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54

She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Especially considering: I don't want her to hate me like my mother and I hate one another It sounds like your parents aren't letting you be your daughter's parent. This is a major problem. You need to sit ...


33

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


17

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


11

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...


11

This is a very challenging situation: your parents hold beliefs that you do not share. You're not going to change them and they're not going to change you (most likely anyway.) It's most likely that you will simply have to deal with the situation, kindly explaining to the women they send your way your true situation. They, in turn, will have to deal with ...


11

Assuming you're not your granddaughters legal guardian, remember that your granddaughter is not your daughter. When a parent (read: any legal guardian) is present, knows what is going on and has okayed it, you are not to interfere. The only exceptions are when she is (in danger of) hurting herself, or hurting you or something of yours. If those ...


10

I can understand that you want your son to leave, because he is not contributing to his own life or to your household. It sounds like he needs to grow up and accept some responsibilities! But I also think that your wanting him to leave seems to be only the tip of the iceberg. If he behaves as poorly as you suggest then I would guess that there are other ...


8

Back when I was a student teacher, my supervising teacher taught me a valuable thing about child psychology: kids (these were elementary-school kids) tend to focus on one person as the authority figure. If I was teaching a lesson at the front of the room but my supervising teacher was still watching in the back, as far as the kids were concerned, he was ...


7

Your Mom thinks she loves you but she needs to win! She treats it like a contest. She has many hidden ways of manipulating you and she is hitting you, too. Now she is winning the contest of being a parent to your daughter. All in the name of love, because she doesn't see that the goal of raising a child is to raise an independent strong person. You ...


7

Right now, your son doesn't have the life skills to succeed in the world, and you know that. That's why you can't tell him to leave. You know he'll be homeless on a street corner in a week, so what you need to do is get him ready. Cancel his credit card Make him get his own prepay cell phone plan Do not pay for anything he wants Drop him off at the ...


6

You sound like you are in a very bad situation right now and I want you to know that you are taking a courageous and important first step by seeking objective feedback about your situation. As a therapist,I will echo what many have said previously...your relationship with your mother is the root of many of the issues you are having with your child. A good ...


6

As a father of a young girl only slightly older than yours, I can assure you, all the behavior you've described is perfectly normal. She is doing exactly what a child of her age should be doing. It's a very challenging age. She is a little person with her own personality, her own will, and her own opinions, and this is just how she is attempting to express ...


6

Honestly, unless your daughter gave her a large sharp knife to cut her hair with, it's not abuse or anything. It sounds like your daughter is letting her daughter take some control over her own appearance. If, once she's done, your granddaughter is displeased with her haircut, take her to a hairdresser for a repair. If your granddaughter likes her hair, ...


5

I can't find a great deal of hard-data on this particular topic (impact of parental fights on children), but I do find a lot of resources on the short-term and long-term effects of parental divorce. While it may be arguable that parental divorce is a "petty issue", I'm sure it can be agreed that there's a link somewhere between the quarrels and the more ...


5

The answers provided so far are a bit brusque, but I'd suggest that's because, as you most likely know, we all want to be free to raise our children in our own way -- sometimes quite different from how our parents raised us. I remember telling my mother when I was rather young that I wasn't going to learn from all of her mistakes: I would sometimes make my ...


4

Research into attachment disorders like reactive attachment disorder show that inattentive primary caregivers or sudden changes of primary caregivers under age 3 or so can have permanent effects on a child's ability to bond with future caregivers, no matter how stable the relationship is after that point. It's something foster and adoptive parents are ...


4

In answering this, you are better considering a comparison between the quarrelling and the realistic alternative to it, not just the bickering in isolation. Here's how I'll define the situation: The parents can't stop bickering, criticizing, squabbling, and putting each other down. The children are learning that this is how relationships work. They also ...


4

I know my answer is tardy but I'm going to set this out here anyway. We have a mother in law who always makes uncomfortable comments about things we've purchased, And then . . . These comments especially seem to upset my wife, who has guilt issues, who had to deal with this growing up and never wants to spend money on anything. So... based on ...


4

I think with Asian parents, theres no changing there minds. Its up to you to decide if you're serious about the girl you are with currently and if so let it be known. Loud and Clear. Introduce her to them. To others in your family too. If you have open minded relatives whom you are close to bring them into the picture. See if they cant try and get your ...


4

First and foremost, your parents are the only parents you have, and they will always be your parents. It can be easy at times to forget this, particularly while you are angry at them, but underneath it all, they're your family, and you (almost certainly) love them. Being angry/disappointed/frustrated with someone is not mutually exclusive with loving them. ...


4

My guess the core issue is you are unwilling to accept him failing. This allows him to manipulate you into taking over his responsibility to make healthy choices. However since they were your choices, not his, he feels no obligation to fulfill these choices. I do not recommend an abrupt change*, since I suspect the son does not have the life skills right ...


3

A lot of sensible advice has already been given here. Here are some additional two cents from me: You need to move out, or confront your own parents. Put them in therapy if need be. The trouble with parents is that their children never grow up in their eyes, and the parents always think to be smarter and wiser. They also love to keep the same authority ...


3

I TOTALLY agree with She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Your parents may well be crippling you; get an independent 3rd party to come along (any wise person you can trust) to secretly observe the dynamic and confirm to you that you are indeed ...


3

I have a four year old daughter (4 and 1/4), and I am separated from her mother. I have my daughter almost 50%. The behaviour you describe sounds like normal pre-schooler behaviour. The thing to keep in mind is, she doesn't realise they anxiety she is causing you, she's an innocent little thing... to her it's just play. There's no malice in what she is ...


3

There are a lot of good answers here. I just want to add one thing that you can do straight away that might make your situation a tiny bit more bearable. Before entering the house when coming home from work, or before getting up in the morning, anytime just before you will position yourself in a situation that likely will result in tantrums and/or fighting, ...


3

The perspective we have taken with our kids is that while we would love them to have great hair all the time, it is fun for them to mess with it, and it can help get it out of their systems. We'd rather they did it now than when they are going to job interviews as adults, so we encourage them to do what they like - and this has included a bit of self ...


3

I really feel your pain and I think I understand the situation that you're in. Don't despair - you will find a way to make it work - where you can balance your need for independence and respect and still have a relationship with your parents. I lived in Russia until I was 16 and in US since then. I have went through something similar with my mom and my ...


3

Negotiating boundaries in families can be very tricky. The first time you stand up for something you believe in against a parent who you know won't be happy about is difficult. Be comforted knowing that pretty much every adult you know got through it, and so will you. You are an adult, and it is time for you to make this step. Choose your words ahead of ...


2

Ask each of them separately "what would you have done and told your parents if they said didn't want you to be with dad/mom"? I have little confidence in this to actually change their views, but hopefully that should at least make it clear that your mind is set.


2

From my experience... children learn from their parents, this also means they do things like copy our mannerisms, behaviour, attitudes, expressions and so on. If you hate your mom, it may be wise to observe, pay attention, and become aware of your thoughts, actions, expression and behaviour. Your daughter is probably copying your behaviour, attitude and ...



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