I am currently dealing with the same thing, and have been for a while now. The comments are harsh judgements like you think the asker was given a parenting handbook and that the information provided here is something that only idiots and bad parents don't know. I hear child development and education backgrounds, maybe some psychology/behavioral health. YOU should know this stuff, yes. Is it something that a normal run-of-the-mill parent should? No. Not unless they bury their face in books and can decide to agree with one of the many conflicting theories of "good parenting".
Some of us have no "good" examples of how things are supposed to be done and are just trying to not make the same mistakes as our parents. The advice seems valid and well delivered but did it really have to be preceded by implicit scoffs and 'How could you be so stupid"-like comments?
Expectations are not set too high when you expect your child to do simple tasks without every day being an argument...for EVERY task.
Well let me tell you. I have been dealing with my 10 y/o son not showing interest in ANYTHING and dragging butt about everything in his daily tasks. I have tried everything. I STARTED with explaining why it's important to brush teeth and take a good shower everyday. I asked the exact preferences that were listed here:
"Do you want to shower at night or in the morning?"
"Do you want to brush your teeth before or after breakfast?"
"Do you want to play for a little while before you start homework?"
"How about after a snack?"
"Do you want to do your homework at the breakfast bar or table?"
"Do you think it would be easier to stay focused or more comfortable if you had a desk in your room? Let's try and see."
I have provided encouragement, enforced consequences, provided positive reinforcement, and taken things away. We have time-outs for when either of us get frustrated and we both go to our own spaces to reflect and regroup. I have tried a LOT of different ways to skin this cat. What works for some does not ALWAYS work ALL of the time. I find that as soon as I find something that seems like it is working, it just doesn't and I have to change methods. That has been going on since he was 2 or 3.
I also have an 11 y/o daughter. I have used the same parenting style with her from the beginning. She is autonomous, successful in anything she tries, and interested in everything. She is smart, has great friends, and has great confidence. Different cat.
The problem with some of the comments is that they seem abrasive and sound condescending. Why not ask questions like:
"What kind of encouragement have you tried?"
"Which tasks are the most difficult?"
"Have you sat him down when not trying to get him to do something and just asked how he feels about each thing? Why does he think or feel like he does about fulfilling his responsibilities?"
"There have been no "diagnoses" in the family but have you considered taking him to speak with someone anyway?"
Talking to someone that is trained to communicate with children can be helpful. Sometimes it is just an issue of parents not knowing how to communicate with their child. I am still trying to figure it out myself. Kids can be 10 different people by the time they reach double digits.
I say (a couple of years too late) good job for caring enough to seek guidance. We don't have all of the answers and sometimes it takes the wisdom of the village to survive the parent-child relationship. That being said, the villager should be able to ask for the wisdom without feeling attacked. I understand that the asker may have not read the responses that way but I did. So may others that stumble upon this post. All I typed in the search engine was "how to help my child find interests".
How about trying to build up or encourage the parent? Do we not still need it? Or, is it a good idea to criticize someone that may already be feeling less-than great about how they're doing in one of life's most challenging tasks? People don't grow out of needing support.
By the way, my son has outgrown the fighting me on things. Most of the time he just complains and whines about everything or will do bare minimum at best without me staying on him.
One thing to help with brushing teeth that parents can try is using the pre-rinse that stains the "yuk" on teeth so they see how they're doing. The first time they get it all off before you check is self-rewarding for them. Also, the timed electric toothbrushes help them realize how long it really takes. We use the Sonicare for kids by Phillips. It beeps every 30 seconds letting them know when to switch sections. They can pause it to spit and you can hear it go throught the cycle without having to watch them like a hawk. The vibration tickles for a few days but they get used to it. Another good thing about it is that if they don't put a lot of physical work into it, the toothbrush still gets the job done as long as they actually move it to each part. I'm not endorsing that specific brand, I just don't have knowledge of other brands' features. It is definitely more expensive than regular toothbrushes but for me, worth it in what I save at the dentist. Huge improvement in dental health after the switch.