Hot answers tagged behavior
30
First, I think it is worth noting that gender identity and gender roles are not the same as sexual orientation--liking girly things is not the same as being gay.
As far as your specific issues go, I agree with Rhea that these are not big signs that your son is experimenting with an alternate gender identity. Hanging out with girls, using female avatars in ...
20
They should be rewarded for good behavior in the process of learning the good behavior. Then after a while when the child understands that the "good behavior task" is expected, you can gradually stop rewarding for that behavior. It is important that this kind of rewarding is just praising, and not giving gifts like toys or treats as rewarding. I don't ...
16
To quote from The Future of Play Theory: A Multidisciplinary Inquiry into the Contributions of Brian Sutton-Smith:
Findings from studies of war toys are diverse, if sparse. War toys
have been found to
enhance aggression (Sanson and Di Muccio, 1993; Turner and Goldsmith, 1976; Watson and Peng, 1992)
reduce aggression (Bonte and Musgrove, ...
15
A few ideas:
Start with yourself
You're at your wit's end. You need to fix that as best you can.
You're not a failure. You may have lost some battles, but you're haven't lost the war.
Remind yourself that this phase won't last forever, and that you will get through it.
Look after yourself. Make sure you're sleeping, eating etc. properly and that you have ...
14
Have you tried explaining to her what it means? Not in its entirety of course, but maybe something along the lines of: "Giving someone the middle finger is like telling them, in the meanest way possible, that you dislike them. This goes beyond 'not being polite' and, besides making the person you are giving the middle finger to feel very bad, it reflects ...
13
In my experience it all ebbs and flows.
My son exhibited some of the same behavior, though not the same degree, culminating around 2 years old. He is about to turn 4 and things have come full circle. He started coming to me for comfort around 2 and a half and sometimes even preferred my comfort when my wife was pregnant with our second child. Since the ...
13
It seems you're having difficulty expressing the idea of "not sharing" in positive terms. If you call it "taking turns" it's a lot easier to encourage in a positive way. "It's his turn to play with the legos now. It's your turn to play with these velcro stars if you want." Kids that age really glom onto the concept, because it reconciles the need to ...
13
One, no slapping. Besides being very unpleasant it is counter-productive and will make the problem worse. The reason your nephew is misbehaving this way is because he gets attention. You have a problem because there's little you can do yourself, parenting must come from the mother and father.
The problem is he's getting lots of the wrong kind of attention ...
12
Some straight people have feminine tendencies like Cross Dressing and it could be a case of your son exploring an identity, or your son could be gay. Either way is a different lifestyle choice that will make his life more difficult. In every society in the world being gay is a negative and will expose gay people to ridicule at best and death at worst ...
12
Perhaps you are approaching this the wrong way. You seem to want to win, so that she will obey, but it's not about that. Think of it this way, how would you feel if someone was telling you what to do and how to do it every second of the day? You want her to do what you want, when you want it, and how you want it but it doesn't work that way unfortunately. ...
12
Banging heads, grinding faces and side-diving (what I think you mean by "swinging") are all common forms of "rooting" behavior - that is, she is instinctively trying to find a breast to nurse from.
This is typical for symptoms of hunger, but also general discomfort (nursing feels nice, and babies know it). I'd try feeding her when she exhibits any of these ...
12
Given his age he probably spends a fair amount of time in a school bus and with peers in school. These situations are rich sources of interesting vocabulary and he will actually need some of this just to keep up.
That is perfectly normal at this age, and there is nothing you can do to totally prevent him from using this kind of words.
In our house we set ...
11
I've found that children generally are deferential to adults who aren't their relatives or friends. So be friendly and don't be scared to engage with them.
I've found if children are hogging stuff, if you say: "Hey there can my kid have a go on this, it looks cool?" will usually result in them moving along to something else, or showing you and your kid how ...
11
Not to disrespect your wife, but she needs to get over it. Kids will show preference towards the primary care-giver but this often flip-flops as they age. It doesn't mean anything with regard to love or respect or even enjoyment of a particular parent. My kids may be "daddy's boy" and "daddy's girl" but if they fall out of bed at night, it's "mama".
11
Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective:
bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind
bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad)
bullies encourage each other
bullies are compensating for something ...
10
Rewarding good behavior has its place, but as I mention in this answer, I believe that children should not be generally rewarded for meeting basic expectations.
We use positive feedback as a crude form of reward for my 21-month-old son; cheering and clapping when he does what we ask him to do. However, we don't bribe him with incentives (no "if you pick up ...
10
I would suggest reading through some of the top voted questions under:
Discipline
and
Behavior
The answers to this question seem particularly relevant to your needs (same age, same problem).
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you're exhausted and may be struggling to get the support you need. Counselling may help, starting with phone counselling, ...
10
Oh gosh. You want your son to be motivated by rewards, rather by the intrinsic value of something? (Basically, your child has a stronger sense of dignity than he has an interest in whatever rewards you are offering. I'd be thanking my lucky stars.) Besides, What happens when he is an adult? How will he keep his room clean if no one is there to give him ...
10
You might want to find a psychiatrist, rather than a straight general practitioner. They will be better equipped to determine if there's a chemical problem, an interaction issue, both, neither, etc. It sounds like you have about ten years of an established cycle of behavior that will be hard to break, and I'm not sure it can be solved as easily as a few ...
9
Around the age of 4 to 6, all children develop a sense of self and self-efficacy. From the perspective of the parents, children that were easy to direct before now become contrary. At the same time a child that age cannot express her frustrations well without resorting to tears or, if the frustration is bad, a tantrum. Around the age of 6 or 7, children ...
9
This sounds like fairly common behavior for a boy that age.
In fact, it sounds an awful lot like me at around 13-14.
It may just be that he is testing boundaries, or it may be that he genuinely has an issue with doing his homework.
The first step I'd suggest is finding out why he hasn't been doing his homework. Is he bored? Is it too tough? Does he ...
9
In a word, no. Two-year-olds don't have "friends" in any rational sense of the word, and only a dim grasp of what being "nice" even means. In fact, your son is already being comparatively nice, since many kids his age would resort to violence if somebody tries to take their toys.
But two-year-olds are very good at observing, imitating and getting what ...
9
The mantra I always used with my children:
Are you telling me to get [subject of tattle] out of trouble, or into trouble?
Letting me know that someone is doing something they need rescuing from is welcome; letting me know that someone is doing something they need a timeout for, not so much. And telling me about a misbehaviour that has already been ...
9
Toddlers go through phases quickly, and it sounds like he's in the middle of a NEVER PUT ME DOWN phase. It sounds like he is just crying as a way to relieve stress -- in his mind, he had a tough day, and when you're finally home he wants to let you know just how hard it was being a toddler all day long. (I think that is perhaps why he cries even more if you ...
8
There are those who feel that rewards are just as counter-productive as punishments. See "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn. He observes that both follow essentially the same pattern: "do this and you'll get A" is pretty much the same as "don't do this and you'll get B." He cites some research indicating that using extrinsic rewards can actually quash a ...
8
Our son was the same. Have you tried using a night light? We started with one that was rather bright, but not so bad that it would ruin his sleep. Then after a while we moved to a smaller one, in the corner of his room.
The whole process took weeks, and included rewards for nights spent with only the night light.
8
It's not necessarily related to her new sibling, although a new baby can definitely make it worse. That's pretty common behavior at that age, younger sibling or not. They call it the "terrible twos" for a reason.
You're pretty much doing the right thing with either option 2 or 3. Where you're going wrong is thinking it's not helping because it only works ...
7
If you want him to be "normal" treat it NORMAL. Kids at school will make fun of him and will be a bigger impact on his decision to act girlie or not than what you could say to him. Making him feel abnormal will lead to way more problems in his life than being gay. I live in Utah and have a cousin that recently said she was lesbian. Her parents are super ...
7
@Cara, this is not a problem with him, it's a problem with your parenting style. It sounds like you are trying to control every aspect of his life and smothering him with advice, demands, rewards, and punishments. He is confused and frustrated at not being able to control anything about his life, so he does the one thing that gives him control: he refuses to ...
7
Instincts tell me that she appears to be crying to manipulate us into
getting what she wants, but if this is the case she is extremely
stubborn
Kids are brilliant, even very young kids. They are learning so much every day.
There is a root of self-ish-ness in everyone, even little kids. It causes us to care more about what we "want" than what is ...
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