Our first child "A" is 3½ years old and has his own room in our apartment.
Second child "B" is 3½ months old and sleeps in a crib in the parent bedroom.
I'll use letters for names to make it clearer in the text below whether I'm referring to the older or younger boy.
"B" will soon outgrow his newborn crib in our bedroom, so we need to get a crib that has room to grow and has taller sides so he can't climb out (once he starts to move on his own). Such a new crib will have to be larger and therefore can't fit in our somewhat cramped bedroom. We need to move the crib out of our bedroom.
We want to put the new crib into "A"'s room although it will become a little cramped and won't leave much space for playing on the floor. We are also going to move from an apartment into a house, but the move will be after "B" outgrows his current (small) crib. We want the boys to share a bedroom in the house, too. That leaves another room as their shared playroom where they can be loud (that makes their bedroom a quiet room).
The move will have essentially zero social impact (neighborhood, playground, friends, kindergarten, etc.) because the house will be within walking distance of the old apartment but any move is a big change and "A" has a significant aversion to change. Every toddler benefits from solid routines and structure – "A" very much so but not quite to an autistic degree. Still, change is difficult, and he is not old enough that we can rationally discuss options and opinions with him.
Should we move the crib into "A"'s room now (before we move), simultaneously with the move, or some months after the move?
- We're thinking that moving the crib into "A"'s room at the same time as the home move would be too much change at once for "A".
- However, if we move "B" into a separate space for now (in the apartment) and move him into "A"'s room some time after the home move, then how do we "sell" that idea to "A" when he has had his own room in the house for a while?
- Finally, "A" is not a deliberate bully but he doesn't yet understand that he must be careful with the baby and that he can't step on him, for instance. We're worried that "A" might hurt "B" in the crib when they share a room, and that we might not be able to protect "B" enough.
Because we're both twins, neither we nor our parents have relevant experience we can use. We still have some months before we need to decide, but we need to consider our options now in order to prepare for the change.