your parents will not argue with you, rather succumb to just praying (more) for you. You have to be comfortable with the fact that your parents genuinely want you to be a Christian. So you must ...


7

Actually, yes. It is possible he is purposefully riling you up. Not, perhaps for any specific reason he is consciously aware of. It is also possible that he simply gets distracted and doesn't know how to cope with your anger and unwittingly makes you more angry with his reactions. If he is purposefully riling you, he may do it because (even if he does ...


7

1) You need to discuss with her about the differing styles. This needs to be done in a supportive, collaborative way so she doesn't feel attacked. Find out the minimums she needs to happen, and see if you can achieve those or not. 2) You need to stop arguing in front of children. That needs a firm commitment from both adults to discuss that stuff out of ...


7

This is something Alice (who is quite a bit younger), as well as a number of students (who were also, mostly middle school students) I have had have struggled with. Let me preface this by saying, I know Beofett is asking with a friend in mind, I am going to write this as if I am speaking directly to the parent just for the sake of simplicity. Kids do ...


6

I personally wouldn't tell my daughter I'm sorry I raised my voice at her, because I'm not. I would disagree with your contention "we all know its terrible to raise your voice at kids." Sometimes you hurt your kids' feelings. I don't feel bad about it. My parents raised me with (what I see in hindsight to be) a healthy balance of a wide variety of ...


6

This isn't really a parenting question, but it's close enough and you could use some advice. You are stuck, however the reason is not ideological, but financial. Your main concern seems to be that your family will withdraw financial support, so that's what you need to tackle. Work to become financially independent by getting a job which is not dependent on ...


6

You're thinking too hard. In my experience, your post is about corner cases. Lets talk about this: Do you agree on... Acts by the child that deserve punishment? Methods of punishment? That's the Bread n Butter right there... or is it Meat n Potato(e)s? If you're on the same page right there, then that's 99% of the battle. Now for some reality: Your kid ...


6

Kids are very good at putting their own spin on the situation and I feel there are a few things that seem out of place... One of the things children need to learn is when it is appropriate to help and what help is appropriate. As someone who deals with a large group of children regularly myself I can tell you the noise of one or more children trying to 'be ...


6

I've had my share of those kinds of interactions. One approach is to adjust your language to something that cannot be argued with. Your things can't be in there. There's nothing about shoving vs placing, or even who put them, just statements. This is really hard work and not my first choice. Sometimes if I get your sort of response I might adjust, so ...


5

The two main virtues of a parent of a young child, are patience and consistency. It's good to have simple rules your child can understand and be (very) consistent about them. If it does not behave there should be a consistent consequence to this behaviour. You should realise that it is good to explain why your child can not do something or should do ...


5

Let me chime in from the male side :-) My wife and I too have disagreements over various topics of child rearing. One of them actually is bedtime. I am more lenient on this, she is more watching the clock. We had numerous discussions over this, where we both presented our case and tried to understand the other's points. Part of this is cultural (I am ...


5

Reinforce his belief in his own abilities. One of the best ways to do that is to show him ways in which he IS good/better. E.g. "yes, some other kids may have more toys, BUT you are the best at building new constructions from lego blocks". Another side of this is explaining to him that the other kid has all those things NOT because he's somehow better ...


5

It's understandable that the situation frustrates you, especially when it's rubbed in by external events like the dance/bowling events you mention. One thought I have about this is that in many situations, you really are in the father role, so it should not matter if you're the actual father or not: In the case of those school events, there's no direct ...


5

Here's one blog where a parent discusses his child's dissatisfaction with a teacher's approach to science lessons, and how he (the parent) dealt with that. http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/?p=4504 (I got that link from this answer: How do you handle a teacher that teaches pseudo science? ) It's not a great fit, because the teacher was in the wrong ...


5

Let's be clear: ideological freedom is a basic human right, and your right to believe something is not affected by whether you are financially dependent on another person. The support your parents provide is a gift that they can withdraw at any time for any reason. If your parents are providing you support because they believe you believe something you ...


4

The key thing to think about as you prepare for your discussion is respect. You respect your parents and the way you were raised. You respect and honor their decisions in faith. You respect that they will disagree with your decision to step away from their religion. I imagine your goal here is to agree to disagree. One thing I would consider here: ...



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