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30

When confronted with these issues for the first time, we asked ourselves these questions: Can we afford to have everything all our peers have? If not, when and how did we learn to not to let this bring us down? Do we calculate our self-esteem depending on whether we can buy the same things our peers do? Seeing some of the things their peers have, do we ...


26

As I do, I'm going to go a different way than the routes established in the other answers. I think they're pie-in-the-sky, "wouldn't it be great" kind of answers that don't really take practicality into account. Lets take a moment to critically identify the problems. If your kid is being bullied, the problem at hand is not: your kids self confidence. ...


25

Teach your child not to be an easy target. Bullies go for easy prey, someone with confident body language, who can tell the bully to "knock it off" in a firm voice, etc. is a less likely target. Also, being with a group of friends whenever possible is another good strategy. Teach your child to defend him/her self and others when needed. Tattling on a ...


20

Like the others, I disagree that you should buying your child "everything". But I feel there is an important distinction other answers don't bring to the point, although some skirt it. When your children asks for something "everybody has", ask yourself: is it a status symbol, or a tool prerequisite for participating in an activity common among its peers? ...


17

I think that money is not the most important factor here. I think that the reason the children usually have these costly toys (and I mean toys, since most kids do little more than play on them) like smartphones, laptops, tablets, PSPs, etc. is not because their parents care about them; it's often because they actually neglect them. The device is not ...


14

When you are talking about babies and toddlers, bullying is a lot simpler than it can be with older children. At this age, it's pretty much one of three scenarios: Someone taught the child bullying behavior. If the child's parents encourage the behavior, it's unlikely you'll be able to un-teach it. Better to just stop spending time with that family. If ...


13

Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective: bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad) bullies encourage each other bullies are compensating for something ...


13

I hear a couple different things here, so I will approach them 1 at a time. First, your girl... News flash: ready? She's 3. 3 year olds don't know much about anything, let alone how to effectively defend themselves to a bully. So that's where parents come in. Most adults don't even know how to effectively handle a bully. She likely can't even remember ...


11

In general, at this age, it's not the child's responsibility to defend himself/herself, it is the parent's responsibility to make sure that the play environment an surroundings are safe so that the child does not get hurt. The thing you can focus on is teaching all the kids who are playing together to say STOP and NO when they're being hurt or in an ...


10

I would say something along the lines of "That's not a very nice way to talk to our friends" to the children in question. The parents would invariably notice what you said and may choose to follow it up with more stern words if they feel it appropriate, depending on the situation. If the child/children continue at least the other parents are now aware of ...


10

Your first question is what causes a child to become a bully, and there are many possible causes, most of which directly relate to low self-esteem: observing parents and siblings exhibiting bullying behavior being victimized by a bully receiving negative messages or physical punishment or experiencing controlling behaviors at home or school living in a ...


10

His classmates are rewarded by the spectacle of his tantrums as well as the group feeling of having a common target. Unless he can control the tantrums and ignore all taunts, I fear the only option is to change his environment to a more welcoming one. That may mean changing schools or getting ALL the parents to make sure their children behave.


10

As a young adult (19) I think it would be good for me to input in this conversation as a child of this generation. I would first like to explain my background. My parents were/are pretty low income (£10,000 a year) so during school i often did not have a lot of what the other kids had. For example my trainers weren't the newest, it took 2 years after the ...


9

First, you should know that five is a typical age for a lot of "testing the waters" When I started teaching Middle School, people used to say, "must be quite a leap from preschool and kindergarten." and I laughed replying, "Nope, same shitty attitudes, they're just focusing their attitudes at different things." Obviously, in some ways I was joking, but ...


9

When I first read this question, the first word that came to my mind was bullying. You're in a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" position here, and you need to choose 1) what's really best for your kids, and 2) what heartache you want to face. First, do you have the means, and live a lifestyle, that allows you to give your child everything ...


7

When I was growing up there were times when I was troubled but I didn't tell my parents because I wanted to deal with it on my own, and I didn't want to worry them. I was also concerned that if I told them I would lose some of my freedom. So how do you know? You don't. One of the things you have to accept about being a parent is that you cannot control ...


6

Most kids under four just aren't equipped mentally for meaningful self defense. This is why few dojos take children under four outside a therapy setting. You are correct that every time your child flees, or seeks outside authority for assistance in one of these situations he/she is getting closer to a pattern of learned helplessness and being a ready ...


6

I think you have to model for the other children and your child how to respond to a bully. And although we throw this word around a lot, it sounds like that is what was happening, your child was being bullied. Studies have shown that when people stand up for the "victim" the bully will stop or move on. So, in this case I would suggest just simply saying, ...


6

I gave some thoughts in my answer to your related question. I would also like to react to your comment to Rory: what do I advise my son to do in such a situation. He currently tends to running away crying (at worst with tears) where I'm not sure if it is the best way. For sure, beating back isn't neither... That is surely not the best way, as it gives ...


6

Ugh. I have a first wife, too. She also was a fool. Still is. Quick tip unrelated to the forum: If you break things down to the most obvious base elements, she simply cannot be argue without sounding like a moron. "So I punish the child for lying and you really think I'm being abusive?" Which is the ham-handed segue into the topic at hand. What has ...


6

I'm not an expert at this; I do help look after my partners three kids and I have a son of my own who lives with his mother. But from my experience, and from what I have read over the years, a child usually becomes a bully if there are problems at home: not enough attention, or the child is getting bullied at home. It is mostly a cry for help, or trying to ...


5

At first you need to know which kind of bully your kid may suffer: Ability: Some kids get bullied because they're outstanding in some area, or just by being different from the average. Faction: Some just get involved in some unneeded dispute somehow, whether out of initiative or negatively. Personality: Another reason is an uninviting personality. So, ...


5

While many of the bullies I have seen in schools have come from homes with significant parenting problems, it would surprise you the number of kids who bully (at an older age) who come from loving homes. It can be very easy for the bully-ee to become the bully in a chain-reaction kind of way. At its root, bullying is about power and a lack of ...


5

There doesn't seem to be a huge body of research on the matter but a recent meta-analysis looked at the effect of parenting on the risk of children to become bullying victims or turn bully themselves. Parenting behavior and the risk of becoming a victim and a bully/victim: A meta-analysis study (Lereyaa et al., 2013) Citing from the abstract: Negative ...


5

That's pretty common behavior at age three and a half. I would hesitate to call it "overly" sensitive at this point. At any rate, it's not disliking being touched on the shoulder that's the problem, it's the reaction, so teach the reaction you want him to have and make him repeat it. It also helps to ask if their natural reaction is having the desired ...


5

Unfortunately a lot of the Internet is a 'Wild West' environment - you cannot completely prevent cyber bullying. That said, there are a number of options which can help. I'm guessing you are not a parent, but this topic is likely to be of interest to parents and children alike. Facebook has a specific anti-cyber-bullying team that you can report incidents ...


5

You use the same approach you would use for just about any other "how to protect my children" question. Step 1: educate yourself. The first thing you have to do is educate yourself. What does your child do online, and where are the risks they're going to face? If you have a good relationship with your child, you can ask them about it directly. You can ...


4

I think this type of bullying or social castigation is especially common in female circles. It's interesting that you posted this because one of our local morning radio programs spent a large portion of the show a couple of weeks ago discussing bullying, the new movie Bully that's just come out, and they had some bullying experts on the show who pointed out ...


4

In my opinion (and I work in a school) bullying is the 'go to' word today. Any thing and Every thing is considered bullying. Disciplining your child and correcting the behavior is not bullying. How to discipline appropriately is probably a separate question.


4

Related to my answer on your other question: If they are in kindergarten, the responsibility should be on the staff there - if you step in and do something you could end up in trouble. Your only real option is to explain to the staff what happened, and insist that they do something about it. The staff may however say that as it is not dangerous, it is a ...



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