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16

Am I really wrong ??? The situation you're in is truly heartbreaking. No one but you can decide for yourself if you're right or wrong. However, other people can share their experiences and beliefs. One question that comes to mind is, would you feel the same exact way if the other person were a male? In other words, if she didn't come out as gay and ...


13

My comment was a little harsh, here is how I feel about this situation: Your daughter is an adult. You have absolutely no right to tell her who she can and cannot befriend. I don't know what this girl has or has not done, but I do know parents almost always hold a bias. I remember growing up, my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain friends ...


11

I can understand that you want your son to leave, because he is not contributing to his own life or to your household. It sounds like he needs to grow up and accept some responsibilities! But I also think that your wanting him to leave seems to be only the tip of the iceberg. If he behaves as poorly as you suggest then I would guess that there are other ...


10

Right now, your son doesn't have the life skills to succeed in the world, and you know that. That's why you can't tell him to leave. You know he'll be homeless on a street corner in a week, so what you need to do is get him ready. Cancel his credit card Make him get his own prepay cell phone plan Do not pay for anything he wants Drop him off at the ...


9

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


5

I too have a twenty year old daughter. It's not my place to approve or disapprove of her friends. Perhaps that's why I know and get along with her friends, and am more involved in her life. Is my daughter gay? I don't think so, but she's never been romantically attached to any boy for very long, so it's possible she is still finding out who she is. Either ...


5

My guess the core issue is you are unwilling to accept him failing. This allows him to manipulate you into taking over his responsibility to make healthy choices. However since they were your choices, not his, he feels no obligation to fulfill these choices. I do not recommend an abrupt change*, since I suspect the son does not have the life skills right ...


4

Contrary to what your kid's friend says, e-cigarettes are not safe. You are still inhaling nicotine, meaning that you are still susceptible to many of the adverse effects of regular cigarettes, i.e., addiction, cardiovascular problems, increased risk of cancer, increased risk of birth defects if you use them while pregnant, and so on. In fact, liquid ...


4

Some of these are slightly tongue-in-cheek but I suspect the essence of your problem is that he just doesn't want to leave because he is comfortable at home. So - obviously - you must make staying less attractive. Pick any or all of the following: Stop feeding him - let him get his own meals. Buy food he doesn't like - in case he decides not to buy his ...


3

I am so sorry you are going through this. If the issue is that your daughter is gay, and you cannot accept her homosexuality, then you will probably lose her forever, and I feel very bad for your daughter. Alternatively, if the issue is that you feel her partner is a bad choice for her, then I would encourage you to reach out to your daughter and support ...


3

Negotiating boundaries in families can be very tricky. The first time you stand up for something you believe in against a parent who you know won't be happy about is difficult. Be comforted knowing that pretty much every adult you know got through it, and so will you. You are an adult, and it is time for you to make this step. Choose your words ahead of ...


3

I really feel your pain and I think I understand the situation that you're in. Don't despair - you will find a way to make it work - where you can balance your need for independence and respect and still have a relationship with your parents. I lived in Russia until I was 16 and in US since then. I have went through something similar with my mom and my ...


3

You face a really difficult situation. None of us can solve it for you, but we can perhaps make you some suggestions. Are you familiar with a technique called Ask Why Five Times? You start with a problem, like "my son won't leave" and you ask yourself "why?". You talk yourself through it and conclude something like "he is afraid" or "he doesn't know how" or ...


2

Any answer would only be an opinion, Learning English would be a good skill to have and would make it easier for her daughter on such occasions. But i don't see why it should make any difference, Speaking English does not make them any better than someone who cant speak English and her mother shouldn't have to learn another language just so her daughter will ...


2

I have a different sleep disorder. It doesn't prevent me from working, but it causes a lot of sick days sometimes. In order to feel my best, I have to sleep 11-12 hours on weeknights and 14-16 on weekends, which means I often don't have a lot of time for anything other than work. Either that, or I am tired all day. Let me put it this way. Sleep seems ...


1

I don't think you're necessarily enabling him -- I had a friend whose brother had lost his license after repeated DUI's and he continued to drive (eventually going to jail as a result), so there's sometimes a very good reason for somebody to NOT be driving a car. Even if he's simply not well off and struggles to hold down a job, pushing him into a car ...


1

This is not medical advice. 1) rule out other factors. Make sure he does not have thyroid problems, sleep apnea, drug or alcohol misuse problems, etc. 2) explain that you are supporting him during his time of illness but that you expect certain behaviours in return. i) he must try to maintain sleep hygiene where possible. ii) he must work hard to help ...


1

If it were me I would tell him to be completely open and honest from the start about what he wants from the relationship and not to lead her on. As long as he does that then as an adult the woman involved is perfectly capable of making up her own mind about how she wants to take things forward. It may sound cynical but women, in my experience, are not ...


1

Did it ever occur to him not to sleep with her? He sounds like he wants it all. At everyone else's expense. I'm more floored that you found it hard to respond to him. Would you react the same way if it were your daughter. I don't think so. Tell him to leave her alone. There is no such thing as a friend with benefits.


1

There's a saying "once bitten, twice shy". It sounds like your family may have been disappointed that your brother's degree didn't lead to the great job he hoped it would in the time-frame expected, and right or wrong they worry that investing in your education could be an equally non-fruitful investment. That's not really fair to you in any way, but it's ...


1

I am a mother of 22 years old child , very nice guy and doing more that great in school but still ignoring me little, learned the method isn't ignoring him back or making his life miserable the right thing to do, or telling him leave house, but showing love and having great conversations about what I feel, expressing I don't need him because have friends and ...


1

This sounds like a difficult situation, and indeed getting a psychologist (or similar) on board would help. However, I would suggest that you go yourself, instead of sending your son - and ask them the same question you asked here. A lot of counselling centers around how to assertively state your wishes and stay by them in a situation of disrupted family ...


1

I am at the parent end of a similar situation - 23 year old son who lives at home "part time" and with his girlfriend the rest of the time (20 miles up the road, closer to their respective colleges). I decided that being welcoming to him and his girlfriend (both well into adulthood, and in a long term stable relationship) should take priority over my ...



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