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18

First of all, recognize there is a difference between having a favorite, and engaging in favoritism. I think having a favorite is somewhat unavoidable, unless your children all happen to have personalities that mesh equally well with yours. When having a favorite becomes problematic is when you let it affect your words and actions toward your children. ...


9

As a teacher of twice exceptional kids (Kids with both a "disability" such as ODD, Dyslexia, Aspberger's, Tourette's . . . As well as an extreme Gift or Talent usually expressed with a very high IQ fall into the twice exceptional category) I encountered a fair number of ODD kids (I know, unfortunate acronym for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. They really ...


8

Regarding the second point, the idea is that it teaches the child to do things in an appropriate setting. Instead of spitting inside, we go outside into the garden and have a game there. It's about positive reinforcement of what you wanted to say anyway. If our kids start chucking stuff around, we tell them that they can go outside and do that which is fine ...


8

What a difficult, painful and important issue. And congratulations on recognizing the long-term effects that the situation might have on your children. Divorce can affect a child's relationship with their parents, and creates stresses which can interfere with their natural development. While divorce per se does not seem to negatively impact children in the ...


8

I spent the majority of my time in NICU, when I could not hold my son, holding his little hand in the incubator. (Probably helped me more than him, but who knows?) Soon as the docs will allow it, ask for some kangaroo time. Physical contact is a great bonding facilitator. Sing to them. My son, now 30 months old and out of NICU for QUITE a while, still ...


7

Few studies have been done on this topic, and mostly the papers written on it have emphasized the destructive consequences of not telling children the whole truth promptly after death. Mostly those studies were done in the 60s and 70s, at a time when it was quite common not to tell children, and the damage done includes distorted mourning processes and ...


7

Basically, if the child still needs it, it is too soon to give it up. There is no medical or psychological evidence that there is an age too old for comfort objects, eg Lovey's. Many children keep them until they make friends at school. Comfort objects are very important for children. Teaching children to cope with stress will help with transitions. Even ...


7

Why do some parents have a favorite (or least favorite) child? One possible answer would be that there are parents who want to see a version of themselves in their children - or what they would like to have been. The children that match that view are favored, those who don't are less favored. Imagine a major league football player who has a son who ...


6

I don't think there have been any specific studies and each situation would be different. The most important thing is that he is spending time with both of you. The next important thing is routine, if you can have some consistency between both the homes it would make it easier on him. Things such as meal times, bed times and favourite toys. Travel time ...


5

Balanced Mama covered the Oppositional Defiance Disorder aspect pretty thoroughly, but since your son hasn't yet been officially diagnosed, I'd like to talk about the other aspects of your question. Peeling stickers, paint, & other decorations off his property, or off the wall in his room (peeling the paint off his room was one we've only recently ...


5

One of the possible reasons is fear. You are a psychologist, I am probably telling you nothing new with this sentence :) but here is an example of how it can work: My aunt has two children younger than me. The boy is two years older than the girl. My aunt and uncle were always afraid that the older boy might start bullying his defenseless little sister. As ...


5

I am a father and also a co-parent and my boy is two years 3 months old. I take him from the kindergarten Wednesdays and Thursdays, and on those days the caregiver of the kindergarten is putting my son into the mood that "Papa will take you today". On the days that she forgot it, my kid was crying when he saw I was there to take him. Otherwise it was all ...


3

I don't know the specific lines you're referring to. However, the general approach favored by Dr. Markham is to avoid punishments, in favor of setting limits; and responding with empathy when the limits are broken. For example, how I would interpret the spitting example: I'm sorry, but spitting on the floor/table inside is not allowed, Johnny. It's ...


3

I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is, this behaviour probably isn't strictly related to the toxic relationship between you and your wife. For the bad news, re-read the good news. At around 2.5+, your child works out that one way to get a little bit more attention is to make you a little less secure about their affection. Anecdotally, my ...


3

I completely agree with routine, and using the school or daycare as an exchange. Around here, a very common schedule is 2-2-5-5. That is, one parent has Monday and Tuesday, another will have Wednesday and Thursday, and then there are alternating weekends. This makes things much easier for scheduling, and allows the co-parents to do more on the weekend ...


3

Personal experience, I told my son when he was 19, that his father had died 14 years ago, not in the car accident, as he'd grown up believing, but by committing suicide. At the age of 4 I thought the death of his father was enough to bear. I moved 250 miles away. On reflection I would do the same again. My son has a very limited and happy memory of his ...


3

First of all I'm coming at this from personal experience. I have no refs to cite, just my own experience with myself and my own kids. I'm a child of the 70s. Had they been doing it then, I probably would have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. Hard to tell if I'd have been medicated, but looking back on my parochial school years, I see that I had those ...


3

One of the most effective ways of learning, especially about life, is by doing it and making the mistake ourselves or by learning from the mistakes of others. In relationships where the partners are together for the duration of the childrens' growth, there is still relationship conflict which needs to be addressed -- and the children will learn from those ...


2

The lovey is a beautiful thing...but its loss is a necessary evil. Obviously this post is IMHO- so here goes my comment I am 32. My DH is 36. My husband is 'Linus' from Peanuts. While many younger readers won't understand that reference I mean to say that my husband is smart and tall and handsome and well adjusted...except for his 'blankie'. He gets weird ...


1

No studies here. Personal experience and science-based observation. My mother is and always has been a brilliant and disturbed person. I knew my grandfather, her dad, was brilliant and died when I was three. Mom's only sibling died of cancer at age 18 a year before. I skip an abundance of paragraphs and notes here... At the age of thirty-four, mother tells ...


1

I can't speak to your questions about studies done out there, but I have personal experience with this matter. I actually look a lot like my mom, but as a kid, people usually saw my resemblance to my Father first. I was told how much I looked like Dad so much and so often that my two-year-old brain actually started to believe that somehow, mom wasn't my ...


1

Sooner or later your child will be playing with one of their friends who will comment on their security blanket / lovey. Depending on the age of the children, this comment will either be empathetic or derisory. IE, they will either relate to it, or think that it is babyish. Once your child knows that it is not the done thing, in the eyes of their friends, ...



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