Hot answers tagged behavior
126
I think there are two problems here:
Your child is friends with a kid who has learned some maladaptive behaviors/ideas and is passing them on to your child.
You and your wife are apparently unaware of the social and cultural realities outside your own family.
This isn't to say that you can fix the situation, but you'd have a better chance of doing so if ...
30
First, I think it is worth noting that gender identity and gender roles are not the same as sexual orientation--liking girly things is not the same as being gay.
As far as your specific issues go, I agree with Rhea that these are not big signs that your son is experimenting with an alternate gender identity. Hanging out with girls, using female avatars in ...
22
Yes, the more interaction you and your wife have with your child, the better!
Babies are learning at a phenomenal rate, and the more stimulus they receive, the more they are able to pick up about the world around them.
Studies have shown that there is a link between parents reading to young infants and reading habits:
Shared book reading at 4-months was ...
21
First of all -- now that you know the bullying is going on it should be eliminated, period. Most 3.5yo kids don't yet have the nuance to understand the difference between standing up for oneself and being mean. That's what grown-ups (and martial arts lessons, later on) are for. If the day care center is letting it go on, choose another one. That's a ...
20
It appears that she values control which can be a positive trait is trained properly. Children are egocentric and at times seem to thrive on being center stage while manipulating parents as puppets. The challenge for you is to not be controlled by her behavior.
Attention adds energy to their efforts. Removing/limiting your attention takes away much of her ...
20
They should be rewarded for good behavior in the process of learning the good behavior. Then after a while when the child understands that the "good behavior task" is expected, you can gradually stop rewarding for that behavior. It is important that this kind of rewarding is just praising, and not giving gifts like toys or treats as rewarding. I don't ...
18
Research indicates that praise can be both negative and positive. Here is link to summary of the research on praise.
Although most of us believe praise is a positive way to get children to improve their behavior/performance while improving self esteem and motivation, a summary of the research reveals that praise can actually reduce self-motivation and ...
17
As a general rule of thumb, if there is a parent / baby sitter / caregiver present I try and let them take care of matters, using the lower end of my interpretation of generally accepted behavior as the yard stick for when to interfere.
If I do think I have to interfere I'll address the child, not the parent. This usually helps. If that rubs the parent the ...
17
As I get older, I have come to believe deeply in the idea that who you are friends with, and who you choose to associate with, profoundly influences your behavior. If you hang around with hoodlums, you are more likely to become a criminal.
That however is just my opinion. I did find one study about smoking that corroborates this, at least in that one single ...
16
To quote from The Future of Play Theory: A Multidisciplinary Inquiry into the Contributions of Brian Sutton-Smith:
Findings from studies of war toys are diverse, if sparse. War toys
have been found to
enhance aggression (Sanson and Di Muccio, 1993; Turner and Goldsmith, 1976; Watson and Peng, 1992)
reduce aggression (Bonte and Musgrove, ...
15
Our son sometimes became "ill" to avoid going to school. When this behavior started becoming a habit, we dealt with this challenge by acting just as if he WAS sick for the rest of the day.
He was allowed to stay home, but was reminded that people that are sick must rest to get better. Therefore, he was confined to bed or couch and unable to participate ...
15
A few ideas:
Start with yourself
You're at your wit's end. You need to fix that as best you can.
You're not a failure. You may have lost some battles, but you're haven't lost the war.
Remind yourself that this phase won't last forever, and that you will get through it.
Look after yourself. Make sure you're sleeping, eating etc. properly and that you have ...
14
Same with my oldest boy lately, he can spend hours (if we let him) eating one bite. We just figure it's some sort of control issue or something with him and basically have just set a time for him to eat, if he doesn't want to finish or eat a lot then he needs to wait until the next meal. If he is really hungry either he can have water, or something healthy ...
14
Negotiation is a good thing; it is the grease that makes the gears of the world run smoothly. We don't want to discourage it. However, children must be taught that there are times when negotiating is OK and times when it isn't.
The easiest way to do this is to give commands ("Say good bye, we are leaving now.") when no negotiation is to be accepted and to ...
14
One, no slapping. Besides being very unpleasant it is counter-productive and will make the problem worse. The reason your nephew is misbehaving this way is because he gets attention. You have a problem because there's little you can do yourself, parenting must come from the mother and father.
The problem is he's getting lots of the wrong kind of attention ...
14
Have you tried explaining to her what it means? Not in its entirety of course, but maybe something along the lines of: "Giving someone the middle finger is like telling them, in the meanest way possible, that you dislike them. This goes beyond 'not being polite' and, besides making the person you are giving the middle finger to feel very bad, it reflects ...
13
but there are other moments though were I think that we should not be so strict, and just let him.. throw these books
Absolutely not. If those books are off limits, then they're always off limits. Not sometimes, whenever you're feeling up to dealing with it. Always.
Consistency is key when dealing with children, especially toddlers that are just ...
13
Interesting problem. If it were my son, I would try with water. Take a mouthful, swish around, spit. Repeat. Try to make a game out of it. See if he can hit a cup in the sink or something. If this works, move onto toothpaste. Do the exact same thing. Take a mouthful of water, swish, spit.
13
Both of my kids did this when they were that age. It basically boils down to the kiddo does not have your (or your partner's) undivided attention and they want it. There are several ways to cure this behavior, or least I have been told there are. The one that work best for my family was the following procedure...
When we all came together we would devote a ...
13
In my experience it all ebbs and flows.
My son exhibited some of the same behavior, though not the same degree, culminating around 2 years old. He is about to turn 4 and things have come full circle. He started coming to me for comfort around 2 and a half and sometimes even preferred my comfort when my wife was pregnant with our second child. Since the ...
13
It seems you're having difficulty expressing the idea of "not sharing" in positive terms. If you call it "taking turns" it's a lot easier to encourage in a positive way. "It's his turn to play with the legos now. It's your turn to play with these velcro stars if you want." Kids that age really glom onto the concept, because it reconciles the need to ...
13
Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective:
bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind
bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad)
bullies encourage each other
bullies are compensating for something ...
12
I'll give a go at a generic answer here, though I hope the querant will revise the question with more specifics so that I can, in turn, offer a more direct answer.
Kids that age may bite for a number of reasons, each with its own solution. Here are a few of the most common, in no particular order:
Domination/control/failure to discipline : Like all ...
12
I'm glad you are concerned with your son's behavior, it shows you are on the ball and caring. I am an elementary school teacher (32 years), a parent and grandparent and suggest you seek professional help. Two of your comments are especially concerning: The fact that your son, at age five, has difficulty making eye contact can be an indicator of issues ...
12
The short answer is that there is absolutely no way to accurately quantify the extent of influence parenting has on children. There are just too many variables. Genetics, birth order, familial influences outside of parents (siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, etc.), geographic/regional, educational, and peer interactions all play a part. ...
12
There are a couple of issues here. Your child throwing tantrums and dealing with that has been addressed by others. Then there is the cultural issue of how the interaction between an Indian parent and child should be. I'll try to address that.
I'll explain the emotions in the t-shirt issue, for example.
For example, he had to wear a yellow t-shirt to ...
12
Some straight people have feminine tendencies like Cross Dressing and it could be a case of your son exploring an identity, or your son could be gay. Either way is a different lifestyle choice that will make his life more difficult. In every society in the world being gay is a negative and will expose gay people to ridicule at best and death at worst ...
12
Banging heads, grinding faces and side-diving (what I think you mean by "swinging") are all common forms of "rooting" behavior - that is, she is instinctively trying to find a breast to nurse from.
This is typical for symptoms of hunger, but also general discomfort (nursing feels nice, and babies know it). I'd try feeding her when she exhibits any of these ...
12
Given his age he probably spends a fair amount of time in a school bus and with peers in school. These situations are rich sources of interesting vocabulary and he will actually need some of this just to keep up.
That is perfectly normal at this age, and there is nothing you can do to totally prevent him from using this kind of words.
In our house we set ...
12
I feel for you. My son is only 2, and the repetition is already very frustrating. Unfortunately, repeating yourself, calmly yet firmly, is the best way to get through to your kids.
While the temptation to resort to yelling is hard to resist (and you're not alone! This article references studies that show that nearly all parents do so at some point), I ...
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