Hot answers tagged

104

Five years ago I was practically in your son's shoes. I am not a parent, nor do I intend to be, largely because of this style of parenting. That said, I feel I might be able to give you a view from his perspective. Understand that I am trying very, very hard to keep restraint here while you read my answer. Let us address your first point; We are ...


99

Kids that age learn a lot by imaginative play. It's how they make sense of the world and experiment with different responses to events. Pretending to be an adult is very common. Playing along is a good opportunity to show empathy and teach better responses. You might say, I'm Eric. I'm sad because I couldn't find my toy. I wonder if I should cry or ask ...


68

Is it acceptable for me to tell a parent that the noises their children make are bothering me? Sure, just as acceptable as it would be for you to ask a fellow passenger to get off their phone or stop swaying to the music in their earphones. It's not against the law to request another person stop acting in a way that bothers you. There's lots of people ...


51

Have you "walked a mile in his shoes?" Unless you can see the world through his eyes, how can you begin to help him? So, based on the incomplete details you've provided, let's check out what we can see through his eyes: My parents have taken everything away. I can get hit by my parents at any time and unless I'm perfect, I get punished. My ...


33

If you research "toddler noncompliance" (meaning disobedience), there is a wealth of information. Part of the reason so much information exists is because it is a common concern of parents, and so there's a need/desire to understand it. One of the factors that influences the child's seemingly sudden increase in disobedience in toddlerhood is the change in ...


30

When a toddler exhibits behaviour like this they are struggling to communicate, and they are struggling to regulate an emotion. It is very hard for parents, when confronted by deliberate "naughtiness" like pooping on a floor, to maintain loving calmness. As I understand it there are two aims: 1) help him develop confidence to play alone and entertain ...


29

Kids, just like adults, want to "be cool", to have fun and to have something they can share with their friends. TV, video games, pro wrestling, whatever. And the parts they want to talk about/reenact are going to be the ones that they find most fun or exciting. Think back to the last action movie you saw (for me it was probably Avengers or something ...


28

Often the solution here is as simple as reframing the request. So if he is playing with blocks and it's time to leave for school, no matter how much advance notice you give and no matter that you leave for school at the same time every day, when you announce "time to leave for school!" he may well resist and refuse and generally push back. So try asking ...


28

In my somewhat limited experience with children this age, they aren't disobeying maliciously. They are at a point in their lives where they are trying to assert their own desires and their independence. They want to get what they want and sometimes that is just being, at the very least, somewhat in control of their world. And saying "no" is the tried and ...


28

Experiencing failure at something (or even success but not being the best) and finding that it's OK, and even something can help him find ways to improve and be better in the future, would help. Rock climbing, with appropriate safety measures, can teach a lot here (as can some other sports). Reframing not even trying as failure might help too. If he ...


26

It tells just how much he sees you as role model. Instead of seeing this as abnormal you should be the role model he deserves. Other than that do understand that this behaviour will stop after some time. You only need to worry if this does not stop and causes complications. Hope I helped. P.S.: When I was a child I used to wear my father's army uniform. ...


26

I can relate; I cannot tune out noise either (never have been able to), and it does add to my stress level. People noise is especially distressing to me, though particularly when I'm trying to get something done that requires (for me) relative quiet. Is it acceptable for me to tell a parent that the noises their children make are bothering me? And if so, ...


23

In my opinion, if you aren't willing to consider corporal punishment, you are unnecessarily restricting your options. If you don't believe in it but are willing to consider it, I will present the case for it as my experience shows it to be the most effective method for raising a happy, healthy, well-behaved child while fostering a loving relationship. In my ...


21

The best thing you can do is to politely request that they try to quiet their child. Maybe phrase it something like this: I'm sorry to bother you, but I am trying to work on this / having a really stressful day / etc. and your daughter's high pitched talking is really bothering me. Can you please try to quiet her down a bit? I'd really ...


18

First of all, the "how should I handle this" depends a lot on what your own concerns are. Is your concern the "cousin" part? or the "two 14 year olds" part? If the latter, is it specific aspect (are they mature enough to consistently use birth control?) or just general age-readiness for sex as a concept? Once you sort out your concerns, the main and best ...


16

A polite request to the parent, in most situations, would not be taken amiss. In particular with a small amount of information as to why you're specifically asking. Hello, Ma'am, I'm sorry but I have a bit of a headache today. If it's possible could you ask your child to lower her voice some? Thank you. Be very specific as to the particular behavior ...


16

I'd say that having a coping strategy ready for this is going to be much more valuable to you than attempting to stop someone else making annoying noises. A set of professional / musician earplugs, for example, can make a huge difference with general & background noise reduction while not preventing you from hearing other people speak to you. Your ...


15

I had some entertaining experience with a loud boy in the bus. In order to overcome the issue I created an Origami bird and showed the boy how the bird can move its wings. The boy was amazed and spend 15 minutes with the bird. Finally, the bird was destroyed and the boy became quiet - I think he was sad he cannot recreated the bird... In my opinion this non ...


15

I have always pictured it as though they discovered a lightswitch inside their head that does something they've never felt before, with the ability to make the physical world around them conform with the mental world they are building within (of course, they don't necessarily realize they're only getting away with it because you're trying to help them grow, ...


15

I'd like to add another important point to those already mentioned in other answers. Don't go it alone. I said this in a comment and I'll say it again: unless you've been specifically trained or, through years of experience, have some knowledge of how to help people going through depression yourself, don't try it on your own. Although everyone's ...


14

Violence and play fighting is an innate aspect of human behaviour. You can observe animals play fighting as well. Domestically, you can observe cats and dogs play fight, more commonly as juveniles. Our closest animal relative, chimps, are also known to wrestle and play chase. I don't believe the desire to play fight is mimicked from television (what ...


14

Different kids need to hear different messages. Many of the tactics, stratagems, and talking points that work on younger kids or non-smokers simply will not work if you are dealing with an older teen who already smokes (e.g. kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray). Some of what I'm about to suggest may actually be counterproductive for a non-smoker to ...


13

I don't know if it's the case for you, but one thing I see a lot of parents of strong-willed children do repeatedly is ask a question, then get frustrated when the child answers in the negative. If a negative answer is not acceptable, then don't ask a question! Reserve questions for when you are honestly okay with any response. Bad: Do you want to go ...


13

Realistically, there is only one way to treat this young man and that is to love him, completely and without reservation, forever. It's not easy to diagnose your family's problems from a single 425 word description, but certain tells jump out of your story. I'm sure you love the kid, or else you wouldn't be here. His mother and sister love him, too. But ...


12

I'm not a parent myself, but two points: 1) You could argue that no, it's not just 'cute'. Imagining yourself in someone else's position is the very basis of empathy and all that is worthwhile in humanity :-) 2) Describing himself in the third person, from the POV of you or someone else, can sometimes be a mechanism to put distance between himself and ...


12

Some ideas: Hunger/thirst: My cranky small humans get crankier when they're hungry or thirsty, and if I can see the clouds gathering, I can often head off the storm by offering a snack or a drink. Have you been able to see the grumpiness coming in time to head it off at all? Independent play: We've had success with helping our kids learn to play ...


11

How did you get to be good at the planning part of the game? More than likely, through experience. Even for a naturally gifted strategist such as myself, I didn't know how to plan strategy at eight years old. In fact, I can tell you exactly when I learned: around ten years old. That's when I learned to beat my dad at chess. My dad wasn't particularly ...


11

The sample behaviors you describe seem to concern different issues, not all of which I would perceive as materialistic behavior. I would suggest that you explore your feelings of discomfort to find out what is going on with you, what your values are and how you respond to the possibility that your daughter may not share them. It can be hard, I know. In the ...


10

--- Disclaimer: Some might feel this answer to be hard to digest. --- Have you ever thought about what is happening in your kid's brains while they are watching TV? I mean, from a neuroscientistic perspective? Basically a fireworks of impressions without any chance to influence what is happening. A child in front of TV will absorb a flood of pictures, ...


10

I think your request would go much better if you politely ask the child to stop. This is, of course, assuming the child is old enough to understand you - otherwise I doubt even the parents would have much luck. Telling the parent that they should quiet their child puts a lot of stress and attention on them that they simply don't want. I think its most ...



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