Tag Info

Hot answers tagged

20

In my experience it all ebbs and flows. My son exhibited some of the same behavior, though not the same degree, culminating around 2 years old. He is about to turn 4 and things have come full circle. He started coming to me for comfort around 2 and a half and sometimes even preferred my comfort when my wife was pregnant with our second child. Since the ...


16

Not to disrespect your wife, but she needs to get over it. Kids will show preference towards the primary care-giver but this often flip-flops as they age. It doesn't mean anything with regard to love or respect or even enjoyment of a particular parent. My kids may be "daddy's boy" and "daddy's girl" but if they fall out of bed at night, it's "mama".


11

One way to encourage her to be a bit independent is try to engage in some less explicitly fun things together. "Well, right now Daddy needs to _____. Do you want to watch/help?" This might be: Fold some laundry. Do light yard work. Cook a meal. Tinker with the car. Write an email. Change a light bulb. Whatever stuff you do around the house that isn't ...


9

As a teacher of twice exceptional kids (Kids with both a "disability" such as ODD, Dyslexia, Aspberger's, Tourette's . . . As well as an extreme Gift or Talent usually expressed with a very high IQ fall into the twice exceptional category) I encountered a fair number of ODD kids (I know, unfortunate acronym for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. They really ...


9

What a difficult, painful and important issue. And congratulations on recognizing the long-term effects that the situation might have on your children. Divorce can affect a child's relationship with their parents, and creates stresses which can interfere with their natural development. While divorce per se does not seem to negatively impact children in the ...


8

I spent the majority of my time in NICU, when I could not hold my son, holding his little hand in the incubator. (Probably helped me more than him, but who knows?) Soon as the docs will allow it, ask for some kangaroo time. Physical contact is a great bonding facilitator. Sing to them. My son, now 30 months old and out of NICU for QUITE a while, still ...


8

Regarding the second point, the idea is that it teaches the child to do things in an appropriate setting. Instead of spitting inside, we go outside into the garden and have a game there. It's about positive reinforcement of what you wanted to say anyway. If our kids start chucking stuff around, we tell them that they can go outside and do that which is fine ...


8

Few studies have been done on this topic, and mostly the papers written on it have emphasized the destructive consequences of not telling children the whole truth promptly after death. Mostly those studies were done in the 60s and 70s, at a time when it was quite common not to tell children, and the damage done includes distorted mourning processes and ...


7

Nearly every child prefers one parent over the other at that age. It's nothing personal, and it happens regardless of how much time you spend. My eldest two preferred me, and the youngest prefers her mom. I went back to work after a week with all my children, and spent approximately the same amount of time doing the same kinds of activities with each. My ...


7

First of all let me congratulate you on your approach. Many parents would run away and hide in that situation, to withdraw rather than engage, but you did the opposite which was to challenge yourself to become a good and involved father. There are a lot of people that could learn from your example! As for your son, you cannot control these things, you ...


7

Basically, if the child still needs it, it is too soon to give it up. There is no medical or psychological evidence that there is an age too old for comfort objects, eg Lovey's. Many children keep them until they make friends at school. Comfort objects are very important for children. Teaching children to cope with stress will help with transitions. Even ...


6

The father should leave a newborn for one year (relocation) - do you think the consequences will be irreversible? IMO there certainly will be consequences (there's evidence that having heard their parents' voice while in the womb has influence on newborns, after all) and, given the fact that you cannot go back and do it differently, they are by ...


6

I don't think there have been any specific studies and each situation would be different. The most important thing is that he is spending time with both of you. The next important thing is routine, if you can have some consistency between both the homes it would make it easier on him. Things such as meal times, bed times and favourite toys. Travel time ...


5

I am a father and also a co-parent and my boy is two years 3 months old. I take him from the kindergarten Wednesdays and Thursdays, and on those days the caregiver of the kindergarten is putting my son into the mood that "Papa will take you today". On the days that she forgot it, my kid was crying when he saw I was there to take him. Otherwise it was all ...


5

Balanced Mama covered the Oppositional Defiance Disorder aspect pretty thoroughly, but since your son hasn't yet been officially diagnosed, I'd like to talk about the other aspects of your question. Peeling stickers, paint, & other decorations off his property, or off the wall in his room (peeling the paint off his room was one we've only recently ...


4

I've seen quite a few articles the last few years like this one that promote the importance of letting your kids have unstructured time, or in other words, to get bored. A lot of our generation worry about quality time so much that they sometimes swing the pendulum too far the other way. A certain balance is important. It's okay for her to be sad about ...


4

I don't know the specific lines you're referring to. However, the general approach favored by Dr. Markham is to avoid punishments, in favor of setting limits; and responding with empathy when the limits are broken. For example, how I would interpret the spitting example: I'm sorry, but spitting on the floor/table inside is not allowed, Johnny. It's ...


3

First of all I'm coming at this from personal experience. I have no refs to cite, just my own experience with myself and my own kids. I'm a child of the 70s. Had they been doing it then, I probably would have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. Hard to tell if I'd have been medicated, but looking back on my parochial school years, I see that I had those ...


3

One of the most effective ways of learning, especially about life, is by doing it and making the mistake ourselves or by learning from the mistakes of others. In relationships where the partners are together for the duration of the childrens' growth, there is still relationship conflict which needs to be addressed -- and the children will learn from those ...


3

Personal experience, I told my son when he was 19, that his father had died 14 years ago, not in the car accident, as he'd grown up believing, but by committing suicide. At the age of 4 I thought the death of his father was enough to bear. I moved 250 miles away. On reflection I would do the same again. My son has a very limited and happy memory of his ...


3

I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is, this behaviour probably isn't strictly related to the toxic relationship between you and your wife. For the bad news, re-read the good news. At around 2.5+, your child works out that one way to get a little bit more attention is to make you a little less secure about their affection. Anecdotally, my ...


3

I completely agree with routine, and using the school or daycare as an exchange. Around here, a very common schedule is 2-2-5-5. That is, one parent has Monday and Tuesday, another will have Wednesday and Thursday, and then there are alternating weekends. This makes things much easier for scheduling, and allows the co-parents to do more on the weekend ...


3

Both of my two daughters preferred their mother during their first few years. My oldest daughter (now 7) was scarred of all men until she was 2, including me and my father. It was very hurtful but it passed. Now she is really, really close to me, much more than with my wife. My youngest daughter (now 3) is just getting from being mommys girl to being closer ...


3

That sounds entirely normal to me. Some part of that is because you had her for the first six months; she has very good memories and feels safe with you. That's a good thing! However, it's normal even without that. My oldest loves his grandma and is regularly talking about how he'd like to go see his grandma (who lives 6-7 hours away) regularly. When she ...


2

How do you bring a child into the world without your world being consumed by their needs? Give them a sibling so they have each other! Get them a dog! (Just kidding.) The answer is, you don't. Parenting is a full time job, and the time you put in now will pay you back when she becomes a strong, independent functional societal unit and still loves and ...


2

The lovey is a beautiful thing...but its loss is a necessary evil. Obviously this post is IMHO- so here goes my comment I am 32. My DH is 36. My husband is 'Linus' from Peanuts. While many younger readers won't understand that reference I mean to say that my husband is smart and tall and handsome and well adjusted...except for his 'blankie'. He gets weird ...


1

Great answer from Thomas Paine. My four kids all did this when they were small; the youngest, now four years old, still prefers her mother. shrug Their personalities are in constant flux at that age, and they will eventually come around. But I agree, waiting for it can be discouraging.


1

No studies here. Personal experience and science-based observation. My mother is and always has been a brilliant and disturbed person. I knew my grandfather, her dad, was brilliant and died when I was three. Mom's only sibling died of cancer at age 18 a year before. I skip an abundance of paragraphs and notes here... At the age of thirty-four, mother tells ...



Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible