How can allowing children to participate on Halloween be helpful in reinforcing good habits?

Question

I recently wrote this:

"Halloween: the one day where we encourage children to accept candy from strangers, go to strangers' homes, and vandalize property and terrorize people if they don't get their own way."

I spend a frantic time drumming into my 13 year old son's head every Halloween, not to participate in egging (throwing eggs at) houses. And how it's criminal to deface property and harass people, even if he's caught in a group, he can get into trouble, without having done anything himself; as the peer pressure can be great at this age.

How on earth can I teach my children anything positive from the whole Halloween culture?

It feels like an anti-parenting, anti-social activity.

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edit

I thought I should add this about the culture of Halloween here:

It's only newish (in Australia) and they just knock on the door and expect a hand out. I'm noticing the boys are murmuring more and more about egging houses. Not good. And now that my son is older, they are unaccompanied, it's the only time I let him out on a school night with a group of teenage boys.. not happy.

Answer 1

My kids aren't old enough for this situation yet, but I like how my parents handled it. Part of the problem is the child needs the skills to stand up to an authority figure, in this case a peer with a forceful personality. You also have the dilemma that you want them to make good choices, but you also want them to feel free to tell you about difficult choices they faced, and the mistakes they made. In other words, if you clamp down too hard, they end up going behind your back.

When I was a teen, I found I didn't enjoy some situations other teens put me in. What my parents recognized, to their credit, is that what I needed most was an escape plan for when I found myself in a situation that was getting out of hand. Some parts of that escape plan were:

• Giving me express permission to let them be the bad guy. "I really need to leave, because my Mom will kill me if she finds out."
• Offering rides with no questions asked. They promised I wouldn't get in trouble if I called them for a ride home.
• Asking the big 3 questions, and making me call if any of them changed. Where was I going, who was I going with, and when would I be back. My friends got used to me calling when plans changed, so if the plan changed to something I wasn't comfortable with, it was easy to get out of.
• Opening their home for alternate activities. We lived in a tiny two-bedroom trailer, but we had some fun parties there, because my parents made it available to me. If friends planned a night of egging, I could invite them to my house instead.

My siblings complained that I seemed to get away with a lot, but it was because I took advantage of the escape plans offered to me.

Answer 2

In the UK we let kids of all ages go trick or treating - when young a parent will accompany them but only to the end of driveways etc, and as they get older they will head out in groups with their peers.

Typically they need to sing, tell a joke, or otherwise entertain the householder in order to get a treat of some kind, but there is certainly no culture of vandalism or defacement here if they don't get what they want.

I see the activity as a very useful part of growing up for the following reasons:

• a little bit of being scared is good for children. They like the fright, knowing they can run away
• getting over stage fright and being able to speak to (or sing to) complete strangers (or at least neighbours) is useful confidence training
• it is fun and exciting, and more importantly, away from parents - even if only a few metres away

It is a very social activity, and to my mind, a useful parenting experience. Especially when my kids were younger, they would go out quite early and then be back in the house to greet older kids later on - and would enjoy being scared by various monsters coming to the door. Now they are older, they like to plan their costumes in order to scare others.

(I do think the tired old adage, "Don't talk to strangers," is very misguided. It teaches children the wrong concept of threats)

Answer 3

I guess the safety issues that concern me are more age related.

As halloween is over for us this year, I'd thought I'd post an answer after our experience.

• My daughter came home and exclaimed she wants to egg houses! She is still impressionable and I need to teach her a carry through of the consequences of this type of behavior.

• My son came home late (10pm) and says, "we don't really go trick or treating, it's just an excuse to hang out with friends." He would rather not go than have a suitable adult accompany him. It concerns me, not from my son instigating, but being caught up in a group or rowdy young teenage boys, throwing caution to the wind and creating trouble.

@Bigmomma gave me a good link and in this they advise that Halloween should be for children under 12 and supervised by an adult.

I think this is a key point. This was the first Halloween one of my children has gone out unsupervised and it was this that worried me.

Given they will be 13 and 14 next Halloween; sorry that's the last Halloween they go on until they take their children.