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I am a 20 years old female student and I have a 5 years old son who is really sexually active. For instance, he kisses girls by force, he forces them to lick his penis, he "fingers" them, he speaks about sex openly with everyone except me, his father and my family.

There is a whole lot more that he does and the most frustrating part is that when teachers ask him where he saw those things, he says he learned it from me. We do not even live together. Currently I am in Cape Town doing my degree and he is in KZN with my mother.

Since he was 8 months old, he went to live with his father because I had to finish high school. We never lived together. We have tried talking to him and it hasn't helped. We've punished him but still he keeps on getting worse. What should I do? I am really angry, embarrassed and confused. If I am not mistaken, this is his third year acting like this.

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Wow. There may be some people here with experience on this but I recommend seeing a professional. This strikes me as a potentially very dangerous situation down the road. –  Brian White Oct 16 '12 at 13:21
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Do you mean "he fingers them", not "he figures them"? (Meaning 3 of en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fingering ) (Wish I didn't have to write this!) –  Andrew Grimm Oct 18 '12 at 7:29
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Age-innappropriate knowledge of sex is a sign of sexual abuse. Seek serious help, now. –  Brandon Bertelsen Oct 29 '12 at 8:17
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A common factor may be older children / teenagers that he is trying to imitate. Look into who he hangs out with and you may gain some insight. –  JohnGB May 9 '13 at 20:12
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When he says he learned it from you - is there a chance you or his father might have been caught in the act at some point? Equally he may have seen something inappropriate from the internet somewhere? Just because he's seen something inappropriate and is acting out shouldn't automatically mean he's being abused (although by acting out he's abusing others.) +1 to the advice to get the situation checked out by a professional. –  James Snell Nov 13 '13 at 0:11

5 Answers 5

You absolutely need to seek professional help.

The fact that he is forcing other children to perform sexual activities indicates that this is a VERY serious problem that you need to address immediately.

Try to find a psychologist, councilor, or social worker who specializes in working with children. If they feel they aren't the right people to help you, at the very least they can provide you with referrals to help find the appropriate professional to help your son.

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Definitely. Do it now! There is something going on here that has caused this behaviour and you need to get it identified! –  Rory Alsop Oct 16 '12 at 14:21

Overly sexual behavior for kids is abnormal and often a sign of sexual abuse. You must seek professional help, and based on its conclusions, you may have to involve the law.

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I wouldn't go as far as police just yet. Pretty much all answers here suggest professional help. –  Shadow Wizard Oct 17 '12 at 14:34
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I didn't suggest going to the police. I said seek professional help, but be ready, you may have to involve to law based on the professional help findings and conclusions. –  ron M. Oct 17 '12 at 15:03

Well, it came from somewhere. Someone, at some point, showed him those things in the best case or did such things to him in the worst case.

Can't throw accusations around and it doesn't really matter now - the damage has been done, and must be fixed as soon as possible by professional help as Beofett suggested.

What I wanted to add is that in such age this is unlikely that the child already has "sexuality" of his own and enjoys what he's doing in a sexual way. More likely that for him it's just a game which he learned and came to like. We can't really know it though, unless we ask the child himself.

That said, in the future this might cause serious problems, so it better be addressed seriously as soon as possible.

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It's not necessary, although it's perfectly possible, that he was taught such things from another. There are plenty of disorders that cause sexually explicit behaviors--tourrettes, schizophrenia, et al. –  Kato Oct 17 '12 at 2:46
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@Kato hard to believe, but not being a professional can't say for sure. –  Shadow Wizard Oct 17 '12 at 13:47
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I fully agree, it is hard to believe he got these from nowhere (but it might also be from e.g. tv). –  AD. Oct 17 '12 at 14:21
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Despite my knowlege of and experience with many childhood behavioral, social and learning disorders, I cannot think of one that would creat a situation where without other extenuating circumstances the child would force sexual action on another. Certain disorders can make it more likely that a child will reenact behaviors seen (in person or on TV) without understanding the behaviors (such as Autism) but even that is pretty rare. –  balanced mama Nov 4 '12 at 1:34
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In any case, professional help is in order as it would help get to the bottom of the cause and hopefully result in helpful intervention. –  balanced mama Nov 4 '12 at 1:41

This is a most disturbing question. In Australia (where I live), there is mandatory reporting for many professions, whether they hear something like this within the course of their employment or not. I for one would report such behavioural problems to the appropriate child services.

I am going to speak frankly, but the lack of education here, that seems apparent about child development and sexual precociousness, is alarming.

As a parent, or any primary caregiver, we have a responsibility to be informed. To educate ourselves about our children and what they need. For some this comes naturally, as it has been taught by a loving and stable family (and no family is perfect, I am talking about the guts of a family). For those, who did not have such beginnings, the journey can be a little more difficult, but equally rewarding.

When I see youth, coupled with ignorance, I shiver to see the cycle being perpetuated.

It needs to be said; this child is sexually abusing other children.

Kudos to you for posting here, I sincerely hope this child is not being punished, but being helped by competent professionals (now that is another discussion).. I am not sure why I am even posting this.. in a flicker of hope that it may somehow help someone, somewhere.

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Personally I would get the police involved sooner rather than later.

I am assuming that the South African Police Authorities have specific depts for dealing with child abuse and know how to handle the situation sensitively.

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