Hot answers tagged

12

If he brings in studies, you can always do the same... but they should be balanced ones, that nevertheless support your point: that yes, compared to most legal drugs, it may be harmless: in moderation and for an adult! An added benefit would be that you can teach him how to actually read and evaluate studies. Make him aware of interaction between drugs as ...


12

You are not required to have a relationship with anyone you don't want to. Full stop. You've made it through some rough times by working hard; you're allowed to feel what you feel towards this person, and act in whatever way is best for your mental and emotional health. If you wish, you can tell B that you do not wish to have contact now via ...


9

Ultimately raising your siblings is your parent's responsibility, not yours. Helping them out is a nice gesture, but eventually you will move out and they won't be able to depend on your help. The solution depends a bit on how much of an obligation you have to help out. If part of your living-at-home arrangement is giving rides, etc. then you need to do ...


8

As the father in this situation, the first thing I would do is thoroughly examine my life to find why I think that remaining idle after retirement is a bad idea. Having developed philosophically sound reasons for continuing to work hard even when it is not necessary, I would then expound these to my son and try to bring him around to my viewpoint. It's all ...


7

I might be flamed off the site for this but are you sure your reaction is justified? From your description your son's big transgressions are drinking, smoking, stealing and telling lies. I can think of only a few I've known who have not done one or all of those things when they were young. It's stupid, irresponsible, and can damage your future but it's also ...


7

It depends on your point of view. Were I the parent, I would offer to pay rent. Were I the child, I would decline the offer. In any case, I would advise both parties not to become dependent on the financial arrangement, if at all possible, even non-fiscal benefits like babysitting or housework. If you pay rent, don't make it so high or deplete your ...


6

My answer for both of situations (parent with child, child with parent), is likely to be the same. Although, I would give more leeway to a person attending some form of college or vocational training, regardless if that was a traditional student or a returning-ed adult. I don't think there is any moral obligation for the parent to pay rent to their child. I ...


6

Its so backwards to the typical narrative nowadays. This is a very one-sided sort of question but is also very specific to the type of culture you were grown up in. When I was a kid, my friend had a three/four generation household. I currently live in a three-generational household where I am the main provider for my household and never ask my parents ...


6

This is an interesting question because it pertains to all expressions of sympathy. I'll presume the dialogue was included to try to make sense of the interaction and her feelings, so an appropriate message can be sent. One of the more helpful explanations of the principles of expressions of sympathy is that comfort should only flow in one direction, and ...


5

The answer to getting someone off of drugs or to focus attention elsewhere isn't to tell them not to do them because they are bad. Most people who use, know the downside they cause. Very often, they choose to ignore the facts our of ignorance or care. If you want someone to stop using, the best thing you can do is help them find what they are passionate ...


5

What are the best ways to get a kid to put drugs in their past and move on? You're doing it now, pretty much. You can't change your child's thinking any more than he can change yours. But you can exert the control you have over his behavior by limiting your support of him financially. This is perfectly legit, unless mental illness is involved. As you ...


5

I suspect this varies significantly by the person and family. Some advantages to one person will be disadvantages to another. In particular, the differences: Living at home, unless you live on campus already, means a bit of a commute for the child. This means a bit less time for socializing, and less ability to join the kinds of socializing that ...


5

I am sorry, this is a tough situation. Many people have mentioned the possibility of depression. Now, I am not going to diagnose over the internet, but your daughter is showing some signs of it (not getting up, not being interested in personal hygiene); however, other things you mention, like wearing jeans and sneakers are not a sign of depression and make ...


5

Hi, how are you today? Or, if you really feel the need to say something. I wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss. If you want to talk about it, I am here. And if you don't, I will respect that. In the conversation you posted, your daughter told you to stop talking about it three times, the last time very directly. People deal with loss ...


4

Ahh. Culture. I think its less the fact that you're living with your parents, than why. In india, in general you live with your parents (or live with you) often so you can take care of them. There's also a very different expectation of "private space" - kids tend to share rooms from what I've seen. You eventually move out when you get your own family, but ...


4

You can request a meeting with them at their mother's house or somewhere else they love. And it is not at all as difficult as you imagine. Do not stop yourself; let them feel that you truly love them, tell them something you never told them. Most of all make them feel that no matter what happens, you will be there for them. (Note: My father is not very ...


4

Well, you're an adult now, seems time to act like one and confront your parents. That's assuming it's possible to have a reasonable discussion with them on some subjects without too much of a negative impact...or be ready to deal with those negative impacts. IMHO, the main advantages to you "coming clean" would be : That's an indicator of how mature you ...


4

Most children who are older and have bad feeling towards their parents have it due to malformed boundaries. It's likely that the issues with finance and moving house etc are actually surface symptoms. The real issues are more likely to be around the personal relationship he has with his family, since I know that if I have a close and positive relationship ...


3

I was that kid. I did it out of boredom and exploration of the mind. Many other kids did drugs to fill a void in their souls or to numb a part of themselves that they don't know how to live with. Others still are just entitled and sheltered and have this sunconcious need to modify, harm or hurt themselves in a way that life is naturally supposed to beat ...


3

You need to get delegated authority. Since you are doing things with them that the parents would do, you need to get the authority of the parents to complete the tasks smoothly. I'm glad you know that they aren't your children, but you're acting in the capacity of a childcare worker, so you need to have the authority to do that. Agree a set of consequences ...


3

If you can't risk the chance you will have more restrictions, you just continue as you have been until graduate and live on your own. But if you want to break the pattern, of course you will risk have more restrictions (though it's hard to happen because you don't tell them about your prior misdeeds so your parents don't know you are hiding things from ...


3

I'll address what other answers didn't seem to yet. I don't even feel comfortable sharing any feelings with 'B' because of how they have neglected me in the past. Not sure if you mean that you just don't want B to know how you feel; OR that you don't mind if they know but you don't want to go through the process of telling them? If it's the former, ...


2

Some people have really awful experiences of their parents, ranging from criminal levels of abuse through to mild misunderstanding, but most people just don't understand that. In this situation you've clearly said that you have no wish to get back in contact with your father. That will be hard for him to hear and to live with, but that's a problem for him ...


2

I'm not sure you can find a way to interest them in visiting you. Perhaps you could focusing on finding ways to show your interest in them. Call them on holidays or other times, ask how they are doing, if they have plans for the occasion, how education or work is going (depending on their ages) and other easy to talk about items. Maybe, if you can, ...


2

It sounds like he is struggling with addiction issues. Stealing liquor is a huge red flag. With addiction, things like values, ethics and planning for the future go out the window. This is not a reflection of the person underneath but a symptom of the problem. If you can help him work through that problem, you will get the person back. Unfortunately, ...


2

I may have some insights as a college student, although I've admittedly never lived in dormitories or campus housing. I've only been a purely nontraditional student. Disadvantages Cost I attend a state university, and the resident rates for room and board for next year are going to be about $8000 for the next school year. This includes only the fall and ...


2

Well, one of the advantages would be that it's sort of a way to ease into living away from home. You're responsible for yourself, but you're not alone and there are people who are somewhat keeping an eye on things. There are also lots of great shared experiences to be had with others living in the dorm. Of course, some of those shared experiences may not ...


1

Your child is an adult, and as somebody else said, it's almost certainly too late to significantly change their view of drugs. I would recommend side-stepping the issue, and just declaring that your continued support of his college expenses is dependent on his hitting academic milestones (i.e., challenging classes, good grades, progress toward a diploma). ...



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