How can I get my mother to recognize that I've matured?

Question

I can't convey to my mother that I've grown up already.

Is it possible to explain this?

I think that my mom has trouble leaving me on my own, because she can't live with thought: "my child has become older now, and I not need to spend so much time with him."

Maybe I need to make a decision or something?

Thanks for the advice!

Answer 1

I have/had the same problem.

I'm 21 but, my mom also isn't tolerating most of my decisions.

My solution to all kinds of getting support in my decision is to do what I have to do and let happen what has to happen :). Usually people don't treat you as a serious person until you do not have some background that proves your decisions to be correct. With parents it's harder because they are used to you being a child.

So short version of my strategy: think well, and do what you feel is right. Don't quarrel with people that may help you (like parents), just try to make them understand that this is really important to you. And after a time they will see that you're doing well, maybe better than themselves, and will treat you as an adult.

This is life, it's not easy ;)

P.S. Maybe getting married can help, but I won't be able to tell you in near half of the year, and your problem shouldn't be a reason for marriage 100%.

Have a nice day

Answer 2

I can relate to this. But first off, be thankful that you have caring parents. Not everybody does.

Let's understand this from the perspective of the parent - they want their child to be happy, secure, and in general do well in life, (that means different things in different cultures but you get the gist).

You will need to start talking to the adult in your parent, and by that word I mean the way it is used in transactional analysis, which is an approach to psychology, here is the wikipedia page for that.

Reflect and identify the Parent, Child and Adult states within yourself and your parent and then decide how to handle the situation. You will find it easy to put your foot down with your parent without feeling guilty and so will the parent.

I also recommend reading I'm OK, You're OK, that will help you understand these concepts. It explains transactional analysis in layman terms.

Answer 3

Culturally, parents want the best for their offspring- they care for you through your formative years and will become very attached. Many parents find watching each of the steps towards adulthood that their kids take gives a sense of loss, as in the end the relationship will no longer be carer and cared-for, and may eventually reverse.

Is your mother supporting you financially? If so she will still be acting the carer role. Often people have to prove their independence or capabilities one step at a time. This helps the parent feel less guilty about stopping caring for their offspring.

I would suggest in addition to an honest conversation with your mother about both your and her expectations, you need to start proving to her that she doesn't need to have such a role in future.

Answer 4

Simple: communicate.

"Mother. I'm 44 now. I got this. You don't have to wipe my bum any more."

While the wipe part may seem ancillary, it's humor that's pretty much required for no reason other than to take the edge off of the general sentiment.

Now . . . It's really easy to tell yourself that you're going to say these things in context. It's a whole other thing to actually do it. But if you say it enough, you'll both start to believe it.

Answer 5

You have to talk to her and explain what you feel. I agree with the earlier comment, that communication is the key for you to be able to explain your side. Your mom wouldn't know that she is doing too much, if you would'nt tell her. This can be a difficult transition for her, to know that her baby is already independent and may not need her anymore. You may also give her at least a day, or weekend, where you can go out and have a bonding time.