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One of my friends has two children. One is male (14 years old) & another one is has an intersex condition (10 years old and has male and female genitalia). Up until last month the male child stayed in a hostel, and he has to stay with his father from now on.

The male child doesnt talk an used to abuse his sibling whatever he/she tells,&he hates to talk with his sibling he used to avoid talking and other behaviors with him

The problem is the male child is starting to hate his sibling (Due to the intersex issue).

How can the male child's mindset be changed to love his sibling?

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What do you mean by "transgender child"? In what sense can a 10 year old be transgender? If you explain this in a bit more detail, perhaps people will be able to answer better. – Dominic Cronin Sep 5 '12 at 22:06
@DominicCronin the 10 year old child was born as shemale – vignesh4303 Sep 6 '12 at 4:51
@Vignesh There is a major difference between being transgender, which relates to how the individual identifies their gender roles, and having a physical intersex condition (having both male and female genitalia). Please clarify which of these situations you are referring to. – Beofett♦ Sep 6 '12 at 13:16
@Beofett i mention here is child with physical intersex condition(having both male and female genitalia) – vignesh4303 Sep 6 '12 at 13:38
@vignesh I have made some edits to clarify (as I mentioned before, intersex is not the same as transgender). Perhaps you could elaborate on why the child has to live separately, and what behavior makes you think the older child hates the younger? This would help improve the question, and make it easier to answer. – Beofett♦ Sep 6 '12 at 15:30

2 Answers

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I see two possible causes for the elder child's reaction:

  1. He has adapted common prejudices against transgender persons, which could very well be an issue at the age of fourteen. To address this, it is important that the father sits down with him and explains to him, why these prejudices are wrong. He should remember the first three rules of parenting:
    1) Be Patient. 2) Be Firm. 3) Repeat as long/often as needed.

  2. Perhaps the more likely reason is that he is jealous because he now has to share the father's attention. To address this, the father needs to explain to him that he does not love him any less, just because there are two of them now. We adults may think that this is obvious and doesn't need to be said aloud, but it may not be as obvious to a fourteen year old as it is to us. In this explanation, the first three rules mentioned above need to be followed, too.

I recommend that your friend sits down with his son and talks to him. Of course, with a boy of fourteen years, this can be quite difficult... This is an important talk, so he should plan ahead, make certain there is enough time for it (at least one hour). He should give his son the opportunity to plan for it as well, tell him in advance that they will talk about this subject and that he should think about what to say. In this talk he should ask the boy to tell him his concerns and fears, and address them.

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You cannot make anyone love anyone else, neither should you.

What you should be attempting, is to have your family treat each other kindly. It is natural to hate your siblings, or tease them (usually focusing on what makes them different). You are attempting to solve the wrong problem.

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