Hot answers tagged bullying
18
Teach your child not to be an easy target. Bullies go for easy prey, someone with confident body language, who can tell the bully to "knock it off" in a firm voice, etc. is a less likely target. Also, being with a group of friends whenever possible is another good strategy.
Teach your child to defend him/her self and others when needed. Tattling on a ...
14
When you are talking about babies and toddlers, bullying is a lot simpler than it can be with older children. At this age, it's pretty much one of three scenarios:
Someone taught the child bullying behavior.
If the child's parents encourage the behavior, it's unlikely you'll be able to un-teach it. Better to just stop spending time with that family. If ...
11
Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective:
bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind
bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad)
bullies encourage each other
bullies are compensating for something ...
9
As I do, I'm going to go a different way than the routes established in the other answers. I think they're pie-in-the-sky, "wouldn't it be great" kind of answers that don't really take practicality into account.
Lets take a moment to critically identify the problems.
If your kid is being bullied, the problem at hand is not:
your kids self confidence.
...
9
In general, at this age, it's not the child's responsibility to defend himself/herself, it is the parent's responsibility to make sure that the play environment an surroundings are safe so that the child does not get hurt.
The thing you can focus on is teaching all the kids who are playing together to say STOP and NO when they're being hurt or in an ...
8
I would say something along the lines of "That's not a very nice way to talk to our friends" to the children in question. The parents would invariably notice what you said and may choose to follow it up with more stern words if they feel it appropriate, depending on the situation.
If the child/children continue at least the other parents are now aware of ...
7
First, you should know that five is a typical age for a lot of "testing the waters" When I started teaching Middle School, people used to say, "must be quite a leap from preschool and kindergarten." and I laughed replying, "Nope, same shitty attitudes, they're just focusing their attitudes at different things."
Obviously, in some ways I was joking, but ...
7
Your first question is what causes a child to become a bully, and there are many possible causes, most of which directly relate to low self-esteem:
observing parents and siblings exhibiting bullying behavior
being victimized by a bully
receiving negative messages or physical punishment or experiencing controlling behaviors at home or school
living in a ...
6
I'm not an expert at this; I do help look after my partners three kids and I have a son of my own who lives with his mother. But from my experience, and from what I have read over the years, a child usually becomes a bully if there are problems at home: not enough attention, or the child is getting bullied at home.
It is mostly a cry for help, or trying to ...
6
Most kids under four just aren't equipped mentally for meaningful self defense. This is why few dojos take children under four outside a therapy setting.
You are correct that every time your child flees, or seeks outside authority for assistance in one of these situations he/she is getting closer to a pattern of learned helplessness and being a ready ...
6
Ugh.
I have a first wife, too. She also was a fool. Still is. Quick tip unrelated to the forum: If you break things down to the most obvious base elements, she simply cannot be argue without sounding like a moron.
"So I punish the child for lying and you really think I'm
being abusive?"
Which is the ham-handed segue into the topic at hand. What has ...
5
I think you have to model for the other children and your child how to respond to a bully. And although we throw this word around a lot, it sounds like that is what was happening, your child was being bullied. Studies have shown that when people stand up for the "victim" the bully will stop or move on. So, in this case I would suggest just simply saying, ...
5
I gave some thoughts in my answer to your related question. I would also like to react to your comment to Rory:
what do I advise my son to do in such a situation. He currently tends to running away crying (at worst with tears) where I'm not sure if it is the best way. For sure, beating back isn't neither...
That is surely not the best way, as it gives ...
5
While many of the bullies I have seen in schools have come from homes with significant parenting problems, it would surprise you the number of kids who bully (at an older age) who come from loving homes. It can be very easy for the bully-ee to become the bully in a chain-reaction kind of way.
At its root, bullying is about power and a lack of ...
5
There doesn't seem to be a huge body of research on the matter but a recent meta-analysis looked at the effect of parenting on the risk of children to become bullying victims or a bullies themselves.
Parenting behavior and the risk of becoming a victim and a bully/victim: A meta-analysis study (Lereyaa et al., 2013)
Citing from the abstract:
Negative ...
3
Your attitude kind of concerns me. A 2.5 year old doesn't have the skills to deal with a gang of older relatives bullying him. Instead of asking what your child should be doing, if I were you, I'd be asking what in the world the cousins' parents are teaching them that it's okay to take toys and especially food from a baby.
Instead of teaching him not to ...
3
Related to my answer on your other question:
If they are in kindergarten, the responsibility should be on the staff there - if you step in and do something you could end up in trouble. Your only real option is to explain to the staff what happened, and insist that they do something about it.
The staff may however say that as it is not dangerous, it is a ...
3
This response is geared towards younger children, say under 9 or 10 years old. The situation for teenagers is very different I think.
Definitely talk to the other parents if that is an option. If its not an option (for example, if you child is picked on at school) definitely talk to the teachers.
You also want to give your child a way to stand up for ...
3
There is something that a teacher told us regarding the bullying between our toddler (3) and our infant (1 year). When the toddler does something to his baby sister that is not terrible but just not nice (like taking away a toy she is holding) you should talk to the toddler about how he hurt the offend-ed's feelings. Since the baby can not, they can't ...
2
Usually bullying can be back referenced to bad parenting, or a bad experience the boy had.
Maybe the father treats the mother like that? Or it can be that he didn't get to much attention. Or not enough love, not enough care, not enough softness. It is very ease to neglect a child without even noticing that you neglect him.
It also can be that he is ...
2
There is a lot to be said for letting children sort out this sort of thing, but the final call needs to come down to you as a parent - do you think your child was getting upset by it, or treating it as banter.
If it upset my child I would have called it out then and there - the same way I would if it were my own children making fun of another, pointing out ...
2
I think this type of bullying or social castigation is especially common in female circles. It's interesting that you posted this because one of our local morning radio programs spent a large portion of the show a couple of weeks ago discussing bullying, the new movie Bully that's just come out, and they had some bullying experts on the show who pointed out ...
1
I don't know where the idea that the behavior isn't dangerous is coming from. Bark mulch can be very damaging if caught in the eye. I don't think it likely, but if you talk to the staff and they think this is acceptable behavior, I would change schools honestly. Outside of that. It seems there is already some great advice in the other answers already ...
1
I'd suggest to the kids that it's not nice to talk that way, but unless my kid was upset I wouldn't do more than that and steer conversation away from the incident. With 5 year olds that is easy, and on Halloween it's even easier "hey look at those decorations!". Thing is if it happens in front of you, it can happen when you are not present. Try and find ...
1
We all want to protect our children, and on some level we can. But on another level, we can't shelter our kids from all situations where they may be bullied or picked on, and if we try we risk smothering their own sense of individual worth and growth.
If you know your child is being bullied in a situation outside your control, I'd certainly recommend ...
1
If the bullying is happening at a school or a place where someone else has the duty of care for your child, then in many countries they have to take a zero-tolerance policy on bullying.
As someone who was bullied a lot at high school, at a school that allegedly had a zero-tolerance policy, I can state that most of the time their policies were quite useless. ...
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