Hot answers tagged behavior
13
Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective:
bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind
bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad)
bullies encourage each other
bullies are compensating for something ...
12
I feel for you. My son is only 2, and the repetition is already very frustrating. Unfortunately, repeating yourself, calmly yet firmly, is the best way to get through to your kids.
While the temptation to resort to yelling is hard to resist (and you're not alone! This article references studies that show that nearly all parents do so at some point), I ...
11
Is it considered harmful in the longer run to frighten the child so that he behaves the way we want?
I don't know about the "frightening the child" aspect - personally I think frightening / shocking a child who tries to do something dangerous, like run into the road (eg by shouting loudly) is quite effective.
But I think the thing that all your examples have in common is that the parent is appealing to an external authority (God, ghost, policeman) to be ...
10
Your first question is what causes a child to become a bully, and there are many possible causes, most of which directly relate to low self-esteem:
observing parents and siblings exhibiting bullying behavior
being victimized by a bully
receiving negative messages or physical punishment or experiencing controlling behaviors at home or school
living in a ...
6
Children who are independent, shy, introverted, or a combination of those things can sometimes be difficult for teachers to assess. My son was initially VERY introverted when we first enrolled him at his current school. He didn't play or interact with the other children much. It's taken almost 2 years, but he's a completely different kid now. Some of ...
6
This is something that actually varies from child to child! My daughter is patient and easy-going, and has always dealt fairly well with concepts of time and delayed gratification. My older son, in contrast, has almost no sense of time (he was five before he really figured out "tomorrow" and "yesterday" and "next week" and "in a minute" were not ...
6
I'm not an expert at this; I do help look after my partners three kids and I have a son of my own who lives with his mother. But from my experience, and from what I have read over the years, a child usually becomes a bully if there are problems at home: not enough attention, or the child is getting bullied at home.
It is mostly a cry for help, or trying to ...
5
While many of the bullies I have seen in schools have come from homes with significant parenting problems, it would surprise you the number of kids who bully (at an older age) who come from loving homes. It can be very easy for the bully-ee to become the bully in a chain-reaction kind of way.
At its root, bullying is about power and a lack of ...
5
There doesn't seem to be a huge body of research on the matter but a recent meta-analysis looked at the effect of parenting on the risk of children to become bullying victims or a bullies themselves.
Parenting behavior and the risk of becoming a victim and a bully/victim: A meta-analysis study (Lereyaa et al., 2013)
Citing from the abstract:
Negative ...
5
Just a couple of points from my experience:
My son was partially deaf (adenoids blocked his eustachian tubes). We
didn't know because he would usually respond but not always. Surgery
fixed it. Have your son's hearing tested.
My son was then prescribed Nasonex, a steriod to help keep his nose
clear. This made him more agresssive and gave him poor sleep. ...
4
Is it considered harmful in the longer run to frighten the child so that he behaves the way we want?
There is nothing wrong with frightening the child, but only if you do so for the right reasons.
Right reason: it is dangerous to play on roads, so you can say:
Don't play on the road, or you may get hit by a car.
Wrong reason: you don't want you child to get dirty, so you can say:
Don't play in the garden, or the beast from the beneath the bungalow will ...
2
Hemming and hawing can mean a number of things. Rather than try to guess why he does it, after a reasonable wait (30 seconds maybe at his age), ask him:
"I notice you aren't answering. Are you still thinking or are you not sure of the answer?" Ask him to answer in full with either "I am still thinking" or "I'm not sure of the answer."
Model this behavior ...
2
The other two answers are excellent. One additional suggestion is to delay not by time but by events. At 2-1/2 the child doesn't know what 'minutes' are, let alone what 30 of them amount too. But tangible activities and events do make sense and can be used.
So, "You can have the puzzle after your other toys are put away." "You can have the stick after ...
2
The first request for the toy was a question, additional requests are attempts to manipulate - your child is trying to control his environment. If he asks the question enough times, he might wear you down. At the very least, he is getting your attention. 2-1/2 is old enough to start behavioral training. After you have told your child that he can have the toy ...
2
Is it considered harmful in the longer run to frighten the child so that he behaves the way we want?
Barbara Ehrenreich addressed this issue in her book Blood Rites: Origins and History of the Passions of War (beginning on page 92). She contends that the practice creates anxiety in children that is not only lifelong but passed on to later generations. Children are helpless and susceptible to the fears implanted by their elders not because they are ...
1
Is it considered harmful in the longer run to frighten the child so that he behaves the way we want?
From your name, I understand that we are from the same country. The statements you mentioned is not just in your family but well prevalent across.
Vicky has very valid points. Just adding to it:
I have read about an article on this sometime back and it was mentioned that such fear that is ingrained in the childs mind (in the name of discipline) from such ...
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