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144

I think there are two problems here: Your child is friends with a kid who has learned some maladaptive behaviors/ideas and is passing them on to your child. You and your wife are apparently unaware of the social and cultural realities outside your own family. This isn't to say that you can fix the situation, but you'd have a better chance of doing so if ...


41

A slightly more scientific perspective. A study done called 'You Will Eat All of That! (A retrospective analysis of forced consumption episodes)' found that pressuring children into finishing their food may lower their natural appetite (perhaps because they're being told when and how much to eat, rather than learning naturally). Other studies have also ...


40

First, I think it is worth noting that gender identity and gender roles are not the same as sexual orientation--liking girly things is not the same as being gay. As far as your specific issues go, I agree with Rhea that these are not big signs that your son is experimenting with an alternate gender identity. Hanging out with girls, using female avatars in ...


30

I'm an autistic adult, the parent of an autistic adult, and a teacher of autistic children. The reason your daughter laughs when you're really angry with her is because your anger is frightening her. This might seem counter-intuitive to the neurotypical mind, until one considers that neurotypical laughter is frequently in response to someone being hurt, ...


29

First of all -- now that you know the bullying is going on it should be eliminated, period. Most 3.5yo kids don't yet have the nuance to understand the difference between standing up for oneself and being mean. That's what grown-ups (and martial arts lessons, later on) are for. If the day care center is letting it go on, choose another one. That's a ...


29

The simple answer, although I suspect it is the answer you don't want to hear, is that you need to limit your son's exposure to your friend's daughter, and make sure that the interactions are supervised (by you, not just your friend!). I have to admit I'm not familiar with the "Conscious and Peaceful Parenting Approach", but this has all the earmarks of ...


24

Yes, the more interaction you and your wife have with your child, the better! Babies are learning at a phenomenal rate, and the more stimulus they receive, the more they are able to pick up about the world around them. Studies have shown that there is a link between parents reading to young infants and reading habits: Shared book reading at 4-months was ...


24

TL;DR Version: Having a separate room for a child is generally a luxury that not everyone has, and the options that it opens up for those who have the opportunity to try it can be attractive. Bed sharing is generally not recommended for health/safety reasons, so room sharing while avoiding bed sharing may be problematic or completely impractical. First, ...


21

They should be rewarded for good behavior in the process of learning the good behavior. Then after a while when the child understands that the "good behavior task" is expected, you can gradually stop rewarding for that behavior. It is important that this kind of rewarding is just praising, and not giving gifts like toys or treats as rewarding. I don't ...


20

It appears that she values control which can be a positive trait is trained properly. Children are egocentric and at times seem to thrive on being center stage while manipulating parents as puppets. The challenge for you is to not be controlled by her behavior. Attention adds energy to their efforts. Removing/limiting your attention takes away much of her ...


20

Banging heads, grinding faces and side-diving (what I think you mean by "swinging") are all common forms of "rooting" behavior - that is, she is instinctively trying to find a breast to nurse from. This is typical for symptoms of hunger, but also general discomfort (nursing feels nice, and babies know it). I'd try feeding her when she exhibits any of these ...


19

The best solution we've found yet is that the grands and great grands aren't allowed to skip the consequences either. No bungee-cord (grand)parenting allowed. "If grandma and grandpa want to give you that giant plastic castle play set, then it can stay at their house so you can play with it when you visit". "IF grandma is going to let you skip the nap and ...


19

As I get older, I have come to believe deeply in the idea that who you are friends with, and who you choose to associate with, profoundly influences your behavior. If you hang around with hoodlums, you are more likely to become a criminal. That however is just my opinion. I did find one study about smoking that corroborates this, at least in that one single ...


19

Research indicates that praise can be both negative and positive. Here is link to summary of the research on praise. Although most of us believe praise is a positive way to get children to improve their behavior/performance while improving self esteem and motivation, a summary of the research reveals that praise can actually reduce self-motivation and ...


18

As a general rule of thumb, if there is a parent / baby sitter / caregiver present I try and let them take care of matters, using the lower end of my interpretation of generally accepted behavior as the yard stick for when to interfere. If I do think I have to interfere I'll address the child, not the parent. This usually helps. If that rubs the parent the ...


18

In my experience it all ebbs and flows. My son exhibited some of the same behavior, though not the same degree, culminating around 2 years old. He is about to turn 4 and things have come full circle. He started coming to me for comfort around 2 and a half and sometimes even preferred my comfort when my wife was pregnant with our second child. Since the ...


18

A few ideas: Start with yourself You're at your wit's end. You need to fix that as best you can. You're not a failure. You may have lost some battles, but you're haven't lost the war. Remind yourself that this phase won't last forever, and that you will get through it. Look after yourself. Make sure you're sleeping, eating etc. properly and that you have ...


18

You are dealing with two issues here: stool toileting refusal and the associated constipation. Constipation: Your doctor is probably recommending an enema because an impaction is preventing defecation at this point. I have an acquaintance who has had success in this same situation using a commercial suppository that is administered by eyedropper – you ...


17

Adolescent behaviour (the official term for teenage years) can start as young as 10, so I wouldn't worry that this is more than that, especially as that's going to be enough to deal with over the next 6-15 years (yes, it'll happily keep going into the mid-late 20's). There are millions of lines of text on how to deal with teenage misbehaviour, from the ...


17

One, no slapping. Besides being very unpleasant it is counter-productive and will make the problem worse. The reason your nephew is misbehaving this way is because he gets attention. You have a problem because there's little you can do yourself, parenting must come from the mother and father. The problem is he's getting lots of the wrong kind of attention ...


17

I had a friend whose son did the exact same thing. He played constantly with toy cars, and all he did was carefully line them up end-to-end. I'm not sure if you had a specific concern, but I'd say it's not only "normal", but it's also fairly common.


17

First of all, if the child is sleeping with us, we can't engage in any other bed-suitable activities than sleeping. At least I think that sex is out of the question if our child sleeps with us. Secondly, it may be difficult for the child to learn to sleep without parents later on. At one time or another it will have to happen and the transition may be ...


16

Interesting problem. If it were my son, I would try with water. Take a mouthful, swish around, spit. Repeat. Try to make a game out of it. See if he can hit a cup in the sink or something. If this works, move onto toothpaste. Do the exact same thing. Take a mouthful of water, swish, spit.


16

Our son sometimes became "ill" to avoid going to school. When this behavior started becoming a habit, we dealt with this challenge by acting just as if he WAS sick for the rest of the day. He was allowed to stay home, but was reminded that people that are sick must rest to get better. Therefore, he was confined to bed or couch and unable to participate ...


16

To quote from The Future of Play Theory: A Multidisciplinary Inquiry into the Contributions of Brian Sutton-Smith: Findings from studies of war toys are diverse, if sparse. War toys have been found to enhance aggression (Sanson and Di Muccio, 1993; Turner and Goldsmith, 1976; Watson and Peng, 1992) reduce aggression (Bonte and Musgrove, ...


15

Find a balance... It's all right to have a few special privileges that only apply at Grandma's house. That's a grandma's prerogative. Being allowed to get away with bad behavior, eating only junk food, not getting enough sleep at night, or getting lavished with expensive new toys every visit, have to be nipped in the bud, fast. Discipline only works if ...


15

Young children often are overwhelmed with options, especially when tired. When you allow him to change his mind, you are actually creating more options for him. I would suggest that you allow him to choose and make that decision final. He does not have to accept it, but his options are limited to take it as you selected, or do without. Initially, he will ...


15

Negotiation is a good thing; it is the grease that makes the gears of the world run smoothly. We don't want to discourage it. However, children must be taught that there are times when negotiating is OK and times when it isn't. The easiest way to do this is to give commands ("Say good bye, we are leaving now.") when no negotiation is to be accepted and to ...


15

It seems you're having difficulty expressing the idea of "not sharing" in positive terms. If you call it "taking turns" it's a lot easier to encourage in a positive way. "It's his turn to play with the legos now. It's your turn to play with these velcro stars if you want." Kids that age really glom onto the concept, because it reconciles the need to ...



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