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I want to do a lot of activities with my son but he seems to prefer to play computer games for most of the time. How can I prevent him from spending too much time on this activity, without making him feel uncomfortable?

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How old is he? What PC games he plays mostly? –  Nikita Barsukov Apr 17 '11 at 11:13
    
Eight - he plays on his DS, his PC, and my phone –  Carnotaurus Apr 17 '11 at 11:15

10 Answers 10

up vote 10 down vote accepted

You should definitely focus on providing better alternatives. Think about activities involving whole family, like playing boardgames, hiking, some sports, etc.

Also what kind of computer games does he play? Try to show him strategy games, like Starcraft, Civilization, Total War series (if he's old enough), or quality puzzle games, like World of Goo, Cogs, Crazy machines.

Restricting measures, like limiting time spent playing computer games, are OK to some extent. But these measures should be supplementary. Making them largest component of your strategy will likely result to alienation, more conflict etc.

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1  
He seems obsessed with playing Sandroid (and its variants) and Angry Birds Rio - Today, we are all going to the Egyptology museum (museum.manchester.ac.uk/yourvisit) and then we stay at a hotel. The only internet connection is my phone. –  Carnotaurus Apr 17 '11 at 11:19
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@Carnotaurus - don't let him have your phone. Then he will not play any online games. Simple? –  Rory Alsop Apr 17 '11 at 20:43

If you have a router for your home network, then you can most likely set the access restrictions for each computer in the house. Without the internet, most teenages have no interest in the computer.

Example: Each computer has a unique MAC address. With the Linksys WRT54G router, you can set what hours each computer in the household has access to the internet

http://www6.nohold.net/Cisco2/ukp.aspx?vw=1&docid=43ca121f04484253b79d062aca74adce_4733.xml&pid=80&respid=0&snid=4&dispid=0&cpage=search

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-1 Blocking off internet access will prevent many video games from being played, but not all, and will prevent other uses of the computer besides video games (the question was specifically about video games only). –  Beofett Dec 18 '11 at 23:52

Before I was a parent, I was an avid gamer. My oldest son is now 4, and I find his lack of interest and skill in playing video games actually rather a lot disturbing. I try to engage him in a few simple, age-appropriate two-player cooperative games (Like Bubble Bobble. Remember that? No, of course you don't. Little Big Planet is a more modern example), but after a short while he loses interest, and part of that seems to be a lack of hand-eye coordination. He's more or less starting to learn to use the PS2's joysticks, but can only manage one of "jump" or "shoot" at any given moment. Even so, this is typically how we spend Sunday mornings after breakfast. It's time spent together.

Which coincidentally, can be exactly one way of "dealing" with this "problem"; Gaming time can be family time and time with friends where socialization is taught, as well as cooperation and teamwork.

That said, as others have asked "so what exactly is the real problem here?" If the answer is "he gets none of his homework or chores done", then the real problem is motivation. You've already found the means to motivate him, now it's just a matter of using that motivation to get work done. This should be the line of reasoning every time you find yourself saying "All he ever cares about is X". Would you be upset if he was spending "too much" time doing math problems? Or if he was constantly obsessed with the bond market?

Video games might seem useless to you, but my obsession with gaming and computers turned into a career as a Systems Administrator for an ISP.

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Yay for Bubble Bobble. I actually bought a used copy to play with my kids. –  Sean McMillan Dec 20 '11 at 16:32

Get a good parental control software, or a Mac, where those things are built in. You can specify "max hours of usage" on a school day, or weekend, and also bound those hours in a time window (e.g. 9am - 7pm).

This is a good way to limit the usage without having to "work" as a hall monitor. Your kids should not have administrative access to their computers. You should have that privilege.

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Off-topic (better on superuser.com), but I'm curious: what's the name of the built-in software in a Mac? –  Torben Gundtofte-Bruun May 6 '11 at 7:32
    
I use hardware I have, it's much more reliable, it doesn't crash and it's indiscriminate. It's called my index finger. –  Hairy May 20 '11 at 7:56

Maybe you could start by finding an activity that involves your phones gps. Try geocaching or one of the other games that requires you and your son to get outside together. ...photography maybe?

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+1 - This is a cracking introduction to technologies, geography, orienteering, and just is great being outside as a family; fantastic activity. –  Hairy May 20 '11 at 7:57

We limit video game time to the weekends (Fri/Sat/Sun). Even so, it was still hard to get our kids to put the controllers down/limit the hours they spent on those days.

I recently instituted a system of rewards so my kids can earn credits they can redeem for Wii time. They can earn one Wii buck for helping around the house during the week, complying with special requests, etc. Each Wii buck is worth 30 minutes of play and they can only earn 4 Wii bucks for each weekend day.

A nice byproduct of this is that they're starting to learn budgeting (they don't want to blow all their Wii bucks in the first 2 hours of the day), and I have a good way to incent them to do things they are reluctant to do during the week. It's a lot easier for them to understand "you only have 2 Wii bucks left" than "you've already played for an hour and forty-five minutes so you only have fifteen minutes left."

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The simplest way to stop your child from playing computer games is take the computer away from them.

Now this does not eliminate your responsibility to your child to help them find things to do while they are young. My daughter only spends a couple of hours a week on the computer. The rest of the time is spend with the family. We do things together, go to the park, read; things like that.

I dont think kids under the age of 10 should have a computer in their room. My children are young so that may change as they grow older.

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I'd like to know your stance abou computers and school. These days it's more and more common that kids are required. To have a laptop, even in early school years. I'm afraid that by the time my son starts in first grade, I will have to grant him his own laptop. –  Torben Gundtofte-Bruun May 5 '11 at 5:43
    
That stance I have is partly because of how they were raised, partly because I dont want them to get hurt by someone on the net, and 3rd It's how I was raised. Like I said my views can change as they get older. –  Squidly May 6 '11 at 14:18
    
Sorry I guess I didn't express myself well. I was addressing your comment about kids under the age of 10 should have a computer in their room - how can you avoid that when they need a laptop for school work? Perhaps that is not a situation you're facing (yet). Personally, I was allowed my own computer in my room at around age 16, and while being very useful, it was also a tool for lesser purposes... and that's 20 years ago, without the Internet. –  Torben Gundtofte-Bruun May 6 '11 at 14:42
    
whilst my kids have their own laptops (aged 7 and 4.5), we restrict the time they have on it. I think having a computer is acutely important, as important as any other activity, in this day and age. We do not allow them unsupervised Internet access, and we restrict the time, but they have a computer; it is important. However, just as important as outside play, interacting as a family, reading, swimming, and many other things. The important thing here is moderation, that is what is lacking, to be frank. Bring moderation in. Our kids push for more game time, they dont get it –  Hairy May 20 '11 at 7:54

There is a similar discussion on this thread, and I think you may find the answers useful. In particular, I would reiterate the power of books. They have the power to spark the imagination as much as any video game.

Often the challenge is finding a book that is at your child's level and matches their interests. If they're not into reading, they will definitely need some help with this. You can't simply say "go read a book", nor can you just pick a random book from the children's section of the library. Forcing them to read a book in which they have no interest will be counter-productive. Alternatively, helping them find a book that sparks their imagination will give them an appreciation for reading and maybe even open them up to different kinds of books in the future.

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I'm not sure what the advantage of a book over a video game is. There are worthless books and intellectually stimulating video games. I know I find RPGs more interesting than fantasy novels sometimes, and the only difference is format. –  Brendan Long May 23 '11 at 1:36

I would take another approach, and ask what's the underlying problem that you're trying to solve? That is, why is playing video games a problem? Is it the lack of other physical activities? Is it a concern that they could be learning rather than playing? Is it a concern about the lack of socialization?

I was definitely into video games in a big way as a kid. The best alternative my parents seemed to come up with was (a) putting a limit on the time per day for certain activities (b) providing either chores or equally entertaining, enriching alternatives during leisure time, or (c) changing video games into a reward, so it doesn't feel like a restriction (e.g. "You can play your games, but only after you finish mowing the lawn). In these cases I made sure to do a quick, but thorough job of mowing the lawn in order to get the reward.

If your strategy has been simply to try to forbid it, without an alternative, I think you'll find that you'll just get a bunch of questions about "why" video games are bad, or similar lines of questioning, which lead you to a discussion that really doesn't hit the point.

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One strategy is to stop buying your child computer games, at least for a while. Once he has completed the games he has, he'll be more open to doing something else, since he has exhausted the games. This is one reason to pre-select which games your child plays as some can be played 'infinitely' (e.g. Farmville) since there isn't necessarily an end.

To fill the void left by the computer games, you will need to have already found a number of new activities that are as engaging, flexible (portable, not constrained by time) and fun as the games. This is not going to be easy - computer games are hugely addictive and engaging for children, so it needs some though:

  • if it's raining/windy/cold/dark, then you can't go to an outdoor activity, (but could saty indoors play computer games...), so we need a number of indoor activities. The local sports centre may offer some things - we have an amazing climbing centre in London which is just awesome. You already mentioned museums, but there's also exhibitions, art and craft centres. These are all a family commitment, (he likely can't get there by himself), so can't be every weekend.
  • Music is portable and engaging (like computer games). I filled up an old iPod Mini with a ton of random music and asked my nephew to find which tunes he liked. This kept him busy for quite some time, although it came with a ton of feedback for my taste in music :-)
  • My friend's son and my 2nd nephew are both into model making of the Warhammer type. The local branch of Games Workshop does group sessions every Saturday morning where you take your collection of models and either play the game with them or paint then.
  • Physical activity such as swimming, cycling, requires some commitment but it's pretty engaging and the achievements that can be had - swimming badges, cycling records - can raise a childs' self-esteem too.

I'm afraid there's no easy answer to changing your childs' activities quickly and easily, so this is going to take some experimentation and potential upset before you find a good solution.

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