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38

It seems to me that being shouted at is likely to make any child cry, particularly by an older child. Shouting is not nice, and intimidating particularly from an older child. Door knocking i've not seen before, but if door knocking includes fairly loud knocking, it could also be a bit disturbing. More likely to me, he's concerned about some change when ...


31

As I do, I'm going to go a different way than the routes established in the other answers. I think they're pie-in-the-sky, "wouldn't it be great" kind of answers that don't really take practicality into account. Lets take a moment to critically identify the problems. If your kid is being bullied, the problem at hand is not: your kids self confidence. ...


30

When confronted with these issues for the first time, we asked ourselves these questions: Can we afford to have everything all our peers have? If not, when and how did we learn to not to let this bring us down? Do we calculate our self-esteem depending on whether we can buy the same things our peers do? Seeing some of the things their peers have, do we ...


24

Teach your child not to be an easy target. Bullies go for easy prey, someone with confident body language, who can tell the bully to "knock it off" in a firm voice, etc. is a less likely target. Also, being with a group of friends whenever possible is another good strategy. Teach your child to defend him/her self and others when needed. Tattling on a ...


22

Like the others, I disagree that you should buying your child "everything". But I feel there is an important distinction other answers don't bring to the point, although some skirt it. When your children asks for something "everybody has", ask yourself: is it a status symbol, or a tool prerequisite for participating in an activity common among its peers? ...


17

I think that money is not the most important factor here. I think that the reason the children usually have these costly toys (and I mean toys, since most kids do little more than play on them) like smartphones, laptops, tablets, PSPs, etc. is not because their parents care about them; it's often because they actually neglect them. The device is not ...


16

Being brave is not the absence of fear, it is doing the right thing even though you are afraid. Fear is good, it is based off of natural preservation instincts and can warn of danger. You need to teach him about the things that are more important than self preservation: Teach him about principles and standing for them, Teach him about chivalry, teach him ...


15

In general, at this age, it's not the child's responsibility to defend himself/herself, it is the parent's responsibility to make sure that the play environment an surroundings are safe so that the child does not get hurt. The thing you can focus on is teaching all the kids who are playing together to say STOP and NO when they're being hurt or in an ...


15

When you are talking about babies and toddlers, bullying is a lot simpler than it can be with older children. At this age, it's pretty much one of three scenarios: Someone taught the child bullying behavior. If the child's parents encourage the behavior, it's unlikely you'll be able to un-teach it. Better to just stop spending time with that family. If ...


15

I hear a couple different things here, so I will approach them 1 at a time. First, your girl... News flash: ready? She's 3. 3 year olds don't know much about anything, let alone how to effectively defend themselves to a bully. So that's where parents come in. Most adults don't even know how to effectively handle a bully. She likely can't even remember ...


14

Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective: bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad) bullies encourage each other bullies are compensating for something ...


12

Your first question is what causes a child to become a bully, and there are many possible causes, most of which directly relate to low self-esteem: observing parents and siblings exhibiting bullying behavior being victimized by a bully receiving negative messages or physical punishment or experiencing controlling behaviors at home or school living in a ...


10

I would say something along the lines of "That's not a very nice way to talk to our friends" to the children in question. The parents would invariably notice what you said and may choose to follow it up with more stern words if they feel it appropriate, depending on the situation. If the child/children continue at least the other parents are now aware of ...


10

As a young adult (19) I think it would be good for me to input in this conversation as a child of this generation. I would first like to explain my background. My parents were/are pretty low income (£10,000 a year) so during school i often did not have a lot of what the other kids had. For example my trainers weren't the newest, it took 2 years after the ...


9

First, you should know that five is a typical age for a lot of "testing the waters" When I started teaching Middle School, people used to say, "must be quite a leap from preschool and kindergarten." and I laughed replying, "Nope, same shitty attitudes, they're just focusing their attitudes at different things." Obviously, in some ways I was joking, but ...


9

His classmates are rewarded by the spectacle of his tantrums as well as the group feeling of having a common target. Unless he can control the tantrums and ignore all taunts, I fear the only option is to change his environment to a more welcoming one. That may mean changing schools or getting ALL the parents to make sure their children behave.


9

When I first read this question, the first word that came to my mind was bullying. You're in a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" position here, and you need to choose 1) what's really best for your kids, and 2) what heartache you want to face. First, do you have the means, and live a lifestyle, that allows you to give your child everything ...


8

Realistically, you can't. Your son is four. A four year old doesn't have the brain development for conflict resolution entailing the use of carefully applied physical force. Your son doesn't need to learn how to physically defend himself at this age, or learn to physically deter aggressors. He needs to learn that he can trust the adults charged with his ...


7

I'm not an expert at this; I do help look after my partners three kids and I have a son of my own who lives with his mother. But from my experience, and from what I have read over the years, a child usually becomes a bully if there are problems at home: not enough attention, or the child is getting bullied at home. It is mostly a cry for help, or trying to ...


7

Most kids under four just aren't equipped mentally for meaningful self defense. This is why few dojos take children under four outside a therapy setting. You are correct that every time your child flees, or seeks outside authority for assistance in one of these situations he/she is getting closer to a pattern of learned helplessness and being a ready ...


7

When I was growing up there were times when I was troubled but I didn't tell my parents because I wanted to deal with it on my own, and I didn't want to worry them. I was also concerned that if I told them I would lose some of my freedom. So how do you know? You don't. One of the things you have to accept about being a parent is that you cannot control ...


6

I think you have to model for the other children and your child how to respond to a bully. And although we throw this word around a lot, it sounds like that is what was happening, your child was being bullied. Studies have shown that when people stand up for the "victim" the bully will stop or move on. So, in this case I would suggest just simply saying, ...


6

While many of the bullies I have seen in schools have come from homes with significant parenting problems, it would surprise you the number of kids who bully (at an older age) who come from loving homes. It can be very easy for the bully-ee to become the bully in a chain-reaction kind of way. At its root, bullying is about power and a lack of ...


6

There doesn't seem to be a huge body of research on the matter but a recent meta-analysis looked at the effect of parenting on the risk of children to become bullying victims or turn bully themselves. Parenting behavior and the risk of becoming a victim and a bully/victim: A meta-analysis study (Lereyaa et al., 2013) Citing from the abstract: Negative ...


6

Ugh. I have a first wife, too. She also was a fool. Still is. Quick tip unrelated to the forum: If you break things down to the most obvious base elements, she simply cannot be argue without sounding like a moron. "So I punish the child for lying and you really think I'm being abusive?" Which is the ham-handed segue into the topic at hand. What has ...


6

I gave some thoughts in my answer to your related question. I would also like to react to your comment to Rory: what do I advise my son to do in such a situation. He currently tends to running away crying (at worst with tears) where I'm not sure if it is the best way. For sure, beating back isn't neither... That is surely not the best way, as it gives ...


6

I think there are lots of possible responses and the one that you choose depends on your values and ability to do the response fully. When I was bullied at school, although I was doing karate at the time, an aggressive response was just not me. Taking your son's character into consideration is therefore important. Here are some ideas: Give your son some ...


5

Your attitude kind of concerns me. A 2.5 year old doesn't have the skills to deal with a gang of older relatives bullying him. Instead of asking what your child should be doing, if I were you, I'd be asking what in the world the cousins' parents are teaching them that it's okay to take toys and especially food from a baby. Instead of teaching him not to ...


5

At first you need to know which kind of bully your kid may suffer: Ability: Some kids get bullied because they're outstanding in some area, or just by being different from the average. Faction: Some just get involved in some unneeded dispute somehow, whether out of initiative or negatively. Personality: Another reason is an uninviting personality. So, ...


5

That's pretty common behavior at age three and a half. I would hesitate to call it "overly" sensitive at this point. At any rate, it's not disliking being touched on the shoulder that's the problem, it's the reaction, so teach the reaction you want him to have and make him repeat it. It also helps to ask if their natural reaction is having the desired ...



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