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54

She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Especially considering: I don't want her to hate me like my mother and I hate one another It sounds like your parents aren't letting you be your daughter's parent. This is a major problem. You need to sit ...


33

First off, your interaction with your toddler is totally common (I would say it's borderline universal, actually). Toddlers that age love to push boundaries. I would say two things - the first is, don't sweat it so much. If your kid only eats crap, let it happen. They're seriously not going to be a 20 year old who only eats chicken nuggets. Hitting and ...


17

From what you describe, it sounds like you're making a huge and sensible effort to be a good parent. I think you would do well in a situation where you are not overruled. But it's clear from your description that your parents are overruling your parenting decisions, and this is the thing that causes you the most grief. This is what you should work on -- ...


15

This is a very challenging situation: your parents hold beliefs that you do not share. You're not going to change them and they're not going to change you (most likely anyway.) It's most likely that you will simply have to deal with the situation, kindly explaining to the women they send your way your true situation. They, in turn, will have to deal with ...


11

Assuming you're not your granddaughters legal guardian, remember that your granddaughter is not your daughter. When a parent (read: any legal guardian) is present, knows what is going on and has okayed it, you are not to interfere. The only exceptions are when she is (in danger of) hurting herself, or hurting you or something of yours. If those ...


11

First of all, your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal for her age. I don't know if that thought is terrifying or comforting. They are basically hardwired to seek out the adult of least resistance. The usual way for households to survive that stage is by all adults getting on the same page, which is sometimes easier said than done. Your parents don't ...


11

I can understand that you want your son to leave, because he is not contributing to his own life or to your household. It sounds like he needs to grow up and accept some responsibilities! But I also think that your wanting him to leave seems to be only the tip of the iceberg. If he behaves as poorly as you suggest then I would guess that there are other ...


10

Right now, your son doesn't have the life skills to succeed in the world, and you know that. That's why you can't tell him to leave. You know he'll be homeless on a street corner in a week, so what you need to do is get him ready. Cancel his credit card Make him get his own prepay cell phone plan Do not pay for anything he wants Drop him off at the ...


8

Back when I was a student teacher, my supervising teacher taught me a valuable thing about child psychology: kids (these were elementary-school kids) tend to focus on one person as the authority figure. If I was teaching a lesson at the front of the room but my supervising teacher was still watching in the back, as far as the kids were concerned, he was ...


7

Your Mom thinks she loves you but she needs to win! She treats it like a contest. She has many hidden ways of manipulating you and she is hitting you, too. Now she is winning the contest of being a parent to your daughter. All in the name of love, because she doesn't see that the goal of raising a child is to raise an independent strong person. You ...


6

You sound like you are in a very bad situation right now and I want you to know that you are taking a courageous and important first step by seeking objective feedback about your situation. As a therapist,I will echo what many have said previously...your relationship with your mother is the root of many of the issues you are having with your child. A good ...


6

As a father of a young girl only slightly older than yours, I can assure you, all the behavior you've described is perfectly normal. She is doing exactly what a child of her age should be doing. It's a very challenging age. She is a little person with her own personality, her own will, and her own opinions, and this is just how she is attempting to express ...


6

Honestly, unless your daughter gave her a large sharp knife to cut her hair with, it's not abuse or anything. It sounds like your daughter is letting her daughter take some control over her own appearance. If, once she's done, your granddaughter is displeased with her haircut, take her to a hairdresser for a repair. If your granddaughter likes her hair, ...


6

Disclaimer: I'll use the word 'relationship' in the general sense, encompassing any kind of relationship; I'll use the term 'exclusive relationship' to refer to, well, an exclusive, mutually agreed to relationship. So, let me recap. He told her he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship; he wants them to be friends, and he want to have sex with her ...


5

First and foremost, your parents are the only parents you have, and they will always be your parents. It can be easy at times to forget this, particularly while you are angry at them, but underneath it all, they're your family, and you (almost certainly) love them. Being angry/disappointed/frustrated with someone is not mutually exclusive with loving them. ...


5

I think with Asian parents, theres no changing there minds. Its up to you to decide if you're serious about the girl you are with currently and if so let it be known. Loud and Clear. Introduce her to them. To others in your family too. If you have open minded relatives whom you are close to bring them into the picture. See if they cant try and get your ...


5

The answers provided so far are a bit brusque, but I'd suggest that's because, as you most likely know, we all want to be free to raise our children in our own way -- sometimes quite different from how our parents raised us. I remember telling my mother when I was rather young that I wasn't going to learn from all of her mistakes: I would sometimes make my ...


4

I know my answer is tardy but I'm going to set this out here anyway. We have a mother in law who always makes uncomfortable comments about things we've purchased, And then . . . These comments especially seem to upset my wife, who has guilt issues, who had to deal with this growing up and never wants to spend money on anything. So... based on ...


4

My guess the core issue is you are unwilling to accept him failing. This allows him to manipulate you into taking over his responsibility to make healthy choices. However since they were your choices, not his, he feels no obligation to fulfill these choices. I do not recommend an abrupt change*, since I suspect the son does not have the life skills right ...


4

Some of these are slightly tongue-in-cheek but I suspect the essence of your problem is that he just doesn't want to leave because he is comfortable at home. So - obviously - you must make staying less attractive. Pick any or all of the following: Stop feeding him - let him get his own meals. Buy food he doesn't like - in case he decides not to buy his ...


3

I have a four year old daughter (4 and 1/4), and I am separated from her mother. I have my daughter almost 50%. The behaviour you describe sounds like normal pre-schooler behaviour. The thing to keep in mind is, she doesn't realise they anxiety she is causing you, she's an innocent little thing... to her it's just play. There's no malice in what she is ...


3

I TOTALLY agree with She goes to my mom and dad if I yell at her or if I say "No." Then I get in trouble. But that's not the point. Actually, that is the point. Your parents may well be crippling you; get an independent 3rd party to come along (any wise person you can trust) to secretly observe the dynamic and confirm to you that you are indeed ...


3

A lot of sensible advice has already been given here. Here are some additional two cents from me: You need to move out, or confront your own parents. Put them in therapy if need be. The trouble with parents is that their children never grow up in their eyes, and the parents always think to be smarter and wiser. They also love to keep the same authority ...


3

There are a lot of good answers here. I just want to add one thing that you can do straight away that might make your situation a tiny bit more bearable. Before entering the house when coming home from work, or before getting up in the morning, anytime just before you will position yourself in a situation that likely will result in tantrums and/or fighting, ...


3

The perspective we have taken with our kids is that while we would love them to have great hair all the time, it is fun for them to mess with it, and it can help get it out of their systems. We'd rather they did it now than when they are going to job interviews as adults, so we encourage them to do what they like - and this has included a bit of self ...


3

You face a really difficult situation. None of us can solve it for you, but we can perhaps make you some suggestions. Are you familiar with a technique called Ask Why Five Times? You start with a problem, like "my son won't leave" and you ask yourself "why?". You talk yourself through it and conclude something like "he is afraid" or "he doesn't know how" or ...


3

I really feel your pain and I think I understand the situation that you're in. Don't despair - you will find a way to make it work - where you can balance your need for independence and respect and still have a relationship with your parents. I lived in Russia until I was 16 and in US since then. I have went through something similar with my mom and my ...


3

Negotiating boundaries in families can be very tricky. The first time you stand up for something you believe in against a parent who you know won't be happy about is difficult. Be comforted knowing that pretty much every adult you know got through it, and so will you. You are an adult, and it is time for you to make this step. Choose your words ahead of ...


2

The whole point is your mother and father seem to be trying to control how you raise the child. They are grandparents and as tough as it may be, maybe getting space from them will help you and your little girl. Mom seems to be undermining you. If this is so, then you do not need to take it lying down. You are the only child. That is their only granddaughter. ...


2

How much time per day are you actively parenting your child? How much time are your parents actively parenting your child? The reason everyone suggests you move out is to force you to actively parent your child for more hours per day. I doubt your parents are actively trying to undermine your authority. Your authority is being undermined as a symptom of ...



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