Hot answers tagged

75

I can't see that it's healthy for the kids. I absolutely agree. This is a major problem, as your kids need to look up to you as an authority figure, and that will be very difficult if she's constantly undercutting your authority. Is this simply my total lack of understanding of what grandparents are for (as mine were distant to say the least) or what? ...


45

I was brought up by a stepdad, and yes, "You are not my real dad" is an "ultimate defense" used to hurt, and only to hurt, when you feel wronged, and you feel you have no more arguments left to why you should not be allowed to do something/forced to do something. It's the equivalent of saying "You are stupid". He will not change his mind about how he feels ...


42

Make discussions age appropriate. Scale up the detail as they get older. NEVER LIE TO THEM. Just leave out details. My kids were all born about 3 years apart. This left ample time for each of the previous children to ask questions typical of their age group. Answering their question on the same level is always best. An almost-3-year-old asking, "how ...


33

Whether she realises it consciously or not, she is directly undermining and interfering with your ability to parent your children. She is not their parent, nor their legal guardian, and has no right to do that. How you handle this depends on whether it's just you and the kids, or you and your wife with the kids, when she is present. When you're with your ...


28

I've got a hard time explaining the motives of the terrorists. I don't know whether this is the best article on the subject (it's near the top of this Google search) but for example What Motivates Terrorists? starts with, One of the most frequently asked questions about terrorism is also the most intractable. Why? Why do they do it? Why do people join ...


26

Both my parents and my in-laws had similar issues when I first got married, so I think it's not that uncommon. I would try not to read anything bad into it. It's just a period of adjustment. First of all, consider that people naturally spend most of their leisure time with the people they live with. Think of when you were still living with your parents. ...


23

Teaching them the correct name is very simple, it doesn't require having to make up names, or work out what to translate as, and as they grow up they won't face any embarrassment in class from using a 'baby' name for something others know the 'grown-up' name for. And I'd certainly be more embarrassed for them to use a play word than the correct terminology. ...


23

I want to tell my ex to stop using that kind of language when discussing these issues with me, but I don't know if this is a battle not worth fighting. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I presume you got divorced for a reason, possibly related to an inability to change a behavior or a lack of support, communication or understanding, etc. Let ...


21

I'm 13 and I'm the same way. It's a medical condition called 'Selective Mutism'. I've been to several people and even been put on medicine and it hasn't helped. But my parents and I are trying. We've recently learned not to pressure them to talk or little things like that. My teachers would give me a mini whiteboard to write my answer down or I would write ...


21

Yeah, normal. Some things that work in our family: Appreciate that they're tired straight after school and might need some quiet time and space. Ask them specific questions about things that you already know a bit about, e.g. "What did Ms Smith think of your cat drawing?" (instead of "What did your teacher tell you today?") "Did you play with Johnny ...


19

There's been no research that I know of connecting early sign language learning to speaking sooner or better in general. However, learning sign language can make a huge difference in diagnosing speech disorders early enough to treat aggressively and successfully. By age 3, my son couldn't even say "mama" or "papa". After checking his hearing, oral muscle ...


18

I'd say you handled things with your son quite nicely all things considered. It sounds as though your son was really wishing to stick up for his friend and worried about his friend. Since his emphasis was on the friend and not on figuring out when it is okay to hit, I'd say he is already past the stage when he will start imitating. Parents have a much ...


18

shouts at me in front of them... Ask her to leave. Don't even wait for your wife to get home. It's healthy for your children to see how you're able to handle such situations with cool and determination. And of course, you can let her stay if she apologizes and if you feel she is genuinely remorseful. That being said, I have feeling you're not telling us ...


17

I'm going to disagree with the accepted answer as to what a seven year old needs to know or what is part of the understanding of WW2. My issue is that while Hitler's fanatical racism was a part of the "why" and "what" of WW2, the answer glosses over the fact that he was an extreme German nationalist who wanted to rule the world. WW2 was a war of aggression: ...


15

As someone who was adopted at four my advice is to ask why the child feels that way, does he feel you are treating him differently than any other child in your family? And then ask what exactly constitues being a "real father". Then I would explain the best you can that you are his real father, you are the one raising him, you took the legal and financial ...


14

As soon as they start asking questions or show curiosity. Younger kids don't understand psychological aspects of sex, so wording might be different, when you talk about sex with six-year old and with a teenager. But it is perfectly OK to explain ehm... basic mechanics of sex, or pregnancy 101, as soon as the kid asks questions.


14

This is the line I've taken, for better or worse... Like in school we trust teachers to be telling the truth about things in lessons. The people who attacked France, were told lies by their teachers but they really, really believe them - they think that we're bad people and they're good. So they want us to live their way. The way they were taught tells ...


13

The fact your son is so distressed by it means he is unlikely to copy the behavior. Kids copy behavior that looks fun or that produces a desired result. Having himself and a friend reduced to tears is neither. I know parents who are reluctant even to do time outs, whose children hit each other all the time. I've also known children who had literally been ...


13

I taught high school for years and teenagers are just notorious for this kind of thing, and you are absolutely right that it is the exact same thing as a kid getting his/her hand caught in the cookie jar and lying to your face about it even as they hold the evidence in their hand. It never bothered me, per se (trust me, idiocy in teenagers really was the ...


13

Let's divide the advice you want to give into categories: the child is in immediate danger to the extent you would call Child Protective Services or the police. the child is, in the long term, at increased risk (your two examples relating to choking on hotdogs or being unvaccinated) but you can't "report" them, though you strongly feel you want to educate ...


12

Sounds to me, like you and your daughter had a very healthy and honest conversation - and trust me when I say, those are the kind that work. I worked with adolescents for ten years as a health and science teacher as well as was advisor to a class of about 20 eighth grade kids each year. Considering the fact that I had around 100 kids each year I taught, ...


12

Things that worked for us: Give the child a little time to relax after school, get a snack, etc. They may be more willing to talk after some down time. Ask specific questions. For example, instead of "What did you do today?", which has a long list of items to recite, try something like "What was the best thing that happened today?" Still requires more ...


11

To teach children how to call for help appropriately, the first thing I would do is share with them the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" (which you have already mentioned). But you want to encourage, not discourage, your child to ask for assistance. Getting my kids ready to stay home alone has meant practicing what needs to be done in an emergency or if ...


11

It sounds like your baby is right where she needs to be. Normal babies start reaching language milestones at a fairly wide range of ages. Some babies may hit some milestones early, and others late. You may have reason for concern if your child misses several milestones, but it doesn't sound like that is the case with your daughter. The language ...


11

"because I'm older", or "because I said so" are a cop-out. When I was a child I thought is was a cop-out when a parent said it, and I still think so. It's an answer when a parent is losing patience and/or doesn't have time to explain. It is better to say "I don't have time to explain, and this is how it has to be" as it's more constructive. It says to the ...


11

She is very beautiful girl and I do not trust the kids out there... Why do you distrust a 6 year old boy? A 13 year old boy, certainly. But a 6 year old? I would suggest that you examine carefully your fears and test them against reality. A 6 year old boy is as innocent as a 6 year old girl. Of course, if she's especially pretty, both boys and girls will ...


10

I've never been in that situation but the first response that comes to my mind is to say "Thats true, and I love you anyway. But you still can't ..."


10

As Lennart says, he may say it just to hurt you, but whether it comes out or not, it has nothing to do with whether or not he'll obey you. If you were his biological father, he'd just find some other biting remark. That said, by the time he's a teen, doing the right thing (mostly -- we all make mistakes) should be the result of his good judgement, not ...


10

The primary thing here has to be your daughter's welfare. If you and the mother have an actively hostile relationship, then you need to shield her from it as much as possible. When you spend time with her, avoid all mention of her mother, except in a supportive context (e.g. if she's complaining about her mum, remind her that her mother loves her, and ...


10

It's important for a young adult to establish him or herself as an independent individual with his or her own life. Whether consciously or subconsciously, your parents are perhaps trying to help you with that process. Especially now you are to be married, your spouse needs to become the new most important person in your life. In addition, with two ...



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