Hot answers tagged

66

If you want them to accept your approach, you're going to have to show them you've truly mitigated that risk. The only way I can see to do that is landing some good-paying ($25/hour+) programming work and delivering to satisfied customers. I wish you the best of luck, but I highly advise you to keep as many options open as possible. Life rarely works out ...


48

If you are ever going to be able to convince your parents about this, you first need to understand them. If you don't understand what they are thinking and what they value here, your arguments are likely to miss the mark and have no effect. I assume your parents are like most in that they want the best for you. They want you to have a better life than ...


25

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


23

Everything ofcourse depends on the sort of pseudo-science and the amount of it your child is exposed to. If it is something that bothers you and keeps coming back. I would definitely talk about this with the teacher, the principal, etc. But when it's really part of the curriculum, it gets political fast and there probably isn't a lot you can change about it ...


17

I'll give a go at a generic answer here, though I hope the querant will revise the question with more specifics so that I can, in turn, offer a more direct answer. Kids that age may bite for a number of reasons, each with its own solution. Here are a few of the most common, in no particular order: Domination/control/failure to discipline : Like all ...


17

I'm not sure you do have to tell them, at least not now. What seems to be the urgent issue is this job. If you really think you can't stand doing it for a little while (I assume it's temporary?), which may look good on your CV (resumé), then you have to break it to them seriously but gently. I would suggest avoiding the theological issue if possible. These ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


17

Having gone through to almost the same process and ending up in a position that works out pretty well, I can say that this approach can work, assuming you really are as smart as you claim to be. A good programmer without a diploma is more likely to be hired than a poor programmer with a diploma. (In my area However, if you want to get hired, people need to ...


16

How to disagree and still come to an amicable resolution (aka Negotiating for Parents 101) Péter Török makes good points about each parent explaining the impact of certain decisions on the family. I am going to elaborate on Swati's note to pick your battles. In our house, when things become contentious, there are usually three types of dispositions on an ...


16

Teenagers are hard to live with when you've known them all their lives. It's harder still when you've only met recently. Step-parents often don't know that the teens are sulky and stroppy to everyone, and assume it's a specific reaction to them. A house rule that nobody is allowed to swear or yell at anybody else might help. At this age, you really need ...


14

Probably the best guides to this topic come from the National Center for Science Education. In brief, the best approach seems to be to first contact the teacher (in writing) and ask about any materials presented in class that had to do with the pseudoscience. Do not engage them in any kind of debate, just ask (nicely) what they presented and whether you can ...


14

Be honest about why you are leaving. It sounds like a really terrible job that is giving you nothing but a paycheck, and you don't necessarily need the paycheck. That's a wonderful reason to leave. "This is making me very unhappy, I want to follow my dream, and here is my plan for enacting my dream." Focus on the positives. You aren't very specific about ...


12

I was raised in a situation where there was no follow-up after one of my parent lost their temper. Because of this, I was never taught to apologize for losing mine. This is a very hard thing to learn when you're older... When I lose my cool towards my 2yo son, I try to apologize and explain (not justify) my response. When he loses his cool, I ask him to do ...


12

If he brings in studies, you can always do the same... but they should be balanced ones, that nevertheless support your point: that yes, compared to most legal drugs, it may be harmless: in moderation and for an adult! An added benefit would be that you can teach him how to actually read and evaluate studies. Make him aware of interaction between drugs as ...


10

So far, with my 3.5 year old, I've attempted to complete that apology with an explanation of why I lost my temper with him. Like "when I tell you not to play with that, it's because I don't want you to get hurt, it's a very dangerous tool. When you repeatedly ignore me and play with it anyway, it hurts daddy's feelings that you're not listening to me trying ...


10

This isn't really a parenting question, but it's close enough and you could use some advice. You are stuck, however the reason is not ideological, but financial. Your main concern seems to be that your family will withdraw financial support, so that's what you need to tackle. Work to become financially independent by getting a job which is not dependent on ...


10

Therapy is the best thing to do in my opinion. Your profile says you are in California, so there are clinics available and if she is suicidal to the point of attempting it, taking her to a hospital is actually the best way to go. (That may sound odd to those not "in the know", but when I was suicidal, that's where I went and they hold you until they take ...


10

What a difficult, painful and important issue. And congratulations on recognizing the long-term effects that the situation might have on your children. Divorce can affect a child's relationship with their parents, and creates stresses which can interfere with their natural development. While divorce per se does not seem to negatively impact children in the ...


10

I hear your frustration! I have a 5 year old daughter who is slower than molasses waiting on Christmas. The mornings have turned into a routine for us though. She used to get up and want to watch a show on TV before getting breakfast. We quickly learned that this led to her watching her show and not eating. So we put the rule in place that she couldn't watch ...


10

I think the first step is recognizing that your desires are in conflict with your children's. You are craving some special event time, and they have been craving unstructured time. It's natural and okay to have conflicting desires with your family, just be aware the conflict exists and make a conscious choice about whose needs are going to be paramount at ...


9

Let's be clear: ideological freedom is a basic human right, and your right to believe something is not affected by whether you are financially dependent on another person. The support your parents provide is a gift that they can withdraw at any time for any reason. If your parents are providing you support because they believe you believe something you ...


9

I agree with Chrys that relationships with teens can be very complicated. They are not adults - parts of their brains are not yet fully developed. Sometimes they act very adult-like, and we start thinking that they are more mature than they are and we set our expectations too high. While stroppy behavior needs correction, it is age-appropriate. You ask what ...


9

I would address the accuracy of the name calling first. Was he shushing the noisy people, or announcing loudly that they should shush in order to get a teacher's attention? What was his true motivation? If it was simply to tell them what is right, I would say something like "the teacher was mistaken (it happens) and thought you were trying to get them in ...


8

I agree with Morah - don't tell them that you reject Christianity. It is OK to not be convinced that the faith is not for you - and if you phrase it correctly, your parents will not argue with you, rather succumb to just praying (more) for you. You have to be comfortable with the fact that your parents genuinely want you to be a Christian. So you must ...


8

Parents have a hard time when their adult children have a different way of life then they have. Often parents feel it a rejection of their parenting. This being said, you asked about how to discuss it with them. Using the word 'rejection' worries me. I assume you still respect Christianity as a way of life, you just don't choose to embrace it for your own ...


8

Actually, yes. It is possible he is purposefully riling you up. Not, perhaps for any specific reason he is consciously aware of. It is also possible that he simply gets distracted and doesn't know how to cope with your anger and unwittingly makes you more angry with his reactions. If he is purposefully riling you, he may do it because (even if he does ...


8

Your son has learned an important lesson, you cannot resolve all conflicts without aggression. What I can I do if other children either don't listen to him or show him that fighting is perfectly normal? And how should I tell him to react if other children ignore his efforts to resolve conflicts peacefully? Now you need to tell them what to do when ...


8

For discipline of any sort to be effective you really, really need it to be consistent, and that means both parents discussing and agreeing and compromising where necessary. You're certainly doing the right things by thinking about it now and talking about it before it becomes an issue. Even after discussing and agreeing and compromising, in the heat of a ...


8

Well I certainly identify with this one! My daughters are 3 and 6 and we get a lot of this. Not so much on school mornings but definitely on holiday mornings. It's worse in the winter because there's more coats etc to put on. I'm assuming you're already helping the 2-year-old quite a lot, and only expecting them to do really simple things by/for themselves? ...


7

Biting can also be a symptom of Sensory Processing Disorder. If you child has persistent biting, I would recommend doing research into this as a possibility, and consult your pediatrician (or get a developmental pediatrician). SPD is nothing to be scared of, and most children diagnosed with it will learn to compensate and be fine. However, there are ...



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