How can I keep a 14 month old busy at some activity for longer than 3 minutes

Question

Our boy loses interest in any activity - playing with toys /playing with us/mock singing/you-name-it very soon

The only exception is watching TV (which can go on for 30 minutes uninterrupted) and he now throws all his toys or anything we give him and points at the TV with remote in hand.

Any ideas on how to engage his attention longer with other tasks ?

Answer 1

A 14 month old will have a short attention span - letting him watch the TV might seem like a pain free solution, but it generally is considered to actually make things worse.

What you should do is plan for a lot of engaging activities - almost simultaneously.

For example sitting with him on the floor surrounded by a range of different toys which do different things (eg some squeak, some are crushable, some rattle, some come to pieces, some fit inside others) and as he discards one, grab another. You can revisit ones already discarded etc.

The most important factor is that you are a part of this - talking, playing with your son, and engaging with him throughout. If you have some soft, coloured balls, throw them to him - they may not be caught, but at that age many kids like to try, even if they end up having most of them bounce off their nose/hands etc.

When he does get too bored of that, try flying him round the room in your arms, sitting him on your shoulders...this is a high effort part of parenting, which does get easier, but right now you steer everything they do so you should plan for being the entertainment as much as possible.

Answer 2

I am guessing that he is used to TV and demands it because everything else is slow and boring in comparison. If that's the case, you have to get him away from that preference.

IMHO, you should wean him off the television. A big bright flashing active screen is not good for a small child; it's sort of a sensory overload because they can't grasp what's going on.

He is going to have to learn that he must entertain himself - no toy will entertain him for him.

Update:
To see some arguments against television, see these questions:

• Is TV harmful to my infant's development?
• Is there any consensus among researchers concerning the effects of watching television and the likes for a child's development?
• At what age should a child be introduced to the Television?
• Other questions tagged "television

Answer 3

In addition to Rory's answer, which I generally agree to, I had good experiences with the following three strategies:

1. Take part: Our son was far less likely to get tired of a something when he was/is playing with others. Adults can provide some guidance and motivation to stay focussed, although now (3yrs) peers do have a similar effect.
2. Avoid clutter: Avoid having lots of toys lying around while playing, rather focus on a small subset - that will help him focus. For example, if the two of you are playing with puzzles, there is no need for his toy cars to lie around. If he wants to play something with else, put away your current toys first, then get the new ones (bonus: he will learn some tidyness along the way). A couple of boxes for the different types of toys is quite helpful here.
3. Rotate your toys: Supporting #2, you can offer your son some toys he hasn't played with in some time - except for the current favorites these tend to get longer attention. A possible extension of this is to put away some toys for a couple of days. Our child care has very good experiences with toy schedules (Monday dolls, Tuesday train, Wednesday Puzzles...), although I do not think this is very suitable at home.

More reading for example here and here.

You should also keep in mind that a child's attention is just not that long.

Answer 4

I have a five year old son and no tv at home. Recently we were on holiday, just the two of us, and sometimes in the afternoons I was rather tired of being my son's pay pal, and allowed him to watch tv in the hotel room, so I could relax. After watching for half an hour or an hour of tv, when, with his consent, we turned the tv off and attempted to go out again or whatever, he was strangely aggressive and "high". To me that was a clear indication of what tv does to a child and why I have no tv at home.

Psychological research has shown a clear correlation between the amount of media consumption (tv, computer, video games) and the "excitation level" of the child, of his ability to concentrate, his aggression etc. Developmental psychologists recommend that children below the age of three should not watch television at all. They should learn about the world and experience it, before they experience virtuality. Let them lick their toys, eat sand, scrape their knees, learn to walk, feel the rain, AND EXPERIENCE OTHER HUMAN BEINGS, before they get nailed to the sofa and watch tv with vacant eyes.

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Children at 14 months do not have an attention span longer that a few minutes. Children at five years can focus on one thing for as much as fifteen minutes. You see? Three years in the future, and fifteen minutes is normal development. You should adapt your expectations to your child's age. Go and get some good book on developmental psychology (e.g. Berk: Child Development, you can find it in any library I would guess, it is expensive) and learn what a child at 14 months can or cannot do. And get him away from tv. Don't give in to his tantrums, just do what YOU think is right for him. He does not know.

If you lack ideas of what to do WITH your child, stop thinking in that way. You are not brought into this world to be your child's entertainer. Take your child places where he can explore the world safely on his own. Go where there are other children. Children are not made to grow up alone at home. Take him out, create a group with other parents, etc. Think about what you would want at his age, and take him there. Make it fun for you and put him in that environment, and he will learn to make it fun for himself.

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Avoid not only the "tv trap", as Dave Clarke put it, but also the boring plethora of toys trap. Children loose interest in their toys quicker, the more toys they have. One toy is a treasure, three toys are fun, but hundreds of toys devalue each other and make each other meaningless: it would not matter, if one toy were lost or broken, so none of the many toys matter. They matter as a whole, but not individually. Children with too many toys tend to start to break them on purpose. They are interested in having toys and getting new ones (shiny new bike), but they lose interest in each individual toy quickly, because a toy is not something to play with but something to get and to have and then to get more.

Clean up your child's toys. With his help, sort out anything that he does not play with (and take out some of the things he forgot about without showing them to him). Then stop getting new stuff for a few months.

Put him in a sling while you take walks. Go swimming with him. Read to him. Put him in a crib for a half the morning. Put him into life.

Answer 5

Part of the issue is probably the TV. For a number of reasons the AAP doesn't recommend that a child under two watch television at all. You might be making it harder for real life interactions to seem paced correctly.

Try putting him next to you in bed, remove all other distractions, including his toys, so that the only thing in reach it you and either one book or one toy. Rotate the object until you find something that holds his interest.

With reading and playing, your tone of voice is very important. Even when he can't understand the words, he can understand the tone. If you sound excited, he will be excited. If you sound bored, he will lose focus really quickly.