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24

Simple answer - these feelings are normal and not necessarily an indication of her sexuality, just a child's confusion and anxiety over physical intimacy. There is nothing to be concerned about, nothing special you or your daughter needs to do. Just let time reveal her sexuality. When it happens, she'll know it and if she believes that there's nothing ...


15

Ask her why she is afraid of turning out to be lesbian, and address that.


13

Small traumas are a part of life, and learning to accept that is part of growing up. Some thoughts: Talk about it. When discussing the incident use calming language: It was an accident, and sometimes accidents happen. One time I had an accident (describe briefly) and I hurt my leg (or whatever). It scared me, but then after a while I didn't really think ...


12

I think her reaction is not unusual. Her safe space was violated, and it takes a while for it to start feeling safe again. My parents had similar reactions when their home was broken into: startling at shadows and sudden sounds, fitful sleep, and some apprehension when entering the house. It goes away slowly. My gut reaction is to offer as much comfort as ...


10

This is not a sexual orientation issue. It is an anxiety problem that happens to have sexual orientation as its focus. The issue here is that she is having intense anxiety about this idea, and it is interrupting her ability to cope with life. While reassurance often works as a first line treatment, it can also make things worse. If she's having to be ...


9

One of my daughters has seizures and neurologically-caused muscle tremors. Trust me, they are very distinct from a baby's excited quivering. Babies are still learning how to control their bodies. Something like keeping your arm from shaking seems easy, but is actually quite complicated from a control systems point of view. Especially if a doctor has ...


7

Before anyone misinterprets what I say here, I have no desire to dismiss or diminish issues of sexual orientation. This is just a possibility. The validity of her orientation is not in question; her suffering is. Your daughter is suffering, regardless of her true/ultimate sexual orientation. If she is having thoughts that cause her such dismay, there may be ...


7

One of the key elements of a parenting course I attended was to introduce the accidents/dangers in controlled environment. (ofcourse it was with respect to fire, sharp things etc, but could be tried here). You need to understand what part of the accidents the child is remembering. The gunshot or breaking of glass with no apparent reason (to her). If it ...


6

I know this sounds strange... but instead of trying to figure out what to say, I would instead listen to her - what is going on inside her, in her head and in her heart - her fears and her longings. And then validate them. It's real for her. Telling her more information isn't going to stop her from being afraid. Daughter - mommy I'm terrified I'm going to ...


5

When my oldest was having trouble being dropped at daycare, I moved the decision for how long I would stick around at dropoff onto her. (She was about 3 iirc.) We didn't have a traumatic experience like yours complicating things, but I think this might help for you. I simply told her that each morning I would stay until she told me to go. The immediate ...


5

Bless her little heart; what a scary thing to go through. And bless y'all's hearts too; this sounds absolutely horrible to have gone through. Have you looked into therapy? Sounds like something that a professional who has dealt with grief and trauma issues might have some insights in handling.


4

Babies do this. My 16-month old is no different. She has a little more motor control than your 11m/o probably does, but she still shakes, bounces, sways etc when she sees something she likes. Your baby is just fine.


4

I cannot recommend this method enough, because when our change-averse 3-yr-old switched daycares, it made a HUGE difference in her leave-taking of us: have her PUSH YOU OUT THE DOOR. She might cry anyway, but if you can get her to do it a couple of mornings consistently, maybe she can find the fun in it. And it lets her feel some autonomy; after all, ...


4

Mary Jo Finch and Ana both have it right when they say, "be there for her" (I'm paraphrasing). Letting her sleep with you and recognizing that she will be jumpy for awhile is a natural response to such an event. I'm not sure by what you mean "gun used for practice," but even so, that would be traumatic for almost anyone. Having a window break - one you ...


4

I am so glad I found your question! I have been in 3 mathematics competitions in my life (I have a BA in Mathematics, Magna Cum Laude). Additionally, I have competed in other competitions from computer programming to spelling... none of them are like any others and they all cause a different type of anxiety. The more one knows about mathematics, the more ...


4

Start by explaining to her that who she is and what she does are not the same thing. Just because two people are fire fighters, for example, does not mean they are the same people. They can think and act very differently, like very different things, and generally behave very differently when they aren't working. Once the concepts of "who you are" and ...


4

Tell her, if she doesn't want to be, then she's not. This is the most validating thing you can tell her. Keep telling her that. And keep telling her. "well what about how I feel thinking about girls kissing?" "Don't worry about it. If you don't want that, that's not you" doing anything else is pressuring her to diverge from what she personally ...


4

My daughter is 11 and confused. That sounds like a normal combination. She will be a rather different person when she graduates high school. Just be supportive but clear that absolutely nothing she does at 11 will matter all that much later in life. Except failing math - that will be a problem. FYI, my almost-daughter dated girls when she was 15. ...


3

I think your daughter is simply working incomplete information -- she has analytical ability beyond her age, but the insufficient information to base her analysis on. Ask her questions -- a lot. "Why do people need to pick a career", "How long does it take to learn". This will help you understand where the knowledge gaps are so you can fill them in. Use ...


3

Two important messages: 1) She's thinking about it because she's thinking about it. It's like trying not to think of an elephant. If she just stops worrying about it her mind will move to something else. 2) But I agree that if it really "makes her sick", the thing to do is to help her deal with her feelings, not with the thoughts. If it just isn't ...


2

Ask him what emotion he feels most about the event - fear? Shame? Guilt? Anxiety? Ask him what thought is attached to that emotion - "i will fail"; "people will laugh at me"; Ask him what evidence he has for those thoughts. Allow him to feel those emotions. They are real for him. Then talk to him. Ask him to think about alternatives. "Well, I am ...


2

While I was a very competitive child (and thus didn't have this sort of anxiety), one of the reasons was that I enjoyed finding out the areas I was more skilled in, and the areas I could focus on learning more about. I would suggest portraying the competition as an opportunity for him to find out how he compares to other students, and which areas he needs ...


2

You may also want to introduce her to the concept of segmented sleep: patterns of sleep that involve wakeful periods in the middle of the night are now being considered the historical norm. Next would be to think of relaxing and constructive things for her to do during this time to help relieve her anxiety . Meditation (of which the 'body scan' mentioned by ...


2

Your question is a testament to the power of words when delivered by an authority figure! What the teacher has taught your daughter is actually wrong - there are no such studies because it is impossible to establish causality between sleep and long life. The Science Studies actually show an ASSOCIATION between getting 6-7 hours of sleep per night and ...


2

My kid was also having trouble getting to sleep because he was too nervous. This is what we've done: More exercise, that helps with being tired and also feeling better about yourself. Bath before bedtime Back stroking or massage before going to bed. Also I talked to him very quietly to check by himself and feel how tired his legs, arms or face where. This ...


2

If she's blessed with advanced intellect, she'll be also blessed with wits to deal with any issue! That's what I think. Many kids are advanced but then over the period of time, they become otherwise okay. She's intelligent and mature as you say and thus I believe that she will take it positively if you make her understand the system that everything happens ...


2

My wife came up with a good solution, as usual. She arranged a meeting between our son and the coordinator of the event. After one of the practice sessions, the three of them talked about the competition and what it would feel like. She used an illustration of how people naturally fold their hands: Whether the fingers are crossed or clasped, everyone ...


2

She is obviously confused. You could ask her why feelings of revulsion for boys and girls, makes her afraid of being gay, but not afraid of being straight? It sounds like she thinks feelings of revulsion are what she might feel if she finds out she is a lesbian. But of course it doesn't work like that. Also one can develop sexual feelings and still ...


1

I would first try to find out what brought this on. It could be something trivial, like the teacher telling kids they'll talk about what they want to be, and other kids immediately chiming in with: "a firefighter! a doctor! an astronaut!" In other words, try to find out if the fear is really a deep anxiety about life in general, or a small anxiety about not ...


1

That kind of anxiety usually stems from a fear of making mistakes in front of other people. He is likely imagining an unrealistic reaction of the spectators, where they focus on his mistakes out of proportion to his successes. Mostly he just needs to experience a few successful meets in order to get over his anxiety, but there are a few things that help a ...



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