Hot answers tagged

143

Let's start with: how do i discipline her You don't. What would you be disciplining her for? Because she said she loves a boy? That's perfectly normal for a child her age to have a crush, and while children that age don't understand romantic love enough to know the difference between a crush and love, that's not a reason to seek to discipline them. ...


66

Seeing parents or other adults naked is entirely unconnected to abuse. See any reports on familial abuse (by far the most common type), and more anecdotally, see the lack of systemic abuse in naturist and nudist environments. I'd support Stephie's comment that naturists tend to be very proper about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. Your culture may ...


59

This one may be a challenge - UK laws on knife carrying are not age-related (although there is an age limit on purchasing knives) but they are related to size of knife and to some extent what you are doing with it and where you are carrying it. Personally I think a Swiss Army Knife is appropriate for outdoorsy kids from an early age - whenever they can ...


56

Because children in that age range are learning language skills rapidly, and primarily by listening to what adults say. If they hear a new word, they will almost certainly try to use that word, even if they do not understand what the word means (which is frequently the case). It is how they learn. Obviously you aren't offended by profanity, but ...


45

How do I deal with the situation? How do I discipline her? I think a lot of people are equating "discipline" to "punishment", when that isn't necessarily the case. Unfortunately your question doesn't tell us much about your values or parenting style, so I can only provide a few comments and possible directions you might go in. Summary She doesn't know ...


45

I am a scout leader from Germany. We allow children to carry pocket knives as young as 8, but only under these conditions: Children with "behavior problems" are exempt (at the discretion of their leader). If they want to have one, they are first taught the rules of using knives (it's a tool and not a weapon, never cut towards your own body, never cut ...


37

The appropriate age depends a great deal on the specific style/art in question, the type of dojo, and the particular child. Most Karate dojos I know take kids starting around age 4-6. Most Krav Maga dojos I know won't take anyone under 14-16; some won't take minors at all. My friend's Brazilian Jui-Jitsu dojo only takes kids from age 10, but I'm told that ...


36

Common Sense Media is an incredible resource for this purpose. It provides parent-focused overviews and specific details about scenes that contain both desirable and undesirable activity. Movies are rated for age appropriateness and in each of the following categories: Desirable Educational value Messages Role Models Undesirable Violence / scariness ...


34

That's actually for the kids to decide I think. As long as they're having fun and generally not objecting or letting you know they'd rather bathe alone, I think it's perfectly fine.


33

I was a foster parent for a year. I met parents who were unequivocally abusive. One thing I took from that experience is that the term "abusive" is applied way too frequently to normal parents who at worst are making honest mistakes and at best just have a different parenting style. It dilutes the impact of the word, and in my opinion dishonors truly ...


32

Yes, I think that children's online activities should be monitored but I don't think it's feasible in practice except for very young children. Older kids will always find a way to circumvent your control – but the good news is that they get more computer-literate in the process :-) To me it's the same as having someone supervise small children at the ...


32

I just found out that my daughter wrote in her diary... How did you find that out? Did she tell you it was written in there? Did you read it when she expects it to not be read? If you allow your child to have a diary and tell her that these are her private thoughts, and then you invade her private thoughts without telling her, you are giving her the ...


30

Having one's own room can be nice, but it's never a necessity. It's only in the last generation or two that it became common to give children separate bedrooms instead of just having a boys' room and a girls' room.


26

There has been some research done on effects of caffeine in children. The bottom line is that caffeine is generally safe, but it does have significant effects in children as well as adults. Note that children are much more likely to encounter caffeine in a soft drink than in tea or coffee; that's what you have to worry about, I think, not Starbucks. A cup ...


24

According to the AAP not until two. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under two years of age avoid watching TV entirely. Experts say that babies and young toddlers see television as a confusing array of colors, images and noises. Children under age two won’t understand much of the content they see ...


23

There is not very much detail here and so it makes it difficult to know exactly why you're worried about this situation. In general, I would not worry. [If it turns out that the boy in question is (a) significantly older or (b) pressuring/forcing her into the idea of being in love, then do be concerned (but don't blame her).] My daughter (also 10) has had ...


22

I don't know about the "frightening the child" aspect - personally I think frightening / shocking a child who tries to do something dangerous, like run into the road (eg by shouting loudly) is quite effective. But I think the thing that all your examples have in common is that the parent is appealing to an external authority (God, ghost, policeman) to be ...


21

I always tell my kids that I will do my best to take care of them, including using my money to that purpose. They don't need to worry about that. We started giving an allowance to my oldest at age 7, and we increase it every year on his birthday. This money is really for him to learn with, not because he needs to buy things. At first, he didn't know how ...


21

We've always taught our children that Santa is a game that people play, not something real -- it's important for us not to lie to our children. They still enjoy playing the game. We also find that this helps when interacting with other children who very much believe in Santa -- encouraging our children not to spoil the game.


20

My approach is not much different than what I'd suggest for plain vanilla everyday families: Why not supplement the biology part with a discussion of what makes a father a father or the fundamental difference between producing and raising a child? IMHO, every child's education on sex should include these aspects. We want to raise responsible adults, not ...


19

From my own and others' experience, I'd say around 6-9 years of age is the time when they figure it out. Most will probably have a sneaking suspicion for a year or two, which they spend probing and observing. Isn't it odd that Dad always misses Santa because he's chatting with the neighbors just then, every year? When he does figure it out, try to praise ...


19

Do you monitor the books they read from the library? Do you monitor the music they listen to on the radio? Do you monitor the TV and Movies they watch? Do you monitor what they say and hear from their friends? If so, then I'd say yes... it's just yet another stream of content. Honestly, the easiest way to monitor, is to put the computer in a communal space ...


19

You are asking the wrong question. Your question really is, how can I sensitize my children to understand the context of people with which they are interacting and choose their language and manner of expression accordingly? If that is your question, then all you have to do, is to let them listen to the language of those around them. If they are on a ...


18

Why do you assume that TV is a given? My wife & I don't own one (well, except for the retro TV I use as a monitor for my Atari 2600). When we were growing up, neither of us had a TV in the home until we were older than 10. My suggestion would be to junk your TV, & see how you get along without it. Bored? Learn to play an instrument, read a book, ...


18

"Porn" runs a wide gamut of idealized or fantasy scenarios. Many, if not most, of pornographic materials, portray intimate relations in a way that is not typical. I would imagine a pornographic movie that depicts the awkward "getting to know each other" phase, dating, and the social and emotional intimacy that most parents would hope their children would ...


17

I remember saying hello to one of my daughter's friends when she was five-ish. The friend's response was "f***ing a***hole." She repeated this many times and thought it a great joke. I tend to curse like a sailor but did not find this funny or cute. With children, language spreads like a virus so we stopped encouraging our daughter from playing with the ...


17

I think you're being wise here. Acknowledge your son's true feelings of love and admiration for his playmate. But to have him express these feelings might cause some discomfort in someone in whom the feelings aren't reciprocated. As he has asked what he should do, you are giving him good advice. I would explain the consequences you mention in a gentle and ...


16

Changing clothes in front of your children is not abuse unless you're forcing them to watch or you're doing something else that's inappropriate. I definitely agree with Rory Alsop in that it depends on your culture, and that as a parent you should teach your children healthy views on body image, nakedness, sex, and that these things are related but distinct....


15

When the children are uncomfortable with it. They will let you know when they don't want to bathe with their sibling anymore. Why should noticing something is different be a problem? If your child noticed her sibling had different color hair on his head, would you put a hat over it to hide it? A girl can know a penis is different from a vagina, (and vice ...


15

Here is another option: use a 'run bike' to help your child learn balance. This makes it easier to know when they are ready. A run bike (aka 'balance bike') is essentially a bicycle with no pedals. There is a good New York Times article about balance bikes. Unlike a tricycle, a balance bike teaches balance, which is really the limiting factor for children ...



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