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118

You are 21. You are an adult under Egyptian law. If you need missing papers, you can apply for them without having a guardian. You only need someone to vouch that you live with them, which brings us to: Do you have any person you trust you can talk to? Can this person shelter you or provide you with shelter elsewhere? Don't go to Churches: You surely know ...


53

You are the victim of abuse. You do not deserve to live in fear. You do not deserve to be hit, or to be shouted at. You father's behaviour is not acceptable. You might want to look for organisations in your country that can provide help and advice to women in your situation. I don't speak Arabic, and so I can't do a search for organisations.


21

sorry to hear about your situation. It is for sure a very difficult situation. The fact you are feeling anxiety is natural and very understandable, so don't be down on yourself for that. The fact you have survived shows your strength. I think you are seeing the situation with great clarity. Living with ongoing anxiety is definitely best avoided if at all ...


20

My approach is not much different than what I'd suggest for plain vanilla everyday families: Why not supplement the biology part with a discussion of what makes a father a father or the fundamental difference between producing and raising a child? IMHO, every child's education on sex should include these aspects. We want to raise responsible adults, not ...


16

I think that treating adoption like a "special" topic not treated by the same social rules as others may be a bad move. My son knows that if someone asks a question he isn't comfortable with, about anything, he doesn't have to answer it. If he tries it vs. a teacher, it's subject to my judgement when I get a phone call about it, but vs. peers it is 100% ...


13

Sounds scary. I would advise you to join the army. The army in Egypt has a two year term of service which will go by in no time - as a woman, administrative and medical jobs are the only available role. If you join as a volunteer, you will get much better treatment than if you were conscripted and you might even become an officer. Working in this type of ...


11

First of all, as monsto pointed out, your child being eight means that they have a bit more emotional maturity, and so might be able to understand better. Rainbowkids mentions that life for adopted children is often very different from ours here on the "outside." Life in institutions is often based on submissive/dominance models; therefore, your ...


10

New Jersey has a Safe Haven Law (as do most states), which allows you to give your baby anonymously to any hospital emergency room or police station within 30 days of birth. You do not even have to take the baby yourself, you can ask a friend, member of the clergy, practically anyone. The baby will be placed in foster or pre-adoptive care. Adoption ...


9

Let each kid decide. I changed my last name when I was ten and my mother remarried. I got to make the decision myself, and I don't think I did the wrong decision. And don't forget to consider the names themselves in the decision. Unusual names have their benefit as you get less mixups, and names should be easy to pronounce in many countries (ie no weird ...


8

Firstly, you have done a fantastic thing caring for your granddaughter. I would say use age appropriate responses as near to the truth without making it too much and only when she asks, making sure your granddaughter does not feel blame or responsibility for her mother. At 4, maybe a response could be, "your other mommy is not feeling very well and has to ...


8

Don't worry about it. That's a really common behavior with foster kids. Here are a few of the many reasons why: Foster kids aren't always sure where they stand with foster families. He may simply have thought it would be taking too much liberty to call you his "real" family. Some foster kids still hold out hope of their birth parents showing up able and ...


7

The first step to adopting is to make the decision that it's what you want to do. No one can really do that. A few things to consider about this first step. Realize that you will be taking another kid into your home. Adoption has it's own joys, and it's own pitfalls, it's different than giving birth to children. Still, it can be a very rewarding thing. ...


6

OK, so I'll try. Also my son is very happy. He has a wonderful life and I feel as if he would do fine, knowing how much he loves his dad and just beginning to really grasp the concept of life. I don't think it would change anything for him, if that makes sense. I do understand this very well. However, all this would be based on a lie. (Omission of a ...


6

We adopted our middle child and his older and younger sisters are biological. Out of the three, our son craves attention the most, by a factor of five. We were told in our fostering and adoption classes that is fairly typical. He doesn't remember the first year of his life when he didn't live with us, but it still subconsciously affects him. So, sibling ...


6

Read books by experts in the field to understand the why's behind the behaviors of children adopted out of foster care, which will give you a foundation for finding solutions. Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky is a good one to start with. Find foster adoption mentors and supports. Mine is ...


6

In most jurisdictions, foster parents must take a class in which they cover this topic in some depth. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do, other than being aware of the problem, recognizing it as a result of abandonment, and being there for the child. You will be much better at empathizing in that area than most foster parents, and I'm sure ...


6

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Child Welfare Information Gateway, adopting a stepchild is actually the most common form of adoption. From my understanding, the primary purpose of adopting a stepchild is to sever all legal ties to the absent biological parent. According to this factsheet, after the stepparent adoption occurs, ...


6

I'm across the border from you in Israel. I happen to know a Beduin girl who was in a very similar situation to you, and she claimed that it is very very common. I lost touch with her when she did the only thing that she could do to leave her father: marry. She married the first man she could, I believe she is his second wife. I realize that the suggestion ...


5

It's understandable that the situation frustrates you, especially when it's rubbed in by external events like the dance/bowling events you mention. One thought I have about this is that in many situations, you really are in the father role, so it should not matter if you're the actual father or not: In the case of those school events, there's no direct ...


5

In all likelihood, she was exposed to some kind of abuse before she was put up for adoption (unless you adopted her as a newborn?). And even if she was adopted as a baby, as she becomes old enough to comprehend that her birth family "gave her away" she will have issues to deal with. Because both our children were adopted my husband and I have read a lot of ...


5

I know what I am suggesting is extreme, but so is your situation and your fear. Get out. At least out of the city. You have survived this far, and you DO have the strength to reach out with this question. That shows a lot of determination already. I am not sure how you can best pull this off, because I don't know what resources you are denied and which ...


5

What your father is doing is wrong. The role of a man in a family is to serve his wife and protect his family. For a man to hit a woman is inexcusable. In the West, we teach this as fact. A man who strikes a woman is beneath contempt. I know you are religious, but I'm going to go out on a limb. The one organisation I know of who are actively doing work with ...


4

Even if he doesn't understand it now, he does still know about it. As he gets older and gains more understanding of how the world works, he'll reinterpret his adoption story bit by bit as more of it starts making sense to him. As long as you keep being open and honest about where he came from, it will never come as a big shock like it does to someone told ...


4

Not that I have any experience with that particularly fun topic or research data to back it up, but just from my experience dealing with young kids that would be my 2 cents... I think it's a bit early for the concept to sink in. I don't know at what age this would start to be appropriate and to have significance in his eyes, but I'd say you could probably ...


4

I wouldn't rush into anything based on your fear. Parents are almost hardcoded to love their children, so you may feel differently after the birth. If you don't change your feelings maybe someone in your family would be prepared to look after the baby, e.g. grand parents. Would the baby's father be interested in looking after it ?


4

Adopted children should be treated the same as the rest of the family. I would explain that to them and get their agreement before doing it. It would really help them feel like they joined your family.


4

Fortunately for you, your son is 8. That's an age where you can reason and explain things. It's infinitely easier than if they were even 6, because they're still pretty selfish at that age. You didn't say how old the incoming is... that would really help. I would think that an infant or toddler would be easier than a child or kid. If they're teensy, then I ...


4

One additional suggestion: educate any other adults who will be spending a lot of time with the child, such as relatives, teachers, or respite providers. One of the issues that you see a lot with attachment issues is a highly developed ability to play adults off each other so that the child remains in control. Letting people know up front can help ...


4

My situation was very similar to yours. My husband and I filed natural paternity since neither of the boys legally had a father at birth, and the courts gave them his last name and amended their SSN's and birth certificate so that we are protected legally. Neither of my boys knew their "donor" or bio-dad as we came to call him when they got older. We just ...



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