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18

Am I really wrong ??? The situation you're in is truly heartbreaking. No one but you can decide for yourself if you're right or wrong. However, other people can share their experiences and beliefs. One question that comes to mind is, would you feel the same exact way if the other person were a male? In other words, if she didn't come out as gay and ...


15

My comment was a little harsh, here is how I feel about this situation: Your daughter is an adult. You have absolutely no right to tell her who she can and cannot befriend. I don't know what this girl has or has not done, but I do know parents almost always hold a bias. I remember growing up, my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain friends ...


14

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


12

You are not required to have a relationship with anyone you don't want to. Full stop. You've made it through some rough times by working hard; you're allowed to feel what you feel towards this person, and act in whatever way is best for your mental and emotional health. If you wish, you can tell B that you do not wish to have contact now via ...


7

It depends on your point of view. Were I the parent, I would offer to pay rent. Were I the child, I would decline the offer. In any case, I would advise both parties not to become dependent on the financial arrangement, if at all possible, even non-fiscal benefits like babysitting or housework. If you pay rent, don't make it so high or deplete your ...


6

I might be flamed off the site for this but are you sure your reaction is justified? From your description your son's big transgressions are drinking, smoking, stealing and telling lies. I can think of only a few I've known who have not done one or all of those things when they were young. It's stupid, irresponsible, and can damage your future but it's also ...


6

Its so backwards to the typical narrative nowadays. This is a very one-sided sort of question but is also very specific to the type of culture you were grown up in. When I was a kid, my friend had a three/four generation household. I currently live in a three-generational household where I am the main provider for my household and never ask my parents ...


6

My answer for both of situations (parent with child, child with parent), is likely to be the same. Although, I would give more leeway to a person attending some form of college or vocational training, regardless if that was a traditional student or a returning-ed adult. I don't think there is any moral obligation for the parent to pay rent to their child. I ...


5

I too have a twenty year old daughter. It's not my place to approve or disapprove of her friends. Perhaps that's why I know and get along with her friends, and am more involved in her life. Is my daughter gay? I don't think so, but she's never been romantically attached to any boy for very long, so it's possible she is still finding out who she is. Either ...


5

Ultimately raising your siblings is your parent's responsibility, not yours. Helping them out is a nice gesture, but eventually you will move out and they won't be able to depend on your help. The solution depends a bit on how much of an obligation you have to help out. If part of your living-at-home arrangement is giving rides, etc. then you need to do ...


5

I suspect this varies significantly by the person and family. Some advantages to one person will be disadvantages to another. In particular, the differences: Living at home, unless you live on campus already, means a bit of a commute for the child. This means a bit less time for socializing, and less ability to join the kinds of socializing that ...


4

Ahh. Culture. I think its less the fact that you're living with your parents, than why. In india, in general you live with your parents (or live with you) often so you can take care of them. There's also a very different expectation of "private space" - kids tend to share rooms from what I've seen. You eventually move out when you get your own family, but ...


4

You can request a meeting with them at their mother's house or somewhere else they love. And it is not at all as difficult as you imagine. Do not stop yourself; let them feel that you truly love them, tell them something you never told them. Most of all make them feel that no matter what happens, you will be there for them. (Note: My father is not very ...


4

Well, you're an adult now, seems time to act like one and confront your parents. That's assuming it's possible to have a reasonable discussion with them on some subjects without too much of a negative impact...or be ready to deal with those negative impacts. IMHO, the main advantages to you "coming clean" would be : That's an indicator of how mature you ...


4

Most children who are older and have bad feeling towards their parents have it due to malformed boundaries. It's likely that the issues with finance and moving house etc are actually surface symptoms. The real issues are more likely to be around the personal relationship he has with his family, since I know that if I have a close and positive relationship ...


3

You need to get delegated authority. Since you are doing things with them that the parents would do, you need to get the authority of the parents to complete the tasks smoothly. I'm glad you know that they aren't your children, but you're acting in the capacity of a childcare worker, so you need to have the authority to do that. Agree a set of consequences ...


3

I am so sorry you are going through this. If the issue is that your daughter is gay, and you cannot accept her homosexuality, then you will probably lose her forever, and I feel very bad for your daughter. Alternatively, if the issue is that you feel her partner is a bad choice for her, then I would encourage you to reach out to your daughter and support ...


3

If you can't risk the chance you will have more restrictions, you just continue as you have been until graduate and live on your own. But if you want to break the pattern, of course you will risk have more restrictions (though it's hard to happen because you don't tell them about your prior misdeeds so your parents don't know you are hiding things from ...


3

I'll address what other answers didn't seem to yet. I don't even feel comfortable sharing any feelings with 'B' because of how they have neglected me in the past. Not sure if you mean that you just don't want B to know how you feel; OR that you don't mind if they know but you don't want to go through the process of telling them? If it's the former, ...


2

Some people have really awful experiences of their parents, ranging from criminal levels of abuse through to mild misunderstanding, but most people just don't understand that. In this situation you've clearly said that you have no wish to get back in contact with your father. That will be hard for him to hear and to live with, but that's a problem for him ...


2

I'm not sure you can find a way to interest them in visiting you. Perhaps you could focusing on finding ways to show your interest in them. Call them on holidays or other times, ask how they are doing, if they have plans for the occasion, how education or work is going (depending on their ages) and other easy to talk about items. Maybe, if you can, ...


2

It sounds like he is struggling with addiction issues. Stealing liquor is a huge red flag. With addiction, things like values, ethics and planning for the future go out the window. This is not a reflection of the person underneath but a symptom of the problem. If you can help him work through that problem, you will get the person back. Unfortunately, ...


2

I have a different sleep disorder. It doesn't prevent me from working, but it causes a lot of sick days sometimes. In order to feel my best, I have to sleep 11-12 hours on weeknights and 14-16 on weekends, which means I often don't have a lot of time for anything other than work. Either that, or I am tired all day. Let me put it this way. Sleep seems ...


2

Well, one of the advantages would be that it's sort of a way to ease into living away from home. You're responsible for yourself, but you're not alone and there are people who are somewhat keeping an eye on things. There are also lots of great shared experiences to be had with others living in the dorm. Of course, some of those shared experiences may not ...


2

I may have some insights as a college student, although I've admittedly never lived in dormitories or campus housing. I've only been a purely nontraditional student. Disadvantages Cost I attend a state university, and the resident rates for room and board for next year are going to be about $8000 for the next school year. This includes only the fall and ...


1

I am at the parent end of a similar situation - 23 year old son who lives at home "part time" and with his girlfriend the rest of the time (20 miles up the road, closer to their respective colleges). I decided that being welcoming to him and his girlfriend (both well into adulthood, and in a long term stable relationship) should take priority over my ...


1

I don't think you're necessarily enabling him -- I had a friend whose brother had lost his license after repeated DUI's and he continued to drive (eventually going to jail as a result), so there's sometimes a very good reason for somebody to NOT be driving a car. Even if he's simply not well off and struggles to hold down a job, pushing him into a car ...


1

This is not medical advice. 1) rule out other factors. Make sure he does not have thyroid problems, sleep apnea, drug or alcohol misuse problems, etc. 2) explain that you are supporting him during his time of illness but that you expect certain behaviours in return. i) he must try to maintain sleep hygiene where possible. ii) he must work hard to help ...



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