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1

I also wanted to chime in and say that my 5 year old stepson sounds exactly the same as yours. We had behaviour psychologist look at his behaviour and temperament for a sudden change in his behaviour due to an unrelated hyperactivity problem. Luckily the hyperactivity is now manageable through the coaching we received from the specialists we saw, and when ...


1

I think expecting tact from a 4 year old is kind of futile. Children that age only have the most limited ability to take another person's perspective. For example, most kids can't tell the difference between irony and literal statements until around 7-8 years old. Your son probably doesn't have the capacity yet to understand the difference between lying and ...


1

I can't diagnose someone over the internet, but it's possible he might be on the autistic spectrum. Repetitive speech patterns, spacing out, taking things literally, and poor memory are all common features of autistic kids - as is having an uneven pattern of strengths and weaknesses. Does he have trouble making friends? Does he show other kinds of ...


2

I'm autistic and I do this too. It's not defiance or satisfaction at provoking the person or anything like that. It's completely involuntary and not associated with happiness at all. My impression is that many autistic people express emotions using different kinds of nonverbal signals than non-autistic people. For example, I once met a kid who showed ...


1

Your best approach may be to try to get her to imagine what this other girl is feeling. Ask her to think about when she first got interested in boys (I'm assuming she is). Make sure she recognizes that she didn't chose to start feeling those feelings, it just happened. Now, tell her that a lesbian feels the same way, but about girls instead of boys. How ...


-1

I think a need of his is not getting met and it could be one of two things. If he is saying white lies as to not hurt yours or other people, then this may be a sign that he is becoming more empathetic this not necessarily a bad thing. On the other hand, if the lies have more to do with deceiving for his own personal gain or entertainment, then it might ...


0

Could it be that he's being picked on, bullied, or abused by someone at these events (or picking on someone else) and lying to cover it up? And then lying about everything else, because it trips him back into the habit?


5

This has to be one of the most painful parts of parenting. It's good that the teachers are contacting you**; having Cain's parents sit in, though, while very important for Cain and his parents, is not much of an action plan. What are the school's written policies? All schools should have one in place; even in preschool. Ask to read it. Bullying often ...


3

Ouch. This is difficult. First, the good points: you have the school on your side, they are responding appropriately, and it sounds like Cain is being progressed through a proper disciplinary sequence. You might ask the school about that: they should have a written policy. I understand that you want to send the right messages to your son. I would suggest ...


-2

If you put a mitten and then a sock in the hand it will help because she or he might take the mitten off.


1

In my case, I have 2 daughters and one is very sensitive. I've found that any attempt to toughen her up only made her more sensitive. I now use a different approach altogether and found it far more effective by a long shot. Basically, I would try something like this: when he cries, label the reason for why he is crying. This might be something like "I ...


1

I was very sensitive child myself. I used to cry for little things when I was about the same age as your son. My sister who was 6 years older than me used to get very annoyed when I cried for smaller things and she used to annoy me even more hoping to make me tougher. But that didn't work for me nor her. I also used to cry when I felt that my younger sister ...


3

I haven't been in this situation myself, however this doesn't seem at all odd to me. Your son has had you all to himself for his whole life. Sharing you is a big change, and one that may not seem like it has much personal upside. It will probably take a lot of time for him to adjust, and your partner will definitely need to put the work in to establish his ...


0

I'll offer a slight spin on the answers that were given: No, it's not acceptable Should it be acceptable? Of course. We should be able to ask people to respect the other people in their immediate vicinity. And we should be able to approach parents that are not aware of their child's own behavior and how it's affecting that particular social contract. ...


2

I'm 17 years old, and it was about 4 years ago when I developed this problem. I laugh for just about everything. I laugh when I'm happy, when I think of something funny, when I'm nervous, embarrassed, and when I'm getting yelled at! I hate that I laugh when my parents are yelling at me, I really do! I know that it only further pisses my parents off ...


4

My 27 month old makes me think I'm losing my hearing sometimes, between his higher-pitched (and thus less easily understood) voice, and his obviously imperfect enunciation. I'm totally with you on this one. What I do is try to avoid saying "what", or other "I didn't understand you" type phrases. They are understandably frustrating. I know a family member ...


5

No, there is no good reliable way to achieve this I'm going to go out on a limb here and say no, it's not acceptable for you to complain to a parent about a young child singing quietly on a bus. There is no socially good way for you to accomplish this, it would be overstepping your bounds. Context is everything Imagine you are eating a Bacon sandwich. I'm ...


2

This is common among the toddlers. Even if it is complex idea, then also they will try to communicate it with the words they know and for the first time they will express it with more patience and excitement. If we ask them to repeat it again, then they will feel like frustrated and embarrassed, so don't try to ask them twice instead give them a smile for ...


1

Have a good distraction for the kid with you. "I'm very sorry, but I have a condition that makes it really hard for me to hear your child's singing. Would she perhaps like to watch Sesame Street / play Minecraft / etc on my phone / iPad / etc?" This avoids all the cases where the parent is unable to quieten the kid, and makes it rather hard for them to say ...


5

You understand what it is like to not be neurotypical, and therefore perhaps also to exhibit behaviors other people might find annoying -- though we all agree that the proper response from them is to let you be, unless you are truly and objectively disruptive. Maybe it would help you to empathize by remembering that children are also not (yet) neurotypical ...


5

I hate to break it to you, but you're probably going to have to figure it out on your own, or with the help of an occupational therapist. My daughter has cerebral palsy and often gets loud and bothersome as you describe, but the things we have learned that calm her don't work at all for my nephews with down syndrome or autism, or even other children with ...


6

One thing you could do is talk directly to the child. I'm sorry to bother you, but I am not feeling very well. Would it be okay for us to be a bit quieter for a bit? You know what it's like when you're poorly. I'd really appreciate it. Obviously, you have to judge the situation (I recommend looking at the child while talking, and when you pause ...


-1

It depends how loud the child is and how old the child is. If they're shouting their head off, they're old enough to know better, and their parent(s) aren't intervening, then consider saying something. If they're no louder than regular conversation, or if they're too young to reason with (anything under 2, pretty much), or if their parent is clearly trying ...


9

As a parent myself, I understand if some of kid's behaviors are annoying to some people. But a kid singing a song repetitively is very different to kids who kick other people's seats. I myself would scold my kid who did the latter. But kids are kids, they do things repetitively when they learn something new so we have to understand it as long as it is not ...


6

I had a really hard time with this sort of thing myself, when I was young. My dad taught me chess then, with the same "full speed" method that I saw mentioned in another answer. I gave up, and hated chess for years, because at the time I felt like my dad was just rubbing it in my face and not really helping me be better at chess (which was partly true and ...


3

I had/have a similar problem with my 10-year old son. He also plays Minecraft and once wanted to connect to his friend's server. Obviously, he typed in the server name wrongly and the connection could not be established. After several failed attempts (this whole thing lasted for less than 5 minutes), he told me that he'd try one more time and give up. These ...


15

I had some entertaining experience with a loud boy in the bus. In order to overcome the issue I created an Origami bird and showed the boy how the bird can move its wings. The boy was amazed and spend 15 minutes with the bird. Finally, the bird was destroyed and the boy became quiet - I think he was sad he cannot recreated the bird... In my opinion this non ...


10

I think your request would go much better if you politely ask the child to stop. This is, of course, assuming the child is old enough to understand you - otherwise I doubt even the parents would have much luck. Telling the parent that they should quiet their child puts a lot of stress and attention on them that they simply don't want. I think its most ...


26

I can relate; I cannot tune out noise either (never have been able to), and it does add to my stress level. People noise is especially distressing to me, though particularly when I'm trying to get something done that requires (for me) relative quiet. Is it acceptable for me to tell a parent that the noises their children make are bothering me? And if so, ...


4

My youngest was at a disadvantage with Minecraft compared to her elder siblings - they already had strategic thinking and a competitive streak, but when she tried to play with them it was the same story you describe, Karl. Our solution - give her a creative only server (ie one with monsters turned off) to practice on. Over the space of about 2 months she ...


68

Is it acceptable for me to tell a parent that the noises their children make are bothering me? Sure, just as acceptable as it would be for you to ask a fellow passenger to get off their phone or stop swaying to the music in their earphones. It's not against the law to request another person stop acting in a way that bothers you. There's lots of people ...


16

I'd say that having a coping strategy ready for this is going to be much more valuable to you than attempting to stop someone else making annoying noises. A set of professional / musician earplugs, for example, can make a huge difference with general & background noise reduction while not preventing you from hearing other people speak to you. Your ...


10

How did you get to be good at the planning part of the game? More than likely, through experience. Even for a naturally gifted strategist such as myself, I didn't know how to plan strategy at eight years old. In fact, I can tell you exactly when I learned: around ten years old. That's when I learned to beat my dad at chess. My dad wasn't particularly ...


16

A polite request to the parent, in most situations, would not be taken amiss. In particular with a small amount of information as to why you're specifically asking. Hello, Ma'am, I'm sorry but I have a bit of a headache today. If it's possible could you ask your child to lower her voice some? Thank you. Be very specific as to the particular behavior ...


21

The best thing you can do is to politely request that they try to quiet their child. Maybe phrase it something like this: I'm sorry to bother you, but I am trying to work on this / having a really stressful day / etc. and your daughter's high pitched talking is really bothering me. Can you please try to quiet her down a bit? I'd really ...


0

I would first consider the age of the other child who was filling the hole. if the child is of about same age or younger than your son then I would simply assume that if one child is enjoying by digging a hole then other is enjoying by filling it. If your son is hitting the other child for filling the hole then I would ask him to wait and see what the ...


0

I sucked my thumb until I was 18 and I didn't have a problem with it, unlike the people around me. When my parents went about "correcting" it, I couldn't sleep, as I didn't feel safe, and then I would just feel bad that they had a problem with it. Mom eventually accepted it when I was a little older as a source of comfort and then eventually I was able to ...


4

So, let's first agree that you can't instruct a child how to behave. It's often difficult to instruct an adult. The question was what are the tools to influence child's behavior. Here they are: personal example, role play, storytelling, training (just like you train dogs;)), consequences. Let's have a closer look how these tools can be applied in the ...


6

You live in a society, where (as has been noted by the previous posters) life is most definitely not fair. Still, we need to be resourceful enough to avoid hitting. Your child hitting someone who is not hitting him - i.e. not a situation of self-defense - is inappropriate. He can't be allowed to solve a disagreement, dispute, or show his displeasure by ...


-2

Not all problems can be resolved peacefully unless you are willing to capitulate and that is certainly frustrating. We make a big deal about fairness, but life isn't fair and neither is everyone you are going to meet. That being said, it sounds by your description of events, that it is generally your child that escalates a conflict to a physical altercation. ...


1

You've hit upon one of the great dilemmas of human society. In school we are taught to NEVER HIT ANOTHER PERSON EVER OR YOU WILL BURN IN HELL! But at the first sign of political disturbance, we declare war. The problem is that "Everything can be resolved through communication" is a lie. Most things can be resolved through communication, but only if the ...


4

It seems to be fairly common for boys of that age to start getting disruptive. (Not that girls can't be disruptive too, but it's less common for girls to directly act out that way - http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/marianne.bertrand/research/papers/the%20trouble%20with%20boys.pdf ) It's good that you are addressing the problem early. Having the report card ...


4

My 8 year-old is like that, although not quite as severe. We are still working on it. I don't think anything can be done to suppress the initial inclination to cry, but he can control it somewhat based on social expectations. For example, he will usually stop almost immediately if asked. That sounds simple, but it doesn't occur to a lot of parents to ...


-1

Yes, drooling and sucking fingers are very common habits. At the time of teething, sucking fingers helps soothe sore gums and is a baby's way of calming himself. Drooling is common but if your baby is in danger of choking or gagging or if he finds any difficulty in breathing then you should consult your doctor. Sucking fingers is not a problem but drooling ...


0

I have gone through this with my daughter. Take away the phones, screens and TVs. Give a hug and be understanding if they feel overwhelmed. Have them get up the same time every day. Let them stay up as late as they like but they WILL be up by whatever time it is. If push comes to shove lock them out of their room, let them go in to get clothes or ...


0

OK, you could TRY to get your child to learn to play slaps. Just don't go too fast or too hard. Toughened my friends two young boys right up. Crying and laughing through the pain. :) Good times. Games that are impossible and have no win condition but only a score and are sufficiently fast paced might help. Missile Command and Robotron-2048 come to ...


-1

I don't agree in thumb sucking. I suck finger untill I was 12 years old and believe me, it was very difficult and challenging to stop. After seeing my cousins stopped it encouraged me to stop. I also have two other cousins Presently sucking thumb, one is 14 and the other 19. There teeth alignment is pretty bad. So I won't encourage sucking thumb because of ...


0

Give yourself time and think what you can do differently other than punishing and yelling. Ask your partner what is the right way of upbringing and try to understand what he says. Just do as he says for few weeks, if you can't handle the pressure call him and share your experience. If it doesn't work try something different and try it even if you think a new ...



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