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17

Am I really wrong ??? The situation you're in is truly heartbreaking. No one but you can decide for yourself if you're right or wrong. However, other people can share their experiences and beliefs. One question that comes to mind is, would you feel the same exact way if the other person were a male? In other words, if she didn't come out as gay and ...


14

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


14

My comment was a little harsh, here is how I feel about this situation: Your daughter is an adult. You have absolutely no right to tell her who she can and cannot befriend. I don't know what this girl has or has not done, but I do know parents almost always hold a bias. I remember growing up, my parents wouldn't let me hang out with certain friends ...


7

It depends on your point of view. Were I the parent, I would offer to pay rent. Were I the child, I would decline the offer. In any case, I would advise both parties not to become dependent on the financial arrangement, if at all possible, even non-fiscal benefits like babysitting or housework. If you pay rent, don't make it so high or deplete your ...


6

My answer for both of situations (parent with child, child with parent), is likely to be the same. Although, I would give more leeway to a person attending some form of college or vocational training, regardless if that was a traditional student or a returning-ed adult. I don't think there is any moral obligation for the parent to pay rent to their child. I ...


5

I suspect this varies significantly by the person and family. Some advantages to one person will be disadvantages to another. In particular, the differences: Living at home, unless you live on campus already, means a bit of a commute for the child. This means a bit less time for socializing, and less ability to join the kinds of socializing that ...


5

I too have a twenty year old daughter. It's not my place to approve or disapprove of her friends. Perhaps that's why I know and get along with her friends, and am more involved in her life. Is my daughter gay? I don't think so, but she's never been romantically attached to any boy for very long, so it's possible she is still finding out who she is. Either ...


5

Ultimately raising your siblings is your parent's responsibility, not yours. Helping them out is a nice gesture, but eventually you will move out and they won't be able to depend on your help. The solution depends a bit on how much of an obligation you have to help out. If part of your living-at-home arrangement is giving rides, etc. then you need to do ...


4

I really feel your pain and I think I understand the situation that you're in. Don't despair - you will find a way to make it work - where you can balance your need for independence and respect and still have a relationship with your parents. I lived in Russia until I was 16 and in US since then. I have went through something similar with my mom and my ...


3

You face a really difficult situation. None of us can solve it for you, but we can perhaps make you some suggestions. Are you familiar with a technique called Ask Why Five Times? You start with a problem, like "my son won't leave" and you ask yourself "why?". You talk yourself through it and conclude something like "he is afraid" or "he doesn't know how" or ...


3

Negotiating boundaries in families can be very tricky. The first time you stand up for something you believe in against a parent who you know won't be happy about is difficult. Be comforted knowing that pretty much every adult you know got through it, and so will you. You are an adult, and it is time for you to make this step. Choose your words ahead of ...


3

You need to get delegated authority. Since you are doing things with them that the parents would do, you need to get the authority of the parents to complete the tasks smoothly. I'm glad you know that they aren't your children, but you're acting in the capacity of a childcare worker, so you need to have the authority to do that. Agree a set of consequences ...


3

I am so sorry you are going through this. If the issue is that your daughter is gay, and you cannot accept her homosexuality, then you will probably lose her forever, and I feel very bad for your daughter. Alternatively, if the issue is that you feel her partner is a bad choice for her, then I would encourage you to reach out to your daughter and support ...


2

I have a different sleep disorder. It doesn't prevent me from working, but it causes a lot of sick days sometimes. In order to feel my best, I have to sleep 11-12 hours on weeknights and 14-16 on weekends, which means I often don't have a lot of time for anything other than work. Either that, or I am tired all day. Let me put it this way. Sleep seems ...


2

I will hazard a guess and say that perhaps you are asking for suggestions about how to handle this. When one family member refuses to go to family therapy, the standard advice I've heard is, go by yourself. I think that advice would apply here. Two little ideas, though -- perhaps you could give him something in writing that lays out the basic options, ...


2

I may have some insights as a college student, although I've admittedly never lived in dormitories or campus housing. I've only been a purely nontraditional student. Disadvantages Cost I attend a state university, and the resident rates for room and board for next year are going to be about $8000 for the next school year. This includes only the fall and ...


2

Well, one of the advantages would be that it's sort of a way to ease into living away from home. You're responsible for yourself, but you're not alone and there are people who are somewhat keeping an eye on things. There are also lots of great shared experiences to be had with others living in the dorm. Of course, some of those shared experiences may not ...


1

A couple points of perspective: I've always believed that moral obligation goes from parents to offspring. Any obligation perceived by offspring in the opposite direction comes out of the feelings of the offspring. Circumstances of need clearly can affect feelings at any time. Children don't ask to be born. They have zero say in their birth situation, so ...


1

It seems to be the case that he's refusing to acknowledge anything about his future. This kind of thing can be due to a combination of fear and trauma, since after all, laziness is generally rooted in fear. Since he'll accept no help at all, it's probably time to give him a wake-up call. Write down all the things he needs to do as well as all the offers of ...


1

I don't think you're necessarily enabling him -- I had a friend whose brother had lost his license after repeated DUI's and he continued to drive (eventually going to jail as a result), so there's sometimes a very good reason for somebody to NOT be driving a car. Even if he's simply not well off and struggles to hold down a job, pushing him into a car ...


1

This is not medical advice. 1) rule out other factors. Make sure he does not have thyroid problems, sleep apnea, drug or alcohol misuse problems, etc. 2) explain that you are supporting him during his time of illness but that you expect certain behaviours in return. i) he must try to maintain sleep hygiene where possible. ii) he must work hard to help ...


1

If it were me I would tell him to be completely open and honest from the start about what he wants from the relationship and not to lead her on. As long as he does that then as an adult the woman involved is perfectly capable of making up her own mind about how she wants to take things forward. It may sound cynical but women, in my experience, are not ...


1

I'm not sure how at 21 how your parents are "not letting you" live in your own apartment. You are past the age required to enter into contracts on your own volition. If you are employed and have a steady income, it should not be difficult to sign a lease to rent an apartment. That said, it sounds like your parents are opposed to the idea, and it is quite ...


1

I am a mother of 22 years old child , very nice guy and doing more that great in school but still ignoring me little, learned the method isn't ignoring him back or making his life miserable the right thing to do, or telling him leave house, but showing love and having great conversations about what I feel, expressing I don't need him because have friends and ...


1

I am at the parent end of a similar situation - 23 year old son who lives at home "part time" and with his girlfriend the rest of the time (20 miles up the road, closer to their respective colleges). I decided that being welcoming to him and his girlfriend (both well into adulthood, and in a long term stable relationship) should take priority over my ...



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