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19

My approach is not much different than what I'd suggest for plain vanilla everyday families: Why not supplement the biology part with a discussion of what makes a father a father or the fundamental difference between producing and raising a child? IMHO, every child's education on sex should include these aspects. We want to raise responsible adults, not ...


7

Firstly, you have done a fantastic thing caring for your granddaughter. I would say use age appropriate responses as near to the truth without making it too much and only when she asks, making sure your granddaughter does not feel blame or responsibility for her mother. At 4, maybe a response could be, "your other mommy is not feeling very well and has to ...


6

Read books by experts in the field to understand the why's behind the behaviors of children adopted out of foster care, which will give you a foundation for finding solutions. Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky is a good one to start with. Find foster adoption mentors and supports. Mine is ...


5

In most jurisdictions, foster parents must take a class in which they cover this topic in some depth. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do, other than being aware of the problem, recognizing it as a result of abandonment, and being there for the child. You will be much better at empathizing in that area than most foster parents, and I'm sure ...


5

OK, so I'll try. Also my son is very happy. He has a wonderful life and I feel as if he would do fine, knowing how much he loves his dad and just beginning to really grasp the concept of life. I don't think it would change anything for him, if that makes sense. I do understand this very well. However, all this would be based on a lie. (Omission of a ...


4

One additional suggestion: educate any other adults who will be spending a lot of time with the child, such as relatives, teachers, or respite providers. One of the issues that you see a lot with attachment issues is a highly developed ability to play adults off each other so that the child remains in control. Letting people know up front can help ...


3

He has a wonderful life and I feel as if he would do fine, knowing how much he loves his dad and just beginning to really grasp the concept of life. I don't think it would change anything for him, if that makes sense. I've been worrying over this for 5 years and really need some answers! I'm very happy for you and your family. Five years is a long time ...


3

If things have been going as you say then I'd suggest you don't 'tell' her anything - she's 14 and old enough to start having some input into her life so why not ask her? Just summarise the situation between you and her as you see it which is that she has had problems and got into trouble back home etc. but since coming to stay with you see that she is ...


2

Even if he doesn't understand it now, he does still know about it. As he gets older and gains more understanding of how the world works, he'll reinterpret his adoption story bit by bit as more of it starts making sense to him. As long as you keep being open and honest about where he came from, it will never come as a big shock like it does to someone told ...


2

This question is interesting because from the child's point of view the problem is almost identical to adoption. But that is an advantage, because as others have pointed out, there are mountains of resources for parents wondering how to broach the subject of adoption with their children. I very much agree that you need to separate the 'where do I come from' ...



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