Tag Info

If you have 3 rooms for the children, then give each their own room, but with one condition that when guests sleep over, they must give up one room for the guests. That room should be the 20-year-old's because she's the only one not using it full-time in the first place. She's also the only legally adult person whom you are not obliged to house. Do not ...

There are two possible extremes here--demanding rent as soon as they turn 18 years old, or allowing them to stay for free indefinitely regardless of their social, educational, or vocational status. I assume most of us will agree that the best answer is somewhere between these extremes, but determining exactly where isn't easy. And because family and ...

Where I am from it is really considered taboo. Where my wife is from, on the other hand, it's completely normal and quite logical. I think the key is to understand why (on a case by case basis) the adult-child does not want to move out. It is perfectly normal for people to have room mates in almost any culture, and perhaps his preferred room mates are his ...

I see two aspects in this, summed up in these words: one one side, the son is a guest and should respect the house rules and/or the wishes of the hosts, on the other side, the parents are making a rather silly demand on their son because he is no longer legally underage and doesn't need to be supervised. In the end, the parents are the hosts, and ...

I feel that all adults living in the household need to actively contribute to the maintenance of the household. This does not necessarily need to be financial, although that is the simplest and most obvious. It could instead include things like taking on more of the cleaning, cooking, and general household maintenance. It may include driving elderly ...

An adult who has been assaulted should consider calling the police. If for some reason that is not possible they should consider getting in touch with a local domestic violence helpline. A young adult who has been assaulted in a house where there are other younger children who are also at risk of violence should strongly consider calling either the police; ...

Your situation is very familiar to me. You want to be independent and make your own choices, yet at the same time you wish for a closer bond with your father. Fortunately, you can have it both ways. You've probably already realized that one reason for the rather empty phone calls is simply that nothing much has changed since last time. So you end up talking ...

I'm sorry, but if you really spent your childhood in happy ignorance until one day you were told "okay, now pick the job you'll do for the rest of your life," your parents did you a horrible disservice. One of the goals of parenting should be to help your child or children figure out what it is they like doing, and guide them into identifying how to make a ...

Are you paying rent to your mother? If you are paying rent, you should ask for a reduced rent since you are no longer getting your own room. Is there a basement? Another room on the main floor - something like an office or a den? Consider moving to one of these rooms. If you are not paying rent, you are unfortunately going to have to abide by her rules. ...

It sounds like your mom has some boundary issues. I don't know that I would call her behavior normal, but I think many mothers and daughters have boundary issues to some extent (I know my mother and I do). Beofett's advice is excellent, and much kinder than mine is. I have reached the point with my mother where I simply do not tolerate her crossing ...

Your mother is experiencing empty nest syndrome. Over the course of twenty years or so, parents' identity and self worth becomes very wrapped up in their children. Sometimes they have trouble adjusting to their new role in your life. She prided herself in being helpful to you and now she doesn't know how anymore, which makes her feel bad about herself. ...

It sounds like your mother may be having difficulty letting go of her control over your life. The constant comparisons are her way of attempting to guide your behavior to match her expectations. Unfortunately, this type of behavior doesn't seem that uncommon. For some parents, the transition from having a child or children who are constantly around, and ...

Not really an answer to this because Boefett answered this quite well, however, if you are so miserable, find a new career!!!!! As much as there are days work and being an adult is difficult and not all fun and games, both myself and my husband work in fields that we enjoy greatly. It will be our goal to help our daughter to find a career that she will ...

As with all things, "it depends." I think that if the child is an adult then he or she should be paying rent unless there's a good reason not to. (e.g. In college or home on winter/summer breaks, studying for bar exams or similar professional credentials, searching for job, destitute, separating from spouse, etc.) I've also heard of parents doing this and ...

It's very dependant on culture, I would imagine. Though there is a point where you cross over from boy living with mother to mother living with son. I would say, as a mess of vaguely Western culture that I am, that once they're at the age when they have a proper job, they should want their independence and start the process of moving out. Where I live, ...

This is an old post but ima post for the benefit of anyone else that may need it... First to do is leave immediately. go where? neighbor, quik trip, whatever, but get away from the danger. "but what if they follow" can't worry about that. Stimulus, response. Fight or flight, get out. 2nd thing is call the police asafp. 3rd thing if you can stay put, do ...

I only have brothers, so my situation was slightly different, yet the solution might be a good one. While I was away at school, the bedroom was given to one of my brothers who had never had his own room with the understanding that he would return to his previous room with our other brother any time I was home. The room was his and we had to negotiate him ...

As other people have said, it sounds like your parents did you a disservice by not preparing you correctly. But telling a child that being an adult sucks is just as much of a disservice. Life doesn't have to go downhill from age 18! The transition from childhood to adulthood involves gaining responsibilities, but also involves gaining many freedoms. I ...

My parents made it clear from a young age that when we were done with High School we were only able to stay at home if we were in college. And if we were staying at home we had to either help out with our share of chores or pay rent. One thing I appreciated was them always being consistant and letting us know well before the time came what to expect. With ...

At 20, its going to be difficult. He's got the independence and rights of adult, although few 20 year olds have the wisdom to use that responsibly (I know I didn't!). Realistically, you can't expect to convince a 20 year old to stop doing something they've decided to do. I think the best you can work towards is making sure he knows all of the downsides. ...

The younger the child is, the more impact you'll be able to have. A 10-year-old could be more heavily influenced by his parents, while a 20-year-old may already consider himself an adult capable of making his own decisions. It's important that he understands the dangers of his behavior - this discussion needs to happen, and it might have the most impact ...

I agree that you need to take care of this prior to your child being born. However, I am not confident that confronting her is the way to go. People change, and your perception of people change. You are now thinking about being a parent yourself and so you may be seeing your mother in a different light. It is hard when you don't get along with a close ...

My daughter is one of the best teachers in life that I've had. She's observant and inquisitive on a very simple, but deeply provocative level. She does a really good job of pointing out that some choice I made long ago in life caused me to zig, when I should have zagged. Around this time last year, I was in the middle of what I feel was the worst job I've ...

None of us are religious and I'm unsure of the origin of their concerns. Well, then go an ask them. There are a few completely different things that may be going on here: They feel that it's really not a good thing that you are 27 and living at home. They try encourage you to get a decent job and a place of your own by making your stay awkward. They ...

I have/had the same problem. I'm 21 but, my mom also isn't tolerating most of my decisions. My solution to all kinds of getting support in my decision is to do what I have to do and let happen what has to happen :). Usually people don't treat you as a serious person until you do not have some background that proves your decisions to be correct. With ...

It's never pleasant to get advice you don't want. It's even more unpleasant to be quizzed and questioned, and then have your answers rejected as invalid. Assuming you want a nice relationship with your mother, I recommend two approaches. First, and most important, remind yourself that she doesn't get a vote. You will take the actions you've decided on ...

We had similar problems with my mother-in-law, although not to such a degree. What helped for us was when someone described the reason behind her behavior as being due to her "love language." There's a book about it if you're interested in learning more. Essentially, the "language" your mother uses to express her love is performing acts of service, and ...

If you want to maintain a relationship with him, "I'm already an adult and have my own plans" isn't going to contribute to it. Perhaps you just need to plan further in advance. If you know now that 2 weeks from now you'll be spending the day together, you won't make conflicting plans with other people. A movie followed by a meal is a great choice because ...

I agree with Morah that people change, and there's only so much you can do about it. You are free to choose your friends, but your family is given to you. It seems to me that you have decided that living your life according your values is more important to you than pleasing your mother. That is an important decision because as a soon-to-be parent you will ...

First of all, you should get past the idea that you are going to get her to change. It is possible, but unlikely, and it certainly won't happen if that is the focus. You need to focus on dealing with her as she is in the most constructive manner possible. You haven't mentioned the relationship that you and the child's mother have. If it is contentious, ...